A/N:

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This chapter's theme song: Call Your Name, Daughtry

Remember photos and songs can be found on the story blog...which is linked in my profile. Enjoy!

Facebook Notification: Edward Cullen has accepted your friend request.

Oh holy hell.

It's only been three days, and even though I tried not to think about it, that little voice in the back of my head wondered daily why he hadn't accepted the request. One side of the voice said, he doesn't look at Facebook enough, while the other side thought the worst. That he doesn't want to even go there.

So, for the first time, I allow myself to browse through his profile and photos. His daughter is beautiful, and she looks just like him. She especially has his eyes. He's living in Port Angeles now, and his profile says he's working at the Yacht Club. His girlfriend…meh…she's all right. Not really someone I'd ever picture him dating but then again, I don't know much about him anymore. Or really, I don't know anything about him anymore…at all.

With that heartbreaking thought, I shut down my browser and get started on more unpacking. Today I'll tackle the bedroom. It's very hard to unpack Jacob's side of the closet knowing that he won't be using much of any of these clothes over the next two years that we're stationed here. I miss him, but not like I should and I instantly feel guilty. I miss my friend Jacob that I laugh and joke with. I miss the father of my children Jacob that helps me take care of our children. I don't miss the sex, because, let's face it, it doesn't hold a candle to…dammit.

Don't go there Bella.

Let's just say that I settled in that department too.

The doorbell rings bringing me out of those thoughts and I make my way to the front door. Rosalie and her kids greeted me.

"Bewwa!" Ben said, as he leaped into my arms.

"How are you big man?" I asked him, wrapping him in a big hug. I love her kids, as if they were my own.

"Whe'as Robbie? I wanna pway Staa Waas!" Holding up his toy light saber. He's so dang cute with his learning to talk.

"He's out in the backyard, buddy. Go get him." Setting him down, he bounds off to the back door calling for Robbie.

We make our way into the kitchen and Rosie sets Zoe up in her bouncy seat and takes a seat at a barstool at the kitchen bar. Sam heads down the hall to find Lynette in her room and we hear the faint sounds of music coming from her room.

"So, how's it going today B?" she asks leaning forward on her forearms.

"I know where you're going with this Rose. He accepted my friend request last night or this morning sometime. It was there when I checked Facebook earlier." I turn to the fridge and grab two bottles of water. "Water?"

"Sure." Taking the bottle from me, opening and taking a sip. "Ok, so that's good right? I mean, that initial contact is made. You should send him a message. Just casually, say 'long time no talk' or something to that effect. Break the ice."

"I don't know Rose…I…"

"Look," she interrupts, "from what you have told me. You guys had a pretty serious connection. He's probably just as weirded out as you are, seeing that you're still married to Jacob and now with kids and all."

"Key words Rose…still married to Jacob."

"Ok, so look, it's just an email, it's not like you're going to go knock on his door and jump into his bed."

Given the chance for that…damn.

Stop it Bella.

"I've just been watching you the past week, and I can see a difference in your demeanor. If he's that way at all now that he's seen you…well…"

"Well, nothing Rose…I'm married!"

"Yes, you are…to a man that you are not in love with. How is that fair to either one of you?"

"Jacob doesn't know that Rose. And I do love him."

"Yes, yes. You love him. You love him because he's the father of your children. And you love him because he was and is your best friend. But you're not passionate about him. You're not pinning away for him to come home from deployment so you can have your way with him and make more babies. So, I ask you again…how is that fair to either one of you?" she asks, staring me dead in the eyes and not budging.

"Ok, so let's say for arguments sake that Edward is feeling close to what I am right now. What does that matter? It's not like we can be together. He's in a relationship, and for the millionth time….I am married!"

"Jesus Bella, who are you trying to convince here? I'm not asking you to do anything immoral. Just talk to the guy. Besides…I'm a sucker for true love. You're meant to be together, I can feel it. So, go blather to someone else about the joys of your married life, but you know there's nothing in this world you want more…than Edward. Call me a liar." Staring me down again. I was frozen. "I thought so." She smirked, and with that, she got up off her barstool and sauntered out into the backyard calling after Ben. She picked him up walked over to the swing set, set him on one and began pushing him.

I stared after her for a long while soaking in everything she just threw at me. My thoughts were swirling around and my brain felt like it was on overload.

True Love? Yea. Sure. If it was a fact, then why…

"Edward stop!" I laughed hard, trying to catch my breath. "Ohmigod, please stop!"

His strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind and the swing came to an abrupt halt, his feet skidding across the dirt in a cloud of dust.

"Sorry, love. I guess I got a little carried away." He said into my ear.

"It was fun, but…I thought I was going to fly right off the dang thing as high as you pushed me that last time. Do you want to kill me?"

"Never. I just don't want you to be able to walk." He chuckled into my ear and placed an open mouth kiss in the hollow below it. Shivers ran up my spine as I momentarily closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I stood up pulling out of his embrace, pushed past the swing and walked over to the play set, climbing up into the castle-like wooden tower.

"Looks like I can walk just fine Mr. Cullen." I teased him as I walked away. "Whatcha gonna do about it?" Turning and peeking at him over my shoulder, pretty seductively as I climbed. He growled.

"You seem to have a fetish for public areas Miss Swan." He teased back, making it to the wooden ladder in just a few strides and up to the tower where I was just seconds later. Placing his hands on my hips and crushing me into the side of the wall.

"Nope. I have a fetish for you." I ran my hands into his beautiful copper hair, scratching my nails over his scalp, and down to the back of his neck. His eyes fluttered closed.

"And I you, Bella." He ran his nose along my temple, taking a deep breath, and then down along my cheek to my chin. My eyes fluttered closed, and my heartbeat picked up. He pulled back and we looked into each other's eyes. "You know that right? Do you understand my feelings for you?"

I swallowed hard at the emotion in his voice, fought back the tears welling up in my eyes and nodded my head.

"I love you Edward." I whispered.

He pressed his lips to mine in a gentle kiss and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. It was the single sweetest moment of my life. Here in the middle of a park playground, nothing special or romantic about the setting, with simple touches, and gentle kisses Edward and I gave more of our hearts to each other.

I slumped my head down onto my arms on the kitchen counter. This sucks. Why does life have to be so damn difficult? I picked up and headed into the backyard with Rosie and the boys. She was sitting on the patio at the table watching them. I sat down to her left and set my bottle of water on the table. I saw her turn to look at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't look at her.

"Ok." I half sighed.

"Ok?" She countered.

"I'll send him an email. But I want to state for the record, that I don't like this. For a few reasons, but the two that are bothering me the most. Feeling like I am somehow betraying Jacob and feeling like it's going to be bothering Edward."

"I get the Jacob part. Bella, you're not messing around on him. You're just sending an email. You email other guy friends don't you? There's nothing to feel guilty about there, unless of course you profess your undying love for Edward, and beg him to come rescue you from your life." She snickered. "But seriously, what's the Edward part? If he didn't want you to be able to contact him, do you think he would have accepted that request? Maybe it's possible he doesn't want to contact you first because he's not sure that he can without drama. Does that make sense? I mean, what if…?"

"Rosalie look, I'm not getting my hopes up about anything. This is just a 'hey how are doing' kind of thing, and that's it. I can't let myself get carried away in 'possibilities' or 'what if's'. I just can't go there."

"Yet." She states, matter-of-factly.

"Rose." I counter, sternly.

"Ok, ok. No more pushing from me. I promise. I just don't want you to have any regrets, that's all." She smiled.

The following Monday.

Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You

March 17, 2008

Subject: Hey!

Hey there stranger! How are you? Looks like you're doing well. Your little girl is beautiful. Can't believe you're on Facebook. Just thought I'd drop you a line and say 'hi'. Hope life is treating you well.

Talk to you soon!

Bella

Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You

March 18, 2008

Re: Hey!

Wow, Bella. It's good to hear from you. Looks like life is treating you kind. Yes, that's my daughter. I got pretty lucky huh? I'm doing ok. Living and working in Port A, but planning a big move to San Diego at the end of the year.

That's about it.

Edward

This is some kind of sick, cruel joke right? He's moving to San Diego? As in where I am living right now?

Fuck. My. Life.

Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You

March 20, 2008

Re: Hey!

That's really good to hear. Talk about a small world. I live in San Diego! Have lived here on and off for the last 6 years. It's beautiful here you'll love it. Mind if I ask what brings you this way?

B

Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You

March 22, 2008

Re: Hey!

Small world huh? I used to live there in 2003. For one it's to be closer to my kid. She's in Arizona. My uncle is the chief of the fire department in El Cajon, so he's helping set me up with a job. I am going to finish my EMT training and work for the forest rescue. Jumping out of helicopters to fight the wild fires. An old friend of mine lives out there now too, so it will be good for me.

E

Facebook Inbox: Between Edward Cullen and You

March 23, 2008

Oh, that sucks. That's pretty far away. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be that far away from here.

Fire fighting huh? Scary! Sounds adventurous, I'm sure you'll be good at it.

Well, it was good catching up with you. Hope you're move goes well. Hit me up when you get here. We could do lunch with the rug rats!

:)

Bella

"Yea, that was all very innocent. Nothing for you to get all flustered about. But, that's huge, him moving here! I mean, really, what are the odds?" Rose said, as we assumed our all too familiar seating of her at my desk, and me looking over the back of the couch on the following Friday evening.

"Should I have said that though? I mean, telling him to 'hit me up when he gets here'? Is that appropriate? He didn't respond. Why do you think he didn't respond?" Seriously? Could I sound anymore like a teenager lost in some juvenile crush?

"Everything you said is fine, relax. You included the kids in that invitation, you didn't ask the guy out on a date. It's fine. He'll respond."

"Rose, he's moving here? How in the world am I going to deal with that? Him being that close?" I sighed laying my head down on my arms.

"You'll deal with it. You'll be an adult, and you'll let him see that you are just fine. He's obviously not objecting to catching up with you, so you'll just go with it. I'm sure at some point you'll both have the opportunity to discuss the past and you can get your closure."

I sighed.

"Would you mind hanging out here for a little while? I want to go for a run. Clear my head."

"Go right ahead. I'll get dinner started for the munchkins."

I love this woman! We took turns on the weekend cooking dinner for each other's families. With our husbands gone most of the time, it was our little bit of adult interaction that kept us sane.

I quickly got changed, grabbed my iPod and headed out. Our housing neighborhood is located in Pacific Beach, situated right on the edge of Mission Bay. There is a bike and running trail that runs along it all the way down along Crown Point Drive, to the beachfront at the Pacific Ocean. It's a good four to five miles if you stay along the trail, and the scenery is breathtaking. I set the music to my "running" playlist and start off with a brisk walk to warm up.

The gentle guitar strains of Daughtry, Call Your Name come through my ear buds.

You never said, you never said, you never said that it would be this hard

Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard

There's gotta be a better way for me to say

What's on my heart without leaving scars

So can you hear me when I call your name?

And when you fall apart am I the reason for your endless sorrow

There's so much to be said

And with a broken heart your walls can only go down but so low

Can you hear me when I call your name?

When I call your name

Yea, that's about enough of that song. I hit the next button on the iPod.

Kanye West, Stronger. That's more like it. I start running.

You know those defining moments in life where you feel like you can go one of two ways and it will change the course of your life forever? I was having one of those moments. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I felt like I could make one of two decisions about Edward and Jacob and my entire life in general. I could walk away from my life with Jacob, and be ok about it. This I was almost one hundred percent sure about. It would be terribly hard to be a single mother, but it's not like I don't know that feeling already. All he's really been over the past year is a paycheck anyway. The hard part would be worrying how to take care of the kids and myself. But it's not like I am completely unemployable. It probably means that I would have to move back to Washington, since the cost of living is much cheaper than southern California, but I am ok with that. My family is there. As much as I hate the idea of moving the kids away from their father, its not like he can't get stationed up there to be close to them. The other part would be that I would have to do it for me, and not for the possibility of anything ever being with Edward. I couldn't even let him factor into any decision. It's just not logical seeing as this is the first time I have had any contact with him since Jacob and I got married.

I still remember the last time I spoke to him. It was on the phone, and I was cooking dinner for Jacob and I. He had come in for the weekend. He was stationed in Pensacola, and I was still living in Port Angeles. We'd been married about a month and I hadn't heard from Edward for about 7 months. I was placing the chicken into the oven when the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella…it's…Edward."

Seriously? Is this for real?

"Umm…hey Edward. How are you?" trying to be as nonchalant as possible and not let my voice give my nerves away.

Jacob was sitting at the kitchen bar just watching with an unreadable expression on his face. I leaned back up against the kitchen sink, crossing my arm across my stomach and stared down at my feet.

"I'm doing all right. How about you?" he asked, as my heart pounded in my chest.

"Oh you know, same ol thing. Work and school."

He chuckled. "Yep, I know the feeling."

"Are you still in Bremerton?" I asked, not really sure how to talk to him with my husband staring me down.

"Yea. Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while. I sort of ran into a little trouble."

"What happened?" I asked, a little worried.

"Well, I kinda got put in jail. I umm…was driving drunk and ran my car into a ditch umm…back in September."

September? When he broke up with me? He was driving drunk? Could that be a coincidence?

"Jesus Edward! Are you ok? You didn't get hurt did you?"

I looked up at Jacob who held up his left hand and pointed to his wedding ring. Crap. I have to tell Edward.

"No, I was, or am ok. Just really sucked. I missed a bunch of school and now am set back a semester. Luckily I was able to get my job back, so I'm not completely broke. But I don't have a car anymore, so that sucks."

"Yea, I can imagine." I looked up at Jacob again. "So, umm, Jacob and I got married." I half blurted out.

Silence. But I would swear I heard him gasp and then exhale really loudly.

"Yea, I guess I could have predicted that." Was his response.

What?

"Really?" I asked, sort of shocked to hear him say that.

"Bella, you don't see yourself very clearly. Jacob was crazy about you. That was always very obvious to me. It seems, almost poetic that he asked you to marry him as soon as I was out of the picture."

I furrowed my brow in confusion, looking at Jacob.

"Hmm…" was my brilliant response.

"Well, hey, it was really good to hear your voice again Bella. Glad to hear that you're doing well. Congratulations to you and Jacob. I hope you have a long and happy life together. Goodbye Bella."

I choked back all the emotion threatening to spill out. "Bye Edward."

And just like that, he was gone from my life again.

My run did nothing to help my head. I made it back to my house, and sat down on the bench on the front porch. I leaned forward, elbows on my knees and hands cradling my head.

I'm not over him. Shit. I never got over him.

What does that say about my life? Has it all been a mistake? A lie? There's no magic time machine to let me go back in time, and wait a little longer or change my decision to marry Jacob. There's no changing how my life has turned out to this point. There is only me now…here…today. I need to grow the fuck up and make a decision that will change and affect at least five lives, forever…or get over it.

I leaned back and rested my head against the house. Under the overhang of the roof was a caterpillar hanging upside down ready to morph into a chrysalis…about to make a life altering change.

"Poetic…" he'd said.

I knew what I was going to do.

I was going to Washington.

I was going to see Edward.

Ohhh...

Ok, so you guys have been wonderful! Thank you! I am so glad that you are enjoying this. Bella will get over herself soon don't worry!

The songs are:

Call Your Name - Daughtry

Stronger - Kanye West

They own them, I don't.

More juicy lovin' coming up again soon. :) And just wondering if anyone has seen a surprise coming up? I'd love to hear your guesses! :)