Okay, first I'd like to say thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: gizziefan118, Grey'sAnatomyBestTVshow, Mcalison, and bohemiangirl. I love everyone's reviews, I seriously love each and every one of them. And I want to let you all know, there will be only one more chapter of this story. This chapter is actually very long, and the longest chapter I have ever written. But I hope you all like it, and please tell me what you think. Here is chapter 22 so please read and review :-)
Kat
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Chapter 22
George was sitting in the hallway, leaning against the wall. He had been sitting out there for at least three hours now, and was beginning to become very worried. Why would this need to take so long? It didn't usually take so long, so what had happened to prolong the process? He had wanted to go in and be with her whenever they came, but Izzie had never let him. He had argued that he didn't need her to protect him from anything, but she argued back that she wasn't protecting him, that she was doing it for her. She said that it was easier for her, if he weren't in there with her.
He sighed and put his head in his hands. He loved her so much, but everything was becoming very difficult for him. He knew that she was getting worse. It was obvious, but it really got to him. Every time she refused to eat, all the days she spent lying in bed, every minute she slept, he worried even more. He knew what these were signs of. He'd seen it so many times at the hospital, but he absolutely refused to believe what it meant. There was no way that she was- that she was-
He closed his eyes, keeping the tears from escaping. He couldn't bare to think of it. He couldn't even think the word with out wanting to scream and throw himself down the stairs. He just wanted to spend more time with her. Was that too much to ask? Wanting to spend a lifetime with his wife, the love of his life, was that too much for him to ask?
The door to Izzie's room opened and George jumped up so fast he nearly was knocked off balance.
"You may go in now," The man said to George, with a grave expression on his face.
George walked passed him and shut the door behind him, walking over to Izzie's beside. He looked down at her and tried to smile, but found it completely impossible. She was lying there, her eyes half lidded, breathing roughly.
"George," she whispered.
"Shh, don't talk," he said, sitting down, touching her face gently. He could tell she was trying to smile, but couldn't muster enough strength to do so.
"No, I- I have to," she said quietly. "There are things I need to- to say," she said, looking at him seriously.
George looked at her and felt his eyes sting. He couldn't just sit here and watch her say this. He knew what she was doing, and he didn't like it.
"Izzie," he said, wanting her to just stop talking. Not so much to stop talking, but to stop talking like this.
"George, please," she said, wanting him to just listen to her. She didn't have the energy to argue with him. She had so many things she needed to say and she knew if she didn't say them know, there would be no more chances.
"Okay," George said reluctantly.
"The doctor said that I don't have a lot of time," she said as if it were perfectly okay.
George opened his mouth to say something, but Izzie cut him off.
"I knew I didn't anyway, so I can't say I was surprised. But I know there are so many things that need to be done before I leave you," she said, finally starting to show emotion on the subject. "There are things that I need you to do George," she said, looking into his eyes.
"Anything," he said, a tear sliding down his cheek.
"You remember Hannah," she said quietly "I know I never got to meet her, but I still feel like she's a part of me. I've always felt this- this empty space," she paused, wishing her eyes would just stay dry "I want her to be told about all of this. Not everything, she's young and she has enough problems. But I want her to know that I love her. She's my daughter, and though we'll never get to spend time together, or celebrate Mother's Day, I still want her to know I cared. That I cared about her future, and that's why I couldn't keep her." Izzie paused for a minute to catch her breath. This was hard for her to say, and she knew it was hard for George to hear. But these things needed to be taken care of. She couldn't die knowing that she hadn't finished doing what needed to be done. "I left her some money in my will. It's not a lot, but it could start a college fund for her," she said, trying to imagine her daughter going to college. "I've left everyone something," she said, knowing George wouldn't want her to leave him anything. She would anyway of course, no matter what he said. He was her husband, and she couldn't leave him with nothing. "I had a pretty good life insurance policy. I got it right after I became an Intern," she commented. "So there's a lot of money, and I want you and Hannah to have it," she said, looking at him in a way that said there was no point in arguing. "I've left instructions, in my will, of what is to be done with everything, so you won't have to worry about that," she said, as if that made things so much better.
"Izzie," George said, not being able to hold it in any longer. "I don't want anything. I'll do as you asked, and tell Hannah everything, but I don't want any money. I can't take it. I refuse to. Once you're gone, I- I," his words choked off. He couldn't talk about her being gone. It's like whenever he thought about it, which was often, he felt like his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces.
"George, take it, and please don't argue with me. I don't have the time or energy," she said in a serious tone. She didn't want to hurt him, but she needed him to understand that this was neccessary and that there were things that needed to be done.
George sighed and nodded.
"Now, can you please send Meredith in. I would like to speak with her," she said, not really wanting George to leave her side.
He nodded and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon," he said quietly, and stood up to go find Meredith.
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Meredith was sitting on the edge of the bed, where George had sat. She was staring down at Izzie, who was just waking up. George had told her that Izzie wanted to talk to her, so she had come up not two minutes later, and Izzie was fast asleep on the bed, so she had decided to wait. She had been sitting there for about an hour, when Izzie finally opened her eyes. Meredith smiled slightly at her friend, hoping to make her feel better.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"How long have you been there?" Izzie asked.
"Not long," she lied. She didn't want Izzie to be upset that Meredith hadn't woken her. "George said you needed to see me," she said, wanting to change the subject.
"Yes," Izzie said, knowing Meredith wouldn't want to hear this any more than George had. "You know that my health has been getting worse by the day," she said, not sure how to approach this "And the doctors said that-"
"Izz," Meredith said, really not wanting to be here anymore.
"Meredith just listen!" Izzie scolded. "I don't have much time left. And I wanted to say my- well I wanted to tell you that- that you have been a great friend to me. You were there when I needed you. Like when Denny died, and I was laying on the bathroom floor, you told me I wasn't alone. You made sure I knew that you were there, and that I'd never have to go through anything alone, and you were right. You've been here now, through all of my cancer treatments. Even though you hate dealing with these things, and even though you would much rather be in surgery, away from it all, you stuck by me. And for that I'll always love you. You're a wonderful friend, and," she paused briefly, to catch her breath and try to get a hold of her emotions. "And I am extremely luck to have met you," she said in a whisper.
Meredith stared at Izzie as tears welled in her eyes. How could Izzie sit there and tell her how she was a good friend, when she had run away so many time. Run to the bar, run to surgeries, run to Derek, just run. That was what Meredith was good at, but for some reason, Izzie thought she was a good friend.
"Tell Derek," Izzie said quietly.
"What?" Meredith said, not sure what Izzie could possibly be talking about.
"Tell Derek how you feel. Tell him that you love him. Don't keep putting it off, because you don't what will happen. I know you think that you have forever to tell him, but you don't. I'm proof of that. Love him, and never let him go.
Meredith bent down and hugged Izzie lightly. Meredith wasn't really into hugging, but she felt the need to hug her. She wanted to tell Izzie so many things, but she couldn't really find the words to express how she felt. So she hugged her, and that seemed to get the message across.
"Could you send Alex in, if he's home?" Izzie asked.
"Sure Izz," Meredith said, glancing at Izzie before she went down the stairs to find Alex.
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Izzie waited for Alex for about 10 mintes before he actually showed up in her doorway. He looked at her, like he didn't quite recognize her. He stood there for a moment before slowly stepping into her room.
"It's okay to come closer you know?" she said, sensing his obvious resistance.
Alex faked a smile, and stepped in further, closing the door behind him. He walked over to her bed, and stood beside it, looking down at her.
Izzie stared up at him, trying to figure out how to start this conversation. She had already done it twice, so it really shouldn't be so hard, but for some reason it was extremely difficult. She thought for a moment before she suddenly started crying.
"I'm dying Alex!" she shouted as loud as her voice could get.
"Izzie," he said, not really knowing what to do.
"And I'm scared. I don't want to die. I'm not ready," she said, trying to wipe her tears away.
Alex sat down and put an arm around her, so she was in a half sitting position, resting on him. Her body shook as she cried into his arms.
"Shh," he said, rocking her slightly.
After a few moments, Izzie picked her head up as far as she could and tried to look at him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't plan on being like this. I had things that I wanted to say to you, but I just couldn't be strong any more." she said quietly.
"It's alright," he said, trying to comfort her.
"No. I have to say things. This is my last chance," she said sadly. She felt his body tense up at those words. She knew he wouldn't want to hear it, but she knew he wouldn't leave until he was sure she was finished saying whatever she needed to say. "I'm sorry," she said.
"For what?" Alex asked curiously.
"That we couldn't make it work," she said. "I really wanted it to. I loved you. I still do, but not in the way that you needed me to when we were together. I'm sure we could have tried harder to make it work, but it wasn't meant to be, and we both know that," she said, staring at the wall. "Even though you cheated on me, I know you didn't ever mean to hurt me. You pretend to be this hard core asshole, but I know you care. Even though most of the time, you pretend not to, you do. And when I found out about the cancer, you proved that I was right. You've been there for me through this, just like the others, and for that I'll be forever greatful," she said, finally looking at him.
Alex looked down at her, and she could tell he was fighting back the tears that threatened to come out.
"And you need to go to her, and tell her how you feel. I know you'd like to pretend that its just casual, and it doesn't mean anything, but I know the truth. I know you want more, but you don't want to let people see that you care. I don't know much about your past, but I do know you've been through something. But you can't let that get in the way of your future and your happiness," she said, looking at him seriously.
He wasn't sure exactly how she knew about everything, but he did know she was right. He did care for Addison, but he was, as Izzie said, afraid to let those feelings show. He bent down and kissed Izzie cheek softly.
"Thank you," he said quietly.
Izzie nodded softly and sighed. "Is Cristina here?" she asked.
"Yeah, I think she's downstairs with Meredith," he said, carefully standing up.
"Could you send her up?" she asked.
He nodded and left with out another word.
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Cristina stood at the end of Izzie's bed, waiting for her to say something. She felt very uncomfortable standing here. She had no idea what Izzie would want to say to her, and she most certainly didn't know what she was supposed to say to her.
"I know we were never really close," Izzie said, stating the obvious "But that doesn't mean you aren't like family. All of you are. You guys are all I have now." There was an awkward silence until Izzie spoke again. "I know this isn't your thing, but I know that if I needed you, you'd be there for me, whether you'd like to admit it or not," Izzie said, looking at the uncomfortable expression on Cristina's face. "You were there when Denny died, and when I tried to-" she paused "When I tried to take things into my own hands," she said, looking down momentarily. "And I can never really make it up to you, but it means a lot. It shows that you do care," she said, thinking Cristina would object to that last statement.
Cristina stared at Izzie now, with a blank expression. One that showed that she really didn't know how to deal with this, or what to say to it.
"I just wanted you to know, that I dislike you, in anyway. No matter how many time we fought over cardio surgeries, or other stupid things, I never hated you. I kind of always admired you. You're always able to set yourself apart from things to deal with the surgeries and the families. I was never able to seperate myself," she said, thinking of Denny.
Izzie sat there for a moment before she finally told Cristina she could leave. Cristina nodded and walked over to the door. She opened it, but paused briefly and turned around.
"I don't hate you either," she said quietly.
Izzie smiled slightly and nodded. "I know," she said quietly.
Cristina looked at her for a moment before turning around and leaving.
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George quietly opened the door to Izzie's room and walked in, shutting it just as quietly behind him.
"Hey," Izzie said in barely a whispr.
George nearly jumped and turned around. He had expected her to be asleep, but was actually happy that she wasn't.
"How did things go?" he asked, sitting down next to her.
"Fine, but I don't want to talk about that right now," she said, not wanting to waste any time. "I just want to know something," she said, looking at him intently.
"Okay," he said.
"You'll be okay, right?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" he asked, even though he knew where she was going with this.
"When I'm gone, will you be okay? I want to make sure that you'll be able to move on eventually." She looked at him for a moment, not sure if she would get to finish. "I know you'll need time to mourn, and time to get use to things, but I want to make sure that one day you'll be able to live a normal life," she said looking at him.
"How can you ask me that?" George asked, feeling angry.
"George," she said, not wanting to end things badly.
George sighed and closed his eyes briefly. "Yes, I'll be okay. I don't know how, but if its what you want, then yes, I'll be okay...for you, I'll be okay," he said, looking down at her.
Izzie tried her best to smile, but wasn't sure if he could tell she was smiling.
He slowly leaned down, and kissed her gently. It was so soft, that for a moment, he wasn't sure if she was able to feel it. His lips lingered for a moment, before he sat up slightly and looked into her eyes.
"I love you so much," he said, tears slipping down his face.
"I love you too," she said, knowing she wasn't going to last much longer. She waited a moment, not wanting to do what she was about to do, but knowing it needed to be done. This was it. It was her last time she would ever- well it was time. She needed to just do it. She needed to accept this was the end, and just take a bow. She finally mustered up the courage and looked at George seriously.
"I'm actually kind of tired George. I think I'm going to rest for a little while," she said. She knew it was kind of a lie, but she would really be resting.
He looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Okay, I'll see you later," she said softly.
"Yeah," she said quietly.
He bent down and kissed her once more before standing up and leaving the room.
Izzie watched him leave and then she took her last, and final breath.