Chapter 10
Harry seemed to be getting used to Dumbledore the more time he spent with him – but then that was like anything, thought Remus. The longer you knew it or had to put up with it the more it became normal. Which was why he tried not to show how annoyed he had been with Sirius to the lad.
The two of them at logger heads was not want he wanted Harry to be used too.
But days later he still felt wound up with him.
It was not so much that he had gone out without telling him what was getting to him but it was the fact he knew he had gone out looking for trouble.
The lot of them had done it when they had been at school. Even though he had meant to have been the 'good one', he had enjoyed plotting a good prank as much as the others had and it would only make him a further hypocrite to deny it.
He still wished he was able to take back what he had done. That was the difference between him and Sirius he thought to himself. When he went wrong, he did regret it whereas he was not so sure Sirius did.
There was a lot of anger in the Animagus. He knew he had a right to be angry after all he had been through over the last few years – he had barely had time to grieve for what he had lost before he had thrown himself head first into being a godfather.
But he really did have to let it go if he was going to be what Harry needed. The boy did not need all that anger in his life.
Since his little trip out at night, if anything, Sirius had been more devoted to Harry than ever and Harry, as a consequence, barely let him out of his sight. If he so much as tried to leave the room Harry tried to follow him.
"Pup, I am going to be back in a minute," Sirius would often say to him while teasing him to try and draw out some laughter which he always got.
But Harry wasn't happy. He needed to learn that the majority of people were far more like Sirius than his uncle Vernon. And the only way they were going to do that was by getting him out to meet people.
But for now that was a work in progress. It was Wednesday evening when the professor popped over. It was getting chillier as winter drew on, but not so cold that Sirius and Harry had not escaped the flat for a trip to the park that day.
He had wanted to get him out to avoid the atmosphere. As he had been reminded so many times since they had been together, Harry might be quiet but he was not dumb. Indeed, the kid picked up on everything and he knew there was something wrong.
"Why are you and Remus angry with each other?" he had asked when they were out and it had hammered home the need to Sirius to sort out what was going on between them. It wasn't fair on the lad.
He had tried to make up an answer that was going to satisfy him. But he knew he was only really going to happy again when the two of them were happy with one another. They might not be conventional parents but they were a pair of parents none the less.
As if he knew the times that the flat worked on the professor arrive in the half an hour time slot that Remus and Sirius had allocated to Harry between bath time and bed time. Sirius knew as much as he did not trust him that Dumbledore, in his way, had cared about Lily and James and as an extension of that he did care what happened to Harry. Perhaps it was only natural that he should want to keep an eye on him. But he had a guardian for that. And as much as he would love to think that the professor could fall in to the role of a comfortable grandfather for Harry, Sirius had known him long enough to know there was nearly always an alternative motive with him.
And so he had to be cautious.
The lad was not as awkward as he had been about him though he had to admit that. And the two of them were always going to be bounded together by the fact that he was one of the people who had saved him from the cupboard.
"How are you tonight?" the professor asked the little boy once he had said hello to the adults after fluing in to the flat.
"I am good," Harry said, a little more confidently than he would have a few weeks before hand.
All Albus had to do was look at him to know that Remus and Sirius were good for the lad and there was no question of it being otherwise. They might not have seen the progress the pair of them had made with him as clearly as he did because they had been about him all of the time, yet all he had to do was look at the boy to see it was a much happier Harry Potter who was living with them in comparison to the one who had been made to live in the cupboard under the stairs.
But for all that the boy was a lot happier, he still stood by the decision he had made when he had sent him to his aunt and uncle's. There was no one in the wizarding world who could have brought him up to be grounded. He did not know how many letters he had got from members of the public to try and use for them his influence at the ministry to allow them to adopt Harry when James and Lily died. But he had known if he had, then there had been no chance of him even trying to have a normal childhood. Of course, he had hardly got that when he had been with his relatives but he had been grounded.
Over confidence could be well a fatal flaw in Harry and a trait which they could not allow to develop in him. When he got older he was going to have a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and even if they were not at that stage yet, they were well aware that they could not be idle in his preparation for it. At least, he was.
He did approve of what Sirius and Remus were doing with the lad but he also knew that he had never been in danger of developing over confidence so much as since he had been brought to live with them. It was not that he did not want him to be a confident happy boy but his confidence had to be in moderation. James had been so aware of his own power and it had put him in danger from time to time. Harry had to differ from his father.
Everything had to be in moderation.
"And you are liking living here with Sirius and Remus?" he said to him with a smile but it was clear from the way he was with them that he did.
After throwing Sirius a cheeky smile though he shook his head in a very James like way.
"Only a little bit."
Sirius could not suppress his laughter. He knew when he had gone out and come back to find Harry so upset that they could have suffered a bit of a setback in the way that he was developing, but he was glad to say that had not been the case. In the time they had spent together since, he seemed to be growing in confidence a little if anything.
The only thing he regretted was that he and Remus had hardly spent any time together with him of late. He knew Harry was happiest when it was the three of them were fooling about together.
"Well then, I am going to have to make sure I am just a bit better then aren't I till you absolutely love it!" said Sirius as he launched a tickle attack, knowing deep down he already absolutely loved being with him.
No, what he really wanted was for the day to come when they could joke about sending him back from where he came from – they never would do it of course. But he did not think they were there yet and he was not going to freak him out by even kidding about it before he had to put him to bed.
Remembering he did have to send him off to bed in a moment, he stopped his assault. Harry had to calm down.
As he stopped tickling him, he found Harry, who had got so used to his routine, simply cuddled down in his arms and attempted to let himself unwind. He was far more relaxed than he had been when he had first got there but there was now always that worry in the back of his mind that when he got up, Sirius was not going to be there; it did scare him. He just did not want to let it show. And he had said he was going to be there so he had to trust him. He needed to trust Sirius.
While Sirius knew his godson was dedicated to the two of them, perhaps he did not realise just how devoted Harry was to him especially. Had Remus been the first one to pull him out of the cupboard, he would have been the one who the lad looked up to the most but he knew that moment had had a profound effect on Harry.
Now Sirius represented to him all that seemed to be good; and even when it had seemed as if his halo might have slipped, he has managed to recover it very quickly from the trusting child.
"And are you looking forward to Christmas?" asked the professor and Harry nodded.
He had to say he had been so focused on getting settled in to life with his new guardians that he had not given a lot of thought to it. But he knew it was going to be very different to the way it had been in the previous years and he had enough confidence to know whatever they were going to do over the upcoming festive season, he was not going to be side lined for a moment of it.
"I think it is going to be lot of fun this year. First one all three of us," he said as he leant in to Sirius and got an approving kiss on his forehead from his godfather. Feeling secure, Harry yawned.
"I think it is time for someone to go to bed," said Remus knowingly.
"But I am not even tired yet!" Harry said to them even thought every person in the room knew it was a lie.
"Yes you are." Said Sirius to him knowingly as he picked him up. "Professor, can you just give me a moment please?" Sirius said. "Come on Pup," he sighed.
"Of course," Dumbledore nodded. "Sleep well Harry."
"I think he is going to. No matter what he say he is worn out – it was all that running about with Padfoot wasn't it?" Remus said as he gave him a kiss on his forehead. "Night mate."
"Night Moony." He nodded as he disappeared about the corner to bed.
"I hope the two of you are proud of yourselves for what you are doing for that boy so far. He is a lot happier than he was before and seems more confident every time I see him."
"I hope he is." Remus nodded as he took the seat which Sirius has been in. Slowly over the course of the week, the fresh scars from the full moon had begun to fade and he had regained some of his strength, but he knew it was not going to be long until he had to give it up to the next full moon once more. Yet, he could not think his life was cursed any more. He had been blessed in many ways.
"You know he is."
"Well, either way, I think we all know he has a long way to go before he becomes a child once more yet." He sighed. He had been such a little adult when he got there and he did not think he was ever going to forget the way he had felt when he had worked out Harry had no idea how to play properly. It had just been one of the saddest moments of his life.
Needing to move the conversation on, he turned to the older man once more and shook the unpleasant thoughts from his mind.
"So what can the two of us do for you tonight?" he asked even though he knew where this was going to go. It was too much of a coincidence that after all that had gone on between the two of them and Severus that they should suddenly get a visit.
"I think it might be best if we were to wait for Sirius to get back before we start talking. This involves him and a choice he has to make more than anything else." Said Dumbledore thoughtfully.
"Can you at least give me a hint so that I might try to gage how he is going to react?" Ever since the Severus episode, Remus had had his guard up a bit more when it came to Sirius and reactions. He wanted to be one step ahead of his friend at that moment.
"I don't think he is ever going to agree to that!" Remus said once Dumbledore had told him of his proposal. He was not even sure he wanted to himself – it would bring about one big turn about in the relationship between the three men.
It would have to – and perhaps that in itself was not an entirely negative thing. They would have to grow up for Harry's sake if no one else's.
He knew what James would say if he heard the proposal and he did not need to think on it for too long as he knew Sirius was going to be putting that case forward none too soon – but he did not think Lily would see it as a bad thing. With her habit for surprising people he thought she just might be in favour of it. And the marauders could try and deny it until the cows had come home, but Severus had been a very dear friend of hers at one point.
They might have to find a way to respect that.
"Well, no, I did not seriously think he was going to jump at it which is why I think I am going to need your help to talk him round," Dumbledore admitted. "How are your powers of persuasion these days?"
Remus shrugged. He was not sure if he was going to be able to influence him so much at that moment and he did not know if he wanted to talk him in to this. But if Dumbledore was able to make a convincing argument and if he did think it was for the best then, of course, he would aid him.
"He takes a little bit of time to settle," said Sirius as he came back in to the room but he was obviously unapologetic for the amount of time he had kept the professor waiting. After all, he was never going to be sorry for being a decent godfather.
"Not at all," Dumbledore said as Sirius took up the arm chair as his seat. "The two of you are obviously very attached to one another!" he said knowing there has never been a bigger understatement.
"Well, he is my boy, isn't he?"
He had accepted he was going to have a bigger part in his life than many godfathers had in the lives of their god children and he was not going to deny it for he loved that fact.
"Indeed," He said as the two of them skirted why he had come that night – which they had been doing for long enough. With no little ears about to prevent them from talking freely, Albus decided it was best if they were to just get on with it as it were. "Severus came to me and he told me about the altercation the two of you had."
Sirius nodded.
He had known that as soon as Dumbledore had got there and it had not needed to be stated.
"So the snake told you how I took his sweets, did he?" he said with a roll of his eyes.
"Sirius, will you just give it a rest and let the man say what he needs to?" Remus snapped. But rather than argue back as he might have done, Sirius did the right thing and he held his tongue. Remus knew he did not like the two of them being at odds any more than he did.
Allowed to go on with what he was saying, Dumbledore nodded appreciatively at the werewolf. "No, he did not in so many words but he did tell me how you disarmed him. Sirius, that was foolish. The two of you do not need to return your old grudge match. For Harry's sake, you should not. You need to be pouring all of your energies in to that little boy not worrying about what Severus is doing at Hogwarts."
Sirius knew he was moments away from saying that Snape had been the one to 'start it' but he did not think that was going to go down to well with the others. He knew what they were saying and what's more was, even though he did not want to at that moment, he agreed with every word of it.
He did not want to have to waste time on Snape. There was no point in it and he knew if he did then he was going to be letting Lily and James down.
"I know that." He said quietly. He felt as if he was back in the headmaster's office after he had pulled a prank; as if he was getting a dressing down and he had thought he was not going to be able to make him feel like that anymore.
And he knew he should not be able to make him feel that way for he was a parent but he – he felt young at that moment and not in a good way. When he was with Harry, he found the lads laughter was enough affirmation of what he was doing right. But when he was faced with a litany of his faults as a surrogate father – well, he felt small and foolish for even attempting to be a look after Harry.
He knew who he was and he was never going to be able to win any prizes for maturity.
But he only knew how to learn through trial and error. If one thing did not work then you turned to another method and you tried that, and you kept doing it until you got it right. He knew it was not very fair when you had a child involved but it was the best he could do. For the millionth time he thought that James and Lily should be there with them. They had been the ones who had wanted the responsibility of a kid full time, he had not asked for this. No, his role had meant to be being the 'cool' one and whisking Harry (and most likely James too) off to Quidditch matches every other weekend. That had been the role he had wanted to carve out for himself when he had looked into the future. He had never seen this until the war had really turned darker and more brutal in the months running up to Halloween. When he had been asked to take Harry in, he had said yes without a second thought for he had not been able to even concede the thought of someone else doing it.
But at the same time, he had been thinking how he hoped for Harry's sake it did not come to this. No one deserved him as a guardian, idiotic mut that he knew he was...
And yet it had...
"What is it you want me to do?"
He did not think he was able to look to deep in to himself at that moment because he was not happy with what he was finding.
"I want you and Severus to build your bridges. And believe it or not, I want you to prove him wrong." Said Dumbledore with a nod and for near the first time since he had been there he knew he had caught the Gryffindor's attention.
"What do you mean exactly?"
"I mean I want you to show Severus that you are bringing Harry up the right way – and I want him to be able to see the evidence of that for himself."
Sirius could not help but wonder where the alternative motive was here – he could not see much of one save for self satisfaction. For all that he was a conniving old man, part of Sirius did want to believe that Dumbledore still cared for them as he had thought when they were kids. Part of him wanted to be naive once more.
But then he knew he cared for Severus too. He had to for it was his behalf he had come...
I want him to be able to see the evidence of that for himself...
"What do you mean by that you want him to 'see the evidence?'" he asked.
If he was saying what he thought he was, that he wanted him to give Severus access to Harry, then there was no way in a million years that he was going to get his wish.
He saw the cogs had been turning in Sirius head and it had not taking him long to get to the right conclusion. He had always been a smart child and that and continued as he had grown up.
"if you are saying that you want me to that man near Harry, then I have to tell you, professor, that you have no chance!" he said, laughing it off as if it was preposterous, which to him it was.
"Is it such a bad idea?" asked Remus before he was able to stop himself. He knew as soon as he had heard that Sirius was going to think that he had taken leave of his senses but he had to wonder.
"What are you on about?"
"I am on about the fact that Professor Dumbledore is right Sirius. You were the one going on about shutting him up and I think this has to be a better method than threatening him in the middle of the night at Hogsmeade,"He pointed out.
"You have lost your marbles," Sirius muttered as Remus shook his head. He had been expecting no better. "Are you seriously suggesting we leave Harry with Snape from time to time? Take him over to play with Uncle Sevvy?" Sirius mocked.
"No. Sirius, keep your friends close but your enemies closer," he quoted at him for as mad as it was, Remus could not help but get the feeling there was an odd kind of logic to the professors plan. A method to the madness.
"I take it he does want to see Harry then?" he said to the professor.
"I think it would put his mind at rest somewhat."
"Funny he did into need his mind to be put at rest when Harry was being locked in a cupboard when he was with his aunt and his uncle is it not?" Sirius barked.
He could not stand the audacity of the man. This was purely personal and he was not going to let Harry be used by Snape as a weapon. He deserved ten times better than that.
But then he knew he did have to put this thing with Snape to bed. Albus and Remus were right, for they could not go on as they had been. If things escalated... if he didn't control his temper... Lily and James death had taught him that mistakes and moments, split seconds, could leave devastation in their wake. Harry cried out in pain before his eyes as he tried to consider what would happen to the two of them if they were ever torn apart. If Harry had to go back from where he had saved him from... He couldn't let it happen and he was not going to let his pride get in the way. Harry knew kindness now... he wouldn't survive another five years of torment...
He had to be the bigger man here no matter how much he did not want to be.
Both Remus and Albus stayed quiet. As much as they both wanted to help, the decision at the end of the day was going to be up to Sirius alone. And yet Sirius was reminded this was not the way he had wanted it to be between himself and Remus when they had got Harry back. They were meant to be bringing him up together after all. It had to be a partnership.
"What do you think?" he asked and the icy atmosphere which had been between them begun to thaw.
"I think we should let him see Harry – it does not have to be for long but – " he struggled to phrase his thoughts. It made sense when it was in his head but when he said it out loud – it lost all reasoning. "It would put him in his place and it would show him we are not the kids he thinks we are." And if the feelings he had had for Lily had been half as strong as he said they were... "We should do it, Sirius."
"Well then – decision made." Sirius shrugged and Remus could not help but feel he had given into him as a kind of peace offering. But did it matter why he had?
For once, pig headed, stubborn Sirius Black had capitulated.
And Remus was proud of him.
"I think you have done the right thing," said Dumbledore with an approving nod.
"Well, I am glad one of us does," Sirius muttered.
Remus knew he was never going to be happy with what he had done and even as he sat there in the room with them, he was considering going back on what he had said.
Later that evening as the two of them sat in the kitchen together, once the professor had gone, Sirius sighed.
"I don't want to mess about with Harry's head." He told him. "And if he does a single thing to upset him, I am telling you Remus, there is going to be hell to pay." He growled protectively.
"On that I agree with you. But let's not jump the gun; they have not even met yet. And it is most likely only going to be the once. You just are going to have to keep your cool when we are there – unless I take Harry on my own?"
"If I do not go and show my face then it is going to defeat the point of Harry going in the first place," he mused, though skipping the visit did seem attractive to him.
Another good thing to come out of all this, thought Remus, was it was going to get used to Harry to different people - or go some way to help getting him there any way. He did not think he could imagine a person less like Sirius than Severus.
Sirius had said himself they both had to try and put a stop to Harry being so clingy to the pair of them.
The two of them would love to think that he was going to remain as sweet and as innocent as he was at that moment and yet they both knew he was not. There was going to come a day when he had to stare death in the face and they both knew it – the only thing they could do was hope when it came they were going to be there to hold his back.
But if they weren't, then he was going to have to have the courage to fight on his own and they were not going to be helping him if they continued to mollycoddled him forever.
"For what it is worth I do think you did the right thing when you said yes today," Remus reiterated with a comforting smile.
And just like that, it seemed something clicked back into place between them.
"Look Moony, what I did – it was dumb, but you know what I am like, always jumping off in the deep end. I know I can't use Harry as an excuse but I just want to keep him safe, you know, it is just – "
"Is this your lame attempt at an apology?"
Sirius nodded. "Pretty much."
"Accepted."
The two men looked at one another knowingly. If life was meant to be easy for either of them then they would never have met one another or James and Lily for that matter, and Harry would be some one else's problem. But neither of them would ever choose to live a different life even if they could deep down. It was the challenges and the tests that ensured you knew you were alive wasn't it?
\/\/\/
Even after he had been to the professor to tell him he would be happier if he could see the boy, Severus questioned the wisdom of what hr had done.
Albus must have know his main motivation for doing so had been to get up Blacks nose. He was not going to let what he had done to him lie.
And yet when he had said he wanted spend time with Harry the professor had said yes right away, that he would talk to Black and Lupin to see what they thought. He had a pretty good idea what Black would say – he could only hope someone would cover Harry's ears up so he did not hear his profanities...
But Dumbledore had not even questioned why he had wanted to do it and yet he had to know it was for his selfish reasons. Why hadn't he asked 'why'?
And now there was guilt. Guilt for Harry and Lily. He did not want to pull them into his grudge match with Sirius but he knew he had the moment he had said to the professor he wanted to meet the boy. Of course, it was more for the mother than the son that he felt guilty. Lily would be furious to think of him using Harry in such a way. And yet...
He had her eyes...
And very soon he was going to see them as Lupin had said he never would...
And he felt... joy? And try as he may, he could not tell himself he was not looking forward to meeting the child at last. Because he was... Lily's baby...
Please review!
Author Note: One week? Two updates? A Christmas miracle I hear you say? Surely not? But yes, I am on holiday from uni now and this chapter practically wrote itself. I hope you enjoyed it! I am going to do my upmost to get another new chapter out before New Year as well. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas whatever you do and whoever your with! Lots of festival love to you all :)