Chapter 4: Benefits

That man is taking far too long. I am currently sitting in the spacious lounge of number 12 Grimmuald Place, alone, waiting fo Remus to return from "Putting on something a little more dressy before you give me my presents". Yes, that's right, today is Remus's birthday. He is 35 today. I'm 22, that is a thirteen year age gap. Oh well, I don't care, I still think he is drop dead gorgeous.

So my crush on Remus hasn't gotten any smaller. In fact, it has gotten bigger...a lot bigger. Everytime he smiles, or laughs, talks or even just enters the room I find myself going all gooey. I babble more when I know he is listening, I have a tendancy to drop things because I'm too busy staring (gorming?) at him.

Overall, this whole crush thing has had a few negative effects. A lot of negative effects actually (you never know where Moody is looking and he keeps smiriking at me, he knows something...) but the sight of Remus all but makes up for a few broken plates and jelly-like legs. Re- saying of which, where on earth is the man?

I bet he is hiding. I don't think he likes being the centre of attention. Yeah, the man is probably hiding in his bloody bedroom. Well, we can't have that! It took me ages to decide what to buy him for his present (I finally decided on a large bar of chocolate and a really nice jumper that is the same blue as his eyes. ) and I'm not going to miss giving it to him.

I jump off the settee and head out of the room, bound up the stairs and completely forgetting all about the art of politeness, crash into Remus's room without knocking. Problem is, he was just about to exit the room and I crashed straight into him, bowling both of us onto the floor...bugger.

So Remus and I both end up flat on the floor, in what can only be described as a rather compromising position. Great, I'm getting the tingles now.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. I'd just come see what on earth you were doing up here. Didn't realise you where just behind the- I really should of knocked. Are you o.k." The tingles are making me babble, I don't like it when I babble.

"I'm fine. I was just about to come down. Are you alright?" he appears to be making no effort to get from underneath me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm great!" Did I just say that last bit outloud? Well, judging by the amused look on his face, I must of done. Wonderful; my big mouth strikes again. I wait nervously for him to scrabble to get away. He doesn't though. He just stays still, staring at me. Oh damn.

"You're great?" I do not like that sly tone to his voice. How in the world I'm going to get out of this one I do not know.

"Yeah! I mean, I'm great, you know, all in one piece, unhurt...alive!" he looks sceptical about my explanation. We still haven't moved. I should get off him before I make things worse (e.g lose my voice and my cool altogether because, bloody hell!). "I'll get off you now then," I say sheepishly, lifting my weight off him. He stops me by wrapping his arms around my waist,

"Don't!" what in the world?

"Don't what?"

"Don't move." He answers. Short as that. Hmmm,

"Wh-" but before I can question Remus's unpredicted actions, he has pulled me to him an landed a great big whopper of a kiss right on my lips. I am too shocked to do anything at first but eventually pull myself together and respond. His arms tighten around me...oh merlin's beard.

"Where on earth have you two been?" asks Sirius suspiciously as Remus and I enter the sitting room, which has since filled with numerous people, all clutching presents for Remus.

"Well, Remus was taking ages to get dressed (I don't think I helped much with that either) so I went to fetch him," I explain, trying to keep a straight voice and face. Sirius simply nods away my explanation, apparently disbelieving. Moody is smirking at me again.

"I'm here now, so..."

"Yes!" I exclaim, trying to make myself feel less awkward, "You are. So I think you should open my present first." I retrieve the present from the sofa and hand it to Remus proudly. I do wish there wasn't such a crowd.

Remus takes the present and peels off the wrapping paper. He smiles widely at the chocolate and then looks in interest at the jumper. Oh, please like it. He unfolds the garment and inspects it closely.

"It's lovely, thank you!"

"It matches your eyes Moony!" Sirius laughs. Damn that man, stupid idiot has to notice everything.

Remus looks at me, I look down at the floor ever so slightly embarrased. "I-" I really do not know what to say. Remus must be the only man who can have me at a loss for words on a regular, if not daily basis.

"Thank you," he repeats, and I can't help but notice a slight double meaning to his words.

He then starts to open the rest of his presents. I just sit on the sofa, half watching, half thinking. Thinking about what just happened upstairs, thinking about where this puts Remus and me in terms with our friendship. I know that I can't expect much from him. I know all about his 'no relationships because I'm a bloodthirsty animal' rule. I guess that is why I never attempted to make a move on him. And now this has happened, and more to the point, he started it. Has he been pining over me just as I have been pining over him?

I honestly don't know the answer to that question. I think it will be good for him though, I think I'm good for him. He is good for me too, considering the Order has left me with no real social life. But I've got to be careful, I cannot risk losing my best friend. No, I couldn't do without the friendship, that comes first, for now at least. And o.k. so even if we do have this little thing between friends going on, it is perfectly understandable, right? I care about him, I fancy the blooming pants off him (Literally now?) and I'm pretty sure he cares about me too. So if we do have a repeat performance, I don't think he, or I, will be complaining...