- My Routine -

Now at the present day, I am eighteen years old.

I no longer think life is about butterflies and perfect fairytales. I realise what reality is now. Perhaps I see it a little too gloomy than I should, but this was what it's like in my eyes. I'm constantly busy with college and work. I hardly ever see my foster parents anymore. I've completely forgotten about my early past. Everything is just utterly dull now. I even started smoking, to see if it would give my life the slightest edge of excitement. But of course, I should have listened to my teachers at school, because it didn't help. Now it's just dulled into a mere irritating habit.

I terribly miss being a child. Being so carefree and full of energy. There was never any pressure, never any work, never any alcohol or cigarettes to kill off my body, always fun everywhere I went, always confidence in myself, always protected, always happy. If I had known growing up was this hard, I would have used my time as a kid more wisely. But, such is life.

Axel is still by my side to remind me what our childhood was like. Before you tell me, I know, most teenagers usually wallow in self pity because of how much they miss their childhood. Being made to make your own money, pay for your own holidays, organise your own damn life was pret-ty damn lame compared to your parents doing it all for you. We are a lazy generation.

But it goes without saying that they were the best years of my life.

I hadn't seen Namine in a month. She was away on a trip to Paris as part of her Art course. She'd ring me telling me how much she missed me, and I'd tell her the same. What I really missed was the sex. I hadn't got any in a month. It was terrible. Don't go telling me it's the most unromantic, unthoughtful, unloving thing I could possibly say. You don't know shit about having a three year girlfriend, and if you do, I don't care, you still don't know shit. The butterflies seemed to disappear after the second year, and Namine was probably off having sex with some hot French guys anyway. Lucky bitch.

So I guess that's the first major change of my past to my present. My feelings for Namine had gone from 99 love, to around 15. Hell, her feelings had probably gone down to 2.

Couples, they don't last forever, no matter what anyone might tell you. The spark is there in the beginning, wild and out of control, then it begins to calm down, and eventually it disappears. It's a natural fact of life. Nothing can last forever. Not even love itself.

I'm not saying I'm totally unhappy with Namine, it's just that our spark has packed its bags and run away in a space rocket to Mars. I doubt we'll ever see it again any time soon.

I had grown used to college life by now. Every day was the same endless banter of work I'd either already produced or work that was far too easy. It worked for me because of how easy it all was, and I was grateful I hadn't grown up as such a spoiled brat like my other class mates, who winged and moaned at how hard their life was because of one measly homework piece. I pitied them all. I hoped that one day their parents would abandon them and leave them for dead in an empty house.

… Oh how petty I had grown.

xxx

It was the end of a college Monday, and I was walking briskly through the crowded hallways toward the glorious light at the end of the tunnel; the exit. I avoided being shoved by the students that rushed and scurried toward those heavenly double doors. I wanted to go home as much as they did, but running really wasn't my style. The clumsy idiots seemed to have no idea that running wouldn't make anything easier. I guess they were just lost in the moment, which was more than could be said for myself. I was lost in a daze, staring at my white trainers as I walked slowly through the mass of teenagers. What was I thinking about? Well, sex, if you must know.

I felt a pair of hands thump onto my shoulders and the erotic images swirling through my head came to a direct emergency stop. I frowned at the sudden contact, wondering who the hell wanted to be smacked in the face right now. I turned my head to my side, and noticed a wild mane of brown hair.

I sighed.

"Yo, Roxas!" Sora smiled in and out of breaths, hunching over a little and slowing his pace to mine.

I frowned a weird face at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, I was running from Kairi. I think she's mad at me. I was trying to be helpful and tell her that her hair needed brushing, then she said something about not wanting advice from a hypocrite, then I tried to brush her hair with my fingers but ended up pulling a clump of hair out instead, which proved my point entirely! Then she got all angry and threw a chair at me… so I started running… and here I am."

I stared at him.

"Oh yeah, Axel told me to tell you to wait for him at the gates," he kindly added.

Fucking Axel. What did he want. "Thanks, Sora."

"No problem. Hey, I'll see you tomorrow," he said and started running with the other students. He turned his head and looked back at me, "bright and early for Biology!" with one last wink, he took off.

Sora was a nice guy, sometimes too nice, but man what a handful on a Monday.

I eventually walked out of the double doors and was met with a cool breeze. Suddenly I felt a lot more relaxed, feeling soft cold air gliding across the skin of my cheeks. I smiled, letting my eyes soften to the sensation. It wasn't every day this feeling had this much effect on me, this simple act of feeling fresh air on my face.

My smile soon lost its balance when my vision cleared ahead me. It was like a rough painting that was painted by a very untalented painter. The colours were dire, the composition out of range, the atmosphere as wrong as a fox being skewered by a tiny chicken. The image made me want to be sick, I wanted to throw a torch at it and watch the edges curl into a heap of black smoke and ash.

The image Axel and Demyx. The two were a messy couple.

They walked toward me, hand in hand, not even noticing me but just looking at each other while they spoke. I clenched my fist. For years I'd tried to get used to Demyx, tried so painfully hard, but in the end I decided that it was physically impossible.

"Roxas."

I jumped and yelped a little at the sudden sound to my left. I turned my head in shock to see Zexion stood next to me, facing toward the ugly couple in front of us with an unreadable expression.

I exhaled, trying to catch my breath. "Zex, you scared the shit out of me."

He didn't say anything back, not to my surprise. His hands were stuffed into his pockets and his back a little slumped over. It was typical Zexion really, the only person in our group that I'd never seen a smile from.

"Life's too short to keep staring at the object of your desire but never having the courage to grab it."

"That's pretty positive coming from you," I said back.

"Not positive, just the truth."

I looked at his eyes, and watched as they stared straight toward Axel and Demyx. If Zexion didn't look so depressed all the time, I would have recognised a slight hint of sadness in those grey orbs.

Before I had time to answer him, the two lovebirds had walked over to us. Axel was grinning like a Cheshire cat, and Demyx just had that smug look on his face as normal. One day I'd wipe it right off.

"Zexxy, fancy seeing you here. I thought you went home ages ago," Demyx said, giving him an annoyingly warm smile.

Zexion stared at Demyx, not answering for a few seconds but just glaring at him. I thought he was going to ignore him at first, which would have made my entire day, but sadly, he didn't.

"I decided to stick around. But, I'm leaving now," he said and turned away, closing his eyes as he did so. "I'll see you tomorrow, Roxas."

I watched him turn his back, wondering if he was okay. It was never a good idea to worry about Zexion, because you'd end up never being able to stop. But you could wonder, just wonder what went on in that little head of his.

"Alright, you just keep on smiling Zexion!" Axel waved him off.

Zexion gave a small wave of his hand then disappeared into the crowd of students.

"So err, Roxy, you going to work now?"

I turned to Axel, giving him a glare that hopefully wasn't too obvious. "Yes, yes I am Axel. To pay for our flat and our food."

"It was nice of Demyx to get you that job…"

"Shame he couldn't get you one aswell."

"Ahh there was only one spot left," Demyx butted in. I had to grit my teeth hard at the sudden sound of his presence.

Silence followed after us, and I just kept glaring at the floor. Silence was a funny thing around people who never seemed to stop talking. Even funnier when they tried to avoid it at all costs when it couldn't be helped. Demyx was one of those stupid people. He noticed one of his friends and walked away from us and the silence, leaving me with my red headed best friend.

Axel sighed at me with a smile for no particular reason when Demyx left us. "I'll be home when you get back, I'll make us some dinner, the good stuff," Axel kept his smile.

I couldn't help but appreciate that offer by smiling back and nodding. It would be nice to come home to some warm dinner after work. Even if Axel's cooking was frightful.

"I'll see you when you get back then, sugar," he winked and ran a soft hand through my messy hair.

I shunted my head away with a smirk, catching Axel's gaze with my own for a brief second.

"Have fun Roxy."

"Bye Axel."

I was walking home from work in my work uniform. Black trousers and a white shirt. My hands were stuffed in my pockets and a cigarette hung loosely in my lips, the smoke trailing up towards the sky slowly. I was so bored. I hadn't done anything exciting at all recently. Sure I'd been to a couple of parties but they weren't anything special. It was hard to keep my hands off of the girls when Namine wasn't there to distract me, especially as it'd been a while month since I'd had to reduce to wanking off in my bedroom to cheap porn.

My phone rang and vibrated from inside my pocket and I picked it out, flipping it open and putting it to my ear, not bothering to see who it was. I took the cigarette out of my mouth with the edges of my fingers. "Yeah?"

"Alright Roxy?"

I smiled at Axel's voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home, so get your sweet ass here soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm hurrying." I said, slowly walking down the pavement.

"You sound tired?"

"Because I've just been working, Axel dearest. Some of us put up with it you know."

"Mmm the best people do."

"What are you up to?"

"Sat here wanking over a picture of Namine."

For a second, for a tiny second I was actually fooled. "Fuck you."

A little snort. "I feel so bad for you. How long has it been? Two weeks?"

"A month," I sighed.

"You know I'm always here if you're desperate."

I hung up at the gesture and sighed, shoving the phone back into my pocket. It was hardly funny, the way Axel always teased me like that. Because knowing myself, I probably would if I were that desperate. And getting off with another guy is hardly as bad as getting off with another girl on Namine's part. Is it?

I frowned. As if I'd ever bed my best friend anyway.

"Hey, Roxas!"

I put the cigarette back in my mouth and slowly turned my head around to see who it was. When I saw the long dark brown hair and the low cut top, I cursed to myself. Tifa Lockheart, the biggest breasts in town. What a kick in the nuts.

I turned my head forward again as Tifa began running to catch up to me. Not wanting to see anything bouncing up and down, I kept my head forward.

"Hiya Roxas," she smiled, walking along side me.

I kept one hand in my pocket and the other handling the cigarette, hoping they wouldn't wonder off anywhere.

"What's up, Tifa?"

"Um, I was just wondering how well you're doing on the Biology coursework? I've been really stuck for days now and just wondered if you're stuck aswell."

I looked at her confused. "I've finished it."

"Oh!" Tifa blushed, looking a little embarrassed. "Could you explain Part B a little for me, if it's not too much trouble."

I couldn't even remember what the coursework was about, let alone Part B. "Um, you reckon I could do this sometime else? Maybe I could come to yours tomorrow?"

"Oh? Like study at mine? Yeah that's sounds like a good solution."

I looked weirdly at her. She sure was naïve. I could use that to my advantage… NO! NO ROXAS. BAD. NAMINE. GIRLFRIEND. ONLY GIRL YOU'RE ALLOWED TO THINK OF. ONLY GIRL YOU CAN TOUCH.

"Err actually come to think of it, I'm busy tomorrow night, sorry about that. I could email you my coursework if you like, and you can just shove it into your own words or something." I rushed my words, trying to cancel the 'study date' before she could run off.

Wow what an asshole.

Tifa looked at me then nodded slowly, eyes drooping in reject.

"Sorry, Tifa…"

"It's okay. See you tomorrow." She quickly walked away the opposite direction and I frowned at myself, throwing the cigarette to the floor and stomping on it with my white trainers.

I needed to keep my head clear. Those breasts were hypnotising me, I swear.

000000

I opened the door to mine and Axel'sflat, relieved to be home at last. Once I shut the door I took off my trainers and padded across the carpeted hallway into the living room to the left. I loved the feeling of walking into the warmth of the central heating in our place. It felt like home. It was home.

Once the colour of wild spiky red hair caught the corner of my eye, I grinned, feeling at home even more. Axel was sat by the desk, resting his feet on top of it as he chewed a pen and scanned a book in his hand. His hair was tied back, and his shirt was slightly left open, exposing his shimmering torso. His face was tense as he read the book named 'The Art of Cooking'.

I smiled and walked up to him, smelling his cologne a mile away. "Still studying for that exam?" I asked, cutting the silence.

He trailed his eyes up from his book and saw me across from it, eyeing me closely. He smiled, then looked back to the book. "Yeah. The professor's got us working to the bone, haven't had time to study for it."

I sighed, plonking myself onto the desk and looking away from him. "I was hoping you were up for doing something fun."

"Not today, Roxy."

"Then why'd you tell me to hurry?"

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I only told you to get your sweet ass here. Never told you to hurry."

"Well why did you want me?"

"Because I missed you, baby."

I grimaced at the word. "Only my mother can call me that."

Axel snickered. "Your mother's a bitch, Roxas."

I got off of the desk and eyed my surroundings. I was bored. And he was boring. Not a good combination at all. I moved the centre of the small living room, pulling my arms in front of me in a stretch.

"Me and Demyx are going out tomorrow night," Axel swooned, "candle lit dinner apparently. Said he's got a big surprise for me." Axel carefully eyed me like a cunning cat over the book as he spoke.

"Oh," was all I said when I stretched my arms up high out of boredom. Like I cared about any of that. I still felt bitter about the two. "Anything in the fridge?" I asked as I strode closer to the kitchen door, and when I got no answer I decided to turn around at his silence.

When I did turn around, I was suddenly looking face first into Axel's green cat like eyes, his face a mere few inches from mine, and I almost screamed like a girl.

"Shit me Axel! Would you not do that?!" I said, bracing my heart as it pounded in shock. Axel smirked and stood there, inches from myself near the kitchen door. His reflexes and his sneaky techniques always nearly gave me a heart attack. It pissed me off.

He backed his head away from mine, looking quite satisfied with himself. "Only joking," he started, then looked to the floor. "Actually, I don't think Demyx would ever do anything like that for me." He pouted like a baby, and I just stared at him stupidly, not caring at all.

I leaned against the frame of the door. My heart rate was starting to slow down now, thank fuck.

Axel looked back, his grin appearing again. "You and I are going out tonight."

"Are we now?"

"There's a party up north and-"

"No way. I have a lecture tomorrow morning."

"Oh come on Roxas! When has that ever stopped you?"

"No, Axel. Incase you're forgetting, tomorrow's actually quite an important day for me."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "Refresh my memory."

I looked down at the ground, feeling a little uneasy. In all honesty, I hadn't actually told Axel what I would be doing tomorrow. I kind of figured he'd just dismiss what I said, not wanting to look like a forgettable fool.

I didn't want to go into it with Axel, because I knew he would just ask me hundreds of questions that I knew I wouldn't have the answer to. I didn't want to concern him either.

The truth was, I was seeing someone tomorrow. My social worker. I hadn't seen her in about three years, because I'd never needed to. She'd realised I was perfectly stable with my life and that I no longer needed her guidance. But the other week, she suddenly gave me a call, telling me she had something very important to tell me and that we should meet up. I wondered what the hell it could be about, then I realised that there was only ever one thing a social worker was there for.

Social workers were only there because of that one time in your life that exploded in your face, causing your brain to jumble and make you 'mentally unstable'. The event that caused pain, madness or maybe even sickened joy. That event in my life, the event that should have caused everything in my mind to utterly implode with madness, was the time when I was three years old. When my parents had up and left me for good. Luckily, because I was so young, it never effected me as much as it should have. But the social worker would still be lurking.

So, my social worker, only there constantly to remind me that my parents never loved me, obviously had something to say about my parents. But what on earth could it be about, I really didn't know. Did I even care? Well, I cared enough to accept her invitation.

"Uh, earth to Roxas?"

I shook my head. "Just meeting someone."

"Someone important? Who?"

"The Queen. Now buggar off and make me some dinner, like you promised."

"Yeah… about that…"

I rolled my eyes, not at all surprised that he hadn't really bothered. "Nevermind, I'm gonna study. Have fun tonight." I made my move toward the hallway and to my room.

"Pfft. As if I'm gonna go on my own. The hounds will be crawling all over me."

xxx

Later that evening, I was alone in the flat. Axel had indeed gone out, not to the party, but something else. He'd said he had something to take care of and I didn't ask questions. I just left himself to himself. I knew sometimes we all needed our personal space.

As I laid upon the couch in our heated living room, I had a vision. My eyes bored into the speckled ceiling and my hands rested underneath my head.

I had a vision that, maybe, this was it for my life. Maybe this was as far as my accomplishments could go. I had a home, a girlfriend, a job, and an education. What more could I personally want? Did I want a family? A family with Namine? A child with blonde hair and blue eyes? A boy and then a girl? I could be the father that mine never was, and Namine the perfect caring mother.

It was a bizarre image, me as Papa Roxas. So bizarre, I don't think I'd ever think it again. I didn't want kids. Not yet anyway.

I sighed, moving my arms down. My eyes caught the wooden bracelet that made a small sound as folded my arms to my chest. Namine had bought it for me for Christmas last year, she said I suited things like that.

I smiled. I did miss Namine. I missed her a lot.

I looked at the clock and it was 10pm. Maybe I could call her? I didn't know what the time difference between France and England was, but I didn't care, it couldn't have been more than an hour.

I picked up the house phone and dialled her mobile number, listening to the dial tone as it rung and rung. I hoped she would pick up, because who knew when else I would have this sudden urge to ring her. After a few delayed rings, she finally picked up.

"Uh, hello?"

"Hey baby," I purred.

"Um Axel?"

I frowned. "It's me, you idiot," I said, losing my cool.

"Oh Roxas! God, sorry." She sounded surprised. "Gosh, what a surprise!"

"Yeah… Sorry I haven't given you a call recently, I've been real busy with stuff. But I'm here now."

"Uh," she hesitated, "thanks sweety, it's real nice to hear your voice again."

I smiled. "How's Paris?"

"It's beautiful here, Roxas. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to leave."

"Quite good then? Knowing you, I would've thought you'd be bored by now."

"No… this place… it's so different. I wish you were here to experience it."

"I'm glad you're having fun. I know I'm not."

"Only a month, Roxas," she spoke, "then I can show you what we've both been missing."

I had an idea all of a sudden. "What're you up to?"

She breathed. "Just in my hotel, relaxing in my bed, how about you?"

"Mm just at home, relaxing on my couch."

I heard her shuffle around in the bed sheets and the sound made me wish I was there with her, shuffling those sheets in a different manner. "Where's Axel?"

"He's out, somewhere. Are you alone?"

I could hear the grin in her voice. "Yeah, yeah I am."

A smug smile spread across my lips. If I was going to get nothing from my girlfriend for another month, the least she could offer was a little phone sex. "Are you wearing that cute little bed outfit I bought you last Christmas?"

"I was, but I'm afraid it's starting to slip off."

I breathed heavily, mental images of Namine slowly undressing running across my mind.

"Yeah," she purred, "it's all off now. And it's so hot in here, baby."

I closed my eyes, my hands lowering their selves to my lap as the phone rested on my shoulder.

"Hey, baby, what do you want me to do with myself?"

When she started to softly moan against the speaker, my fingers found my zipper. "I want you to run those fingers-"

Then, life shot an arrow right through my fucking groin. The door to the flat opened loudly and I scrambled from my position, holding the phone upright and just about looking sane as Axel walked into the living room, holding a plastic bag of god knows what.

He eyed me, noticing how flustered I looked, then looked downwards. Of course, of course fucking of course the bulge in my pants was highly visible.

His eyebrows rose. "Someone's happy to see me."

I frowned, still holding the phone to my ear as the moans coming from the other end were so loud Axel could probably hear them.

Axel snickered. "Oh. I guess that's for you." Then he walked away into the kitchen. "Tell Namine I said hey!"

"Bastard."