Tales of Evangelion
Chapter 5: The Flashback Strikes Back!
SEELE 01 awoke several hours later refreshed. That might have been the best sleep he'd had in a long time. Being 4000 years old (and an angel) sort of eliminated the need for sleep – and feeling, and eating, and talking OH GOD if he would stop talking, but anyway – so when he did manage to catch a few winks, he enjoyed it. Sleeping cleansed him of his worries most times, allowing him awake with a clear head and calm mind. This had been one of those sleeps. Peaceful. Like a cat, he stretched his arms and arched his back; he kept his eyes closed to savor the moment for as long as possible. It was only when the overpowering stench of rabies filled his nostrils did he dare open his eyes a crack – and then immediately shut them tightly.
A large squirrel sat at his desk and watched him, tail flicking back and forth – back and forth like a chronometer (That's a clock for the less intelligent of you readers; SEELE 01 likes fancy things with fancy names. It's a sickness, I know).
His entire office was filled with squirrels.
Fucking squirrels.
They seemed to all sense that he had awakened because they all stood up on their hind legs and stared at him with their horrible little ringed eyes. SEELE 01 glanced around cautiously. "Uh, nice doggies?"
The squirrels bared their teeth and attacked.
All of the other SEELE members were busy doing other things at the time. Over all of their radios came the strangest sentence they had ever heard. "Confound these wretched rodents! For one I fling away, a dozen more vex me!"
11: I wonder if he got our present?
09: …
10: My thoughts exactly.
01: Get OUT of my hair! I just had it straightened!
04: Doesn't sound like it.
06: He doesn't sound all that grateful. We think we should try again.
01: No, no, no, not there!
10: You guys wanna…give him the second half?
05: I think that would be appropriate.
03: What's that now?
08: Squawk!
02: Let's do it, motherfuckers!
10: Press the button, 12.
12: Ver….y…well…
04: Oh man, this'll be good.
Once the button was pressed, the ceiling of SEELE 01's office shuddered and two trap doors swung downward. Seconds later, a mass of squirrels poured out of the ceiling. Lots of them. Just a crazy amount of squirrels.
01: SDFGRGRBDLOEO;SDNHBW;NB IRPL NWETI;LBEW[OTBNETIOB NEI; !
02: Now if you all don't mind I will be assuming control of this meeting.
10: Just roll the tape so we can go home.
02: Super…Awesome…Tape…Pressing…POWER!
09: …
Everyone sighed as the hologram flickered to life again.
"…Lloyd. Lloyd Irving, wake up!" Sheena delivered a sharp kick to the sleeping bozo's gut, hard enough to actually lift him off the ground and throw him against the wall. In the other room, Pen Pen watched as the thin wall bulged outward, leaving a nicely shape profile indentation. He studied it for a minute before returning to his fish.
Lloyd fell away from the wall, completely dressed. Sheena eyed him suspiciously. Wait, did he sleep in his clothes? And his scabbards? You know what? She decided she didn't really care. "Get up. It's time for school."
"Aw, do I have to?" Lloyd massaged the right side of his face, picking a splinter out with a wince.
The ninja folded her arms and scowled. "I'm going to say the same thing I've said to you for the last two weeks – "
"Shut up and take your shirt off?"
"No. The other - "
"Pants?"
"No – you're going to school if I have to drag you there myself."
Lloyd stood up at full height. "I'd like to see you try."
The next time Pen Pen looked up from his fish, the apartment was filled with the sounds of combat. Windows shattered, doors broke, cats screeched – the whole nine yards. Also there was another ninja sitting across from the warm water penguin. Kuchinawa cracked a beer and reclined.
"Is this a bad time?" he asked the amphibious avian. I'm in one of those moods where I like to use big words. Shut up don't judge me.
"Wark!"
"Yeah, I thought so." He drank through his facemask. "But Yuan's keeping a close eye on me these days so I might as well make the best of it. He drew his sword and got to his feet, which was kind of awkward considering he was reclining. He nearly sliced the table in half and knocked his head on the beer dispenser/refrigerator.
Pen Pen slurped a fish in a way that said, I saw that, but I won't embarrass you by pointing it out. I will, however, stash this picture away for use later on – that's right, I have a camera. And I blackmail. You got a problem? I didn't think so.
"Hello. My name is Kuchinawa. You killed my ENTIRE VILLAGE. Prepare to die."
"Kuchinawa? What the hell are you doing here?"
"I just told you, I – "
"Alright! Now it's a rumble!"
"Wha - OHHOLYCRAP!" Lloyd crabbed him by his collar and pulled him into the fight.
Pen Pen finally got up from the table to find a place to enjoy his fish in peace. He waddled over into the living room and plopped himself down in front of the television. With a single retractable claw, he turned it on. He was just in time for the six o'clock news.
The intro music was nearly drowned out by the crashing in the other room, so Pen Pen turned up the volume.
Two anchors were sitting at the news desk, a man and a woman.
"Hello," said the man. "Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm Mike Honcho."
The woman shot him a strange look. "And I'm Jasmine Tully."
It was kind of weird that both news anchors where American.
"The biggest story today: the massive damage caused by the Angel attack several weeks ago continues to be a problem for cleanup crews. Not only was a good portion of the countryside destroyed, but so was about half of the central bloc." Mike turned to Jasmine. "I mean seriously. Couldn't they get someone competent to pilot that robot?"
Unfazed, Jasmine replied, "According to credible sources, they had a seventeen year-old kid in the cockpit."
Mike stifled a giggle at the word 'cockpit'. "A seven-? What, seriously? This is fucking JAPAN! Aren't they supposed to have like a shitton of people able to pilot giant robots here?"
"Isn't that a little offensive, Mike?"
"I don't give a crap. They've kept us on the air this long, haven't they?" Uncomfortable silence. "Right, well, let's go to the field with – "
10: Look, I hate to be "that guy" but how is any of this important? I mean, all we care about are the Angel fights –
05: And Jet Alone
11: Nobody care about Jet Alone!
10: - so why are we wasting time with this crap?
SEELE 02 considered this for a moment, weighing his options. In the end, he did what he thought was best, which, consequently, was exactly what 01 would have done. He pressed the mute button for 10. Or rather, he pressed a red circle drawn (crudely) on his desk that had "Mute" written on it. In his mind, he imagined the monolith changing from "Sound Only" to "Muted".
Well, he actually imagined all of the monoliths except his exploding spectacularly before him – that way nobody would ever question his rule as King of the Summon Spirits! Oh, and SEELE I guess.
Alas, he had no controls. At all.
10: I'm waiting for an answer.
02: I can't hear you, you're muted.
10: …What.
02: I turned off your sound. I can't hear you – nobody can hear you.
10: You didn't turn me off. I don't think you even have that ability.
02: LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALALALA
05: Let's…let's just continue.
Sometime during the fighting, Lloyd got bored and left for school. Which was weird since he was still dressed in his red train-conductor outfit and had both swords tied to his…waist? I don't have a picture with me at the moment, but I'm pretty sure Lloyd doesn't wear a belt. Which means that his sword scabbards are held up by nothing. So I guess magnetic weapons. Isn't that a trope? Probably.
Correction, I'm apparently an idiot and both of his swords do indeed have belts. Lopsided belts, but belts nonetheless. However I am not deleting that last paragraph, even thought it took more time to type out THIS paragraph than to delete THAT one. Why? Fuck you, that's why.
Also, the trope I was looking for was Sticks to the Back.
Whatever. Story time or something.
…
Ah, fuck, where was I?
Genis Sage crossed his arms and scowled. Not an angry scowl, not one that arises from a situation turning out for the worst. Nor was it a scowl that indicated a train of angry thoughts parading through his mind. No, this was a scowl that simply was. There was no beginning and there was no end; not even the edges of his mouth. This scowl continued on into infinity, surpassing the limitations of facial muscles. Even this increasingly long paragraph fails to capture the sheer ness of his scowl.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, Genis was in a good mood.
"What are you scowling about this time, Genis?" Emil Castagnier asked, ever the dutiful friend, in something of a wuss.
"I haven't decided yet. I was going to say something about your hair, but that seems a little too overdone."
"My…my hair?" Emil protectively shielded his blond head from Genis's insults.
"Well, I mean…it's that one piece." He pointed accusingly at the rather large lock of hair that stood damn near straight up on his head. "That one fucking piece! I just want to rip it out of your goddamn head like a weed – like the only weed in an otherwise pristine and perfect cassava garden!"
I mean seriously, what is that thing held up with? He must have like a bucket of hair gel he applies everyday because there's no other reason for it to defy gravity like that. Aside from, you know, it just simply is. But that's lame.
Genis stopped himself short – and by short, I mean climbing over his desk and holding Emil down with one hand while he yanked the hair with all his might – of violently removing the hair piece. "Ahem. Like I said, too overdone."
"Um…so, what…are you scowling at now?" Emil massaged his head, deliberately ignoring the few strands of hair that the half-elf managed to pull loose.
"The new kid," he replied with absolute conviction. "I mean, what kind of kid dresses like that? What kind of person wears a pair of scabbards to school and gets away with it?"
"To be fair, Genis, we're not exactly ones to talk. I mean, you're basically wearing pajamas."
"They are quite comfy," he agreed, hugging himself (still scowling mind you).
"Marta has that…thing on her wrist." There was a scuffing of feet, a scraping of desks and a mysterious cloud of dust as Marta Lualdi dove into the picture, sliding headfirst across the tile floor and wrapped her arms tightly around Emil's leg, her face in a wide smile, complete with Cute Little Fangs.
"Hi, Marta."
"Hi guys." She was just happy to be included in the conversation.
"And I'm dressed like this," he swept his hands downward to include his entire ridiculous getup, a gesture that required no further explanation, "and have a giant serrated knife in a an equally giant sheath on the back of my waist, which honestly, doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean look at this!" He reached around to grasp the handle. "Do you see how awkward this is? I have to suddenly become double jointed in order to pull this fucking thing out!"
The swords snapped out of the scabbard suddenly, throwing Emil off balance. He was kept upright only because Marta weighed him down. Even so, he managed to cut the nearest desk into neat halves.
"Oh come on!" came the desperate plea to the uncaring universe from a disheartened student from across the room. "Again?"
Emil hastily sheathed his sword and whistled casually.
"No. No fucking way! Saw you this time, you maniac!" The angry student stormed their way, completely ignoring the fact that Emil had a giant fucking sword that just cut his damn desk in two. No, he deserves a good beating. There's no way he'll pull that sword out again.
"Fireball!" Genis waved his candelabra-and-ball (Oh excuse me, it's a Kendama) around and summoned a fireball, which impacted the boy in the chest and sent him flying across the room while somehow managing to not so much as singe his clothing. Physics are weird.
"That's quite enough," wheezed the aging professor – seriously, this guy must like ninety – as he shuffled in. "No fighting in class. Genis, Emil, stay after class for detention." Because I guess teachers do that – I wouldn't know. I WAS A GOOD STUDENT.
Emil took his seat with a sigh. Genis picked his nose absently.
Hm, strange. I thought this chapter was going to be about Lloyd, but I guess not. Oh well, enjoy Genis and Emil.
"What the hell are we doing?"
Emil stopped mopping the chalkboard and considered the situation. "I don't really know."
Genis also ceased slamming the erasers against the desk. Lloyd, however, continued to polish the globe.
"And what the hell are you doing here, new kid?"
"Me?" Lloyd looked up. "I dunno. Something about plot necessity."
Genis turned very slowly to his left, looking past Emil, past the chalkboard, past the school, indeed past reality itself. I could feel his eyes burn with hatred as he said to me, "Are you fucking serious."
"Look," I replied. "I don't feel like having Lloyd hit Emil. I think this is a much better way for you to become friends."
"Like hell I'm going to be friends with this idiot!"
Which is weird, because I think Asuka says something similar in the first chapter, I thought to myself as I typed this very sentence.
"Well, tough because this is a flashback and you're already friends with him in the future/present. So deal with it. You're all going to get pizza. Or something." Very quickly the situation was escaping my control. I had to assert order back to the fictional world before reality start tearing itself apart. I guess.
That's when I saved the document and walked away for a bit.
"So, want to ditch this place and get food or something?" Lloyd asked the two classmates.
"Sure," Emil replied cheerfully, checking one last time to make sure the chalkboard was thoroughly mopped before hurling the mop out the window.
"Fine," Genis conceded, casting a glance my way. Defeated, he tossed the erasers over his shoulder. They landed vertically on top of the bookshelf.
Lloyd simply kicked the globe into the teacher's chair.
The three left.
If that section made any sense to you…get help.
Lloyd, Genis, and Emil were in the middle of a pizza when a pink blur smashed through the window. Most of the patrons screamed and dove out of the way, but the three boys just sat there with food halfway in their mouths. A rather large shard of glass landed on Lloyd's slice and he waffled on exactly what to do about it before Genis smacked it out of his hands, remarking, "Don't be an idiot."
Obviously he has a lot to learn about Lloyd.
Presea Combatir dusted uncurled herself and dusted the glass from her shoulders. "Lloyd Irving?"
"Hi, Presea. What's up? Want some pizza?"
"Yes, thank you." In true Loony Tunes style, she carefully removed one slice before taking the entire rest of the pie and consuming it in three bites. Considering each of the boys was still on their first piece, it amounted to about half a pizza. "Now, we have a situation at Nerv."
"Is it Colette again?" Lloyd asked picking his slice off the floor. "What island did she sink this time?"
"Britain," she deadpanned, "but that's not important. And I don't mean the normal level of importance." She pulled him close so that their eyeballs were almost touching. Isn't that a lovely image? "I mean dodecatuple secret important."
"Sooooo…an Angel?" Lloyd stuffed the floor pizza into his mouth.
Presea blinked, thinking to herself that Lloyd was possibly the most oblivious idiot she had ever encountered – and she knew Kratos! Actually, now that she thought about it, the apple probably didn't' fall far from the tree. "Yes. That." Without another word she hefted Lloyd over her shoulder and left – by jumping out another window and running down the street in a manner totally not ripped off from Nobody Dies.
For several minutes – yes, minutes – no one in the restaurant spoke. They shared a collective "Did that just fucking happen?" without any measurable level of interaction between them all. Very slowly, they arrived at the conclusion that, maybe a little girl with pink hair just leapt through a window, ate half a pizza, kidnapped an older boy, and jumped through another window and ran down the street.
"Emil…I need you to hit me."
Having lost his appetite, Emil dropped his pizza back onto the spotless platter. "What? Why?"
"I think I'm in love, but I'm not sure. Hit me."
"Um…ok." Emil got to his feet and wound his arm back. It was a weak punch, he knew – Genis barely flinched – but hey, he didn't want to hurt his friend. As would become a recurring situation, helping his friend went very badly for Emil. Genis suddenly jumped up in the air and delivered a flying roundhouse kick to his face, sending him careening across the restaurant. He landed on his back in the middle of a couple's date night. They ignored him and continued to suck face over his limp body.
"Sorry – reflex," the half-elf offered unapologetically. "Hm. I still feel the same. Not even hurting Emil did anything. Yep. I'm definitely in love with that insane pink-haired girl who possesses the strength of ten men."
Emil gurgled on the blood pooling in the back of his throat.
10: FINALLY! Shamshel appears!
03: Shush! Don't spoil the ending!
10: We were there, old man. We saw what happened.
03: Who are you? What are you doing in my house?
05: You forgot about his short-term memory loss, didn't you?
10: Not really. I just don't pay attention to the rest of you.
05: Fair enough.
And then there was a sudden woosh of fire from the direction of 01's monolith. It burned for a few seconds before sputtering out.
11: Did we set a fire trap in his office?
04: Not yet; I hadn't gotten around to it.
12: Then…what…was…that?
02: Excuse me! I am in charge here! I will determine what was and what was not!
06: …Huh?
01: There. All of the raccoons are dead, burned, eliminated. Gone. Forever. Now we can get back to business.
10: Oh boy.
02: Sorry to say, but your services are no longer required in this council. I have assumed direct control of this –
11: Stop, just stop. I know the author hasn't played Mass Effect 2. So please, don't use that quote.
09: …
04: So, um, where were we?
12: I…don't…re…mem…ber…
11: I did remember, but he took so long to talk that I forgot. Something about me, perhaps?
06: No. We think it has something to do with –
01: EXCUSE ME I WAS ATTACK BY A HORDE OF RACCOONS.
05: Oh yeah; we were there. Heh.
08: Squawk!
02: Hey you kids, get off my lawn!
01: Let's…let's just continue.
"Looks like a penis."
Everyone turned to stare at Sheena, who turned bright red.
"What? It does?"
More stares.
"Excuse me; I'm going to get a drink."
Yuan and Raine exchanged a look before turned back to the large holographic display. It showed the Fourth Angel, Shamshel coming in from the ocean and making landfall at Odawara.
"Looks like the JSSDF is pulling back," Raine said. "As are the UN forces. They aren't going to keep trying much longer."
"Honestly," Yuan sighed, "I would have given up after the first one."
Right on cue, Richter spun around in his seat. "All forces have retreated. They are demanding you launch an Eva."
A vein bulged on Raine's forehead. "I have half a mind to keep them in just because they asked us. Smug bastards, thinking they can order us around."
The Vice Commander cleared his throat. "Um, actually they can."
"That's just what we want them to think." Kratos's command platform rose up from the floor.
"No, that's what they…what?"
"Precisely. Professor Sage understands, isn't that right?"
"Absolutely, Commander."
Yuan sighed. He felt someone press a cool can into his hand. The person was Sheena; the can was beer. Hers was already half drained.
"Is Lloyd at least getting ready?"
Kratos nodded and brought it up on the big screen. Yuan's jaw dropped. "Oh what the f –"
"Cool."
Lloyd grinned at the sight of Unit 01 with the new equipment – Type L. Two progressive swords hung in sheaths at her hips.
Presea tilted her head. "I don't feel emotion, but suddenly I am afraid."
"When did we make those?" Yuan demanded.
"Last week," Kuchinawa responded offhandedly. "After we cleaned up the mess from – no wait, that hasn't happened yet. We're still in a flashback."
A beat. Yuan drank deeply from the can. "So last week, huh?"
"Yep," Colette agreed. "It's basically just a large progressive knife. Really all the trouble was convincing the UN to let us make them."
"And how did we manage that?"
"We threatened to give Colette the coordinates to all the world's major cities and leave her alone in here for five minutes." Richter made a point of not looking at the Vice Commander as he spoke.
Yuan's can crunched in his grip, spilling beer over his hand. "Is that why Britain vanished?"
"Sadly, no."
"That one was an accident," she giggled.
04: Are we certain we don't want to destroy them? I mean, they sank Britain on accident.
01: Quite certain. We require them to defeat the Angels.
10: Wait a minute. Aren't we the ones sending the Angels at them?
01: Yes, what's your point? Do I need to show you the list again?
10: No, I mean… We're sending the Angels to their deaths. That's kinda sick, isn't it?
01: Obviously you've never had underlings before. Sending them to their deaths comes with the job.
02: Like what I'm trying to do with the rest of you.
09: …
While all of that was going on, the citizens of Tokyo-3 were busy being evacuated to their shelters, which were located somewhere safe apparently. But I doubt the integrity of the shelters - although I think that was sort of the point in the series as well. They make people feel good about the Angel attacks.
Anyway, it was in one of these shelters of dubious safety that Emil and Genis (and the rest of their class, I guess) was herded.
"It's not fair," Genis muttered. Mind you, this wasn't the first time he had said this since coming down here. He repeated this phrase every couple of minutes until Emil finally asked him what he was talking about. "My sister helped build the giant robot that's going to be fighting and destroying our city – and I don't even get to see it!"
"I don't…think that's – "
"Man, I should be out there watching. Or at least down with Nerv."
Emil decided that arguing with him would just result in another flying roundhouse to the face. And he still couldn't see straight from the last one.
"I've got a plan."
How Emil hated those words.
"Hey, Class Rep!"
Marta looked over.
"We both have to go to the bathroom."
"We do?" Emil whispered, he voice full of panic.
"Yes, now shut your face."
Marta raised an eyebrow. "Together? Isn't that a little…gay?"
"Look," Genis said levelly. "The Angel is basically a giant penis. This chapter can't get a whole lore more homoerotic than that."
"Hm, good point. Go ahead."
The other girl she was talking to watched the boys leave and said, "You're really just going to let them go? Weren't they acting a little suspicious?"
"Probably. But my head is too full of Genis/Emil slashfiction right now."
"Yeah…"
Excuse me, I'm going to go set fire to my eyeballs with a Zippo lighter.
"Was it necessary for us to actually go to the restroom instead of just sneaking out?" Emil relieved himself while eyeing the suspicious urinal beside him that read "Out of Order". It looked as if nobody had cleaned it in quite a while. Did break down and then nobody cleaned it, or did the janitor just get lazy one day and put that sign up so he didn't have to clean it?
"Shut up. I had to go."
Flush.
Literally two feet from the bathroom was the emergency exit. And there was no alarm wired to it. It was just a regular old door. They pushed it open and found themselves on top of some hill on the outskirts of the city.
"A perfect place to watch a giant robot battle," he announced. "I even brought sandwiches."
"Didn't we just eat pizza?"
Genis smacked him upside the head. "You don't get one, then."
"Aw…"
Unit 01 rode the launch system up to street level with Lloyd shouting WEEEEE the whole time. As soon as it reached the top, he kicked the side of the elevator off and charged outside, drawing both progressive swords in the same motion. Confused, Shamshel transformed into its battle mode by standing up like a flying cobra.
"Demon Fang!" Lloyd swiped one sword along the ground, sending a shockwave at the Angel. The shockwave tore up the street and the buildings it passed through.
"Lloyd!" Sheena screamed into the radio. "Don't tear up the city so quickly! We just finished the repairs from last time."
"Huh? I thought that was how I win the game. Oh wait, is this not Rampage?"
"THIS IS NOT A VIDEO GAME!"
Everyone sort of stopped and glanced at Sheena.
"Er, I mean, uh…just don't blow everything up, ok?"
"No promises." Immediately thereafter, Lloyd drop-kicked an apartment complex.
Presea studied the monitor. "He is a bigger idiot that I had originally deduced."
Sheena snorted. "Just you wait, kid. It gets worse."
Onscreen, Shamshel caught Unit 01 by the leg and flung him away. It might have been their imagination, but it seemed like Lloyd was screaming "Eagle!" in delight the entire time. Nah, couldn't have been.
"Genis." Emil poked his friend gently in the back of the head. "Genis."
"Go away."
"Genis," he insisted, poking harder.
"Stop it, Emil. Seriously."
"Genis! Genis Genis Genis Genis!" Each word was accompanied by a poke.
"What? What the fuck do you want?"
Emil pointed up into the sky. "We're going to die."
Unit 01 appeared overhead.
"Well, why didn't you say so sooner?"
Closer…
"I tried but you wouldn't listen!"
Closer…
"You need to learn to be more assertive!"
Too close!
"Whenever I do you hit me!"
"Hi, guys. What are you doing out here?"
"M-Marta! What are you - ?"
BLAM!
"Did we just commit manslaughter on three civilians?" Sheena asked far too casually.
Richter pressed a few buttons on his console. "Possibly."
"They're sacrifice will not be in vain. Send flowers to their families."
"I'M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW!" Raine shouted.
Kuchinawa put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm truly sorry for your loss."
She slapped his arm away. "Genis is fine. Get back to work."
Sure enough, Marta, Genis and Emil somehow escaped a rather bloody death via giant-cyborg-crushing by having cowered in the exact position as to slip though the space between Unit 01's fingers. That kind of thing only happens in cartoons and shit. Whatever. They survived.
"Oh, uh, hey," Emil waved nervously.
Genis slapped his hand away. "Idiot, don't bring attention to us."
Unit 01 sat up and ejected the Entry Plug. The hatch opened and Lloyd leaned out and waved frantically. "Hey guys, wanna go for a sweet rise in my giant robot?"
The three shared a look. "Sure, why not?"
Genis was first up the ladder, despite Marta's insistence on ladies first. If she was first, he said, then Emil would be able to look right up her skirt. She blushed and smacked Emil, calling him a pervert. Never mind the fact that she was not wearing a skirt, nor that she would absolutely have loved if Emil looked up her skirt. Man, she's a strange one isn't she?
Anyway, being first up meant Genis was first in the LCL. He barely had time to complain before Emil and Marta tumbled in after him. Then the hatch shut and the plug retracted back into the neck of the Eva. And the thing filled up once again.
"Don't worry guys," Lloyd assured them. "You can breathe this stuff. See?"
"How?" Emil asked.
Lloyd turned around and fixed Emil with a look. "Really? We're in the cockpit of a giant robot thing, fighting a monstrosity from who knows where, over a city that can pull buildings underground, and you choose to question liquid breathing?"
"…Right, I'll stop talking now."
"Did he just let three unauthorized personnel into the Entry Plug?" Raine demanded.
Sheena rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Maybe. Why? Is that bad?"
"The other children's brain waves could mess with the psychograph thingie! Look at Colette's screen!" Colette rolled her chair out of the way. "See? That many squiggly lines can't be good."
Up in his command seat, Kratos watched the scene impassively.
"Sir, we could order your son to kick the others out if we need to." The Commander made no indication he had heard him. "Sir?"
"Yuan…I am so fucking stoned right now…I don't even know what's going on."
Eva Unit 01, now with three extraneous minds in its plug, got to its feet to face the Angel and its terrifying whips of light! Well, not all that terrifying. In fact, the thing looked rather harmless. Sachiel looked even more terrifying, but he got his ass taken down without major casualties or something. I don't know. The hologram recording was tampered with thanks to Seele, so I really have no idea.
04: Hey, don't look at me!
02: Yeah it was me. What of it? YOU WANNA GO MOTHERFUCKER? I'll take you AND your pansy-ass "real world" on with three arms tied behind my back? Why? Because I'm the goddamn king of the Summon Spirits, that's why!
09: Dude…who are you talking to?
02: …No one important.
Heh heh heh.
Lloyd gripped the controls intently. "Alright guys, we need to take this guy out in one shot because the power cable got snapped just now and I have only a minute for some reason when I'm supposed to have five."
Marta spoke first: "Spin around really fast until you get dizzy and throw up!"
Then Genis: "Whatever you do, make sure it comes from the heart!"
And last, Emil: "Just give up; there's no way you can win."
Lloyd grimaced. "Wrong fanfiction, guys. Guess I'm on my own." And so he sat there, thinking. And thinking. Then his head started to hurt from all that thinking. So he started daydreaming. And in that mysteriously hazy daydream – there were dragons, and talking peanuts, and a particularly emotional cinderblock – he had an idea. "That's it."
As Shamshel advanced, Lloyd performed what was quite possibly the greatest attack ever. Besides Psi Tempest. That one is just great – maybe I'll save that for Israfel. No, he got a firm grip on both swords, and jumped hundreds of feet straight up. "Rising Falcon!" For no conceivable reason, Unit 01 was able to suddenly change the direction of its fall and angle towards Shamshel with both progressive swords pointed towards it.
What the – HOLY SHIT AAAAH!
The swords cut clear through the Angel's head and shattered the core in the process. Unit 01 landed just as the timer ran out, leaving it frozen the way it landed: partially crouched with her arms splayed out behind her like wings sort of. It's a bad description, but I'm writing this with the idea that you guys have played the game and know what I'm talking about. I won't pander to the rest of you. You want to know what I'm talking about? Go look it up.
"That was…awesome," Sheena decided. The entire bridge crew agreed.
Richter found his voice. "He just like – "
"Jumped into the goddamn air," Kuchinawa finished.
"And the he"
"Totally"
"Fucking"
"Flew."
They high-fived over the awesomeness.
"Say, Raine," Sheena asked the good doctor. "How come you were actually coherent this time? Last time you started drooling over the Angel and Kratos had to give you enough tranquilizers to kill a small blue whale."
"Easy, Sheena. This one looked like a penis. I like girls." As if it was obvious.
"Ah."
Kratos turned to his second-in-command. "You know something, Yuan? I must be tripping balls because I could swear that the Eva just fucking flew."
11: Two down, one to go.
05: You mean two to go?
11: No. I mean there's only one battle left: Ramiel.
05: What about Jet Alone?
11: What about Jet Alone?
09: …