My night was ruined. I felt a little lost not knowing what Axel was thinking, and I felt like an asshole for shoving our little situation to the side as if we both didn't have to worry about it, but he was clearly worried about it, and I guess it scared me. I was really contemplating on leaving and letting him have a good night without having to worry about me, but I thought, fuck it. He wasn't the only one feeling shit, so I grabbed a beer, found Hayner and basically tried to waste myself.

It worked, the beer actually works sometimes. My mind was such a blur when I went running into the forest with Riku, Kairi, Hayner, Ollette and some other people. I can't remember why we went in there, but when did anyone ever know what they were doing when they ran into a forest with a crate of beer?

Once we found a small opening between the huge trees and branches, we all sat down in a circle on some logs and babbled on about stuff and laughed like everything was damn hilarious. My drunken smile never left my face as I laughed away with everyone. Everything just seemed so acceptingly fake when you were drunk.

"Alright kids! SPIN THE FRIGGIN' BOTTLE!" Hayner yelled. A few people kind of cheered, but no one was sober enough to really pay attention to what was going on. I don't even think Hayner knew himself.

Hayner had all these glow sticks round his neck, and it was really tripping my head out. The glow didn't seem to follow my regular line of vision, instead I just saw bright glowing lines running in all directions with each movement. I couldn't stop laughing at them. The guy next to me started laughing at me sweetly, I think his name was Marluxia, but I'd just been calling him 'that fit boy' all night.

"How about we just kiss the next hottest person we see?" Marluxia said, facing me closely, not really saying it to everyone because he knew no one was listening but me. He gave me a flirtatious smile and I just had to grin back.

"Uh, Marluxia, are you hitting on me sir?" I slurred as I kept backing my head away from his daring face.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" He whispered, sending a pleasant chill up my spine.

"No he fucking wouldn't."

Wait, that wasn't my voice. Far from it. I frowned at Marluxia despite myself then turned my head to the side. I didn't know where he came from but Axel was suddenly standing in front of us, a beer in one hand and a lighter held firm in the other.

Marluxia smirked. "Axel, meet my new friend Roxas. He's a real babe."

"Ugh, stay away from him you moron," Axel said loudly, grabbing my arm and yanking me off of the muddy log. I didn't know whether he'd said that to me or Marluxia, but I didn't ask after my head span at the sudden movement.

I frowned at Axel. "What's your problem?" I asked groggily.

He seemed pretty out of as well, because it took him a few moments to look at me and answer. "I came to see what everyone was doing out here… I can't remember where I left my drink…"

His face looked so confused and cute, so I smiled and held the back of hand where his drink was being held firmly in his lean fingers. "Right here you dobe," I said softly.

He stared at my face, ignoring what I said as he looked very engrossed. "Whoa, Roxy, your eyes are really sparkly. What've you been taking?"

I smiled again.

"Roxas? I didn't know you knew Axel," Marluxia stood up and said, making himself known.

Axel frowned and swivelled his head dramatically towards Marluxia, giving him a death glare. "Then clearly you're new around here."

Axel turned his face back to mine. I hadn't really moved my eyes from his face for that whole interrupting minute.

"Hey I'm not that new!"

"Buzz off…" Axel said back to him whilst smiling at me. I cocked my head to the side, wondering what he was thinking.

"Where's Demyx?" I asked, my grip slightly tensing on the back of his hand.

Axel still playfully grinned at me, his eyebrows slightly rising. "Why do you ask?"

I bowed my head, eyeing the wrinkles in his black t-shirt. "Because I don't think I could handle too much jealousy tonight."

"Oh? So that's why you don't like him."

My words flew honestly out of my mouth, but I was too drunk to give a damn, and by the looks of it so was Axel. It's not like he'd remember anything the morning after anyway. It's like that horrible Razorlight song goes, 'In the morning, you know it's gonna be alright'. A pathetic, nervous curl of my lips made my eyes fall to the ground. "I thought you'd figured that out by now."

Marluxia watched us both from the side, noticing how close we were. "I see you're dearly taken, Roxas. Sorry about that Axel…" he said and rubbed the back of his head.

At that statement, mine and Axel's eyes widened and we suddenly pulled ourselves away from each other as if burnt. I hadn't even noticed we looked that close, and I seriously didn't want to give that impression to anyone.

Axel nervously laughed, looking between me and Marluxia. "No, no, he's not my boyfriend. He's more like my little brother."

I frowned, disgusted at that thought. How the hell could he say that, even if he was just saying it for the sake of easing the awkwardness? I took a swig of my beer, to try and look casual, and sighed, walking away from the two and heading over to Riku who had Kairi sat on his lap giggling at whatever he'd just said to her.

Axel watched me walk away then turned his annoyed gaze back to Marluxia. "Listen, stay away from him. I know what you're like."

Marluxia smirked, folding his arms casually. "Whatever do you mean?"

Axel growled and grabbed the collar of Marluxia's white shirt roughly, eyeing flaming daggers into him. "I mean if you lay your dirty fingers on his pretty little head, I'll hack them right off."

Marluxia frowned, giving him an evil snarl. "Do something like that and I might just slip some information to Demyx about you and your precious 'brother'."

Axel's eyes formed into slits, his grip becoming a little tighter on Marluxia's collar. "You what?"

"I heard every word when you were talking to him by the bonfire. Every last dirty word."

Axel's mind became a sudden cloud of fog when he thought about the consequences of that little threat, and he thought it over fast. Everything, his happiness, his sanity, all of it would turn upside down. All because of some pink haired moron who couldn't keep his nose out of other people's business.

Axel couldn't help it, he was suddenly enraged. With his grip firm on Marluxia's collar he pushed the fist forward roughly and shoved Marluxia to the ground. The surprised pink haired boy yelped as Axel straddled his body and held his lighter toward his shocked face, but not flicking the flame on just yet. Axel's eyes were manic, as if they'd suddenly shone blood red. His grip stayed firm on Marluxia's collar and he was almost being choked. Axel edged the open zippo closer to his face, taunting him. Marluxia tried to keep his cool, tried not to look scared, but it was proving pretty hard. "You don't want to fuck with me, Marluxia…" The lighter's end moved towards the edges of his soft pink hair, and Axel readied his thumb on the switch like a gun's trigger.

Marluxia looked down at the lighter, a drop of sweat trickling down his brow. "You're insane."

Axel grinned. "I can be a lot more if you push me hard enough."

I was walking around the group absent-minded, watching everyone around me as they enjoyed themselves. The night had really calmed down by now, and most of the people were laying on the ground and staring up into the black sky smoking weed or just generally spacing out of this world. I heard a noise from behind me and I turned my head back to see a surprising image; Axel pinning Marluxia to the ground. I frowned, slightly confused for a second at the sight. But when I looked closely I started to notice a very familiar look in Axel's eyes. It took my responses a while to react, but when I did I cursed, running toward the two and doing the only thing that came to my head. I ran, and pushed Axel off of Marluxia as hard as I could.

The lighter flew out of his hand and Axel fell onto the leaf ridden soil sideways. He winced, quickly eyeing his attacker dangerously, and I had to take a step back when I suddenly felt really uncomfortable at that frightening gaze.

Marluxia scrambled to his feet, never taking his eyes off of Axel in fear he might surprise attack him again. I watched him stand and I noticed how distressed he was, and slightly astonished at the look of Axel on the floor. Axel was furious, and I didn't know what to do. I just preyed Marluxia would leave and not say another word, for his own sake.

Marluxia panted, looking from Axel to myself not knowing what to say. Why didn't he just fucking go? He stopped moving his head all over the place and stopped to look at me, still panting. "So this is your type? You filthy slut."

My eyes widened at the insult, then widened even more when it sunk in. He knew?

Before I even had time to think about it, Axel had leapt from the floor and was ready to strike a hard fist right into Marluxia's pretty face. But somehow an angel appeared and seemed to ironically save the bad guys ass. Riku held Axel back with a mighty strain. He was strong, but I knew he wasn't strong enough to hold Axel off.

Riku eyed Marluxia. "Get out of here pinky, I think you've caused enough trouble."

I watched the ground, not wanting to make eye contact, and Marluxia just stared after me as he left us. Then once he was out of eye's sight, Riku let go of Axel and shoved his shoulders telling him to calm down. Axel growled and reluctantly didn't chase after the pink haired moron.

I walked up to him and touched his arm, hoping to still him. Axel looked at me, as if a wild beast had just been tranquilized, eyes so full of defeat. He poured his gaze into mine, and it was then I realised we had a bit of a situation on our hands. The pink-haired Marluxia knew about what we did the other night, and information like that in anyone else's hands but ours was going to be incredibly dangerous. I hated to admit it, but I really wished Axel had scared him enough to not tell a soul.

"We'll sort it," he murmured so that Riku wouldn't hear.

"Yeah," I said, "Just not so much you'll end up getting arrested again, please."

His eyes fell to the floor, and I just let it go.

I heard running footsteps on the leaf ridden ground coming toward us from amongst the trees, and I turned my head to be brought with the sight of a worried looked Demyx running toward his beloved. Suddenly I panicked. What if Marluxia had told him already? What if he was running toward to me to give me a smacker right in the nose? I winced as he got closer, but he just ran right past me, flinging his arms around Axel and cooing loudly in his ear.

"You were in a fight again Axel? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" His hands roamed around Axel's body to try and find any wounds and he scanned his face for any cuts or bruises.

Axel simply smiled and pulled his hands away, holding them and giving him a slow kiss on the lips. "I'm fine, Demmy."

I watched them kiss and hold each other, watched as they smiled lovingly at each other. I could tell Axel was so happy. He was so relieved Demyx didn't know about what had happened yet. The only reason Axel got so angry and so full of wrath in the first place was because he was terrified of losing that happiness, and then I realised Demyx was the source of it all.

Axel was clutching so hard onto Demyx' hoody, and I just had to look away. Who was I to interfere when Axel was so happy? He deserved that happiness, he truly did. Some may beg to differ because of all the crimes and sins he had committed, but that was all just inconsequential. Axel had a heart that was never made to be broken, and if it ever was, that would be the biggest sin of all. How dare I be so careless and let a mistake like letting him cheat the man who makes him so damn happy happen without fail!

Axel was so content and I just… wasn't. Axel was the only person to ever make me as happy as Demyx makes him, maybe not in the same context, but in a much deeper way. Axel had given me a life worth living. I just felt so distressed because it was never the same with him for me, it was some other person making him happy. It was Demyx, and that was the true reason I hated Demyx so much. It was as if he was a wall and I was behind it, and Axel was the sun radiating light toward the wall but only leaving me with a lonely shadow.

I was here before Demyx. I was here first!

I had left and gone home about an hour before Axel, I just sat on the couch until he returned. Tonight was such a headfuck for me. I wasn't even going over in my head what I'd say to him when he actually did come back. So when he walked through the door, came in and gave me a blank look, I was practically speechless.

I slowly crossed my legs on the sofa and after a while of staring, and he crouched down infront of me, sighing and resting his hand on my knee softly. I really didn't know what to say to him, so I just didn't bother trying. I was so upset and irritated, and by the looks of it he was aswell. I looked at him with a worn out expression and his head looked up toward mine, green eyes slowly travelling toward my blue ones in a sort of reluctant movement. His eyes were tired. They weren't as sharp as they normally were. I stared at him. I knew too much about him, I knew everything there was to know about the sweet man infront of me, so much it wasn't even healthy for a simple friendship. So I knew there was something in his eyes hiding away from me, but there would always be something hiding away with Axel.

I brought a shaky hand to his cheek and ran my fingers softly over his creamy skin, just to try and fool him into thinking that everything was okay, because I was sick of his mood. But his skin was so soft, like silk. I admired every touch it sent to my finger-tips, the contact instantly distracting me. His eyes fluttered closed, leaning into my touch, but I didn't smile. I found myself leaning forward automatically, inching my face closer to his, but my mouth gaped and I stopped myself quickly. Axel opened his eyes when my thumb stopped rubbing against his cheekbone, and unexpectedly I lost my breath. "I can't stand him…" I found myself whispering onto his lips.

Axel let out a shaky, almost weeping breath, as if he were prepared to hear such a statement about his lover. "I know."

I wanted to ask him so many questions, so many were running through my head. The main question being would he still be happy if Demyx never entered his life, if he only had me would he still be as happy with everything as he was now? I couldn't ask him, I didn't dare. I knew whenever I asked a question as trite as the ones I had now, they would always be left ignored and unanswered, because he knew that I should already know the answer. Ironically enough, I hardly ever did.

After a few moments of watching Axel breathe shakily, his grip on my knee becoming somewhat tighter, I moved my hand away from his face. "Goodnight, Axel."

I shifted away from him and got off of the couch, feeling his trembling as I moved my body away from his. I lingered by the doorway with my sad eyes gazed upon him as he forced and willed himself not to let a single tear escape him. I knew this, because I had done it so many times. I had no idea what got Axel so worked up to look so pathetic, but I assumed it was the alcohol. Like I never did, I didn't ask questions. I turned my head to leave.

"As long as you're happy…" he suddenly burst, making me stop dead in my tracks at the nostalgic words. He turned his head to face me and repeated, "As long as you're happy..." then his features snarled, taking a breath, "Roxas."

He was tense, angered and frustrated, and my gut feeling told me it wasn't all because of tonight's turn of events. My head lowered and I replied blankly, "I'm not happy."

Then as if on que, like those words sent a bullet through his composure, a tear that diminished every living fibre of Axel's personality, rolled down his horrified face. It made me feel like a cruel bastard, and it almost broke my heart, so I left before I could watch any longer.

I went to bed, then decided that I'd leave town the next morning, just for a while so that dirty rumours couldn't be fed and dirty relatives couldn't be found. Axel would be fine, he had Demyx after all, and having me out of the way for a while would definitely bring him some comfort. I'd done nothing but become a burden these past few days, and it confused me to no extent as to how it all happened so abruptly. We'd both shed incredibly rare tears and it wasn't right at all. A week away would clear my head, refresh everything, so that when I came back everything would be just like it was, like it should be.

xxx

The next morning I quietly packed a small bag of clothes and anything I needed for the coming week. I rang up the college telling them I'd be out of town, and they hesitantly complied. I didn't bother ringing anyone else before I left, I hadn't even bothered saying goodbye to Axel. I left him a simple note on the coffee table telling him I'd be back soon.

A light bulb switched on in my head as I threw another T-shirt into my bag. I had an idea for a detour on my way to the train station, so I hurried myself up and slipped my feet into my shoes. The idea got me thrilled, so when I hurried down the stairs and slammed the front door after me I did not think to be quiet about it. So naturally, our creepy next door neighbour sprung his head out of his front door before I could even make it past the gate.

"In a rush, Roxas? Hey? It's 7am!" He yelled, agitated.

"Sorry Xigbar, I'm going away for a week, so you'll be free of me for a while."

"Pah. Where you going? Holiday? You kids get too many holidays I swear."

"Not really a holiday…" I mumbled, then realising I should probably get going. "Anyway, I have to run, see you."

"Don't do anything I would."

I'd dread to think.

On my way down the road with my backpack on my back and my hoody tied round my waist, I rounded a different corner and headed toward the small blue house at the end of the street.

I had someone to take with me. Maybe not for the company, but just someone who deserved a "holiday" as Xigbar put it. A person I knew would be tricky to get out, but it was something I felt I had to do. My intentions always made perfect sense, honestly.

I didn't bother knocking on the front door, instead I snuck round the trashed up back garden and climbed awkwardly up the drain pipe toward the window with the echoing soft music. My footing wasn't very safe, and the weight of my bag didn't help the situation at all, but eventually I made it to the rim of the window, and I heaved myself over it, panting like a bitch.

I heard a yelp from the surprised occupant inside the room as my body came tumbling to the carpeted ground. I looked up from the floor and smiled at the brown haired boy.

"Roxas! What the hell?!"

"I have a proposition, Sora."

He moved his head from side to side nervously, then scurried over to his door, resting his ear on the wood to try and listen out for something. While he did that, I got up off my ass and dusted myself off, pulling my bag off my shoulders and dumping it on his small bed.

"This had better be good, if my parents know you're here, I don't-"

"It's okay, I was all James Bond like."

Sora moved his head from the door, the coast obviously being clear. He walked up to me, watching curiously at me then eyeing my stuffed up bag on the bed. "You come for a sleep over or something?"

"No," I dismissed, sitting myself on the edge of his bed. "You know I was telling you I'd be going away for a week? Well I'm going now."

"That's great. So why are you here?"

"You're coming with me."

Sora looked at me funny, not believing a word I said. "Uh, what?"

"You said you wanted to run away, well here's your chance."

"Yeah but didn't you say it wouldn't be a good idea because when I got back my parents would literally murder me?"

I looked to the floor, trying to patch together a firm solution in my head that would work. I thought quickly, too quickly. "You won't have to come back, you can live with me."

Sora laughed in my face, obviously declining my request.

"Or you could-"

"Why all of a sudden the change of heart?"

I paused, realising it really was a change for me to say or do something like this. "I guess a lot of things have changed these past few days. It feels like everything's upside down, and I want you to come with me to the surface so I can figure out how to turn everything back round when I come back."

Sora smiled at my delicate speech. "Why me?"

"Because… everything's upside down for you aswell. Your parents shouldn't be here. And you need to think of a way out."

Sora nodded slowly, then sighed to himself quietly. "Roxas… I really appreciate you thinking of my well being, but I can handle it. My parents are the ones needing help, not me."

Bullshit, I spat in my head. "Then can you come with me anyway? Can you handle what your parents will do when you come back?" It wasn't that I didn't give a shit what happened to him if he came back to his parents after a week's disappearance, it's just that I had confidence in changing his mind once we were out of town, then by the end of the week he wouldn't even need to handle anything.

Sora sighed again, flopping backwards onto the bed and folding his arms above his head. He thought hard to himself, pouting as little things came to his head. "Do you think leaving this town would clear your head? I've never left this town, so I don't know what it's like."

"Leaving this town is like diving into the ocean. It's a completely new experience to try and survive in."

Sora scoffed, raising his head a little to look at me. "Are you saying we're gonna drown and die?"

I looked to the ceiling. "I'm saying we're fish on the surface practically dying already."

Sora lifted himself back up again with a huge exhale of breath. "Then let's do it. Your dramatic speeches are enough to win anyone over."

I grinned towards him, about to thank him, but Sora's mobile vibrated roughly on his side table, interrupting us both. Sora leant over me to pick it up and answered. "Hello hello?"

I watched him talk, naturally curious as to who it was and what it was about.

"Hey Axel?"

My eyes widened, shooting a weird glance at Sora.

Sora looked at me confused, listening to the other end of the line. "Uhh Roxas?"

I shook my head frantically, waving my hands in front of him.

"I haven't seen him, sorry. Yeah… okay. Will do. Bye." Sora hung up and scoffed. "Funny, I thought he'd be coming with us."

"God no, he's the last person I would have brought with me," I said, shaking my head.

Sora tilted his head, pouting curiously at me. "What's going on with you two recently? You've both been acting really weird."

I stood up, dusting my pants for no particular reason and turned my head to face him. "I'll try and explain everything later. Right now you need to pack 'cause our trains coming in an hour."

Sora looked around him, visually fussing over what he'd take with him. "Uhh…"

I sighed. "A few clothes, wallet, phone, nail varnish…"

"You kinda sprung this on me, Roxas. Most of my clothes are in the wash."

"Grab what you can, you look fine no matter what you wear."

"You're only saying that to hurry me up," Sora mumbled, opening a few drawers and scooping out some clothes.

I sat on the window sill this time, watching Sora with a thoughtful look as he picked up different hair gels then put them back down again, not knowing which one to pack. I looked at his face, his totally calm face, not a care in the world for what he was doing, or for what he was about to do. I really did spring this upon him. I hoped he wasn't doing what he was doing without thinking straight. I'd hate for us to come home and my efforts totally failed, so that Sora would have to go home to unwelcoming fist.

"Sora," I said seriously.

He looked up from his desk questioningly.

"Don't do this if you really don't want to."

Sora looked at me blankly for a few seconds just wondering what I was talking about, but soon broke out into a cheerful smile. "No sweat, this'll be like an adventure."

xxx

Axel's foot smashed into the wooden coffee table violently with a loud growl. He was pissed, he was more than pissed. Not only did he wake up with a raging hangover, headaches and dizziness and all, he'd also woken up to be left with a pathetic note saying 'I'll be back soon' and nothing more. There was no food in the cupboards or the fridge, there was no money left for the gas or electric meter, no money left for anything at all. I knew that Axel didn't work and had no money, that he literally lived off of all my earnings and a few tiny quids he got from student allowances. I guess I hadn't done it on purpose, I just didn't think about it.

Axel stormed through the flat, punching a few doors on his way then gradually reaching the phone. He called a few people, asked a few questions, called more people, called the college, basically tried to find out where the fuck I'd gone. I'd been clever enough to switch my phone off so that no one could call me, let alone Axel.

Axel's efforts went in vain. No one knew where I was, and the only person who did was sworn to secrecy. So Axel threw the phone to the ground in an act of pure frustration. Then he was silent, thinking things over as clearly as his hungover brain could. Axel sat down on the couch, running a hand through his hair then flopping his head down in slow defeat.

"Roxas, you little fuck."