Synchronous Rotation: Always Facing

Chapter 5

The Way I Loved You, Taylor Swift, Jacob/Bella

Breaking down and coming undone.

Edward watched as Jacob curled up into himself. Bringing his legs up on the chair, he hid his face in his knees. His shoulders were shaking, but he was completely silent. He was still projecting his thoughts, but they were repeating uncontrollably. His body was tense, trying to control his own mind. But he couldn't and Edward could only sit and listen.

Bella walked into the room, but seemed to lose her voice at the sight. She reached out to comfort Jacob, but instinct held her hands away. Edward wondered if she could hear the overwhelming thoughts as he could, or maybe she could sense their presence.

"I will take care of him," He whispered, hardly hearing them outside of the thoughts in his head.

"Will you?"

He looked at her. Her eyes were red and wet with unshed tears and she was clutching the hemline of her shirt with white knuckles. She was staring at Jacob's quivering form, unblinking. Edward stood up and embraced her, she never turned her head away. He knew that Jacob's memories weren't all the correct interpretation. Bella loved him, she truly did. But perhaps in a way he couldn't understand yet.

"What happened?" She whispered.

Edward let his gaze slide from her to the shifter. "I'll explain it as best as I can later. For now, just know that it's my fault."

She frowned, ready to question further but Charlie called for her from the kitchen. She sighed and slowly stepped away from Edward. "Charlie is going to come with me to see the doctor and he will come back later to pick up Alice for her ballet lesson. Can you watch her while I'm gone?"

He nodded, brushing aside her wayward hair. He wondered if she had brushed it that morning or if she had only run her hands through it so many times from worry. "I'll be here."

She sighed deeply and turned to go back to Charlie. Edward watched as they gathered their things and headed out the door. He didn't, couldn't, read Charlie's thoughts. Jacob's were still too loud.

Once they were gone, Edward listened upstairs and could here Alice's heartbeat slow and steady. She was still sleeping. He knew he should deal with Jacob before she woke, but he was unsure what to do.

He stood in front of his body, but was unable, just as Bella, to reach out and touch him. It was like his memories. His body was breakable, it might shatter if Edward were to even get too close.

"Jacob," He whispered, leaning down. "Jacob, you've got to stop."

The shifter couldn't hear him, his thoughts still cycling over and over.

"Jacob, look at me. See where we are. We are at Bella's house. It's over now, come back here."

But it wasn't over, every event from the last thirteen years would never be over for Jacob. He tried to hide from memory in the woods, but he didn't realize that the trees kept secrets.

Edward held his breath and slowly placed a hand on Jacob's warm head. His hair was long and stringy, uncared for. It was so black that Edward's hand seemed to shine in comparison, like paper drowning in a pool of ink.

There was no change from Jacob and Edward let go of the breath he was holding. Another idea sprang to mind, remembering how he would always comfort Bella. Despite the gravity of the situation, he wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet. But there was no harm in trying and at least no one was around to see.

Slowly, carefully, Edward slide his hand down Jacob's neck and hooked the other around his shoulder. It was an awkward hug, as Jacob's knees were between them, but it wasn't at the same time. Edward suddenly found a great sense of relief, holding the entire wolf in his arms. Jacob stopped shaking and it was like holding together a crumbling building. Edward could save him, as long as he held on.

This close, he could smell the saltiness of tears. Jacob's heartbeat was fluttering, like a bird, though slowly gaining back its usually rhythm. "Why is it so hard?" His voice was hoarse. Only Edward's superior hearing could pick it up. "After so many years…why can't I forget?"

"It is not something that can be forgotten," Edward murmured, threading his fingers through Jacob's hair. "And if you try, when you close your eyes, ten years will disappear and you come home, only to try to pick up the pieces."

The wolf shuddered and lifted his head. "That's what you were doing in South America, wasn't it? You weren't sightseeing or exploring, you were dreaming."

Edward pushed back Jacob's hair, much the same way he did Bella's, though Jacob's hair was now longer. "Vampires don't dream."

"Then how did you come back?"

His brown eyes were swirling and Edward could see the memories there, still stuck on repeat. How he was able to hold a conversation while so distracted was beyond him. "I remembered…Alice, my sister, and how she can love a person before she has met them. I remembered Carlisle and how he has stood with me through my darkest hours. And I remembered Bella and how loving her made me cherish…" He frowned, not being able to think of the right word.

"Time, right?" Jacob's eyes were clearer now.

"What?"

The shifter let his legs fall, though the space was still between them. "I haven't been immortal for very long, but I understand what time means. Or doesn't mean," He exhaled heavily, leaning forward slightly, as if he would rest his head on Edward's shoulder. "I'm so tired. It's like whenever I see you, I pass out."

Edward gently retracted his arms and Jacob slouched against the chair. "I've been told it's because I dazzle those around me."

Jacob gave a half-grin, his eyes already shutting and Edward let himself smile a little. 'I think it's because I feel relaxed around you.'

Edward stood up, watching the wolf slowly fade into sleep. "A werewolf relaxing around a vampire? Impossible."

'You could say the same about a werewolf imprinting on a vampire. Impossible.'

"Yet here we are."

'But where is 'here'?"

Edward didn't answer, Jacob was already snoring softly.

Edward decided that there was no way for him to retain dignity after being thoroughly bested in seven games of Candy Land against a six year old. Alice was making her seventh victory lap around her bedroom when Edward heard Charlie's car drive up. He had never been more grateful for an interruption by Bella's father.

Alice bounded down the stairs before him into Charlie's waiting arms. "Grandpa! Grandpa! Edward is not a Candy Land princess!"

Edward closed his eyes to the burst of laughter from the man. "Your grand-daughter holds nothing sacred," He muttered.

Charlie, pretending to ignore him, turned his attention to the girl. "Alice, why aren't you dressed? I have to drive you to your ballet lesson."

"Oh! Sorry, be right back," She whirled around and bounded back up the stairs.

Edward found himself alone with a man who was steadfastly trying to ignore him. Edward let silence pass between them, only interrupted by loud snoring coming from the living room. "May I ask how the doctor's visit went?" He eventually ventured.

Charlie frowned, standing by the doorway like he was guarding it. "Bella is still talking with the doctor." 'I don't like it.'

"Any diagnosis?"

"Just questions." 'And never the right answers.'

Edward sighed, but only for the purpose of putting Charlie more at ease. He would never need to sigh in front of his family. But there was no harm in acting more human, after all the last vampire the man had encountered was trying to kill his daughter. "Do I have anyway of making you feel less ill will towards me?"

'Not likely.' Charlie suddenly looked like he swallowed a lemon. "I forgot about the mind-reading."

Edward shrugged, like it was a harmless detail. "I'm not here to pick fights. Or to hurt Bella," He hastily added to Charlie's thoughts.

"Then why are you here?" 'Just leave before you do any damage.'

"Closure."

'What does that mean?'

Running a hand through his hair, Edward turned towards the living room. This conversation was a lost cause. "It means that once I leave here, I probably won't come back. If that gives you comfort."

Alice was bounding down the stairs in her leotard, ballet slippers in hand. "Ready!" Charlie didn't have to respond. Not that he wanted to. He just quickly took his grand-daughter away, wondering if there were more motives to Edward than what was said.

'Did you mean that?'

Edward looked towards the living room. Jacob must be awake. "I'm surprised that you could hear all the way out here. We had to shout upstairs just to hear ourselves above your snores."

"Very funny," 'You're avoiding the question.' Jacob walked into the living room, running his good hand through his messy hair.

Edward backtracked a little. "What do you mean by the question?"

The werewolf frowned. "Are you really going to never come back?"

"Well, yes. Once I'm done here, I'll have no reason to come back," Edward watched as Jacob winced. "Granted in the next fifty to seventy years I may return with my family, we do have a home here."

'Fifty to seventy years? Oh, God…' Jacob was leaning against the wall and turning rapidly pale.

"Why are you panicking?" Edward was confused and stepped forward to prop the shifter up. Jacob flinched away from him, glaring.

"Are you really that dumb?"

Edward blinked. "Oh, it's an imprint thing, then?"

'Stupid leech,' "Of course it's an imprint thing!" He ran his hand through his hair again, grabbing fistfuls of it. "How can you mention is one minute and forget about it the next?"

Because it doesn't effect me. Edward swallowed that answer, knowing it would only enrage the wolf. He tugged Jacob's hand from his hair. "Look, you're…immortal. Or at least can chose to be. You'll find out that fifty years is nothing," He wasn't going to bring up that he could invite Jacob to live with him and his family. Not that his family would ever agree to inhale the scent of dog constantly, but Edward personally really didn't want to have the shifter following him around. It would give the wrong impression.

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" He tried to yank his arms back, but Edward held on.

"I've been living for over a hundred years, I think I know what immortality is."

'But you have no idea what an imprint is!' Jacob didn't say the words aloud, only because he was growling and wrenching his arms free. There were bruises on his dark skin, but they lightened almost immediately. He rubbed his broken shoulder as if the strain had hurt it He was glaring. "Well, how long?"

Edward frowned. "What?"

Jacob gritted his teeth. "How long until you're finished here?"

Edward opened his mouth, ready with his usual answer; closure. But he knew that wouldn't cut it for the wolf. Jacob wanted to know specifics. Was it when Edward had divulged every moment of Bella's life that he missed? Was it when Charlie got too fed up with his presence and demanded him to leave? Was it more abstract? Was it when Edward could finally see Bella as a grown woman, a wife and mother? Was it when Edward had gotten his fill of his favorite home and forgotten every bad memory?

There were so many questions floating around the vampire's mind, he didn't notice Jacob's anger leaving with confusing replacing it. He didn't read the mind that was shocked that Edward couldn't formulate an answer to such a simple question. But was it a simple question?

"Alice," He suddenly stated and Jacob was even more confused. His mind automatically brought up Bella's daughter and Edward shook his head. "No, my sister. She'll tell me when I come home."

The wolf slowly dredged up the memory of Edward's vampire sister. "The pre-cog?"

"Yes," Edward wasn't paying too much attention, taking out his cell-phone and walking out of the house. It was somewhat annoyed him that Jacob followed. He was genuinely curious to what Alice would say. It would make everything so much easier if she could tell him what would be enough for him to return to the family. Strolling through the trees and ignoring the wolf trailing behind him, he heard Alice's light voice answer.

"Edward! I wasn't expecting…" She sounded a bit worried.

The vampire looked over his shoulder to the shifter that was obviously trying to listen in. Edward wondered briefly how good Jacob's hearing was. Could he hear Alice? It seemed not, perhaps his hearing improved when he was a wolf. "There's a werewolf trailing me."

He could almost see her wrinkle her small nose. "Ugh, I understand."

"I just want you to see something for me-"

He barely got the words out before she groaned. "Edward," She moaned, like she was suddenly a five year old, dragging out the sound of his name. "You are such a blank to me right now. It is incredibly annoying."

He grinned. "I'm not asking you to look at me right now. I know where I am."

"Yeah, sure. But do you know where you're going?"

He frowned, trying to comprehend her meaning when he looked up and found himself in front of his house. It seemed like no time he got there, he must have been walking fast. He didn't even notice Jacob panting behind him.

"Ah, you've arrived. And you thought that you would never go back," She was mocking him, but Edward was still confused.

"How did you know? Aren't I blank right now?" He frowned. "And how did you know that I decided not to return here. I didn't say it aloud."

She was laughing. "Oh, Edward, with all your mind-reading, you forget the rest of us have to adapt somehow. Let's just say that since you see people as such open books, you tend to be one yourself," She paused, stifling her laughter a bit. "And for the other question. Once I knew the werewolf would be a near constant presence, I began to look for the blanks."

Edward was massaging a non-existence headache in his forehead. "Meaning?"

"It's like looking at a map of Forks and seeing this shadow move around it. Of course, you are not always in the shadow, but when you are no where else. Well, it doesn't take brain surgery," She coughed awkwardly. "I-I mean…it's a bit more complicated than that. Since my powers aren't conducive to werewolves, I can never look for them, but I can certainly look around them. Mostly it's guesswork, because I have to stare at places and see if they disappear. Then I have to cross-reference you for that exact time and-"

"You really don't have to explain more," Edward cut in. Compared to the rest of his family, Edward had the best grasp on Alice's power, beside for herself. It wasn't that much of an advantage, on the other hand, since Alice's precognition was based less on technicalities and more on feelings. Without a empathetic power, Edward could only guess at her technique. "I have a better question for you."

"Just because this is one of the few times I don't know what you are asking before you ask it, doesn't mean you have to ask," She snorted. "Blah, that was a garble of a sentence."

He ignored her commentary. "When am I coming home?"

"Fifteen days."

He tightened his lips, pretending not to notice Jacob out of his peripheral vision. Obviously the werewolf would be very interested in the answer. Edward was hesitant to repeat it aloud. He wasn't sure if Jacob would like the answer. Certainly Edward never planned to stay years in Forks, but fifteen days suddenly seemed very short. He felt like he had only got gotten there after one week. Fifteen days felt more than brief, it felt cut off.

He wasn't about to tell it to Jacob yet. "Are you sure?"

She sighed. "It's just about the only thing I'm sure about with your future, Edward. In fact, it is almost…alarming how sure it is."

"You know something."

"I know a lot of things."

"Then tell me," He forced himself to relax his grip on the phone, the plastic was protesting.

There is silence on the other end and he could almost hear whispers. Alice was talking to someone. Was it a coincidence? Or was she conferencing? Edward gritted his teeth, nothing was a coincidence with Alice. "Edward?"

It wasn't Alice, it was Carlisle. Edward felt himself slowly grow numb, even as his chest warmed. It had been so long since he talked to his father. Carlisle's voice was soft, soothing. "I'm still here," He whispered, aching to hear the older vampire's thoughts. Not because he wanted to read his secrets, but just to feel that closeness again. That intimacy he felt for so many years when there was only the two of them.

"Alice is worried about telling you anything," A door closed. Was he in his office? Edward had never seen their house in North Dakota, but Carlisle always had an office with the same decoration. Edward could see him leaning back in his chair, staring at the painting of the Volturi, never really seeing it.

"It's bad then?"

"It is…complicated."

"So it's bad," Edward realized that he had begun walking towards the house, through the living room, and into Carlisle's study. Just to feel it.

"You will find out tomorrow morning, according to Alice. And don't try to rush it."

Edward was already connecting the points in his head. Almost forcefully, he shoved it aside. It would do no good to stew on half-facts. "Will it come out alright? Could I come home in fifteen days because they would be the most fulfilling two weeks I've ever experienced?" He was begging, but he didn't mind Carlisle hearing it.

"It will be fulfilling, I promise you, Edward. More fulfilling than you can imagine, or possibly appreciate in the years to come," His voice was still soft, but emphatic. Edward wondered if Carlisle was trying to convince himself.

"It does sound complicated."

He chuckled, a warm sound from deep in his chest. "The best things in life are…and the worst."

"Are you trying to warn me or make me worried?" He tried, half-joking.

"Just promise me something, Edward," Carlisle's voice was anything but joking, "When you get back, come to me and tell me everything. Everything that has happened since I last saw you in Forks, thirteen years ago."

Edward pursed his lips. "Dare I ask why?"

"Because you'll need to talk to someone."

"But why wouldn't I talk to you? I've missed you so much."

"I have missed you too. Will you promise me?"

Edward looked around the office. There was white sheets over all the furniture, the walls stripped bare. He remembered why he hated to look at the place when he first returned. "I promise, Carlisle."

He clicked off the phone with no goodbye. After all, he had felt like the entire conversation was a farewell of sorts. He sat down on the floor, unwilling to move the cover from the chair. He just wanted to sit and think.

Or not think, as he really just stared at the wall and tried to not comprehend an impending disaster. Nearly two hours later, he remembered there was a werewolf outside.

Edward knew it was too much to hope that Jacob would leave by the time he came back. Unfortunately, the shifter was still lounging amongst the trees surrounding the Cullen back yard. Edward stood on the back porch. "Glad to see you still have manners. I half expected you just to break in and make yourself at home."

Jacob moved from the trees. "Don't you know that werewolves can't enter a residence without permission? Burns us up otherwise."

Edward blinked very slowly. "Really?"

Jacob snorted. 'Stupid, leech' "If you're buying that then I seriously doubt your abilities as a mind-reader."

Edward closed his eyes and put a hand on his forehead. He couldn't defend himself from such a lapse in attention and logic. "Look, why don't you go-" home. He stopped himself, remembering that Jacob didn't have a home. Or at least a house. The wolf by now probably got used to roughing it out in the woods and considered the whole forest a home. "Just…come inside. If you find something to eat, help yourself."

He turned and walked through the door, removing the large white sheets as he went. If he was going to spend anymore time in the house, he couldn't stand to see the cloth. Jacob sneezed at the dust. "Why would you have food?"

Edward shrugged, calmly folding the material and setting it aside. "Appearances. Unless Bella came over for a meal, we only stocked dried or canned food. Some might be still good, even after thirteen years."

The shifter was already moving into the pantry, his thoughts impressed by the size of the house. He rummaged around and Edward saw him looking at cans of food, weighing the possibility that pork and beans could go bad ten years after the expiration date. He immediately began to take out as many cans as he could get a hold of. "Didn't you just eat…a few hours ago?" He suddenly remarked.

"I'm always hungry. Used to practically eat my father out of house and…" He trailed off, the old man's face suddenly coming to mind.

Edward stepped into the kitchen where Jacob stood frozen, still holding the can. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"It doesn't matter." 'I can't remember.'

The vampire decided not to comment and put the sheets into the closet. "You can stay here, if you want."

Jacob looked up, "What?"

"If the smell doesn't bother you too much, you can sleep here. I don't think my family would appreciate you using their beds, but the couch is fair game."

'The smell doesn't bother me. It only smells like you anyway.' Jacob slowly put the beans down on the counter. "Why?"

Edward smirked. "Well, since we vampires don't sleep, beds are only used for one activity and-"

Jacob quickly waved his hands. "No, no! I definitely didn't mean that. I just…" He ran a hand through his hair, looking up around the large kitchen. Edward could see in his mind that his father's kitchen could fit ten times in here. Edward could also see many other thoughts.

"Look, to be truthful, I am really just not comfortable with you lurking around the woods. I'd rather have you where I can see you. Also, Bella would appreciate you not sleeping on the ground."

He quickly looked at Edward. "You'll tell her?"

The vampire shrugged. "Unless she asks where you are staying? No."

"I still don't understand."

"But you have an idea?" Edward could see it flashing across his mind.

Jacob looked away, his hand holding the can without really seeing it. "Imprint."

"I'm not doing this for the imprint," The shifter flinched and Edward sighed. "Really, you cannot expect me too. Unless you want me to feel pity for your uncontrollable infatuation with me."

He glared. "I am not infatuated."

Edward waved his hand. "Whatever you like. But I am doing this because this is an empty house and though your wolf might like being exposed to the elements, you're still human," For some reason, Jacob flushed slightly at that statement. "Besides, I won't be here for much longer."

The shifter froze and Edward could hear his heart rate increase. Jacob wouldn't meet his eyes. "How long?"

Edward wasn't sure if he wanted to really tell Jacob everything Alice and Carlisle had revealed to him. He hardly wanted to think about it himself. He considered also withholding his leaving date. But it would be all for the sake of keeping secrets and despite being a werewolf, Jacob had been oddly friendly and forthcoming in the past week. "Fifteen days."

The shifter's mind was trying to figure out the same scenario that Edward had just a few hours earlier. "Do you know the circumstances?"

Edward leaned against the counter, for no other reason than because the wolf was filling with tension and he was about to disappoint him. Acting human was always his habit when he needed to calm someone. "No. Alice has an idea, but she won't tell me."

Jacob stepped forward. "But you have an idea?"

"Certainly, but what does it matter?" Jacob was close enough that Edward could feel his unnatural heat radiating on him. "The future isn't certain and there are many unknown factors."

"So you could not leave in two weeks?" Jacob was irrationally latching onto his words.

Edward stepped back. "Alice was certain I would be back then. And since I don't know the circumstances of my departure, it is unlikely that I could change it," He knew the werewolf would argue more, so he continued. "Look, I've accepted your imprint. You won't die if you don't see me every day."

Jacob flinched again, this time a bit more violent. It seemed if Edward even said the word, it had a deep affect on the werewolf. "But fifty years?"

"We've already talked about this."

"And you still don't understand!" Jacob growled and turned around to pace a few steps before coming back, glaring. "Look, an imprint isn't that simple. You can't just say you accept it then only refer to it as 'my' imprint. It affects us both. It also isn't something that can be filled up like a tank of gas! It's more than just seeing you or even talking to you! It's about…!"

He bit his lip, but the thought still escaped.

'It's about a deeper connection.'

Edward watched as Jacob growled, obviously knowing that the vampire could just read his thoughts. The shifter abruptly stormed into the living room and began to fiercely rip the white sheet off the piano and fold it up, trying to distract himself.

Edward stood by the doorway, watching Jacob awkwardly fold up the cloth with one hand. "Tell me about the other imprinted werewolves. You've mentioned them before."

Jacob ripped the cloth, but didn't seem to notice. It was painful for him to think about the pack he used to have. "There is S-Sam," He stuttered, then braced himself accordingly. "He imprinted on Emily. It was like instant love for them. Almost immediately they got engaged."

"See, I told you that you have an infatuation with me," Edward commented lightly, trying to keep the wolf from remembering too much about the deceased pack leader.

Jacob took it. "That was one example. There is also Paul. He imprinted on my sister. They started dating, but it never went anywhere near an engagement. I-I haven't talked to them in a long time, but I could see them just being good friends. There just wasn't that spark between them," He swallowed thickly, moving to take the sheet off the couch next. "Then there's Quil, he imprinted on Clare when she was a baby. We all thought it was freaky, but he just became the best babysitter in the world. Nothing creepy about it. After…after everyone began to put their wolf aside and stop changing, he held on the longest," Jacob folded this cloth carefully and Edward could see the young man staying with Jacob in a two member wolf pack. Quil was obviously a very good friend. "I thought he would continue to change until Clare became an adult. But it soon became obvious that he really didn't want to marry the girl he raised. He decided to stop and age, so he could continue to be in that caretaker roll. I expect no girl has ever had a better uncle than him."

He was quiet for a moment, hardly moving his hands around the sheet, his mind lost to the memories of friends and family. Edward wondered if Jacob even remembered that he hadn't seen them in a decade. Edward wondered if they even remembered Jacob.

"So…a deeper connection," Edward brought up to bring Jacob out of his own head.

The werewolf looked up, his eyes only slightly distant. "You know, I used to think that if I ever imprinted, I would understand it better. After all, I've been inside all their minds and felt a lot of their emotions. But it is still different, somehow, than I ever imagined."

"How is it different?"

Jacob could seem to formulate the words. But his mind gave enough of the message. 'I don't know what I am to you.'

"An acquaintance," Edward answered immediately.

Jacob's short laugh was a mixture of humor and breaking. "An imprinted acquaintance, I don't think it works like that."

"A friend then."

"Yes, a friend that you admitted, just five minutes, to not trusting enough to have him out of your sight."

Edward sighed. "What do you want?"

"For you to consider me," The vampire was confused, but Jacob looked pleased with his words. "Yes, consider me."

"How do you mean?"

Jacob folded the blanket into a square, laying it on the couch like a pillow. "What do you think of me? And I mean really. Because as much as we've talked these past few days, you're frame of mind is always shadowed by Bella. By what she thinks of me or what she wants for me or what she thinks is best. I know how Bella considers me, now I want you to. And don't tell me you've already figured me out, because I seriously doubt you give much thought about me at all. Unless, I'm standing in front of you, that is."

Edward grabbed the sheet from the couch and fetched him a proper pillow. He wasn't going to argue with the werewolf. He couldn't even be certain whether his words were true or not. "What if you don't like how I see you. What if I realize that I can't stand being in your presence?"

Jacob gratefully took the pillow and lay on his side, no longer looking at the vampire. "Then I had better eat all the food in your pantry before you kick me out," He flashed a grin over his shoulder. "Now does this TV still get reception?"

A phone call from the power company ensured the television would turn on. Then, as an after thought, Edward also called for gas and water to also be turned on again. Despite Jacob's attempts at being relaxed, eating three cans of beef and potatoes at record speed while never tearing his eyes away from the flashing television, he had an air of tension.

It was probably because Edward was tense. Carlisle said he would know at dawn. He didn't know what exactly, but the worry of something terrible was killing him. He tried to calm down by scrubbing the house clean again. By the time he had moved his piano three times around the living room, Jacob growled from the couch.

"What is wrong with you? You're constant pacing is driving me crazy!"

Edward sat down heavily on the other end of the couch, for no other reason than he had exhausted every other activity. "Distract me then," He ordered.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "I'm not here for entertainment, you know. I'm the guest," Edward was surprised at his short tone, but then again, the shifter did look irritated.

"Why are you angry?"

Jacob shut off the television so he could glare at Edward without distraction. "You, stupid leech, pacing around the house like some madman! What has gotten to you?" 'Is it me?' The second question is never said aloud, but Jacob still felt its embarrassment.

"No, it has nothing to do with you," Edward counted his breathes for a minute, trying to bring his scattered mind to some normalcy. "Do you have any hobbies?"

The wolf was thrown by the sudden change in conversation. "What? Uh…what do you mean?" His mind was trying to connect Edward's sentences, it wasn't working.

The vampire prayed for patience. "What I mean, you idiot mutt, do you have any hobbies, besides for cleaning out the pantries of neighboring vampires?"

Jacob was unimpressed by his tone. "Of course I have hobbies," He sneered. Edward just glared until the shifter relented his petulant tone. He finally sat back in the cushions and pondered the answer. "Well, if I'm not at Bella's place, I'm usually by myself. I guess I like to…explore."

"Explore? Where?" Edward threw the questions out carelessly.

Jacob still seemed to take them seriously. "Here, of course. It's beautiful, you know. I used to hike a lot before I became a werewolf, but it's so much easier when I'm phased. I can go so many places and see and hear things," He smiled and Edward could see practically the entire Olympic Peninsula displayed in his mind with almost…loving care. "It started as an escape, to lose myself in the woods. I guess I did, a little. But I can't really appreciate it all without both my human and wolf side working to full capacity."

It reminded Edward of his stunt with the Amazon river; his desperate attempt to forget everything. But while Jacob began to see the forest, Edward never did. Nor did he really succeed in his attempt to forget memory. "You hunt here too?" It wasn't supposed to be a question, but Edward's voice rose in attempt to change the direction of the conversation.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Of course, you think I got a kitchen somewhere in the middle of the woods? Bella feeds me every time I come over, but she has no idea how much of a appetite a wolf has."

"She doesn't like you hunting?"

"Less of the hunting, more of the eating of raw flesh," Jacob grinned. "But I forget that you're okay with that part."

Edward felt his eyes narrow, his throat suddenly feeling dry. He hadn't fed in about a week. He usually felt it more keenly around Bella, her blood a constant reminder. But Jacob's smell made him nearly forget about his craving.

Jacob noticed the change in mood and tensed, trying to lean away from Edward. "What are you thinking about?" 'Please don't bite me'

Edward smirked. "Mutt blood is a little too…rancid for my tastes."

The werewolf bristled, his mind throwing out retorts, but his mouth was much cleaner, "Whatever you say, I'm not taking any chances. Look, just go hunt or something if you're hungry."

"A wolf asking a vampire to feed? You're great-grandfather would be ashamed."

The other man looked ready to stick out his tongue like a child. "Shut up, leech."

"Idiot dog," Edward neatly retorted, but there was no heat. There hadn't been any real threat in their conversations for some time now, Edward realized, even as Jacob continued to issue out the slurs.

"So, any more questions for this interrogation?" Jacob was grinning.

Edward thought carefully, trying to come up with more distractions. But one thing was truly on his mind and he had to voice her somehow. "You dated Bella, right?"

The shifter inhaled sharply and then held his breath, searching Edward for a sign. "Yeah," He said slowly, unwilling to give more, but his mind was buzzing.

Edward picked through the thoughts and memories, trying to figure out what he really wanted to ask. "Why?" He settled until he could think of something better.

Jacob hesitated again, memories at the forefront of his mind, but they didn't make much sense to Edward. Bella sitting in her truck, wet and cold. Bella on a motorcycle, a look of joy and desperation displayed on her face as she crashed into a tree. Bella on the beach, looking at Jacob, telling him he wasn't a monster. "She needed me," He finally answered.

Edward was having his own flashbacks to Alice's phone calls many years ago, begging him to come back. Also to Charlie's thoughts of worry, seeing the memory Bella losing the will to live. "Tell me, truthfully, did she ever blame me for leaving?"

A wave of anger rose in Jacob, but died almost immediately. "No, never. I don't think she could," He sighed, resolving his mind. He leaned forward, towards Edward. "Okay, I'll try to explain. She was in a bad state when you left, and I don't think I need to tell you how desperate it was," Edward nodded in agreement, he could see the lifeless girl in Jacob's eyes. "But one day, out of nowhere, she came to me. She asked me to help her fix up some old motorcycles," He shrugged. "I really didn't know, still don't in fact, if she really had a sudden interest of just the will to fulfill her death wish."

Edward flinched at the words, but Jacob kept talking in the same matter-of-fact tone.

"In any case, she opened up to me. Charlie couldn't tell me enough how grateful he was. And it felt good, making Bella smile or laugh or anything besides the nothingness before. I felt confident enough to fall in love with her and I guess she felt desperate enough to let me."

He pursed his lips, seeing a teenaged Bella hold his hand with loose fingers.

"It was never easy, we argued constantly. And you probably know it was all about you," He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "You have no idea how unbelievably frustrating it is to lose to someone who isn't even there. Someone who had hurt her worse than any physical pain could," He sighed. "After…after the vampire army, I lost the will to argue with her and she lost the will to care about me. Not that I could blame her, I was in a bad place."

Are you still? Edward wanted to ask, but he already knew the answer.

"When she asked to break up, I agreed," He bit his lip, looking at Edward nervously. "Not because I didn't love her anymore, but because I knew she wasn't happy with me. I couldn't make myself happy, so I figured I would do everything I could to make sure she kept smiling, still laughed. I pretended to have fallen out of love with her and she believed me," He frowned. "Though I'm sure she figured out the lie when I disappeared for two years afterwards. She never said anything though."

"Was she married by the time you returned?"

Jacob gave him a funny look. "No, of course not, though she was certainly serious about Mike."

Edward pursued his mind, trying to see the jealously that he used to have, but turning up nothing. "Weren't you angry?"

"No, not really," Jacob frowned. "I dunno, I think I wasn't capable of being really angry or anything. I was still partially wolf at the time, it was hard for me to even talk in logical sentences. I was also just…older I guess. My emotions weren't as intense as they used to be, even if my body hadn't changed," He peered at Edward, "Are you angry?"

"No, not at all," He answered instantly.

Jacob snorted. "Come on, you must be insanely jealous. You and I both know that you've spent the last thirteen years pining over her," Despite the condescending tone, Jacob's words didn't feel the sting they should have possessed. His eyes suddenly lit up and he bit back a laugh. "I know what it is! You're not jealous because you don't see Mike as competition. I bet you haven't even looked at him since coming back," He grinned impishly. "You think you can just walk in here and take Bella whenever you want. The only thing holding you back is that you know it'd be…dishonorable or something," He chuckled.

Edward frowned at the tone. "And where did you get that ridiculous theory?"

"Silly mind-reading leech, you forget what the rest of us have to do in order to read a person's mind," He leaned forward. "And you are easier than most."

Edward was having flashbacks of Alice's words said to him not a couple hours earlier. Oh, Edward, with all your mind-reading, you forget the rest of us have to adapt somehow. Let's just say that since you see people as such open books, you tend to be one yourself. He didn't feel comfortable with Jacob being on the same wavelength as Alice.

The idea itself was also uncomfortable, mostly because Edward felt it to be not completely false. He had never really considered Mike, because he didn't feel that Mike needed consideration. He had never entertained the idea of taking Bella away, but only because he knew it would be a terrible thing to rip apart her family. To be truthful, if he really wanted to win Bella's affections back, he knew he could do it and beat out any courtship that Mike Newton could dream up.

He grinned at the thought but immediately felt guilty for day-dreaming of tearing Bella's family apart. Well, not completely guilty. Edward noticed Jacob was staring at him, probably wondering about his extended silence. There was another thing he had been wondering about. "So you came back to find Bella had moved on. You went home, right?" Jacob had tried and failed to adequately explain his reasons for not returning home. As far as Edward knew from his brief flashbacks, his father was still alive but for some reason Jacob refused to live there as he used to.

The shifter frowned, his mind replaying conversations that had no context for Edward. "Yes…I did for a time. It was hard though, not only because I had disappeared for two years without warning, but because so much had changed between us. My dad was more than angry or confused, he was disappointed in me."

Edward could see the disjointed memories and emotions playing in Jacob's mind. Billy Black wasn't one for crying, but Jacob felt like he had broken his father's heart. "He wanted to forget as much as you did," He supplied as the silence drew on.

For a moment, Jacob's eyes were painfully raw, like old wounds reopening. But he quickly closed himself up again and Edward realized for the first time that the wolf was always trying to cover his emotions, even futility in the presence of a mind-reader. "Yes," He whispered, "the battle between the pack and the vampires and the resulting…deaths hurt him as much as it did me. Even without being in the battle, he felt responsible as an elder of the tribe and one of the few deeply knowledgably of the histories and myths," He sighed, closing his eyes, but still seeing his father looking smaller and smaller in his wheelchair, shrinking under some unseen weight."Yes, he wanted to forget, but our methods were different. I tried to forget by losing myself to the wolf. He tried to forget by rejecting anything to do with wolves."

It was obvious to Edward now. "He was rejecting you," He stated simply and though he did not intend to be blunt, Jacob flinched anyway.

"Y-yeah, I guess you could see it that way. Even living at home, I was frequently shifting and disappearing for hours, even days. He hated it. I always thought it was because it looked like I was abandoning him. Then I thought it was because he was afraid for my safety. We argued a lot, about the way things used to be, how they had changed. He hated me talking about the pack and he hated how I was still embracing my wolf, so long after everyone else," He ran a worried hand through his hair. "My disappearances became longer and longer until I just never came back. When Bella found me again, she told him. He called a few times, in the first weeks, to ask about me. But if he still keeps tabs, Bella hasn't told me."

He sighed deeply and Edward could see more than just the anger of his father's nagging, there was also jealously. Edward saw memories of a Billy Black sleeping through the night, uninterrupted by nightmares, while Jacob had to sleep as a wolf in order to dampen his turmoil of emotions. There was the jealously that the father could so easily forget and move on while Jacob would give anything to let go of the ghosts haunting him. And that, above all, is why Jacob could not return home. He couldn't live with someone who had faced the enemies in their mind and won.

Jacob was trying to curb his thoughts, perhaps uncomfortable that Edward felt the need to ask no further questions because of the potent memories that were dredging up were enough information. "So, tell me about your family. Are they angry you haven't returned home?"

Edward let the memories of Billy Black fade away. "Angry? Not really. They understand why I'm here," Perhaps more than I do.

"Do you miss them?" Edward had a feeling Jacob wouldn't have asked a question like that if he hadn't just been emotionally stripped.

The vampire smiled morosely, remembering Carlisle's voice over the phone. "Of course I do. But the convenience of being immortal is that you can be apart for many years and come back together to find nothing has changed. This is not the first time our family has been separated, though this has certainly been the longest," It was not unusual for Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett to break off for up to three years at a time. Only occasionally did Edward drift off for a year or so before coming back.

"You would think that you would go back to them immediately instead of coming here," Jacob commented.

Edward smirked. "You admitted to only returning to society because Bella found you. Perhaps there is an allure about her that we put her before our families."

The wolf shrugged. "Maybe," But his mind was distracted by the question unanswered.

Sighing, Edward gave in. "Alice's powers of seeing the future are guided by people's actions and decisions. Yet she often tells me that the future is a great presence in our lives. She's often distracted in her visions by people making seemingly random decisions, but for their greater benefit in the future. She often wonders if the future is really so flexible by the whim of a person's choice, or if the influence is reversed."

Jacob frowned. "Bella said you didn't believe in fate."

Edward found it strange that Bella would mention that to Jacob, but perhaps he underestimated their friendship. "It is a theory of Alice's, not mine."

"Then why bring it up?"

Edward closed his eyes, mimicking Bella's posture when a headache struck her. "Because I don't know why I came here. I don't know why I'm still here. And I don't know why I'll leave so very soon."