Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't not own any part of the Artemis Fowl series. If I did, Arty's elf kissing days would SO not be over.

Artemis awoke with a massive headache. He opened his eyes, blinking. He looked around and was confused. It was as if he was seeing everything from the wrong point of view.

"Oh! He's awake." Artemis thought that was Holly's voice. Where was he?

Holly came into view, leaning over him. "Artemis? Are you OK?"

"I feel odd, but yes, I believe I am alright."

Artemis heard Foaly's voice. "Wait 'till he looks in the mirror."

Artemis frowned. "What does he mean?"

Holly's face changed. "I think you'll have to see for yourself."

She pulled Artemis into a sitting position. Foaly brought a mirror. Artemis stared at the mirror, not quite comprehending what he was seeing.

"Opal did it," Foaly explained. "We don't really know why. We have her in custody, but she won't talk."

Artemis nodded. "She said she wanted to make me and outcast, not belonging in the human or fairy worlds. I wonder how she did it though."

"Well," Foaly said, "Elves and humans are remarkably similar. You remember that Opal became human by having a human pituitary gland put in her head for HGH. Well, elves have a pituitary gland too; similar to humans, although instead of HGH it's FGH."

Artemis nodded. "Fairy Growth Hormone?"

Foaly continued. "She had some kind of machine, completely illegal, mind you, that was able to do basically computer plastic surgery, hence the pointed ears."

Artemis reached up to touch his ears. It felt odd.

"Other than that, you aren't much different. You still have no magic; however, you will probably age closer to the fairy fate, maybe a little faster."

Holly laughed. "Well he was a criminal. He would have lost his magic anyway."

"Am I allowed up?" Artemis asked.

Foaly nodded.

Artemis tried to stand up, but fell. Holly caught him and pushed him back down onto the bed. Artemis didn't try to get back up. He had just realized that he was too close to Holly's height.

"How tall am I?" he asked.

"About 107 cm. (A/N 3 ft. 6 in)

"Oh." Artemis looked at Holly, who was sitting next to him on the bed. "Well Holly, at least now we can see eye to eye."

Holly laughed slightly. "Yes, I suppose so."

Foaly chuckled. "I don't think you two will ever see eye to eye."

Artemis shrugged. "Maybe. Who knows?"

Holly punched Artemis lightly on the arm. "I thought you were supposed to know everything mud boy!"

Artemis acted outraged. "Mud boy! Do I look like a mud boy to you?"

Holly shrugged. "No, you look like an elf. But I've been calling you mud boy for years."

"Well, seeing as I am apparently not a mud boy any longer, I suggest you find something else to call me."

"Alright Arty." Holly said, expecting him to protest.

Artemis smiled. "You know only people who are very close to me are allowed to call me 'Arty'." He didn't say she couldn't call him that.

Foaly decided he had heard enough. He almost liked them better when they weren't getting along. At least he didn't have to watch Artemis almost flirt with Holly. Next he'd be calling him "noble steed'. Foaly shuddered.

"We have bigger problems than Artemis's name. I don't think he can live on the surface like this. And what do we tell his parents, if anything?"

Artemis sighed. "We have to tell Mother. She already knows about you all. I'd like to tell Father as close to the truth as possible, however I don't expect you to allow me to tell him everything. I am sure we can invent something to tell the rest of the world. Perhaps I became a monk, and am living in a remote area with no contact with the outside world. I don't really care what people are told. All I ask is that my parents don't have to lose their son with no explanation again."

"Of course, I will immediately get to work trying to chance you back to human." Foaly said.

Artemis looked down. Quietly he asked, "What if I don't want to be human?"

Foaly was shocked. "Why would you not want to be human? Your family is human!"

"Yes, Foaly, I realize that. But…" he trailed off, seeming to not know what to say.

"Artemis, life would be hard for you as an elf." Holly said, worried about her friend.

"Yes, I know. Holly, let me ask you something. Do remember what you said when we went back in time, when we were waiting for Mulch to get us a shuttle, when we were sitting on the hood of the car?" Holly nodded. "If I stayed an elf, would that still apply?"

Holly looked up at Artemis, realization dawning on her face.

"What did you tell him when you went back in time?" Foaly asked.

Holly ignored him. Her hand unconsciously went to her lips. "I don't know Artemis."

Foaly was still confused. "I take it there were a few things you left out of your report?"

"Foaly, please, shut up."

Foaly didn't shut up. "Artemis, care to shed a little light for me?"

Artemis ignored Foaly. "Please Holly."

Holly sighed. "Maybe Arty. Maybe. I'm not sure right now."

"Well, in any case, Foaly, am I correct in assuming that I would have to stay in Haven until I was human again anyway?"

"Yes, that would be best."

"Alright. We still need to tell my mother. She can make something up for Father. And at least for now, I will live in Haven."

Holly nodded. "Alright. I suppose we will have to go to the surface to get your things and explain to your mother, then you can start living in Haven. Foaly, I have to go with Artemis to the surface. So you get to explain things to the Council."

Foaly sighed. "You owe me Fowl."

Artemis just shrugged. "Perhaps"