Synchronous Rotation: Always Facing

Chapter 9

Anywhere But Here, Hilary Duff, Edward/Bella

I'm falling through the door, flying across the floor. When you look at me suddenly it's clear. You're burning up my dreams. Crazy as it seems, I don't want to be anywhere but here.

Edward was in Wyoming when he noticed something was very strange. He stopped his near constant sprint in order to listen. It was just past midnight, so he had little fear of being seen by any wayward humans. Not that he encountered many in the past two days. He was looking forward to more of the open plains and desert that would mean little more than tumble weeds and sage brush for company.

It was like a whisper and Edward stood very still, trying to hear it. It wasn't like a whisper, it was a whisper. A thought from very far away just reaching his mind. Edward closed his eyes and stopped breathing to concentrate.

'…run…where…can't…but…'

His powers must be picking it up from several miles away, making most, if not all words indistinguishable. Naturally, his abilities would not be able to pick up it at all. But it wasn't uncommon for his powers to become accustomed to thoughts of familiar people. And Edward was very accustomed to the voice of Jacob's mind.

Hearing his thoughts wasn't what unnerved Edward, it was that he only started hearing them after two days and they were well north of his location, somewhere in northern Wyoming. The vampire had assumed that if Jacob was going to catch up with him, it would have been immediately, otherwise the effort would be too much for the wolf to care enough to follow through.

So when Edward heard nor smelt the werewolf in two days, he assumed he was free of the man. It was somewhat disappointing, at first, that the wolf hadn't fought to find him. After all, he had hassled Edward about the imprint on several occasions. That disappointment ended quickly though and Edward found himself the free wanderer he had been several weeks ago.

Edward remained still for a minute longer, but Jacob's mind continued to be the constant dim whisperings, neither closer nor farther. He had no idea what made the wolf come for him now, but perhaps his cold trail led him astray so far north. Edward breathed in the dry air, weighing his options.

If Jacob was coming for him, being only three or five miles away means it would take him less than a hour. Edward could always run away, but it would only extend the amount of days it would take Jacob to catch up. In the end, as long as the werewolf was determined, he would eventually catch up to the vampire.

There were many things Edward could do to permanently lose him, such as not stopping. The werewolf would eventually give out from exhaustion and have to rest and eat. But Edward needed to feed as well. And while Jacob could easily stop in any store and inhale something off the shelf, Edward would need to track down his prey and take precious time to drink as much as he could. And in the climates he was heading in, large prey would become scarcer and the time hunting would greatly increase. All these problems would become nullified if Edward reached the ocean. He would not be followed in water, but the time spent traveling there would be long enough for the wolf to catch up.

The best option, at the moment, would be to stand still and wait for Jacob to come to him. It would take a great deal less time and effort. Edward had been planning the confrontation since he left Forks and knew what he would say in order to get Jacob to leave him alone and return home. It was trickier, but it would pay off in the long run when Edward could easily pass into the Mexican border, with no one tracking him, by next week.

So Edward laid himself down among the dust and sage brush to watch the stars turn over head and listen to the distance static of Jacob's mind.

It was very silent in the plains of Wyoming. Few birds flew overhead and any other animal stayed at a distance from the waiting vampire. Edward could almost hear cars driving down some distant road. He remembered the almost deafening noise of the Columbian rainforests and how it had been a relief to come to the muted rainforest of Washington. But this silence wasn't comfortable. There was so much space around him and nothing there to fill it.

Whether he wanted to or not, Edward began to think of Jacob. The only distraction in the sage brush landscape was the werewolf's disjointed thoughts. He knew Jacob was going to be angry with him, but Edward couldn't be swayed on his decision.

But he could still see Bella standing before him, looking at him with sad eyes. He will need you…you will need him. Her voice sounded like static too.

"But I don't need him. I need to leave and…leave," He stared at the ground, hating how he could still feel her so close.

The reason why everything keeps following you is because you refuse to let go.

Edward looked up, but there was no werewolf on the horizon. Jacob's true thoughts were still too far away and faded. But the memory of his words seemed to be echoing in the empty air.

I have considered you…if you can think of nothing else…consider me.

Consider, please consider.

Both Bella and Jacob were standing in front of him, their eyes mirroring disappointment. Edward looked at Bella, his chest hurting. "I always tried to live up to your expectations, but I couldn't. I can't, even now."

I had hoped…that you would have moved on too.

You love her…in that special part of our hearts where we have what we wished was real.

"But that doesn't mean I love you. That doesn't make it real." But his body suddenly felt so very cold.

Don't be afraid, Edward. It won't hurt as much this time.

"Why does it have to hurt at all?"

He remembered when he first left Bella, how he had tried to tear himself to pieces in order to feel relief in pain. He remembered fighting with Jacob after the funeral, wishing the werewolf could wound him. Pain reminded him of being mortal and being mortal meant he could change.

He found himself reaching into his pocket and taking out the old picture of him and Bella. It had faded over the years, but not terribly. But edges were worn and he wondered if Alice had held it many times, wondering who the mysterious man with her mother was. Or perhaps she had only looked at Bella. Perhaps, in her own childish way, she had tried to imagine her mother so young; what she would think about, how she would act. Perhaps Alice had never really looked at Edward at all.

Where we go, who we meet, how we act; that's fate…that's life.

Edward suddenly wondered if he was ever meant to be in the picture at all. The sage brush rattled in the wind and he was reminded on how alone he was. Bella and Jacob of his mind were no company, just memories.

He looked around himself, feeling a sense of loss without the spirits to taunt him. He stood up and looked towards the horizon. The picture felt brittle in his hand, so he let it go. His eyes never left the distant stop were Jacob's distorted thoughts still came from. The picture was gone, but it was something else that was missing.

Edward's chest still hurt, but the pain reminded him that he could still change.

It was two days before Edward realized that Jacob wasn't coming any closer. He had listened very carefully, but the thoughts were still unclear whispers. By now the wolf's scent should have been clear to him, and his thoughts easily laid out.

Edward looked north, in the approximate direction of the werewolf, wondering what was going on. If Jacob was coming for him, there was no reason to remain at such a distance. If Jacob had no idea where he was, then he would have moved on by now, either closer or farther. Edward couldn't think of any other reason why Jacob would be in Wyoming, as far as Edward knew, he had never left the state of Washington.

He could ignore this strange occurrence and continue his journey south. But it was just too strange and it suddenly it occurred to Edward that perhaps Jacob, on his path to track down the vampire, ran into some trouble. Perhaps serious trouble if he was detained for so long. Edward grit his teeth, looking at the dust he had been lying in for a couple days now. If Jacob had never left Washington before, it was very likely he wasn't at all prepared for new places. Edward doubted he suffered any problems with humans, but nomadic vampires could always be a problem in unfamiliar territory.

He closed his eyes and stopped breathing. He needed to listen to the distant thoughts, perhaps they could give him a clue.

'…call…stopped…him…help…'

It wasn't much and so far away, Edward couldn't tell if they were urgent or normal. Those words could mean anything. Jacob could be perfectly fine or he could be in real danger.

Edward didn't like the direction his mind was heading, but his feet were already moving. I'll just get a little closer, he reasoned with himself, 'Just a couple more miles, it should be enough to hear clearly. A half an hour detour, nothing more.

A half a day brought him no closer. Edward was just over the Montana border, he should be hearing exactly what Jacob was thinking, if not finding the man himself, but the voice was just the same as ever. Edward stopped frequently, trying to pick it up again and again. The most he could tell was that it was changing direction.

He's moving away. Edward growled, looking more east now. He didn't know what Jacob was doing, whether by choice or force. But it seemed very strange and it wasn't lost on Edward that the wolf was staying rather perfectly at the same distance and moving himself accordingly to Edward's location.

Is he leading me? Or is someone else making him?

Edward still found himself moving forward, closer to the thoughts that were always just out of reach. It wasn't a straight run for Edward, he had to constantly dodge cities and navigate rough terrain. He had no idea how Jacob was traveling, but after another two days, his thoughts began to clear.

'…can't see the sage…rolling sage in purple dust…rolling dust…'

Though Edward could certainly pick up more, it didn't exactly make sense. A moment later he realized his stupidity; it was an hour before midnight, Jacob was probably sleeping. Edward sighed and massaged his head like he had a headache, the human reaction somehow calmed him.

He could probably make it to the wolf before he awoke, perhaps it would be for the best. He would be able to see Jacob's situation and make a decision to leave him or help him, if needed. If Jacob was simply pulling him along, Edward could leave before the man woke and not have to deal with a tricky confrontation. It would be annoying not to figure out why Jacob would pull him along on this chase, but Edward would survive.

So he sprinted to meet with the wolf in the early hours of the morning. It was a better run, the terrain was flat plains instead of mountains or woods. From miles away, Edward could see the smoke of a campfire. It deluded Jacob's scent, but Edward could taste it in his mouth, he was so close.

He approached the lonely campfire in the wide open country. Jacob was in his wolf form, curled up tightly with his tail over his nose. It was a cool night, but not a cold one. He probably built the fire, now smoking ashes, for food more than anything else. Edward noticed he had a small pack, probably big enough for a wallet or cell phone. It had a long strap, perhaps meant to be tied around his neck as a wolf. A pair of cut off shorts, a t-shirt, and old tennis shoes were also attached to odd straps. Perhaps meant to be tied around his neck or even a leg.

But there was no scent or sign of anyone else, vampire or human. Edward looked to the sleeping wolf, but besides for looking scruffy from a lack of bathing, he was unharmed. His thoughts, still in sleep, shifted to accommodate Edward's scent.

Jacob was dreaming of the last time he was in the Cullen house. He was lying on the floor, a human this time, and Edward was running a hand through his hair. It was a soothing dream, it seemed.

Hesitating, Edward leaned down, he felt the odd urge to mimic himself in the dream. He remembered that day when he had checked Jacob for broken bones on the floor of his living room. It had been soothing, he realized, to run his hand through the soft fur, not having to worry about the wolf hurting him or he hurting Jacob. It was always so hard when Edward was with Bella, making sure to never hold on to her too tightly or touch her too harshly. He hated comparing Jacob against Bella. They were two different people and Edward had known them at two very different times in his life.

His fingertips were slowly sinking into the fur at Jacob's previously injured shoulder. It was perfectly healed now, and in such a short time. Edward had no doubt that any wounds he inflicted on Jacob the day before he left Forks had healed already. Probably not even a scar present as Edward didn't have venom on his tongue. He wondered if he did actually have venom, how much it would hurt Jacob. Perhaps it would leave a scar or take a little longer to heal, but nothing serious. Besides, Jacob's scent didn't produce the venom in his mouth like Bella's did. She always smelled so delicious, Jacob never smelled like a meal. He smelled like…a person or what a person should smell like, if Edward wasn't a vampire.

He hated that thought, but he desired it at the same time. That's why vampires always mated together, not so much for the immortality, but because their scents could mingle without inspiring violence. Edward dating Bella was mostly unimaginable because it was so hard to be normal around her wonderful scent. Living with her growing old was easy compared to living with her blood singing to him at every moment.

And while Jacob's werewolf scent should repulse Edward, it didn't. Edward had hated the scent of werewolves before. He had even hated Jacob's, at first. But it changed somehow. Whether from close contact or even the imprint. It was different now and Edward was finding that he was desiring it.

Edward wanted desperately to press his face into the matted fur. It did smell like unwashed dog, but underneath the grim and dirt was Jacob's bright, burning scent. He resisted, standing up straight, and stepping back. He needed to leave, Jacob's mind was beginning to collect itself, the vampire's scent rousing him from sleep.

But Edward didn't move as the wolf slowly woke. Instead he turned east to watch the sun slowly make its way over the horizon. He didn't need to look as he heard the wolf's groggy thoughts. Once Jacob realized that it was a real Edward standing above him, he quickly shifted into a human and pulled on his shorts. 'I knew you would be here.' He sighed and sat down heavily back on the ground. He was calm, when Edward was expecting anger or confusion.

"You knew I would leave without you," It was both a question and an answer.

"Yeah," Jacob poked at the dying embers of his fire, debating whether or not to coax it back to life. "And you've probably realized by now that I wanted you to come to me."

Edward still wouldn't face him. "I would have waited for you, if you had just come directly."

Jacob snorted. "Yeah, only to reject me and leave me again. I figured if I had to argue with you, might as well have some sort of control."

"We don't have to argue."

'I know,' But Jacob didn't speak, rummaging around to pick up some more sticks he had left near his things. Edward could smell the ash rising into the air as the fire began to warm again. Jacob blew on it carefully, giving air to the small flame forming. "Why won't you look at me?" He eventually asked.

Edward closed his eyes to the rising sun. He didn't know why, but he really didn't want to look at his shimmering skin right now. "You were dreaming about me."

Jacob was a little distracted by the vampire's skin in the sunlight, but apparently Bella had mentioned it to him before. "I always dream about you."

"Bella used to dream about me too."

'I'm not Bella.'

"I know," He had to remember to breathe to continue speaking, for some reason he had forgotten. "She once told me that she didn't believe in fate or destiny," He shook his head. "No, she told me that she didn't believe there was a difference between destiny and life. That fate is just the way we live."

"I don't get it."

He opened his eyes, seeing his arms shimmering faintly. "I once told you that your scent was normal. And it is. But because it's so normal, it's also extraordinary. I don't know if I can really describe it. It's like burning. But not the kind of burning that a vampire would fear. Or maybe it is. But it's so strange that you can't stop breathing it in. I've felt burning before, but this is different."

Jacob hadn't moved. "Edward, you're rambling," He was more concerned than amused.

Edward felt the urge to pace, very unusual for a vampire. He clenched his hands. "I'm just trying to describe something that I can't describe."

"What?"

"You've asked me to consider you. And I have, over and over again. Every time I think I've got this all figured out, I have to rethink everything. You've told me that you considered me, but I don't see how you can. How can you consider this?"

"What is 'this'?" Jacob's voice was quiet.

"The opposition, the contrasting…!" Edward growled, hating how words were suddenly failing him. He swiftly turned around, glaring at the man sitting on the ground. "The way you and I are so different, yet we are bound so tightly together! I'm suffocating from your scent, did you know? It's on my mind all the time and I can hear your thoughts from miles away! You're skin is so hot, it's a wonder how you can stand mine or how I can rip you to pieces, but you won't do anything to hurt me. I'm hurting you! Just like when I was with Bella, but the difference is…the difference is…" He couldn't think, his eyes ached.

'Maybe that I will follow you? That I will find you, wherever you are and take you home?' Jacob wasn't looking at him, staring resolutely at the ground. "It's not the imprint. The imprint doesn't make me a mindless slave or anything. It just tells me where I will be happy."

"How are you happy with me?" Edward hated the way his voice sounded desperate.

He looked up and Edward noticed that his eyes were swollen from lack of sleep. His forehead had lines of worry and his lips were chapped from dehydration. "I told you what haunts me at night and you sat with me and faced it through. And in the morning you picked me up and carried me home," He looked back to the ground, the fire cracking at his side. 'I'm not afraid when I'm with you and I'd forgotten what it's like to not be afraid.'

"You considered me then, didn't you. You just waited to tell me."

"I knew you wouldn't notice."

"I didn't want to."

'How about now?'

Edward paused, looking at Jacob's bowed head. "I'm not perfect."

A ghost of a smile. "I know."

"I won't give you the privacy of your mind."

"I'm used to that," 'Try being in a wolf pack.'

"And I will probably compare you to Bella a lot."

A real smile, though he still looked at the ground. "I already compare you two."

Edward took a step forward and Jacob looked up at him. "When I listen to you, I don't feel powerless. I carried you home, because I felt strong enough to. I'd forgotten what it was like to have control over my life and to have the control to trust someone else," And he realized he had never felt that way with Bella. "I guess it…it makes me happy too."

Jacob's eyes were warm, but he only had time to get to a kneeling position before Edward leaned down and kissed him.

It was better than their first, though it startled Jacob as much as it did Edward the first time. But Edward found that he liked to cradle Jacob's warm face against his and he didn't mind when he felt the other man's arms snake around his neck and pull him down. It was obvious that Jacob liked the control and Edward let him drag him closer so he could thoroughly make up the cold, detached first kiss.

And afterwards, when he had gotten his fill of Jacob's goofy, euphoric smile and ordered him to clean up so they could get moving, he realized that he hadn't compared it at all to kissing Bella.