The Marvelous Adventures of Narcissa Hightopp

Chapter Four: Battle Stations!

Narcissa had arrived at Marmoreal. She held up a perfectly manicured nail, which she had polished on the journey there while simultaneously rehearsing the Rousing and Touching Speech she was going to make before the Queen and her carriage came to a smooth stop in front of the Silver Gates. Much to her surprise, they were shut tightly.

"It's most likely just an oversight." She regally descended from the carriage, floating towards the Gates, her hand outstretched. When she was within two feet, she gestured-and nothing happened. The Gates remained firmly shut, seeming to almost mock her with their imposing size. Narcissa took a breath, and then repeated the gesture, and the same result happened. "This is most odd. There is no gate that I cannot pass!"

A mocking laugh from the balcony above her made her look up and into the eyes of Thackery. She fluttered her eyelashes, speaking in the voice that always caused people to obey her every whim. "Dear Hare, would you be so kind as to come down here and open the Gates for me? I wish to speak to the Queen." She beamed in triumph as Thackery disappeared below the balcony railing. "It is only a matter of…OH!" She gave a cry of fury and shock as she was pelted with a pile of wet teabags. She stood there for a full minute, trembling in rage, while from above the mocking, derisive laughter of a Mad March Hare could be heard. "LET ME IN, OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!" She pounded on the Gates, all dignity gone as she howled in fury. "I AM THE GREAT ONE! YOU LET ME IN THIS INSTANT!"

She sensed movement above her, and looked up at the balcony at the crowd that had gathered there. The first person she spotted was Tarrant, and her eyes went soft. "My darling brother, can't you let me in?"

Tarrant gave her a look of such hatred that she felt herself tremble. When he spoke, his voice was deadly cold. "Mah entire family died on Horrendevush Day. Ye are no my sister, and ta pretend that ye 'ave any feelings is an insult ta mah real sisters. Ye deserve ta die fer what ye've done ta those poor people following ye."

Narcissa gaped at him, and a perfect tear rolled down her perfect and rosy-yet-pale cheek. "Tarrant, you must be under some sort of spell! Surely you remember me! Why, I was your favorite sister! We would spend hours together, dancing! I taught you the Futterwacken! I am your long lost and beloved sister!" She then turned her gaze to Ilosovic. "Who are you?"

Ilosovic snorted. "What's wrong, Narcissa, don't recognize your One True Love? I must admit, I do look a bit different from your ideal of me. But surely the height is a bit of a clue."

Narcissa made a disgusted face. "Ilosovic? Oh my, what a horrible looking man you've become. But I have the magic and means of restoring you to your former beauty. All I ask is that you open the gates, and then I can be in your arms in a moment."

"I may have a few things to say about that, the first being-Touch my husband and I will kill you." Narcissa gaped in surprise at the tall red head woman that came to stand by Ilosovic. "Hello, Narcissa, or should I say Mary Sue? Allow me to introduce myself. Alannah Stayne, wife of Ilosovic, slayer of the Boojum, and one of your executioners. I've dealt with your kind before, and I have one thing to say to you. Be afraid."

Narcissa snorted derisively yet prettily, and tossed her hair over her alabaster shoulder. "I fear nothing, least of all an upstart like you! I am Narcissa Amethyst Emerald Raven Jade Sapphire Hightopp, Great One, Wielder of the Power of Underland, and if you do not open the Gates for Me, I can promise you a battle! For you see, I have seen in my Sparklerum that I am the True Ruler of Underland!"

"I *beg* your pardon?" Mirana came forward, glaring daggers at Narcissa. "Did I hear you correctly? You claim to be the True Ruler of *my* kingdom?"

Narcissa straightened up, speaking in a regal tone. "I do, and if you do not allow me to come in, and take the throne in a friendly manner, I will have no choice but to defeat you on the Field of Battle. I have an army of millions behind me." She turned and raised her arms, and the Faceless following her spoke as one, sending shivers down the spines of everyone gathered on the balcony.

"ALL HAIL THE GREAT ONE! THE TRUE RULER OF UNDERLAND! OUR LADY AND EMPRESS! WE LIVE ONLY TO DO HER BIDDING!"

It wasn't the chanting that caused the shivers, nor was it the wording. It was the fact that there was no cadence or emotion in any of the words. There was nothing behind the forms, just the corruption of the Sue. Mirana exchanged glances with Terri and Lydia, and then looked down at Narcissa. "This is my kingdom, and I will not give it up without a fight. If you want a Battle, then by gad you will get one!"

Narcissa sighed. "Mirana, I will give you one last chance. I have an army that eclipses yours, and powers you could never comprehend. I promise, I will allow you to remain at the palace in an advisory capacity."

Alice came forward. "We will give you one last chance, Narcissa. Turn yourself in, and your death will be as quick and painless as we can make it." She ignored the indignant protests from Terri and Lydia. "However, if you choose to persist in your delusions, you will have a fight on your hands. We will not allow Underland to fall to the corruption of a Sue, not when we've worked so hard to make it what it is."

Narcissa glared at this common woman that dared to speak to one as exalted as her. "Worthless peasant, did I give you permission to breathe in my direction? You will be made a scullery maid for that affront to your future Empress!"

Alice gave her a glare that could have split a boulder to pieces. "It is you who are worthless, and we will stop you. I am no peasant."

Tarrant glared at Narcissa in anger. "Don't yeh dare talk like that ta mah Alice! She's more of a Queen then ye'll ever be! And if it's a battle ye want, then I kin promise ye one!"

Narcissa sighed, wiping a pearly tear from her perfect aquamarine eyes. "I had hoped to avoid any violence, but I can see that will not be possible. I will give you one hour to reconsider, and then my Army will sweep through this palace like a knife through better."

Alannah laughed. "I think the phrase is 'a knife through *butter.*', but what do I know? I'm not an all powerful snowflake." Ilosovic snorted with laughter behind her, and Narcissa's eyes grew dark with anger. She pointed a trembling finger up at the balcony.

"You have just signed your death warrants, all of you! I will meet you on the Chessboard Battlefield in one hour, and then we will settle this!" She turned and glided towards her carriage, and Terri called her name in an ingratiating voice. She turned, smiling. "Yes?"

Terri smiled grimly. "Take this with you." She reared her arm back, throwing a knife with deadly accuracy at her arm. The blade entered the flesh, and Narcissa yowled in pain, and then began to laugh before pulling the knife out-revealing that there was not a trace of blood. Gasps of surprise and horror arose from Mirana and Joanne. Narcissa threw the knife on the ground.

"You will have to try much harder than that!" With those parting words, she entered her carriage and drove off.

Joanne turned to Terri, fear on her face. "She can't be killed! She doesn't bleed! She's not human!"

Lydia rolled her eyes at this idiot woman's hysteric posturing. "Of course she can be killed, she'll bleed plenty, and of course she's not human. She's a Sue, a separate species. At least now we know mere steel won't be effective against her."

Terri nodded. "Right. Mirana, you said something about silver daggers?" Mirana nodded. "We'll need all that you can spare. Ilosovic, the Faceless can be killed by regular swords, but you have to make sure that you stab them through the throat, otherwise they won't die."

Alannah spoke up. "I thought we were going to try and restore them!"

Lydia smiled sadly. "Joanne will restore as many as she can, but there's many who are beyond any aid. The best thing to do would be to…put them out of their misery." Alannah sighed, and then nodded.

"You're right, of course. The thought of those poor creatures makes my blood boil. But, I do have some good news. The bait is ready. Thackery went to fetch him."

Joanne blinked in confusion. "Him?" She gaped in astonishment as Thackery came up the stairs, leading a perfect specimen of a man.

He bore a strong resemblance to Ilosovic, but instead of having blue eyes he had dark purple, and his hair was close cropped, but just as raven black. His skin was somehow both pale and tan, and he was wearing an outfit of a dark shirt and trousers that showed off every inch of his muscular and slim frame. He was also not as tall, but still carried himself with the grace and elegance of a tiger about to spring. He walked over to Alannah, giving her a winning smile. "My Lady, you are a beautiful sight."

Alannah rolled her eyes. "And you are a construct of ideals, and have no appeal for me. Now, you need a proper name. Something long and Stuish."

Mirana giggled. "I always liked the name Montgomery."

Alannah grinned. "Good, but still not long enough."

Katarina spoke. "Arthur."

Erik added his contribution. "Titanium!" At everyone's looks, he shrugged. "It's a tough sounding name."

Victoria laughed. "That it is. Lewis Hunter!"

Tarrant guffawed. "I've got it! Warrior Sexgod!"

There was a long pause as everyone on the balcony-save Joanne and the newly created Stu-tried to keep from dying of laughter. Joanne looked angry, and the Stu merely looked confused.

Alannah finally got herself under control. "We have a name. Majesty, my friends and loves, meet Montgomery Arthur Titanium Lewis Hunter Warrior Sexgod….Jones." She snickered. "Or, as I've decided to call him…Monty."

Monty puffed up with pride. "And I am ready to prove myself a great warrior and exemplary lover!" He smirked once more at Alannah, and she rubbed her forehead.

"I'm not interested; I've got the real thing. You're bait for the Sue. The only thing I want from you is the promise that you'll lead her to the Chess Board."

"I promise, My Lady. There is no woman born that cannot resist the charms of moi." He gave a sweeping bow, then left to find Narcissa. After he left, Joanne turned to Alannah, anger on her fat face.

"Do you have any idea how many rules you are violating by creating a deliberate Gary Stu? I am afraid I will have no choice but to make a Formal Complaint to Central Offices. We have a strict Rule Book that must be followed, and Rule Seventy, Sub Section Four, Paragraph Three, clearly states that 'The deliberate creation of a Sue or Stu by a citizen of any realm is strictly forbidden and punishable by a fine of three hundred dollars. Furthermore…"

Terri cut her off. "Oh, do shut up! Rules don't apply out here, in case you didn't know! We've got a battle on our hands, and all you have to do after it's over is restore the citizens that can be. In the meantime, stay out of our way."

Ilosovic smiled grimly. "Well said, Miss. Now if you'll excuse me, Michael and I have an Army that needs equipping. I'll be ready to move out in an hour." He gave Alannah a kiss that made Joanne gasp in scandalous shock and Terri and Lydia giggle before heading for the Barracks, Michael right on his heels.

Mirana turned to the remaining crowd. "Right, let's get to our Battle Stations. We've got a world to save." She waited until the warriors had run off before speaking to Joanne in a kind tone. "I know you are not one for combat, so you had best wait in the throne room. If there are any Underlanders in need of restoration, I will have the Cheshire Cat bring them to you. Good luck."

Joanne smiled. "Thank you, Majesty. You too."

One hour later, the White Army marched out of the Gates, heading for the Chessboard, where the Fate of Underland would be determined.