Chapter 6 - Growing Pains
The boss's number of animals surprised Kali. Maybe her idea of thief boss gang leaders was just over influenced by twenties Gerudo films. She considered herself pleasantly surprised.
They first went to the room next to the office, a quaint little dark-green bedroom with a white-curtained window and a cherrywood motif for the chest of drawers and the bookshelf and the bad and the nightstand- except for the two dog crates beside the chest of drawers.
Cody only had to open the door for two dogs to come streaking out of the dog crates: a great, russet and gray wolfdog much bigger than Cody himself and a dark, mottled shelte. Both threw themselves into the boy's arms. Pandora leaped to the safety of the floor and hovered nearby with a touch of irritated jealousy.
"These two are my first and dearest," he explained, tilting his chin so he could speak around their tongues. "I found them running together back a few years ago. I think Badger, this big one, is older, and I'm pretty sure he's got some wolf in him. He's good-natured, but he bites when you stand over him - in Dog, that's a challenge - or if you look him in the eye too long, or put your hand where he's feeding. But other than that, feel free to love and cuddle on him. He is a good cuddler. As for Boomer, he would only bite you if he thought you were putting yourself in danger. He is definitely a sheltie and will probably stalk you more often than not."
With Badger, Boomer, and tiny Pandora at his heels, he led her next to the pet room, where a scarlet macaw was whooping a choppy version of "Bad Romance." She trailed off when he entered and cried, "Hello!"
Cody made his way to her cage and held out his wrist for her. She squawked again, fanned her wings, and hopped on.
"This darling girl is Rita. I found her left alone in a house that had been evacuated for forest fires and later mostly burned down. I was amazed she was alive. But she's a sweet girl now. Here, have a pet."
"Hello!" she cried again.
Once Kali had given the macaw a tentative stroke on the head feathers, he exited the pet room with her still on his wrist.
"Now... Where is Ticket... Probably in the kitchen..."
A scarlet macaw on his wrist, a chihuahua at one heel, and a wolfdog and a sheltie at the other, he led Kali to the kitchenette. A tiny gray tabby was curled up on one of the off-white the counter. Cody sighed and scooped him up with his one free hand.
"How many times have I told you..." he murmured to the kitten, who mewed and flexed its claws in the air.
Cody let him rest on his other shoulder, away from Rita.
"Ticket is our newest addition. I found him a couple months ago in a storm sewer. He was only six weeks old. Pandora-baby takes care of him though."
Indeed, Pandora was looking anxiously up at her adopted child, feathery tail wagging. Cody set the little scraggly tabby on the ground. Pandora wasted no time licking its head. Badger put his huge nose close to sniff the kitten. Pandora growled and let loose a brief storm of furious, squeaky, chihuahua barking until the much bigger dog had backed away with his tail between his legs.
"He's very small and a bit sickly," Cody explained with a wave of a bony hand. "I imagine because of the conditions I found him in. Poor darling was just about dead really. I thought he wasn't going to make it, but after Pandora got a whiff of him I couldn't pull the two apart..."
Kali crouched down and held out her fingers to chihuahua and son.
"Ski ski ski!"
Meanwhile, what the animals were saying:
"[Come on, just a little sniff!]" Badger whined. "[I'm not gonna eat it.]"
"[How should I know that?]" Pandora snapped.
"[Does Badger ever eat cats?]" Boomer asked earnestly, pricking his furry ears and cocking his head.
"[THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!]"
Ticket used his mother's fury as a chance to escape from the big scary new human and disappeared in the way cats were wont to do.
"[On the contrary, I think it is the point!]" Rita chirped. "[But I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter, because there goes Badger's lunch!]"
Pandora yipped and bounded after Ticket as fast as her short legs would carry her.
"[OH MY GODDESSES SMALL THINGS MOVING FAST]"
And there went Badger. Boomer's own legs twitched to chase after the three. But there was a new addition to the human flock to check out. He trotted to her and sniffed her fingers. He licked them twice.
Back in the human scope of things, Cody sighed.
"Badger, you big idiot. Hold on, I have to make sure they don't hurt each other."
Cody pushed past Kali and after the wolfdog/chihuahua/kitten trio. Kali took the opportunity to smother the sheltie with all the pets and scratches. His feathery tail wagged and he gave her chin a lick with his little pink tongue, panting. She would have never imagined a mob-type boss with so many pets. She giggled as she mulled the idea over. Well, why not - she was sure he had all the money he needed to take care of them.
Suddenly Aggie and Quill's voices drifted to her from somewhere far off.
"No."
"Like hell."
"I said no."
"Bulllshiiit."
"You picked a strange bunch Mr. Poe..." Kali muttered under her breath and mostly to the dog she was lathering with attention. "And we better be saving Hyrule-"
At that moment, Rita came fluttering out of the chaos of barking and mewling and Cody's reprimanding cries, and landed on Boomer's head, her claws on his eyebrows. She folded her long wings and looked up at Kali with interest.
"Who is Mr. Poe?" she asked in broken, squawking Hyrulian.
Rita bent her head and groomed the back of Boomer's ear.
"[Do you know who Mr. Poe is?]" she asked.
"[Of course not; I haven't been with her more than a couple seconds longer than you have. And whoever this Mr. Poe is, somehow I don't think the walking ones are meant to know.]"
"And what was this about saving Hyrule?" the parrot went on in human tongue.
"[Really, Rita, nobody can say anything around you. You are so very nosy.]"
"[I just don't want her to be burdened with a secret is all~]" she chirped. "[Secrets are very unhappy things you know.]"
And at that, she thought to add, "I won't tell the master, promise. I never tell secrets. That's my role, you know!" she said with a happy squawk and flutter. "I know most people's secrets. So do the rest of the beasts. We are very good at keeping secrets!"
"[At least you're just nosy and not a liar or a gossip - or both,]" Boomer replied with a sigh.
Kali didn't skip a beat.
"You're very nosy for a bird. Mr. Poe is the alias of one my contacts, like the Terminan horror-writer, not the ghost. The rest is none of your business~"
Rita could tell that it was a lie; it was an animal thing. But she did not mind. People did not lie without reason. So she ceased caring completely.
"Mr. Calighan has a big blue macaw just like you...only blue," Kali said.
She reached out tentatively to the big bird to give it a scritch. Mr. Calighan was the director of magical studies, and his bird always loved attention despite having a bigger vocabulary than most freshmen. She assumed Rita was probably the same.
Suddenly Lloyd stumbled his way into the kitchen.
"By the Goddesses - Kali, is that you? What the hell is with all this noise? I'm trying to research! Cody! CODY!" he screeched. "I can't concentrate! Do you want to steal that Rod of Memories or don't you!"
"Don't you talk to me like that!" Cody shot back, appearing in the doorway with Pandora in one hand and Ticket balancing on the other shoulder, disheveled and unhappy. He jabbed Lloyd in the chest with a finger.
"I do not deserve the way you are treating me! You will treat me with respect! It is not my fault that Badger has a heightened prey instinct!"
"That's what you ALWAYS say!"
"Because it's TRUE!"
"I'm so TIRED of you making EXCUSES to keep that mangy..."
Lloyd turned and stormed out of the kitchenette again, hand on the wall, Cody pursuing him while yelling something about how Badger didn't deserve to be talked about like that. Their shouting match faded a bit, then finally ended with Lloyd crying, "OUCH! You pulled my hair, you monster!"
"Damn right! You're being an unreasonable little girl!"
"SAID THE CROSSDRESSING FAGGOT!"
Cody roared, then there was the thud of two bodies hitting the floor and the sound of them slapping back and forth.
Badger trotted in and sat his hindquarters on the kitchen floor and scratched his ear. Boomer yawned under Kali's scritches. Rita nibbled at one of her nails.
A moment later the sounds of slapping faded and Cody and Lloyd entered the kitchenette again, Cody leading him by the hand.
"Would you like something to eat?"
"Perhaps that will help my headache, yes. And maybe a Tylenol too."
"Can do, absolutely."
He began to rifle through the cabinets. He produced two Tylenols and a glass of water and put them in Lloyd's hands, then kissed his temple.
Kali only stared.
[Head...all the desks.]
Agatha skulked in wearing a black hoodie and went for the fridge. Everything about her body language screamed, 'look at me I am up to no good.'
"...keep saying earplugs but he keeps insisting he needs his ears and stuff but no one listens to me. I'm an obnoxious whore who has a thing for blind guys-OMMPH."
"Dirty freaking Sheikah I will destroy you!"
White-blouse Agatha appeared and tackled the look alike, and then there was Agatha-on-Agatha wrestling action going just outside the kitchenette.
"I just wanted to borrow some batteries you freak why do you make everything hard!"
"Why do you take things without asking, why do you make everything stupid!" the other snapped back in her own voice.
Black-hooded Agatha pinned white-blouse Agatha and rippled to its true appearance of Quill.
"No batteries for you. Go to Malo Mart. Get some. Better yet buy an electric vibrator," Quill barked.
Punch.
The Sheikah took it like a champ and got up and walked away. Aggie pulled herself to her feet and dusted herself off like nothing happened.
"Sorry 'bout that Llyod-lette."
"... Is it always...like this?" Kali squeaked.
Lloyd finished swallowing his Tylenols, handed the glass to Cody, and and wrapped his hands in Agatha's elbow, leaning his head on her shoulder.
"Generally, particularly when Conrad is away," Cody admitted.
Cody took the glass and went to the sink, quickly rinsing it out with soap and - well, more water, but the soap was the important part.
"He's an oddly good peacekeeper. I suppose because he's bigger than all of us combined."
"And hits hard..." Agatha added.
"Yes, and that," Cody said.
Over his shoulder, Cody called to Quill, "Also, Quill, don't be a child. We have batteries; there is no need to make her go run to Malo Mart to get more. They aren't yours anyway." More quietly, he added to Agatha, "Though you do need to ask politely."
"Whateever~" Quil said checking his pone.
"No, not whatever!" he barked back, slamming the glass in the sink. "You are a grown man- or so I thought, at least. I expect you to have a little more maturity than a Kindergartener with the crayons. You can't really expect Agatha to waste her time and effort and money- "
"Din! Maybe you need the vibrator," he said looking up and smirking.
"Hh-h-wat? Ex-cuse me?" the boy spluttered, jaw dropping.
"Just relax," he reiterated.
The boy did- just a little. But not quite enough.
"I can't believe you! Who do you think you are today? Did you finally get laid or something?"
"What? No-o..." It was the Sheikah's turn to sputter. "Just 'cause I'm in a good mood you don't have to- No."
"Oh, what, still afraid of cooties?" Cody sneered, before catching himself, drawing back, and looking away again. The glass seemed like it would have been safe to deem clean by then, but suddenly he seemed intent on scrubbing it even more thoroughly.
"Hey, what the shit?"
Insult was thick in Quill's voice.
"Nothing."
He slammed the glass in the sink again, flung the towel over the side, and stormed out of the kitchenette. A moment later, his bedroom door slammed. A small herd of animals lifted itself up and stampeded after him, except for Rita, who fluttered off Badger's head and clung to Kali's shoulder.
Quill closed up the last three inches of hoody with a pronounced zip and strode off down the hall with his hand on his belt where a sword would have gone.
The kitchenette experienced a rare moment of utter silence. Lloyd was the one who broke it with a little throaty 'ahem.'
"Would we like to discuss what the hell that was, or would we like to talk about dinner?" he asked quietly.
"...Let's get takeout tonight," Agatha said.
"Sounds good to me," murmured Kali, although she wasn't sure if her vote even counted.