March, 21st 2010
Guide to TD Academy: What to avoid
By Cody Anderson
In this next part of my guide on how to survive at the TD Academy for boys, I will be telling you what to avoid or rather who to avoid. Not that these guys are bad or anything, it's just better to stay on their good sides.
1a: Duncan Kraft
Age/Grade: 17, Junior
Description: He's the only student who breaks the dress code with a mohawk and chains.
Hangouts (aka places to avoid): The back corner table of the cafeteria, the tennis court bleachers and the lounge of Potenza Hall.
Duncan got transferred to TD his freshman year when his parents figured juvie wasn't working and maybe boarding school would slap some discipline into their son. It's good to avoid Duncan because he is prone to giving wedgies or worse (something this writer unfortunately knows personally). Duncan can usually be seen with the subjects listed below (see 2a and 3a) and seems to actually consider them friends. Anyone else is just considered an annoyance that could be easily eliminated.
Duncan appears to be a ladies' man if the girls seen leaving his dorm on Saturday mornings is any indication. He will usually tolerate you if you bring up this subject. Use it only if in an emergency. He also loves cigarettes and knives, give him either if you really want to get on his good side. Note: This might turn you into his lackey but it's a guarantee that he won't hurt you.
On a positive note, Duncan is the best bruiser on our rugby team and we haven't lost a game since he became captain.
2a: Horatio Takanori
Age/Grade: 17, Junior
Description: The Asian with white hair (which is natural!) and the fedora (Note: Do NOT touch)
Hangouts: The back corner table of the cafeteria, the tennis court, the back porch and lounge of Potenza Hall.
Horatio has gone to TD Academy his entire academic career, his father is on the Board of Trustees. Which means he knows this school better than anyone. This is useful if you need to know a shortcut to class or how to hide from faculty but be wary if you make an enemy of him, he will find you.
Horatio is actually a pretty cool dude. He's laid back and totally smart. This writer passed chemistry thanks to Shio. Be nice to him and he'll be nice back but tick him off and you're in trouble.
The ways to annoy Horatio are few and easily avoidable if you know what's good for you. First, do not insult his friends. He doesn't care if you insult him but if you say something bad about anyone he cares for, you can expect to be in traction for at least a month. Second, do not say anything homophobic around Shio. It's not cool and goes against our zero tolerance policy and as an added bonus, Shio will come up with creative ways to slowly drive you insane. Finally, as stated above, do not touch, steal, stain and/or maim his hat. He's very protective of it and seems to have a deep attachment to it. To get on his good side, call it Lucy.
Horatio likes cigarettes and can usually be seen with Duncan around campus, smoking. He also seems to have a soft spot for brownies and jello, sharing either of these with him could possibly make you a new friend and therefore under his protection from any would-be bullies.
Of these three students to avoid, Horatio is the least worrisome and could really be a good friend if you manage to get him out of his shell. He has a love for books, video games and is the best goalie on our soccer team. He's also on the tennis team which would explain why it's on all three subjects' hangout lists.
3a: Chris MacLean
Age/Grade: 18, Junior
Description: I think we all know who I'm talking about but for any new students, he's the guy with the perfect hair and perma-stubble. Also never has his uniform up to code.
Hangouts: The back corner table of the cafeteria, the second to last sink of the third floor bathroom in Potenza Hall, the tennis court bleachers, the auditorium and the lounge of Potenza Hall.
I have saved the worst for last. Chris must be avoided at all costs! Unless you are willing to degrade yourself with some major butt kissing, it is best not to let him know you even exist.
Chris transferred to TD from a public school in his freshman year. He won a drama scholarship.
Now, I say Chris is the worst because unlike Duncan and Shio, he doesn't punch or physically harm anyone. Not directly anyway. His way of getting revenge is through pranks or by using his power to make you miserable. Why did we vote him our Student Council President?
There is no way to elude Chris, if he wants to prank you, nothing will stop him. And don't even try to go to a teacher; he makes sure he can't be caught. Plus his pranks are usually amusing. Sorry dude, as long as it's not us. The only way to get Chris to like you is by complimenting him endlessly. He has the biggest ego in the school but like I said, why degrade yourself? Chris liking you doesn't mean you're safe.
Sadistic pranking aside, Chris is pretty cool. He's a great singer and actor; he can usually be seen in the lead role of the school play. Other than himself, his likes include murder mysteries, tomato juice and reality TV shows.
If you have a death wish, you can try and be his friend but it's best to just wait for him to seek you out. And even then, be wary. Especially if Horatio and Duncan also want to be your friend. Nothing good can come from the three of them descending on one victim at once.
Now that I have covered the people to avoid, I shall move on to food…