Like, OMG, you guys are probably surprised that I haven't completely given up on this story! But in all seriousness, yeah, I plan to keep on writing for this story, though I admit it takes lower priority than my others... Anyway, I wanted a change of pace from my usual writing, and writing about a humorous war story seems good enough, so here's the latest chapter. It's nice to write something a bit more lighthearted, and I hope I still have people willing to read this. Oh, and to actual British people out there, I mean no offense to you, and I doubt I used your slang properly. Or I used it too much. But remember, TF2 wasn't made for ethical accuracy, and it more parodies it, so give a hoot and laugh at how naive the American is trying to portray you blokes. Anyway...
Years of training, whether it be at the RED's recruitment centers and training camps, or his own personal experiences of the Australian Outback could not have prepared him for such simple interactions as to meeting a girl. Some of the others might be alright with the whole prospect and think of the new girl to be a refreshing presence (assuming they aren't forced to kill her tonight). But Sniper wasn't one to really interact with others. Sure, he could be friendly, when he so desires, but wishing to be friendly and making intelligent decisions at the same time didn't come around too often. Plus, Sniper was a rugged bushman who had lived in isolation in the great plains for a good portion of his life, away from civilization.
So as he walked back into the detentions cells and was met with the scowling face of this girl, he was unsure of how to act.
"So, uh... G'day, Cathy..."
"That's Catherine to you, you filthy little bugger!" she quickly snapped. The Brit didn't even bother to turn her head and look at him. She sighed and finally made eye contact with the Australian bushman, though Sniper actually preferred it when she was looking away at the corner.
Sniper could only look somewhat shocked, but he kept his silence. He knew that she'd be less than enthusiastic being locked up in there, though the fact that she gazes at him at an icy -120 degree glare didn't help much. Hell, if it were up to him, he'd probably put a round in her head and be done with this whole shenanigan. Of course, Soldier, Spy, and especially Scout would complain and moan all day about the ordeal if he actually did kill her. There was one time where Scout almost ripped off Heavy's arms because he accidentally stumbled on upon his secret cache of pornography. The poor Russian was actually overpowered by the "leetle man" and he never even looked or intended to go through Scout's stash. God help anyone, should the perverted little teen learn that the only real-life girl that wasn't a few hundred or so miles away was gone.
"Roight, look here, sheila... You're the one in the cage here, and me? I've got a sniper round here with the name "Cathy" written on it. Now unless you two would like to get acquainted, I suggest you lower your tone..." the Aussie assassin warned in a gentler, yet darker tone.
"Pfft... As soon as I get out of this cage, I'm going to give you a swift kick to the bollocks, ya bludger!" she sneered once again, taking her eyes off of him. As much as he found the fits of rage funny, the very thought of her threat sounded... most unpleasant.
"Aw, what happened to the little sheila who was just having fun meeting and getting to know her captors? You seemed quite friendly enough with Engi..." Sniper commented, starting to become a bit annoyed.
"I'm sure Colton would have kindly asked me what I was doing here on this battleground and politely escort me to the base, and not randomly shoot at me from a sniper's nest like you did. Still, I mean I just met him, and he just might be as insidious as all you Yankees camping about here..."
Sniper grunted. He merely let a sigh escape his breath and went over to a nearby coffee machine sitting on a counter. As he started making his traditional decaffeinated coffee, the Aussie contemplated as to how in the hell Catherine remembered the engineer's real name. As soon as codenames and positions were filled, people don't really have names anymore. After a week, you don't really have names, because you're all the same, shedding blood together and going through the best and worst of times. Or at least that's what the team always says. In truth, the team, save Spy, forgot everyone's names. The Frenchie bastard was probably the brains of this team, and it was rumored that he has ties to the Administrator, the RED team's self-proclaimed "caring and loving" leader. Sniper always thought of that crabby old woman as reminiscent of her mother, albeit somewhat cold and meaner. Ah, the good 'ol days...
As Sniper continued making his coffee, he looked over his shoulder and saw that Catherine looked a little pale and skinny even. Then again, Sniper's general thought of an average build is somewhat strange, considering he's been lanky all his life, and most people on the team, especially Heavy and Scout, and on the extreme ends of the spectrum. Nevertheless, Sniper thought she might be hungry, and his self-taught standards as a professional state that he must "be polite." So at least he'd humor her.
"So, Cathy, are you hungry? It's been quite a bit since mornin', and you haven't eaten yet. Do you... want some tea and crumpets?" Sniper joked, knowing that if she was going to annoy him all day, he could at least return the favor.
"Hmph. I never thought you to resort to common stereotypes, you koala-hugger. And could you stop being such a stubborn arse and call me Catherine?" she asked, her brows furrowing. While he did flinch at the slander at his nationality, Sniper just chuckled some more.
"I don't promise nothing."
"Fine. No, I do not eat crumpets, and tea is so... antwacky... I'll merely have some of what you're having, for now," Catherine replied. While Sniper was starting to get a hoot from using her new nickname, he was surprised that she at least maintained a civil tone when requesting what she wanted. And while Sniper had no idea what "antwacky" meant, he assumed that it meant something she didn't like. With a silent nod, Sniper prepared another mug of coffee.
"Roight... cream, sugar, decaf, or any 'a that?" Sniper asked, now hopeful his headache would recede.
"Decaf, and a bit of cream please. Oh, and I'd like some English muffins if you 'ave them. And do make it snappy... Roger."
Sniper paused at the mention of his real name. He was even more surprised she still remembered it, in a mere stint of two seconds. The way she said it was... an odd uncomfortable feeling to say the least. Nobody's called Sniper that since... Australia. And that was a place he hadn't been in a long time.
"Y'know, ya don't have to call me that, sheila... Just call me Sniper..." the assassin said in hushed, almost fleeting tone.
"You call me Cathy, and I call you Roger. You seem to be irritated enough, so I'll keep using it as you do," the British woman replied, a smug grin developing on her face. A scowl was forming on Sniper, or Roger's face. "And do hurry it up with my muffin, Roger."
Roger sighed, but she did have a comeback. He was left without much left to say.
"Touché... though it doesn't really irritate me... it's just that ya sound like my bloody mum when ya use my name..." the sniper said under his breath. Catherine didn't hear, though she tapped her foot impatiently waiting for her meal. Downing some of his coffee, Roger walked off to the nearest pantry to see if there were any English muffins to shut this girl up.
Hours passed, and Sniper was getting more and more strained as he was forced to watch his British counterpart. Why was he even assigned on guard duty? It was simply pointless. What was Soldier thinking that made Sniper staying back to keep watch on Catherine? The Aussie couldn't stress how stupid it was. First off, there were steel bars blocking the way, and the female intruder was stripped of all her weapons and gear that could be seen as a threat. And, even if she were to somehow get past the gate blocking her way, there was a nearby automated sentry built by Engineer that was alerted to any prisoner escapes, and eradicates anything not in RED's database as a "friendly." But yet, why was Sniper still here?
Soldier always made up plans ranging from the ingenious strategical, to the plain stupid and pointless. As it were, he never also planned ahead of the immediate task at hand, and he never thinks of a phase two until the need for it arises. Soldier probably didn't acknowledge the defenses here, leaving Sniper out of the action. At least the bushman was relieved that Catherine had quieted down since their spat earlier. He used the opportunity to call his parents and tell them of his latest exploits (most of them are based on his false career as a doctor, so as to appease his accusing father, whom calls his son a "crazed gunman"), but not after getting an earful from the Brit on being a mama's boy. However, at the poorly worded mention of "I met a girl" over the phone, Sniper had to talk for almost an hour to his parents explaining he didn't meet her "that way." That she still wants to kill him. Catherine of course hears some stints of the Aussie's conversation, and puts in her own delightful commentary, in the form of mocking complements, and colorful insults. But beyond that, she was relatively calm for the rest of the day. A very welcome change of pace.
"Huh... maybe I can actually hear myself think... maybe take a nap..." Sniper thought. Resting himself on a metal folding chair, Sniper tilted the brim of his panama hat over his eyes and prepared for a well-deserved rest.
His thoughts for said rest were disturbed by the bells and klaxon alarms ringing throughout the base. Sniper jumped in his seat, causing the folding chair to collapse, causing the assassin to violently land on the ground. The shock of the alarm combined with his agitation, as well as Catherine laughing in her cell, annoyed Sniper to no end. Frustrated, he got up from the ground, covering his ears to block out all of the disturbances, though it hardly helped at all. When things quieted down a bit, Sniper heard a familiar tune played on the bugle, which resonated within RED base's halls. The bugle's sounds were identified as the typical morning role call melody, as well a victory hymn. Soldier and the others were most likely back from whatever struggles they had with the BLUs.
Sniper grabbed his rifle, and decided to regroup with the rest of the squad. Hopefully Soldier or another RED had some sort of plan to deal with Catherine.
Walking through the charred gaping hole in the wall from last night's party, Sniper saw his colleagues sitting on the long Justice League-esque table in the briefing room, each of them occupying a chair. A final chair with a crosshair embroidered on the backrest remained empty. As Sniper took his seat, Soldier stood up from his and spoke to the team in his usual gruff and commanding demeanor.
"Well gentlemen! That was an impressive show back there! Those BLUs didn't know what hit them!" Soldier exclaimed, somewhat showing a very rare hint of satisfaction. "Now then... Sniper do you have anything to report?" the American trooper asked.
"Naw, not much. Sheila's real annoying, and doesn't like to talk much. Not to me at least..." the Aussie bushman replied, his hand still holding his aching head.
"Yo, is she cool? I mean, is she alright? C'mon Snipes, help me out here," Scout piped in, still very interested in this new girl.
"Well, she's alright. I mean, aside from the fact that she's a complete and utter bitch, she seems nice enough."
"Sweet!"
"Damn it boys, we are not going to argue over a single girl! We are discussing the plans of action to repel the remaining BLU resistance out of here!" Soldier exclaimed, getting straight back to business. Scout quickly dismissed him with a middle finger.
"We can talk about whatevah we want, tough-guy. Those bastards are gonna come back; no denying dat. But the BLU's are outta da picture for now, and I think we can rest easy," Scout said, leaning back on his chair and propping his feet on the table.
"You can not speak to your commanding officer like that, boy!" Soldier exclaimed, rolling his sleeves. Most of the group was in their own little world and unfocused, though the prospect of seeing Soldier fight Scout was enough to grab most of the team's attention. Medic silently placed a betting pool amongst themselves as Soldier neared the laid-back and easy going Bostonian. Scout raised a brow, though his cockiness was mostly unhindered.
"Uh huh... and I don't think you should speak dat way to a superior, Solly!" Scout retorted.
"Are you questioning my authority! Are you calling me a maggot?!" Soldier yelled, grabbing the front of Scout's t-shirt. Medic pooled together the money, half of the team betting on Soldier kick Scout's ass, and the others vice versa. The German laughed, as some people were about to get rich, and some were going to get filched out of their monthly pay...
"I'm callin' you an idiot! And yeah, I do question ya authority. 'Cuz a bunch of people have actual military experiece. I mean, look... Heavy was in da Soviet Army, Medic in da German Army... and see deeze dog-tags? I'm a certified U.S. Private. What about you, chucklenuts? Where'd you serve?"
The spectators ooed, as they could see Soldier's face quickly alternating back and forth between a look of uncontrolled anger, and intense sadness to the point of crying. Most of the team knew that he was denied from every branch of the U.S. military, and he was officially a civilian. Of course, not since the WAR incident, people have avoided that topic altogether.
"Y-you take that back!" Soldier exclaimed. His tone was mixed. On one hand, it sounded angered and full of rage, yet it still sounded like a request instead of an order. Spectators couldn't determine if his face was barely contained anger or pitiful hopelessness, a look the group wasn't used to seeing.
"No."
With that, Soldier balled a fist and was ready to pound Scout into the dirt. However, his face was now tinged with hesitance and uncertainty. His arm was shaking, as the smug Bostonian stared the war veteran straight in the eyes (or at least where his eyes would be under the helmet), a confident smile adorning his face. The team was at the edge of their seats.
Then a tear rolled down Soldier's eye.
As Medic pondered whether that sort of chemical reaction within Soldier's physiology was even possible, the supposed warrior quickly ran away from the scene, sobbing. The entire was completely dumbfounded, save Scout who was laughing uncontrollably.
Medic looked down at the pile of money on the table, and then eyed the rest of his team still in shock at the uncharacteristic outcry of Soldier.
"We win! Pay up, schweinhunds!" Medic cried out to half the team. The team betting on Scout (Medic, Demo, and Engi) cheered, as Sniper, Spy, Heavy, and Pyro watched in bemused silence.
"Mrhphh, a mph mrrh, mah mahrmpharpm!" Pyro cried out.
"He's right! Why the bloody hell do we have to pay up!" Sniper objected. "There wasn't even a fight!"
"Ja, but Soldier vussed out! Vhat a hoot!" Medic retorted. Quickly gathering the pile for themselves, Medic Engineer, and Demoman lined their pockets with their colleagues' pay.
"Sorry buddy, but a bet's a bet. Even yella-bellies like you should know that..." Engineer said, with a smile.
"Atten-SHUN!" a familiar tone, yet unnatural voice called out. The team took a brief respite from their money squabbles, and faced Scout who was standing atop his chair, likely to seem taller and make a more imposing presence. His usual cockiness was replaced by a more serious expression reminiscent of the "old" Soldier, yet a smug grin was still on Scout's face, putting everyone a bit tense.
"Since Solly's a dumbass and he can't take da presence of a real man..." Scout started, waving around his dog tags for everyone to see. "I am takin' charge. No buts, ifs, or hows about it. All who do not support me, Scout, as leadah, speak now or forever hold yah peace."
"OBJECTION!" the entire team shouted.
"What? What was dat, I couldn't hear you! Oh wait! Time's up, I'm da new boss!"
"Fick mein leben..." Medic sighed.
Several outcries from the REDs were heard, obviously expressing their discontent with Scout leading them. Of course, their complaints and pleas were nothing but music to the Boston kid's ears.
"Alright, as first order of business, I want dat girl from in da cells freed, and I want her made a member of da squad!"
Most of the group seemed rather content with that, not minding at all (some, especially Scout, seemed enthused about the idea). Sniper however, was shown a lot of distress.
"What?! You can't be serious, mate! I mean, she's mean, she'll drive you crazy... she'll... she'll make ya want to tear out yer hair, she'll-"
"Yeah, I had enough outta you, Snipes. Maybe she just gave a bad first impression. I mean, ya did shoot her and threw her in her cell in da first place... Hey, I'd make you're day a livin' hell too if I was in da same situation... 'Sides, she's useful. You said it yahself that she's a good snipa'. Like you, sort of, "Scout commented. "And you'll remembah who's the boss now!" he stressed.
"Hmm... make my life a living hell? Huh... I guess you've already been off to a good start, ya twitchy hooligan..." Sniper mumbled under his breath. Scout jumped down from his position off the chair and pickpocketed the keys from the Australian. Scout led the way, taking the bugle Soldier left behind and meant to play a charging fanfare; instead, he played an annoying off key mess. With the rest of the team in tow, Sniper was frustrated as he was forced to grudgingly follow Fastlane RED team's new leader. Shifting about uneasily, Sniper went over to Medic and Engi, the two who seemed most distraught, or at least uncertain about this entire predicament.
"Guys... you really think this'll be a good idea? I mean, Solly had one good idea once in a while... But Scout? We always regret listenin' to him..." Sniper whispered to his friends.
"I know, I know..." Medic pondered. "Zis will be a most interesting change of pace zhough, vouldn't you say Engineer?" the German physician asked.
"Well, she seems like a nice enough sort... But from what Sniper says, she might be as dangerous as a rattlesnake in your boot. Solly was a good guy, though it was kinda weird that he broke down like that..." Engineer said. Of course, he wasn't sad at all Soldier had an emotional fit, considering he now had another month's pay in his pocket. "Scout's a good kid, but it'd help if he weren't such an ornery bastard. He'd be a good leader. I mean, he needs to think about more than uh... you know..." the Texan rambled.
"Shagging it up?" Sniper suggested.
"Scout mit ihr gepoppt?" Medic added. "Doing zhe... bomsen vith zhat fräulein?"
"Um... I have no idea what that foreign talk means, but yeah... I think you two get the general picture. C'mon, cowboy up. We need to keep Scout outta trouble now, do we?"
Agreeing, the trio followed in suit with the rest of the team, Sniper pondering how Cather could "accidentally" get him killed. He spent many years on the Aussie outback, he'd been on the run from Interpol on his assassinations, faced the hardships of war itself upon joining Reliable Excavation and Demolition, and no way in hell he'd let some sheila end all of that. However, this woman was good. She might even live up to the standards of a true professional, though she might have a disregard for the first rule. But he was better. Sniper reminded himself of his own professional's code: he was going to be polite, he was going to be efficient... and in case she provoked him, he was already plotting his plan to kill Catherine Drake before she'd be able to kill him...
"Let's see... allow her safe access outside of cell, but sabotage own sentry gun usin' Spy's tools... naw, too messy... poison her next cup of coffee and English muffin... Now there's an idea..." Sniper thought.
Alright, there you have it. I'm sorry if I kinda overdid some parts, or emphasized on things outside of the OC's involvement. Also sorry if Medic's German is a bit off. But then again, even actual lines stated by the characters in their responses aren't entirely accurate. The next chapter will be up sooner... I hope. Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review.
~Mr. Wang