Synchronous Rotation: Always Facing

Chapter 4

Landed, Ben Folds, Edward/Bella

Treading a sea of a troubled mind, had to leave myself behind

"She's named after you, I'm pretty sure," Edward lounged on a boulder. It was warm with the sun not obscured by the usual cloud cover. "Or at least she is related to you. Her fashion taste certainly are. Can you see her room?" He let Alice think, watching his skin cast white specks onto the opposing rocks.

He could almost hear her smile. "Oh! I wish I could meet her!"

He let it nails carve ripples into the rocks. "Why can't you?"

She sighed. "Well, maybe someday. But right now it is all too shadowed by the werewolf. But, I don't know Edward, I just have a strange feeling."

"A good or bad one?"

She was silent for a moment, and he wondered if she was reviewing the footage. She couldn't always see the emotions behind a vision, which often led to misinterpretation. But he had a feeling that she had been pouring over his shadowed future, trying to find any hints. "It's complicated. I've seen you in pain, Edward. Great pain. And I've seen you healing. But everything is unsteady with the wolf there. Sometimes it 's both, sometimes it's neither. But I see you coming home, that one is very strong."

"I told you I would come home. This is just a visit."

She growled, surprising him. "But it's not good, Edward!"

He stopped his methodic scratching in the rock. "Why?"

"I don't know!" She was terribly frustrated. "It just doesn't look good. I wish you would come home soon, but now I'm afraid."

Edward looked at the ripples he created in the rock, his sparkling reflection shimmering unsteadily; moving in and out of the groves. "I'll be fine," He whispered. "I've been through Hell, Alice. I can endure anything with time. And I have a lot of time."

"That's not good enough. You shouldn't endure, you should live."

He let out a harsh laugh. "I've been dead for over a hundred years. A little late for living."

"Then be happy, Edward. Content, fulfilled. Whatever word you like. Just be it."

He was quiet for awhile, unsure what to say to that. It had been so long since he felt really happy or content. It felt like much longer that he had been tolerating day by day. Holding painful memories at bay, letting them slowly creep closer, trying to numb himself to the feeling. Enduring was all he had known for over ten years now. And it was a blessing, not to be crushed from the inside out.

"Alice, how much do you see the darkness of the werewolf?" He asked suddenly.

"Much, but scattered. I'm assuming Bella still lets him hang around?" He murmured in agreement, waiting for her to look some more. "At times there's more, until your future is almost obliterated, and sometimes there's less," She sighed. "It's like I said before, complicated."

"Too many decisions?"

"Important decisions, I'd say. Ones that can't be predicted at the moment, but give very different outcomes."

"You'll be watching for me, right?"

She laughed and it was good to hear the beautiful sound. "Of course."

By the time they stopped talking the sun had moved from overhead and Edward was in the shadows again. He knew he should have talked to Carlisle or Esme or someone else in the family. But he really just wanted to talk with Alice. Everything with Bella was new to him and he was becoming unsure of his purpose. He didn't know whether to leave or to stay or even how often to visit.

He had been coming over everyday this week, just after Charlie and Mike left for work. He would sometimes play with Alice while Bella ran errands. Sometimes Bella took them both out for a brief outing. Jacob showed up twice more and Edward casually avoided him. Bella easily picked up on this and took the opportunity to go on long walks with him without Alice there.

She talked mostly of college and her married life. She was inexhaustible when talking of Alice. He could tell that everything the child did was somehow extraordinary to Bella. He let her talk, not tiring of hearing her voice sound so loving. She asked him of his travels, sounding interested in the exotic places. But Edward had little to say. He saw things but he never took it in. He told her of memorizing the channels of the Amazon, yet he couldn't actually say what it was like. He just did it, methodical and mind-numbing. He had no care for the mysterious fish or uncharted rainforest. It was like he was trying to swim his way out of his own body.

He stayed away from her house for the weekend and through the first half of the next week. He didn't know why he wouldn't visit her. He blamed it on the uncanny amount of sunny days, and not wanting to risk even being near an open window and alarming Bella's daughter.

'That rock do something particularly offensive?'

Edward had been grinding his hand into the boulder, creating a deep gouge. He looked up and spotted two large eyes of a wolf watching him from the nearby bluff. Jacob was downwind and Edward hadn't even smelled him coming. He probably would have heard the thoughts, if he was paying attention.

Perhaps in another moment he would have been more on guard to be in the presence of the massive wolf, but at the moment, he felt only weary. "Do you have business with me?" He asked, brushing the powered rock from his sleeve. He had bought more clothing with Bella on one of their outings. She said it was strange that he kept showing up in Newton's shirt. Edward had completely forgotten, mostly because he tried his best to forget her husband even existed. Not so much the idea, as the person. He simply couldn't compute the man Bella reminisced about with the boy he saw in Forks High School.

Jacob shifted feet on the bluff, not making a move to come down. 'Bella's wondering where you are.'

Edward wondered how Jacob could so clearly project a thought, yet be so incompetent in hiding his other thoughts. "Liar."

'Okay, I wandered over here and thought I should ask why you are killing a rock. But Bella is worried, seriously.'

He was lying again, but Edward let it go. "I'll see her soon, she shouldn't worry."

'I'm worried.' He didn't intend that one.

Edward started at his curiously. "Why?"

Jacob shifted again and his ears twitched back and forth. 'It's Bella…If she is missing you after a few days…I don't want her missing you.' His thoughts were scattered, unsure.

It took Edward a moment. "Ah, you're afraid of her growing attached and being hurt by my absence. Just like…before," He swallowed the words and they felt like a lump in his throat. That was one conversation that he had never brought up with Bella and she had carefully avoided in turn. Edward didn't know if he wanted to hear what her life was like the months after he broke up with her.

'It was bad.' Jacob answered. And for a moment, Edward wondered if the wolf could read his mind. His ears were flat against his head. 'Really bad. And it took so long for her to, I dunno, move one, recover, heal. I'm just afraid for her.'

Jacob whined low in his throat and Edward realized that the shifter was exhausted. "What would you want me to do?"

'Leave now' His tail swished violently before tucking itself between his legs. 'N-not leave now.' Edward could feel his struggle. It had been awhile since any real interaction with the wolf, he had almost forgotten the imprint. Almost. The truth was, he was half-hoping it would simply disappear with ignorance.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, a human habit. He wondered if he was neglecting his duties. He wondered if he really should have these duties. "Come here."

Jacob took an automatic step forward before he reigned himself back. 'Why?'

"Because I'm going to cut some of your fur and put it in a locket," He grinned as the werewolf failed to hear the sarcasm. "Stupid dog. If you are going to run tabs on me for Bella, then I'm going to do the same to you."

Another step forward before he gained control. 'Why?'

Edward rolled his eyes, a habit he was quickly picking up from Bella. "When was the last time you slept?"

'Last night.'

"For how long?"

Jacob growled. 'It doesn't matter.'

Edward leapt lightly down from the boulder, making the wolf flinch. "Bella hears your howling at night. And she's had you pass out in her living room from sheer exhaustion multiple times. Do you know that?"

The shifter sagged. 'Yes. Obviously I can't help it and there is nothing she can do to help.'

"Why?" Edward moved forward and Jacob seemed to be frozen in confusion. "She asked me to bring it up. She thinks you'll answer me," He paused, only a few feet away from the massive head. "Will you?" He was half-afraid of the answer.

'Imprint doesn't mean slave, you know.'

Edward was unexpectedly relieved. He was unsure why, but he guessed it was because now he didn't hold complete responsibility over the wolf, like some over-worked babysitter. "What does an imprint mean?" He asked on a whim.

Jacob was confused. 'Bella explained it pretty well.'

"I know, but I still haven't heard much from you," Edward noticed that half of the wolf's body was coated in pine needles and other leaves, like he had been lying down in the forest. "Why does it exist?"

'To be an extreme discomfort,' was the first thought and Edward held himself off from grinning. He wasn't about to bare his teeth this close to the massive head. 'There are no rules for it, if that's what your wondering. And even though I know people who have imprinted,' Brief flashes of faces that Edward didn't recognize,'all their situations are different with different outcomes.'

"Then what's the point of it?"

The shifter huffed, blowing his hot breath onto Edward's face. He cringed at the animalistic smell. It wasn't awful, so to speak, just rather like smelling a mountain lion but different. It was a bit unnerving.

'There are some…theories, but none of them make sense to me.'

"For you?" Edward offered the correction.

Jacob lifted his head to get a better look at the vampire. 'Whatever.'

This conversation wasn't going anyway productive so Edward took a step back. The wolf relaxed to such an extent that Edward wondered why he didn't pick up on the tension before. "I should go see Bella."

'I know you're a vampire and so technically a mindless bloodsucker, but you do realize that it is past midnight.'

Edward looked to the sky. He actually did realize it was well into the night, but the habit of visiting Bella at all hours had apparently decided to make an appearance. But what he really found surprising was the lack of mockery in Jacob's thoughts. Certainly the wolf had no problem portraying distaste in his thoughts before.

Edward slide his gaze back to the large brown eyes. "Do you want to join me?" He offered carelessly. "Or does your pack of dogs gather at night to howl at the moon?"

Jacob didn't answer but immediately tore off towards the Swan house. 'If she is awake then I really will howl at the moon, just for you.'

Dodging between trees, Edward grinned. "Oh, I'll think of a better prize," Like asking why the wolf seemed distinctly uncomfortable with his earlier comment.

It took only seconds to reach the house. Jacob lingered in the tree line while Edward approached the house to see if anyone was moving. The blinds were down, but he saw a light on in the kitchen and Bella's shadow move around the counter. He grinned at the wolf, knowing he had won.

Jacob grunted before retreating back into the trees. 'Claim your prize later. Some of us need our rest.'

He would be more curious by the wolf's sudden disappearance, but he could tell Jacob's thoughts were suddenly very exhausted. He couldn't believe that the short run had drained him. Unless werewolves were weaker than he had expected.

Shrugging, he knocked quietly on the door. Bella opened it a moment later, looking wary before she saw his face. "Edward," She smiled. "What have you been doing these past few days?" She stepped out onto the porch, obviously not wanting to wake others. They sat down together on the top step.

"I've been around, re-familiarizing myself with the place," He paused. "Why are you up? Thought I would visit, but I really didn't expect you to be awake."

She grinned. "What would you do if I wasn't? Climb into my room like old times?"

"Yes, I'm sure your husband wouldn't mind. I'll just stand in the corner and be out of the way."

A laugh burst from Bella, but she suddenly groaned, resting her head on her knees.

Edward put a hand on her back. "Are you okay?"

She sighed. "Just a headache. It woke me up," She sat up, taking his hand off her back and placing it on her forehead. "Ah, much better. So glad you came."

Her skin was warm, but not hot. It must be just a headache. "Glad to be of use."

They sat there for a moment, just being quiet together. Bella closed her eyes and he wondered if she would fall asleep on the front stoop. He remembered the last time he served as a human ice-pack was when Bella injured herself from eighteenth birthday party. His hand flinched at the memory.

Her eyes opened and she lowered his hand. "What is it?"

He shook his head. "Just thinking," She would prompt him more, so he decided to just continue. "I ran into your dog tonight."

She had gotten used to him referring Jacob as a dog or pet to her. "Really? What was he up to?"

"I think he has been sleeping on the ground."

He wondered what it meant that Bella didn't look too surprised. She did close her eyes and massaged her head. He gave her back his hand, but she only held it in hers. "I wish he wouldn't do that. I've tried to argue that it is unhealthy for him," She rolled her eyes, "but I guess his body is pretty durable."

Edward watched her absently play with his fingers. "Why does he do it?" Now she was hiding. It was the way her eyes were suddenly fixed on the ground, her hands had stilled. He didn't even let her lie to him before deciding to take another tactic. "If you won't answer that. Can you tell me why he isn't sensitive when I call him a dog," He paused, "anymore…but he tenses up when I mention the pack," Bella was still silent and her hands has frozen as his. "I mean, he does have a pack, doesn't he?" Edward reviewed his brief phone calls with Alice so many years ago. He was positive that she mentioned more than one werewolf.

Bella slowly closed her eyes and put Edward's hand back to her forehead. "It's a long story."

"Are you tired?"

She shook her head. "I guess you should probably know, given the circumstances between you two," She sighed, eyes opening to look at him. "There used to be a pack of wolves at La Push. Sixteen of them, in fact. Now there is only one."

He frowned. Sixteen wolves? How could Alice leave Bella with such dangerous company? Through careful interaction, he had been convinced of Jacob's control. But he was highly doubtful that sixteen wolves was a good idea. His hand clenched, but he controlled the action before Bella could feel it.

She continued on, oblivious to his internal struggle. "You know werewolves can chose to give up their wolf and become a normal person. Well after," She bite her tongue, so hard that Edward could almost smell blood, "a-after a…while," Her cover was poor, " most of the pack decided to become human and live out the rest of their lives. They encouraged Jacob to do the same, but he…didn't," Her eyes were shifting on the ground, though Edward knew she couldn't see anything in the darkness. "He's an Alpha, so I guess he can live without a pack. Though I can't imagine it is natural for him to be alone. He says that the ancient leaders used to do it. Only have one wolf, I mean, as a guardian for the tribe."

Edward suddenly wasn't so concerned whether Jacob was the only wolf or not. "Bella, what triggered the formation of so many wolves?" He knew that while his family was living there, La Push hadn't had any wolves.

Bella sighed. "Having vampires near, I guess. That's why Jacob transformed, though it was about a month after you left. Some others after him too."

His eyes narrowed and he took his hand back so he could look at her properly. Her eyes opened slowly, trying to look innocent. It only made her look older somehow. "Sixteen? Bella, you have to tell me. Were there more vampires here after I left?"

She pursed her lips. "You won't like it."

"Tell me now, I am very close to crushing something," He could hear his teeth grinding, he wondered if Bella could hear as well.

'Why is Bella awake? Hope she's feeling alright.'

Edward quickly looked upstairs. "Charlie is awake," He pretended not to hear her exhale of relief. He stood up. "Should I leave?" He whispered.

"What?" Apparently too quiet for Bella.

'Is she talking to someone?' "Bella? Are you outside?"

"Do you want me to leave?" He hissed.

Bella put a hand on his sleeve, trying to think fast. "Wait, can you find Jacob?"

"Why?"

'Who would be here at this hour?' Charlie was at the door, slowly opening it. "Bella? Who is there?"

Edward was in the trees, watching as her father peered out from the front door. Bella was chewing on her lip. "Hey, Dad, just getting some fresh air."

Charlie didn't believe it, he looked to the tree-line. "Was Jacob here?" Edward was impressed, her father was obviously more knowledgeable of the supernatural. He wasn't completely on track, but he could tell someone had just disappeared unnaturally fast.

Bella put a hand on his sleeve, her eyes betrayed her mind working very quickly. "No, it wasn't Jacob. It was…Edward."

Edward narrowed his eyes, but remained hidden. She would call him out if she wanted to. Charlie was stunned silent for a minute. "Edward? Who?" He pretended to sound confused, but Edward saw that he definitely recognized the name.

Apparently Bella didn't need to read her father's mind. "Yes Edward. Don't sound like you don't remember him," She sat back down on the step. "I just asked him to get Jacob. I need to talk to them both," Edward grinned, he wasn't about to leave yet from this interesting conversation. He'd get the wolf later.

"Wait a minute, Bella," Charlie was still standing. "Edward Cullen? He's back?" The surprise was real.

She sighed, closing her eyes and Edward wondered if her headache was bothering her. "Yes, he's been back for a little over a week."

Charlie instantly turned red. "He's back?" He was furious, his mind practically blank from shock and anger. "After all these years! I can't believe-!"

"Dad, calm down. Mike and Alice are sleeping."

Charlie sat down heavily next to her, gripping her shoulder tightly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She rubbed her eyes. "Because I knew you would freak out."

"But-?" 'But what if you needed me?' His mind was suddenly filled with a teenaged Bella. She was sitting in her room, staring at the wall. She wouldn't respond to Charlie or anyone else. She was screaming at night and Charlie was standing outside her room, knowing he couldn't make it stop. She wasn't eating. She wasn't talking.

Bella looked at her father, placing her hand over his. "I'm not seventeen anymore. He came back to…catch up, I guess."

The awful slide show in Charlie's mind cut off and Edward found himself feeling exhausted. "Are you alright?" 'Did he hurt you?' Edward felt suddenly sick with himself.

"I'm very good, Dad. I promise. In fact, it's been rather nice having him back. He's been in the Amazon, apparently. It's very cool," She was rubbing her father's hand. Edward didn't know who she was trying to comfort.

"What all have you told him?"

She smiled. "Everything, of course."

"Really?" 'What about that freaky vampire and her army? What about Jacob?'

Edward snapped the branch under his hands. Both Charlie and Bella looked up. Bella was frowning. "I hope that is Edward with Jacob. If not, I really don't want to see Edward until morning."

Charlie was confused by Bella's response, but Edward was already running. His mind was a red haze and he crashed into trees. He didn't care and kept going until he was adequately out of range of any human hearing. He ripped a few spruces out of the ground, sending them crashing into the forest.

A vampire army. It made the venom pool in his mouth from the thought. No wonder La Push was brimming with werewolves, if there was an army of vampires in the neighborhood. Edward had no idea how Bella survived or anyone in Forks for that matter. Charlie having sudden knowledge of the supernatural was no surprise. It was a surprise that he wasn't an expert.

Edward growled, shredding up one of his fallen trees. Alice should have told him of this. If she wasn't there at the time, then she would have seen it. It didn't matter that he destroyed his cell phone. Alice should have hunted him down and dragged him back.

'Bella said you might have found out.'

Edward whirled around to the giant wolf. Jacob flinched, bracing himself for an attack automatically. "Why the hell are you here?" Edward snarled.

Jacob impulsively growled back. 'Because some of us carry around a cell phone. And Bella was worry that you would overreact.'

Edward really didn't feel like dealing with the wolf and decided to rip up another tree. "I am not overreacting," He threw it as hard as he could, letting it soar above the tree tops before crashing half a mile away.

'What are you doing then?'

"I'm…" It was suddenly as if he lost all of his strength and Edward fell to his knees. He gripped the dirt with his hands, as if it could keep him there. "I'm trying to do what I should have done thirteen years ago."

There was a strange sound, like wind blowing through the trees. Jacob's scent abruptly changed from an animal smell to a…not normal smell. Edward felt like it kept changing and he decided to ignore it.

"What does that mean?" Jacob, now a human with cut off shorts, was walking up to him, but paused a few meters away.

Edward gave a shuddering sigh. "Not leaving," He gripped the dirt tightly, wishing there was something better to hold on to. "I should have never left. That was a mistake. It was wrong."

Jacob took a step forward. "What are you-?"

Edward was suddenly on his feet, gripping the shifter by the shoulders. Jacob flinched, but didn't move away. "What if she was hurt? And I was…I was just sitting around the rainforest! What if she died?"

He was hurting the wolf, he could feel the bones in the shoulders protesting his grip. Jacob still didn't move. "Why do you care?" His voice was bitter, his eyes sharp.

Jacob abruptly groaned as a sharp crack filled the air. Edward let go, jumping back several meters. The shifter fell to his knees, curling up, trying to cradle his broken left shoulder with his good arm. "Shit, Edward!" He hissed, pressing his hand against his shoulder, trying to keep it in place as his body rapidly healed. 'See if I try to comfort you from one of your tantrums again!'

Edward was breathing heavily, though he had no real reason to. "I-I'm…" His voice stopped. He suddenly felt out of place. Why was he here? Why did he ever leave Alice alone in the desert? Why didn't he just go home and be with his family? What drew him here? To this place where he could only rip of trees and break a shifter's bones. He didn't know whether to feel angry or remorseful. He took a step close and Jacob flinched and then groaned from the movement.

'You go throw your hissy fit elsewhere and leave me alone!'

Edward frowned and found himself next to the wolf. Jacob glared up at him.

"Piss off," He muttered. He was breathing heavily and Edward could see him tallying up how many days it would take to heal. Only a couple, but he wouldn't be able to phase without risking injury.

"Let me look at it," His voice was quiet.

Jacob snarled and stood up, his face going ashen from the effort. 'Stupid leech.' He clutched at his arm.

Edward could almost hear the sound of the bones trying to mend, like a scraping sandpaper. "I can set it better than you can."

He reached out and Jacob flinched away, crying out at the same time from the movement. Edward managed to get a hand on Jacob's injured arm and the shifter went very still. The vampire watched the wolf closely as he gently moved his hands up to feel the bones. It was the scapula, at the smallest point, a clean break. At least he hadn't crush it. "I will need to press harder in order to make it set correctly," He warned, hoping it hadn't already begun to heal incorrectly. Quickly thinking, he took off his shirt and wrapped it around Jacob's arm.

The werewolf grunted from the effort, his eyes going a bit unfocused. His good arm clutched at Edward's elbow. "What are you doing?" His voice was breathy and in pain.

The vampire tied the ends of the shirt around Jacob's neck. "It's a sling. Your advanced healing should keep the bones together, you just need your arm to be immobile."

The shifter nodded, but Edward wondered if he was really listening. Jacob's mind was buzzing, no coherent thoughts. Edward put both hands on the shoulder, closing his eyes to envision the bones. He had tried medical school before, though he always dropped out early, not having the control of Carlisle. It was enough that he knew how everything should fit.

The advanced healing had already worked against him and he jabbed his fingers in to re-break the bone. Jacob's grip on his elbow flexed and Edward's skin cracked from the pressure. The vampire ignored it and carefully held the wolf's shoulder, listening to the sandpaper sound until he was convinced it would hold itself.

When he let go, Jacob gave a shuddering sigh, his eyes slowly gaining back focus. 'I can't believe I freak out over one broken bone. I've had much worse.'

Edward checked his knot to make sure the sling was secured. "I've heard that shoulder injuries are particularly painful," He stepped back and Jacob nearly fell forward, he was still holding on to Edward's elbow. He quickly let go and tried to stand up straight, he swayed until his hand found a nearby tree to lean against. "But you say you've had worse, don't tell me this has to do with the vampire army."

'So you haven't forgotten your anger.' Jacob slowly lowered himself to the ground to sit. "I've had basically all my ribs shatter. Now that really hurt," His mind flashed images of a group of vampires, obviously inexperienced, fighting the wolves in a field.

"What happened? Why did they come?"

'Bella'

Edward felt himself growl, ready to rip out another tree, "What!"

Jacob ran a hand through his hair. 'I don't know how anyone stands to be around you with the annoying mind-reading.'

Edward stepped forward, feeling his eyes blaze is fury. The shifter didn't seem to have the strength to even flinch. "Tell me exactly what happened," His voice was low, dangerous.

'I will, I will. I don't know how Bella kept it from you this long. I guess it was many years ago.' He sighed. "Several months since you left town, our pack killed a vampire in the area. He was dangerously close to attacking Bella, but we got him in time."

"Laurent," Edward responded immediately to the image.

'Yeah, whatever.' "Anyway, then we started getting this red-headed vampire coming in our boundaries."

"Victoria," Edward growled the name.

Jacob scoffed, "Stop that and let me talk, it's driving me crazy. Anyway, so this Victoria kept coming around, but she was annoyingly fast. We thought she was the mate of the other leech, but Bella told me that you killed Victoria's mate and that the bloodsucker was specifically out for Bella."

Edward twitched, but managed to gain his control. "When did Alice come?" He ground out.

"The pre-cog girl? Not long after we permanently moved Bella to La Push. For protection," He added to Edward's glare. "Apparently she can't see werewolves too well, so she came to check out if Bella died or something. It was really awkward to meet her, we followed Bella everywhere. She also tried to capture Victoria, but the leech managed to escape in the ocean. We didn't see or smell her for nearly five months. Alice left after three."

Edward felt the weight of his cell phone in his pocket. "She never mentioned this to me," He muttered.

"Probably didn't see the need. We were a strong pack of ten by that point."

Edward grimaced, the thought of ten wolves surrounding Bella wasn't comfortable. "What happened after five months?"

Jacob frowned. "Despite the two vampires leaving town, our pack continued to grow. We knew there was a greater danger coming. We suspected the rise of a mysterious serial murderer in Seattle was cause for worry. In any case, five months later we got a group of a dozen vampires on our doorstep. The initial battle was…brutal."

Edward could see it in his mind. The pack of wolves against the vampires, probably newborns. The newborns were stronger, but disorganized. The pack had a clear strategy and more members. Individuals were weak, however.

Jacob bowed his head, his eyes looking intently on the ground. "We lost our Alpha, Sam," His voice was pained. "I had to take the lead. We managed to kill most of the vampires. But there was still the red-headed bloodsucker and her leech boyfriend. They were a better team, and with more focus, they took us on again a few days later. We…won, I guess."

Edward watched as the wolf closed his eyes. Obviously the memories were ones he didn't want to remember. It was more than the Alpha's death, it was five in total. Jacob couldn't speak to say their names, but Edward could see their faces, both wolf and human. They were all young, under the age of fourteen. They weren't as large as the rest of the pack and inexperienced. Jacob remembered their large eyes vividly, looking to him or Sam for guidance. He remembered the sounds of their howling and whimpering as their bones were crushed and fur ripped. The vampires had no interest in their blood, but they took great pleasure in tearing them to pieces.

It was very quiet in the forest. Edward did not wish to speak and Jacob had no will to. The memories were overwhelming him, but Edward just sat across from him and tried to absorb it all.

The deepest part of night came and went as Jacob forced himself to remember the boys who had fallen over a decade ago. Edward wanted to tell him to stop, that he didn't need to. But he knew why the shifter was doing this. He wanted Edward to respect what the pack had done for Bella, for their tribe, for the entire city of Forks. Edward may be furious now for not being informed of the danger, but the past was long dead and buried deep in the forest.

By the time Edward came back to himself, he was sitting on the forest floor. Across from him, Jacob was sleeping against the tree. His thoughts had become memories and his memories had become dreams. Now his dreams were lost in the darkness of sleep.

Edward looked around them, the carnage of the night made clear in the early morning sun. It was as if the battle took place here, not so long ago. The trees were smashed, or bent out of shape. Any shrubs or bushes were torn or flattened, lost in Edward's rage. He was ashamed, he quickly came to realize. And Jacob was right, he had thrown a tantrum like an unruly child.

The forest was waking with the dawn and Edward stood up to rouse Jacob. "It's morning, you should…go home, I suppose."

'Dun have home…stupid leech,' He wasn't even half-awake.

Edward paused and shook his good shoulder again. "Then you should get up and accompany me to Bella's house."

Jacob feebly batted his hand away. 'Jus wanna sleep.'

Edward sighed, closing his eyes. A couple days ago he would have let the shifter sleep in the middle of the woods. But after this night… "You asked for it," He muttered and bent down to pick up Jacob.

At any other time, Jacob probably would have woken up immediately and fought to stand on his own. But Edward could sense that the wolf was much more exhausted than he should have been. He was heavy, but not too much to bear. Arranging him on his back was a bit tricky with the shifter completely unconscious. In the end, it was much like carrying around a taller Emmett. Jacob's arm was flopped around his shoulder, the injured one tucked at Edward's back. His legs were hard to keep off the ground, but the vampire was able to go at a steady pace through the trees. He wasn't able to completely dodge every branch and Jacob suffered some minor scratches. It was a testament to the shifter's deep sleep that he didn't wake. The man's breath was hot on the back of his neck, but steady.

As Edward crossed into Bella's yard, she came rushing out of the house, as if she had been waiting. "Don't tell me you didn't sleep either," He groaned.

Her eyes had deep circles. "Had a little. Couldn't mostly," She looked worriedly at Jacob. "Is he alright?"

Edward shifted so she could see his arm in a sling. "I got a bit infuriated and broke his shoulder. It's mostly healed by now, should be fine in a day or so."

She frowned at him, but didn't press it further. She put a hand on Jacob's forehead but Edward didn't think she would be able to tell if he had a fever. The shifter's temperature was so hot that Edward swore his hands and back must be near human warmth. "Why is he unconscious?"

Edward began to walk towards the front door. "Sleeping. We stayed up most of the night…talking," He frowned as Bella opened the door for him. "Can a werewolf become ill?"

Bella watched him carefully navigate the massive body down the hallway. "No, but they can get depressed," She moved aside the pillows on the couch so Edward could lay the shifter down. She made sure Jacob's arm was steady.

The wolf's mind had been echoing their conversation, half-dreaming, half-waking. Now that he was settled, their words drifted into gibberish until the deep sleep was back. Edward looked at Bella, who was worriedly stroking Jacob's head. "Do you mean their battles against the newborn vampires?"

She flinched, looking up at him with pained eyes. "Yes, I'm sure that's still affecting him," Edward was also sure it was still affecting her. Automatically he reached out and drew her into his arms. She sighed into his shoulder, but kept her arms at her sides.

"I'm sorry…for so many things. You've suffered greatly and I should have been there to comfort you."

She gently pushed him away, looking up into his eyes. "But you weren't and time has passed," It wasn't a rebuke, but a statement of fact.

He closed his eyes. "I understand."

Her palm cupped his cheek and he leaned into her warmth, though not nearly as hot as Jacob had been. "There's more too, you know. Jacob may sleep with ghosts. But there's more that haunts him in the night."

He opened his eyes to her. "What do you mean?"

She frowned. "I can guess, but there is so much I don't know," She moved into the kitchen and Edward followed as she began to make breakfast. "Jacob is my best friend, but he has been so elusive for so many years. He comes over often, yes, but he only plays with Alice. We don't talk like we used to. He doesn't talk like he used to."

Edward watched her make pancakes, feeling useless. "Do you want my help?"

"I could use a cup of tea," She grimaced.

He found the kettle and filled it with water. "Your headache?"

She nodded. "It's unusually persistent. I've taken painkillers, but sometimes they don't seem to work."

Edward put a cool hand on her forehead, feeling for a fever. She actually felt a little chilled. "You should see a doctor."

She sighed. "Maybe…"

He frowned. "Do you not want to?"

She dug around in the fridge for bacon. "There's no reason really. I just have a bad feeling."

He pulled the package out as her hands kept sliding over it. He handed her a mug. "I'll take care of it. Now, explain what you mean."

She ran her finger around the rim of the cup. "It's nothing, just being silly," She grabbed a teabag as Edward's eyes followed her. "Look, I'll go to the doctor today, okay? Now don't let the pancakes burn, some of us will be eating them."

Edward sighed and let it drop. Sometimes it felt like Bella would keep secrets from him just because she knew she could. Edward heard movement form upstairs and stiffened. Bella put a hand on his shoulder. "It's Charlie," He muttered.

"Stay here, I'll go talk to him," She trotted upstairs and Edward tried to concentrate on making breakfast. He held his breath as he put the bacon down, not really wanting to smell cooking meat.

Charlie and Bella came down a moment later. Bella smiled at Edward, but his gaze was directed mostly towards her father. "Good morning," He greeted.

Chief Swan only grunted and sat down at the table. His thoughts weren't exactly friendly, but he was keeping himself reserved. Apparently Bella had threatened him if he made a scene. Bella picked up a couple of pancakes that were done and set them down in front of her father, he eyed them like they might be poisonous.

'Where am I? Bella's house…?'

Edward looked towards the living room. "Your dog is awake."

'Shut it, leech.'

Jacob walked into the kitchen, running a hand through his hair and looking more than a little bewildered. "Hey, Charlie."

"Morning Jacob," He still hadn't touched his food.

Bella smiled, pouring her water in the mug. "Glad to see you're alive, Jake."

He shrugged. "Mostly, anyway," He looked at Edward. "Some of that for me?"

"Of course, help yourself," Bella answered.

Jacob pretended to look carefully at the cooking bacon. 'You didn't carry me here like a girl, did you?' His tone was only slightly joking.

Edward loaded a plate for him. "I assure you it was as manly as possible."

Jacob took the plate, grinning. 'Better have been, leech."

"Eat your food, dog," Edward retorted.

"You know, mind-reading flirting is just as awkward as normal flirting," Bella chimed in from behind them.

Jacob flushed and nearly dropped his food. Edward gave her a withering look. Charlie was confused by the interaction. He was apparently under the idea that Jacob would be treating Edward just as coldly. He relaxed a little, but he didn't start eating his food until Jacob began to gorge on his.

More movement upstairs. "Oh, Mike's going to be late," Bella quickly put her mug down and ran up the stairs. The sound of her sliding off the first step in her clumsiness made Edward smile to himself. He finished up the bacon and walked into the living room just as Mike entered.

Settling down on the couch, he heard Bella fawn over her husband. Mike's voice was deeper than he remembered. He didn't stay long, but was running out the door. Jacob had followed Edward into the living room with his second plate of food.

"How's your arm feeling?" He noticed that the shifter was holding the plate with his bad arm and eating with the other.

"Fine, bit sore, I guess."

Bella was murmuring to her father and if Edward paid attention, he would be able to hear their hushed conversation. But he had enough eavesdropping last night. Instead he turned to Jacob. "Where do you live?"

He choked on his food. "Where did that come from?"

"You do have a home, don't you?" He persisted.

"Of course I do!"

"You know it's useless to lie to a mind-reader," Edward intoned.

Jacob glared at him, his food forgotten on his plate. 'You can't tell Bella.'

"I think she already knows."

'Not completely. She thinks I live somewhere in the woods in some beat up cabin. That's why she can't visit.'

Edward narrowed his eyes. "You just as bad of a liar as she is."

Jacob sighed, putting his food down. "Maybe, but it's a nice lie to believe in. She could never convince me otherwise."

"Convince you to do what? Find a place to live?" Edward tried to keep himself from getting snippy, but Jacob didn't say anything about his tone.

'Look, its complicated, okay?' "I'd really appreciate if you would drop it."

Jacob was trying his best to hide his thoughts. They flickered by so fast, Edward could hardly keep up. "You're father? Why can't you live with him?"

'Keep it down, okay?' He looked to the kitchen. "Can we just…not talk about this?" 'Please?'

Edward leaned forward. "Show me, then."

Jacob's thoughts were still flickering and the vampire wondered if the wolf really couldn't control them. Granted a normal person would not have the mental control that Edward had witnessed in Jacob. One day he would have to get around to figuring out why.

Jacob inhaled slowly. "I don't know why you are so persistent."

He raised an eyebrow. "Because I would like to know why at night I am sharing the woods with a horse-sized wolf."

'Don't you have a massive house somewhere?'

"I'll explain if you do."

Jacob leaned towards Edward then as well. 'I'll try to start from the beginning.'

It was like a dream, or maybe a nightmare. But not reality, anything but real.

If they died in wolf form, they could not transform back. Those who were not torn to pieces by the vampires had to be ripped dragged back by the other wolves to the tribe to be buried. All their fur was soaked in blood and the smell wouldn't wash away.

There was Sam, who had been their anchor for so long. A strong leader. Jacob wasn't him, he didn't want to be. They couldn't find all the parts of his body among the carnage. they burned him with the destroyed vampires. The smoke was like acid and Jacob coughed up blood for months afterwards.

Most of the tribe knew of the existence of wolves, but chose to forget. The wolves chose to forget. Forget what running on four legs was like. Breathing in morning dew after a night patrol. Feeling each member of the pack, not only in thought, but in emotion. They drifted, seeds scattered in the wind, to plant themselves elsewhere.

Even after healing from the damage of battle, Jacob couldn't sleep at night. He would close his eyes and taste the bitter cold of vampire between his teeth. He would open his eyes to a father who could never comfort him. And Bella, who he had tried to love so much, who could never love him in return. In the end two broken hearts don't make a whole. They made pieces.

The escape was outside his skin. It was wrapping himself in fur and teeth and muscle. The wolf spirit had a mind of its own, a pure animalistic instinct. The human mind was so strong, it was near impossible to let go. But Jacob's conscious had already been drifting. Lost to the darkness of black smoke and blood on rough bark. The wolf coiled around his feeble soul and held it tenderly.

So many days. So many nights. And two years.

Bella found him and it had been so long since he heard a voice between the moss covered trees. It reminded him of the connection with the pack, hearing everyone's voice, even miles away. But when he phased back, he wasn't the same. His body felt different, tense and stretched out over too many years. He could visit Bella, but he could never be with her. He could never be with his father or even the rest of the tribe. He was no longer human, but he could never be a wolf.

He was lost in the woods and didn't know if he wanted to find himself again.