Chapter 11
The morning that they were going to be seeing Severus was just two days after Dumbledore had come to see Sirius and Remus on the Friday. Albus had said to them if they wished to put it off for a while then they were welcome to but, under the circumstances, Sirius had decided it was best to just get it over with.
The nights leading up to the visit were filled with one question for him and that was why?
After all this time, why was it Severus had such a fascination with the boy? He did not think he was ever going to understand it.
Maybe he did not have to. But what he did have to do was keep his temper under control when they were there.
He knew it was not going to be easy. He did not know how but Severus had a knack for bringing the worst out in him, just as Harry could bring out the best with a simple smile.
On the Thursday night, the two of them sat Harry down to tell him they were going to go out for the day tomorrow to see a 'friend'. A slight exaggeration, but there they were. Sirius could hardly tell him they were going to see someone he hated could he?
"We are going to go over in the morning for coffee so you can meet him. The chances are we are going to go and see professor Dumbledore at some point as well and maybe we can go on a walk about the grounds so you can see where you are going to go to school when you get big."
"I am big already aren't I?" said Harry childishly.
"Of course," Sirius said indulgently. "But I do not think you are quite ready for Hogwarts yet."
"So was Mr Snape a friend of daddy's?" Harry asked, so accustom to everyone he had met from the wizarding world being more a friend of his father's rather than his mothers.
"No, when she was alive he was a friend of your mums," Sirius said to him as they sat about the table.
"So is he going to be able to tell me stories about her?" he said excited at the prospect.
He had got rather used to the fact that he had stories about his family on tap from the two marauders who looked at one another as they tried to figure out what to say to that one.
Children's questions were a mind field.
"Well, I don't think he is really the 'stories' sort of person but perhaps if he does not then, I can give you some stories about mummy when we get home ok?"
He nodded but it was the clear the attraction of Snape for him was now the fact he was going to find out more about Lily in his mind. Sirius could not help wondering in that moment if he had short changed Lily in favour of telling Harry all the stories he knew about James.
That might be a balance he had to redress.
\/\/\/
Snape had got up early after a restless night. He was going to meeting Harry at the front gates at eleven and then from what the professor had said to him they were all going to be going back to his apartments for a while.
The night before when they had arranged when Black and Lupin were going to come over with Harry, Albus had made sure that he tried to put a few ground rules down for him. He knew if he was going to see Harry again, then he had to be kind for him. He had been told to 'play nice' practically.
And the one thing Albus had made perfectly clear was that he and Black had to be on their very best behaviour as did Lupin.
The way he had spoken to him had been as if he had been a first year once more and he had no doubt in his mind, that when he had gone to the flat, he had given the same speech to Black.
He was still debating with himself if he had done the right thing. He knew he had various motivations for doing what he had done – and some of them he knew did leave a lot to be desired and if she was here, then he had no doubt in his mind, that he would get a right dressing down from Lily.
But he did not think they were all that bad. He wanted to save the child from growing up to be a precious little prince who thought the world was his to own and he did not think that was such a bad thing. Of that, he did not think Lily would disapprove for he knew she would want her son to be a kind and modest child as she had been when she was young. He knew he had been neither of those things and she had loved him too but –
There was no putting in to words the way he felt about the upcoming meeting except to say that he was indeed nervous over it.
He did not relish the thought of having Black in his apartments either, but when he had been the one who had asked to see Harry he knew he could not then say no to Sirius being there with them. He was under no illusions and he knew Black would not leave the boy.
Not with him, anyway.
On an attempt to get something productive done with the time that he had to wait for them to get there he got on with his marking.
He had just gone into his fourth year of being a fully qualified professor and he did not think there was anything new any essay could shock him with now. He scrawled over them, critical to the point of being pernickety, correcting factual errors as well as poor grammar and spelling.
He did not know what it was with first years and spellings. All students had to go through some school before they got to Hogwarts, or at least, that was what he had been told, whether it be at home or a formal institution; yet looking at the essays, he did not think a lot of people would know that.
As eleven crept round he found he was looking at the clock more and more. He was eager to meet the boy he realised.
When he had asked Dumbledore what to expect of the lad, for he had not wanted to go into the meeting blind, he had said to him that he looked a lot like his father save for the eyes.
He did not know what he was going to think when he looked into them for the first time in years. If they were the spit of his mothers then he knew it was going to hurt – but all the same, he had to meet him. He had to know what he was like or he did not think he was ever going to have any peace. When he had been with his aunt and his uncle he had not had to worry about the boy and he had liked that feeling. He had not had to remember he existed, and he would not have had to until he had got to Hogwarts.
He started wondering down to the gates early to see that the three of them had nevertheless got there before he had and for the first time ever, (for he had not see the lad when he had been with his parents so much as once) he had the chance to drink the lad in.
The first thing he noted was not what he had expected to think first when he saw him and that was how thin the boy was. Severus, who knew exceptionally little about children, knew he should still probably be a little bigger than he was. He had thought that his first observation about the lad was going to be his eyes or his infamous scar. But it had been neither.
And then to his shock he just felt an overwhelming sense of pity for Harry. Because it was not Lily or James he saw in him; it was – it was himself.
And it felt as if he had been punch in the face. How could he have been so wrong? Only once he had seen something he had not expected to, did he see what he had been told he would. A boy who looked extraordinarily like his father with his mothers eyes. And behind him was of course his guard dogs.
As soon as he saw the man come close to his Harry, Sirius got the feeling he had done the wrong thing when he had brought him there. That the real right thing to do would have been to stick to his guns and not let him anywhere near him. But that wasn't an option. Not anymore. He had brought him there and they were just going to have to deal with the consequences no matter what they were.
As was his habit whenever he had to meet new people, Harry turned to make sure his god father and uncle were near him.
His first impression of Snape was that he was not like anyone he had ever met before. He seemed scary in a way that uncle Vernon could never hope to be.
It was in the way that he walked he thought to himself, or maybe it was the way he dressed in the big black cloak or his eyes. They weren't warm as Sirius' and Remus' were. Or they weren't when they first set eyes on one another.
But there was something captivating about them.
Sirius had thought that Harry was going to try and run and hide from him behind him. But he did not. He held his ground.
Opening the Hogwarts gates, Severus let the three of them in. And then he wondered what on earth they were meant to say to one another.
"Hello Severus," Remus begun, knowing that the other two were likely to start off with insults if it was left to them, or would have been had it not been for the presence of the little man.
"Black, Lupin." Said Severus acknowledging them before he bent down. He felt as if Lily's eyes were on him, and not only because he could see them in her son, but because he felt as if she was standing right by him ready to make sure he was in serious pain if he hurt her baby.
He had said he had wanted to meet him when he had been a fury. But now he was here there was another emotion in him. One he had not felt in a long time and one he could not name for fear of what it was called.
"Harry, it is very – nice – to met you at last," he said to him as if the word was slightly sour in his mouth. It was not the word he had been looking for by a long shot. He didn't usually have any trouble finding them. But then this was not a normal day.
He could see his mother so clearly in Harry as his face broke out in to the smallest of smiles.
"It is very nice to me you as well, Mr. Snape," he said to him politely, the solemn child not knowing how fast or unexpectedly he was winning the hard professor over.
"Come in," said Snape as he stepped back into the gates to let the others come in.
Sirius took Harry's hand not because he thought the lad needed his support but at that moment he needed Harry's. He remembered the last time he had walked up the path he had had James and Lily at his side and he had not thought he would ever have to do it without his best buddy. When they had been on there way he had been so lost in thoughts over his godson, he had not given a lot of thought to how it was going to affect him.
"Do you really live here?" said Harry as the castle came into view.
He did not think he had ever seen anything more wonderful than the castle in that moment.
Even he, who had not been to a lot of places, knew that there were not a lot of finer sights in the world than that, for how could there be? And this was where his mummy and his daddy had gone to school together. It was where the two of them had fell in love...
He had had a picture in his head of what it was going to look like, for Hogwarts had been the setting of all of the very best stories he had been told by his uncles. But he had never thought it was going to be as beautiful as it was. It was simply exquisite...
"I do," Severus said to him with a nod, secretly delighted that the child was so soon in raptures over the place. It gave them a place to start which he felt they otherwise might have been sadly lacking.
If Harry ever got the chance to live there as his uncles had promised he was as going to when he got big, he knew he was going to be grateful every day of his life.
He did not understand people such as his uncle Vernon. When magic could do so much good, why would you not want to be a part of it? Why would you deny it when it was this wonderful?
"Relish this moment, kid," Remus said. "You never get your first view of Hogwarts again!"
But he knew he had not needed to be told. The way that he was looking at the castle told him that.
"I think you must be a very man to live here, Mr. Snape," said Harry to him quietly and Severus did not know why but that comment burnt him. He knew it was going to be engrained on his mind till the day he died. It had been a long time since he had thought of himself as lucky. He did not think he had ever. But whatever had happened to him, he had ever been locked in a cupboard.
Yet he did not doubt that if he asked Harry at that moment if he was lucky, then he would have said yes. It was in the way he stood. It was not thing like the way his father or his mother had, closed in but with an air of – something – but it was as if he had the secret to happiness.
And the only two people in the world who could have given him that and that was Lupin and Black. And not even he was bitter enough to see the lad did not deserve some happiness.
Suddenly he saw he might have been wrong. The way he might have been behaving was wrong.
"Yes," he admitted the boy, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice. "I think I might be," he had his life which made him luckier than the lad's mother had been in her life. He would live to see Harry grow tall.
"Would you like to come up to the castle and see more of it?"
"Yes please!"
In fact, so eager was he to see more of the castle that he surprised the adults by running ahead a little, glad to be out of the cramped flat for a while, affirming Sirius' belief he had to get the boy out to the country where he knew they were going to be able to find a little more peace.
But it did leave the three men on their own – a situation none of them had wanted to find themselves in for the conversation was going to be strained to say the least. None of them wanted to turn to insults that day.
"Thank you both for letting him come here. I do appreciate it," he said to them and they knew the words had to taste like poison in his mouth.
It did not take Remus long to work out that now they were both done being the idiot, both Severus and Sirius were trying to be the bigger and the better man. But then as long as they were trying to do that, they were not going to terrify Harry.
"It is – ok." Conceded Sirius and it was just as painful for him as it was for Severus for the two of them to be civil to one another.
The three of them returned to their silence but kept an eye on Harry and what he was doing. The way he had run ahead and was looking at everything with such scrutiny reminded Sirius of an over excited puppy, but even more so of just a child who had never known the pain he had been through.
The past few months had gone him the world of good.
When Harry got tired he stopped running and waited for the three adults to catch up with him and he hoped none of them minded he had gone so far ahead as he knew he had been brought there so that he night met his mummy's friend.
The man fascinated him.
Harry thought he looked a lot more like a wizard than Sirius and Remus did and he had not needed to be told he was one, unlike with his godfather and uncle. Even if he had not been told about the magical world before he had met him, he would have guessed there was something a little more about him than let on.
He did not know why – maybe it was the fact he was wearing black – but he looked sad.
And he looked as if he was on his own. Which was silly because you could not know so much about one man just by looking at them could you? But he seemed like that to Harry's perceptive eye.
"If you live at a school Mr. Snape, are you teacher?" It was logical link to make.
Had it been any other child on any other day then Severus knew he could think of one thousands sarcastic replies which would give him a grim sort of satisfaction for having been asked what he viewed as a rather stupid question.
If he lived at a school at his age then, of course, he was a teacher. But he had asked sweetly and he did not want to scare him off when he had only just got the chance to know him.
"Yes, I am Harry. I am the Potions Master at here and when you come to school, I suspect I am going to be teaching you."
"Can you show me today some potions? I bet it's really cool!" he said to him.
"Perhaps no potions today, but I could take you in the laboratory if you wish."
He nodded eagerly and once more Severus had to admit it not himself the boy was nothing like he had thought he was going to be. He had got to him in time before Black had made him into a little James and if he could stay in his life, then Harry was going to be saved from that particular fate.
After having run into the grounds of the castle so quickly, Harry slowed right down and wanted to look at every thing on the way to the castle and Severus found that while the others were quite used to it, he only found it a colossal waste of time. He was sure he could see Black smirking at him as he had to wait for Harry but he had said he was not going to let him get to him and he was going to stand by that. He refused to take the bait.
He knew when he had been a first year, he had felt the need to stop and look at everything, not that the castle could not still surprise him to that day because he knew it could and it still did.
By the time that they had actually got back to the apartments, half an hour of the time he was going to get to spend with Harry was gone. It had been nice to see there were parts of him which were still a child; what he knew of what the boy had been through had been horrific. He wondered what the lad would be like just then had he been the one to go and get him. But he was never going to know.
As they went into the dungeons he knew Harry was trying to be brave but at the same time was a little spooked by it as well. Not only could there be monsters down there in a six year old mind, but it really haunted. He was only glad they had not had the misfortune to come across Peeves on their way down.
As they went in to the apartments, which Severus had been living in practically all year round since he had become a professor, they saw someone had arrived before them.
"Professor Dumbledore!" said Harry with a smile now knowing the man on sight after so many meetings. Both Sirius and Severus sighed, for they had thought he was not going to intrude on them so soon. "Hello!"
"And hello to you too young man. I thought I might come and see what you made of Hogwarts!"
"It is so, so cool!"
His childish response had all of the adults smiling, with or without their permission.
"I thought perhaps we might have a cup of tea together," he said as he conjured a tea pot out of the air, making Harry's eyes light up with joy. He did not think he was ever going to get tired of seeing people do magic.
"Well actually, I was going to take Harry and show him about the potions laboratory." Severus explained.
"Well, then I will have tea with Remus and Sirius while we wait for you." Said Dumbledore.
Sirius looked to Harry and he was all ready to jump up and say his godson was going nowhere with Snape on his own but – Harry didn't seem to be nervous. He had a smile on his face as he looked at Severus, clearly eager for him to lead the way to the lab. For the first time since he had got him back, he realised the lad was willing to go somewhere without him and if he then got up and said he was not allowed, then he was only going to make him more nervous and stilt the confidence that was beginning to grow.
He had no choice but to remain calm and do as the blasted headmaster said.
"I'll see you in a minute ok mate?" he said to his godson who nodded.
"Ok."
It was only when he had left his company Harry realised how bold he had been to go with Severus on his own. He, whose hands had to be prized to let go of Sirius at times, had walked away from him knowingly. And yet he still did not feel the fear he might of; Mr Snape was obviously a severe man; all one needed to do was looking at him to work that out. But there was something... Sirius ... about him. Harry couldn't explain it.
On the way up to the school, he had worked out Severus had never been friends with his godfather the way Remus and his father were. But then... he had been his mother's friend, hadn't he?
As they entered the lab, Harry's eyes were as wide as saucers.
He wanted to focus on what he was being shown – but thoughts of his mother invaded him.
Severus noticed how quiet the lad had gone around the time he had been showing him the bezoar. He wanted to think it was just like a child of Potter to want to see something and then not look at it.
But he couldn't.
Pulling out two of the stools, Severus motioned for the lad to get up on one and when he did he seemed very small with his legs dangling down. Even when compared to the first years...
"Are you ok? Do you want me to fetch your godfather?" he had to concede the mutt would be able to comfort him more than he could.
"No – Mr Snape, can I ask you a question?"
Severus nodded. "By all means Harry. But please, before you do – my name is Severus. Mr Snape makes me feel far too old."
Had he just – made a joke, or at least tried – to comfort – Potter's son? There was something odd going on here...
"Did you know my mum?"
With the tactlessness only a child could truly master, he had gone straight for the killer question.
"I did – she was a very nice, kind women Harry. You should hold your head higher because she gave birth to you." He said as he swallowed the lump in his throat, suddenly heartbroken that the lad had never got to met her – to know her properly. He had had that chance and he had thrown it away.
A voice in his head said had Harry got that opportunity, he would not have.
He was gentle boy, not arrogant. Not at all. He had been furious with the lad for the mistakes he had made. But he could not be anymore.
"Can you tell me stories about her?"
Has he been prepared then perhaps he might have he realised. But suddenly everything he had ever known about his mother scattered to the furthest, most protected corners of his brain.
"Maybe another day young man, but for now I think I really had better return you to your godfather or he is going to be worrying about where you are!" he said, and Harry jumped off of the stool. He had started to head back the way they had come in.
"Harry?"
"Yes Mr Sn – Severus."
"It doesn't matter." Said The Potions Master as his words failed him.
\/\/\/\/
"I cannot believe – the two of them on their own, I should never have allowed it. Albus, if he –"
"My dear boy calm down. I am sure he is fine, the two of them are going to be quite alright."
But Sirius knew what that man could be when he was at his most vile. He was sure he had seen it in a way the headmaster had not.
"Moony, can you hear that?" he asked the werewolf as he looked up at the celling.
"Hear what?"
"James – cursing me to hell and back for letting Snape in a hundred miles of Harry. I'm sure he just said I was sacked as godfather."
Sniggering, Remus shook his head. "And there's Lily telling Prongs not to be such an idiot and that there fine."
Sirius rolled his eyes. In spite of the fact he was a marauder; the werewolf took Lily's side it seemed in everything. When they had been at school she had said it had something to do with common sense, which apparently, he lacked entirely, despite his intelligence. Of course, she had not said it with such gentle language, but then he had just given her a rather inappropriate present for Christmas. The less said about that the better...
But it was at that moment that a still smiling Harry and Severus came round the corner. Had he upset Harry, Sirius could not see it. Glad to be back with his guardians as he always was, Harry launched himself in to Remus' arms as he was closer and settled into him. His smile said he was fine as well.
"What did you think of the laboratory Harry?" asked his godfather.
Harry had not seen a lot of it – or at least when he had been shown it had not concentrated. Feeling as if what had passed between himself and the potions master had been a private moment however, he shrugged. "It was so cool!"
Severus threw him an approving, knowing wink that sank Sirius' heart. Not only had Severus not terrorised his godson (which he was thankful for, despite what some people might think, though it denied him a reason for cursing Severus), he had actually formed a bond with the trusting child (which he wasn't so thankful for). He had not seen Harry take to a person so quickly since – since the two of them had found one another.
Whether he liked it or not, he had opened the door to let Severus into Harry's life and the boy was now going to keep it ajar to let the Potions Master in whenever he wanted too. That meant like it or not, Severus was part of his life as well.
The two men looked at one another over the head of the oblivious child. The battle lines remained drawn. But the manor in which the war was fought rapidly had to change if they were both going to keep Harry's affection, something neither was willing to surrender to the other.
As Sirius digested all that had gone on that day, it was Remus who put Harry to bed that night. Sirius had done it on a few nights on the trot anyhow, so it was most likely his turn. Rather than read from a book to him, both marauders usually made up stories or told him something about his mother and father or the wizarding world, and it was a story about a stag, big black dog and a very friendly werewolf that he was given that night. He had noted whereas all the – what was the word – oh yeah, 'muggle' – stories said that werewolf's were bad; Sirius and Remus said they were good.
He knew who he believed.
Curled up there happily in his arms, Harry tried to remember what life had been when Remus and Sirius had not been there. He didn't really want to though. He knew he had been very sad and he had not had a lot of fun. He had missed them when he had not known them.
"And with that, they all lived happily ever after," said Remus to wrapped up in his own story to notice the little man had not been listening for a while. Nevertheless, he smiled down on Harry, quite satisfied that had been one of the better stories he had told him as of yet. Having a child certainly made his imagination stretch.
"Right. Time to go to sleep," he said as he gently moved off of the bed.
"Moony?"
"Yes buddy?"
"I like Severus. He was nice to me," he said. When the three of them had got back he had been so happy that his guardians had not wanted to make him seeing Severus into anything bigger than they had already.
"Good. I'm glad."
"I don't like him as much as I like you and Padfoot though."
"Good, because me and Sirius don't like anyone more than we like you!" he said as he bent down and gave him a kiss before ensuring the night light was on and leaving the room, satisfied with how the day had gone.
Going into the living room he could see Sirius was brooding over the day events. "I am glad he didn't hurt him Remus. But did Harry have to like him, seriously?"
"I must admit Snape is the last person I had thought would be suitable buddy for Harry and I can't say I am delighted at the fact that he is going to be part of our life, for he is whether we like it or not now. But... I think the cloud is blocking the silver lining here mate."
"Which is?"
"I have not seen Harry so calm and relaxed with someone so quickly since he came to us. If he is that comfortable with Snape, maybe we have found our baby sitter for full moon?"
\/\/\/
Severus now understood. He realised why Dumbledore had let Harry come without a fight or any questioning. Walking down to the lake that night he sat down quietly and he relaxed, letting years of bitter tears roll on to his cheeks. Rarely had he cried for Lily but he thought it was more Harry cried for then.
For what he had let him go through. He had not even tried to get to him.
Albus was a sly git – he had known this was going to happen to him. He felt his grief had been violated and he only had himself to blame. But now that grief had been contaminated, he no longer wanted it.
And so it was with lighter shoulders he sat there and remembered his love.
Remembered the good and not the bad.
Eventually, he would go to bed and he would sleep so well that night that he would almost rise too late to get to class on time the next morning. But for then, he sat there, unaware that Albus Dumbledore was watching from afar, congratulating himself on a good days work. Whoever would have thought it would take just one solemn little boy to melt the hard heart of the potions professor? And that he would be able to do it so quickly?
Why, himself, of course.
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