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Song for this chapter: I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie

It's Not Over - Daughtry (they own them, I don't!)

As we walked towards the group of men standing at the bar, our eyes remained locked and sure enough, butterflies. Damn it.

I placed my hand on my stomach and took a deep breath. He offered a small smile as we approached and I smiled back suddenly feeling extremely nervous. This was not anything I was prepared for. I was hoping to have some more time before this moment and prepare myself for what I'd say.

"Rosie, Bella, this is Jasper, Garrett and Edward. Guys, this is my Rosie and her good friend…"

"Bella." Edward finished.

I sucked in a quiet gasp and swallowed hard at the sound of my name on his lips again. From the corner of my eye, I could see Emmett looking back and forth between Edward and me, and then at Rose and back again at us.

"Wait. Am I missing something here? Do you guys know each other?" Emmett questioned waving his hand between us, obviously confused at the silent exchange.

I cleared my throat and turned to look at Emmett. "Yes, Emmett we do, or we used to actually. Edward and I used to date many years ago. So, technically, you and I should have realized that we knew about each other already. Until tonight when I saw you walk up to him, I didn't put it together that you were Edward's roommate all those years ago, and you never put it together that I was…."

"Holy shit!" he half shouted cupping his hand over his mouth. He pulled his hand away, his mouth hanging open, he pointed at me, "You're Bella!" he paused and looked quickly at Edward and then back at me. "Of course, you're Bella! Oh my God! It never….I never even…." Emmett smacked himself in the forehead and I giggled at his antics. "Holy shit!"

"Yes, very good…I'm Bella." I winked at him, pointing my finger at my chest and he shook his head letting it all soak in.

Rosalie stepped forward and offered her hand to Edward, "It's nice to meet you Edward. I've heard a lot about you from Emmett, though not directly by name. I haven't heard a thing about you from Bella here, but I will be expecting a full report from her later tonight." She turned back and winked at me, and I was trying to cover my smirk with my hand. Love this girl! Edward offered his fuck-hot crooked grin as he shook her hand and his eyes found mine again. I greeted Jasper with a hug. We'd met all those years ago, and he was such a nice guy. His hair was a little longer now, and he had a goatee but he was still handsome.

"Ok, so first round of drinks are on me!" Emmett called out raising his hand to the bartender.

Beers were passed around to everyone and Emmett held his up. "I propose a toast. To good friends old and new; may you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

We all clinked the necks of our beer bottles together. Edward and I were last, and he held my gaze as he took a sip from his beer. Oh, I'm screwed.

Rose and I remained fairly quiet as we listened to them laugh and catch up on their latest "guy gossip." Come to find out, Jasper owned this sports bar now. He was almost as tall as Edward with his chin-length blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail at the back of his head. He was adorable with his southern accent. I couldn't help but smile when he spoke. I realized I had missed him too. Garrett was in the middle of moving from Oregon back to Washington. Apparently he never seemed to stay put too long, but he was talking about a girl he'd met and was thinking about finally putting down roots. He was about as tall as Emmett with short brown hair and a rugged look. He seemed like a really laid back kind of guy.

I almost choked on the sip of beer in my mouth, when I felt Edward's hand cup my elbow and him lean into my side, "I hope it's not inappropriate for me to say that you look beautiful tonight."

I couldn't look at him, as the blush rose in my cheeks and I simply said, "Thank you" while staring at and peeling the label on my bottle, feeling a sudden sense of déjà vu.

"So, small world huh?" he asked, leaning his back up against the bar. I turned more towards him and took a moment to admire the view. Come on! I'm married, not dead! He's still as beautiful as he ever was. A little older, but more defined in his jaw, with day old stubble and he was leaning back with both elbows on the bar…gah!...he was wearing skinny black tie that completed his look perfectly and damn if I didn't want to grab hold of it and yank him to me. Shit!

"I know right?" was my brilliant answer. "What are the odds that your old roommate is now my neighbor, and two states away? It's crazy." I shook my head and took a sip of my beer trying not to make too much eye contact with him. I was lost on how to talk to him. Stupid. You've never had trouble before. Its just Edward, talk to him!

"So, where's your girlfriend?" Because I promise I really don't care.

"She's working tonight. She's a graphic designer and has some huge project deadline to finish." He smiled. "Where's your husband?" he countered.

"Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean I suppose." He looked confused. "Jacobs' in the Navy and he's on deployment for the next four, possibly five months."

He nodded in understanding and we both took a sip from our drinks. I shifted my feet and remembered the dangerous heels I had on. I glanced down and slid a foot forward to peek at them. This wasn't a very smart move as my other leg buckled and I lost my balance, careening forward. Before I knew what was happening, I felt an arm around my waist and my hands and almost my face, were pressing into Edward's hard chest and I heard my bottle crash and shatter onto the floor. I took a deep breath and realized that nothing about his scent had changed one single bit. Fuck.

"Shit Bella! Are you ok?" Rose asked, half giggling.

I looked up realizing that Edwards' hands were now gripping my hips and I was still leaning into him. He smiled as our eyes locked again, and I bit my lip. No Bella! What felt like hours but was likely mere seconds, I watched a play of emotions flash through his eyes as I lifted off of him, and stepped back.

"Sorry." I mumbled dropping my chin.

"Not much has changed about you huh Bella?" Jasper smirked as he waved someone from behind the bar to come clean up my mess. I was suddenly mortified.

"Umm, I guess not." I stammered. "Rose, will you come with me to the ladies room?"

"Absolutely! Excuse us gentlemen." She smiled as she linked her arm with mine and we turned to head to the restroom.

"Fuck Rose! I'm not ready for this! I knew it was a bad idea to come to Port A, I just knew it! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I growled as I paced in front of the sinks.

"Calm down Bella! You're doing great all things considered. I mean, seriously, what are the odds that my Emmett and your Edward…?"

"He's not my Edward, Rose." I interrupted and took a deep breath. I placed my palms on the counter and leaned forward with my head down trying to regain some sort of composure. This is what I wanted. I wanted to see him. I wanted closure. I wanted to know what the hell happened all those years ago. Why did he just bail on us when things were seemingly so perfect? And then why did he just suddenly call me again six months later after not a word? When it was too late and I had made a life-altering choice. There was that part of my life that I couldn't ever have back, that haunted me and made me question every decision that I had made for the last ten years. He was my first love and he still owned part of me to this day. Unfortunately, even Jacob has never made me feel the way that Edward did. I'm still not certain of my future with Jacob. All I know right now is that I am not happy, and no one deserves to live like this.

Let's do this!

I took a deep breath and looked at Rose who was leaning her hip up against the counter next to me.

"You ready?" she asked.

"I think so. I may not get to talk to him like I want to tonight, but I'll get there. Just be patient with me."

"Ok, just promise me one thing…or two things really. First, promise that you'll use your head and not your heart. Think things through before your react or speak, because it's obvious to everyone out there the connection you two have is huge! But you can't let that interfere with things that need to be said. Second, promise that we won't go back to San Diego until you've talked everything out with him. I don't want you to be telling me all the things you wished you had said to him. Promise?"

"I promise. This all ends here this summer."

"Or begins." She winked.

"Oh Rosalie McCarty, what am I going to do with you?" I smiled. I quickly washed and dried my hands, applied a little more lip gloss, took a last look in the mirror and turned to head back out to the bar. I took a deep breath as we came out of the hallway and put a smile on my face. I would win tonight, not my emotions.

"Ok, but one question…how'd it feel to be in his arms again?" she smiled bright leaning in towards me.

"Oh Rose. Damn." I inhaled deep. I couldn't help the shy smile that spread across my face as I shook my head.

The guys had moved over to a pool table on the far side of the place and were setting up for a game. Rose and I stopped at the bar and ordered another drink before we headed over to them. We sat at a bar height table along the wall near their table. Emmett walked over and took Rose's hand. "Come on, you're on my team." He said, smiling pulling her with him to the table, winking at me. Edward came and took her seat, crossing his arms over each other and holding a fresh beer in one hand.

"So, tell me what you've been up to lately Bella." He said as he bore his deep blue eyes into mine.

I mirrored his posture on the table keeping my beer between us. "Not much really, just keeping busy being a mommy." I told him.

"And a wife." He added with a somber look.

I sat back a little, not really sure where that came from or why he'd said it. Apparently that look was on my face as well because he broke our eye contact and looked over at our friends involved in their pool game. You broke up with me Edward. What the hell was that?

"So, yea. Umm, how about you? Did you finish school at Olympic?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"I did." He nodded and looked back at me. "I got a BA in Business Management and have been managing the Yacht Club here in Port A. But like I told you already, I'm planning a big move to San Diego soon. I'm looking for a change."

"Right. That's just a crazy coincidence." I laughed. "Is your girlfriend going with you?" Really? Try not to be to obvious Bella!

"No, she's not actually. She's really close to her family, and they all live in Seattle. Plus, she has a really good job that she doesn't want to give up." She's an idiot! She doesn't love you enough. Stupid, stupid girl.

"Hmm." was all I could manage to respond with. "So, how old is your daughter?"

"She's seven, she'll be eight in November." His eyes lit up at the mention of her.

"Mind if I ask how she ended up in Arizona with you still here?" This is the part I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear. This was the part that was sure to break me into a million pieces.

"Well, when Tanya, my ex-wife" I flinched "remarried, her new husband got a job there, and there was nothing I could do to stop them from taking her with them. She has full custody, and I only have visitation." His sadness was apparent.

"That really sucks, I'm sorry Edward. I can't imagine how hard that must be."

"Yea well, she's a crazy bitch and I hate her for it, but at least I still get to see my daughter right?"

"So, what happened with her? Your ex?"

"Yea, so she cheated on me." He said matter-of-factly and at that moment I wanted to hunt her down and beat her ass. Stupid, stupid woman! Doesn't she know how good this man is? I shook my head. "Kaylie was only a year old when I found out. For a while I wasn't even sure that she was mine biologically." I gasped. I really wanted to hurt this woman.

"But I had a test done to know for sure. She couldn't at least take that away from me." Then I saw it. She broke him. Yep, I wanted to hurt her.

I was stunned. "Edward, I'm so sorry." I whispered reaching my hand out and placing it on his arm and we started into each other's eyes. He shrugged his shoulders. The jukebox song changed to a guitar riff and piano chords that came over the speakers; and then came the lyrics.

How I wish you could see the potential

The potential of you and me

It's like a book elegantly bound

But in a language you can't read just yet

You got to spend some time, love

You got to spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love

I will possess your heart

You got to spend some time, love

You got to spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love

I will possess your heart

I patted is arm and then pulled my hand back. I looked towards Rosie and Emmett. She was leaning over the table aiming to take a shot and he was leaning down whispering in her ear. She turned her head to look at him and I was instantly jealous of their loving little actions. I turned back to Edward and he was staring at me. "Excuse me a sec." I got up quickly and headed over to the jukebox. There were a few songs I was interested in hearing, so I punched in the call numbers and went back to the table, grabbed my beer and slugged down the last of it.

"So a Navy wife huh?" he asked.

"That's me." I smiled back. "Never saw it coming really, but it's alright for the most part. I can't hate on it completely, because I made two of the best friends a girl could ask for." I smiled nodding my head in Rosie's direction.

"That's good to hear." He smiled. "How'd you meet your husband?"

I laughed. "You trying telling me you don't remember Jacob?"

"It's been a while I guess." He shrugged.

"Does the lake bring back any memories? Third Eye Blind concert?" I asked half laughing and genuinely shocked.

"Bella, I remember those moments fondly, but my memories of those events do not include anything to do with some guy." He winked leaning back in his chair. Is he flirting with me? "Would you like another?" he asked pointing at my empty bottle and standing up.

"Sure. Thanks." I stammered. Still trying to decipher what just happened.

The music changed again to It's Not Over by Daughtry. Yep, who ever selected these songs was trying to kill me. I turned in my chair and leaned my back against the wall. I put my head back and closed my eyes just listening to the music.

"Maybe you don't need anymore to drink?" Edward asked as he slid back into his chair.

"No, no I'm fine. Just relaxing. I don't get to be an adult much these days ya know." I smiled as he handed me a beer. I took a sip and leaned my head back again.

"So, do you mind if I ask how you and Jacob got together?" he asked resuming his position of arms crossed on the table and leaning forward towards me.

"Well…I guess you could say that he was the shoulder I cried on when a certain someone dumped me." Fuck! Where'd you're filter go Bella?

I peeked my eyes open and he was looking at his beer bottle. Shit. I lifted my head and looked at him until he met my eyes. "I'm, sorry, I didn't mean it to come out that harsh."

"No, I'm pretty sure I deserved it." His brow furrowed as he took another sip.

"Umm, so anyway, we just started spending a lot of time together, and I guess the rest they say is 'history'. It just sort of happened. It wasn't something I was actually looking for."

"No, I get it. He swooped in to pick up the pieces." He smirked. "If I remember correctly, I used to be a little bothered by the way he looked at you."

"Yea, something like that I guess." I was suddenly really nervous. Should I start the hard part of this now? Should I wait? Maybe this was something that was better reserved for a time when we were alone? Was it even a good idea to be alone with Edward?

Shit.

"So…" I started.

"Do you…" he started.

We laughed. "You first." He said pointing his bottle at me.

"I was just going to ask how it's been having your daughter with you so far this summer."

He smiled. "It's been great of course. There's always an adjustment period though, because I am a little more strict than her stepfather. He's too passive and she thinks she can get away with things. So the first week or two are always challenging, and then we're ok. We've already spent time at the arcade and hit every pizza joint in town. Next weekend my parents are taking her to their cabin in the mountains for a week. The child can't get enough to do when she's here, I swear." He exhaled.

"So I guess you don't have a hard time finding things for her to do then do you?" I laughed.

"Not usually." He smiled, "My family generally fights me for her once she's here."

"The offer still stands for the girls' birthday party if you're interested. It'll probably be the last weekend of July. It may be fun for her to have kids around her age to play with." I offered.

"Good point." He nodded "We'll probably have to take you up on it."

I smiled, trying not to give myself away. "So, what were you going to say?" I asked.

"I was just going to ask if you're still interested in having that lunch." He asked almost shyly. "Maybe sometime this week, with the kids of course?"

I froze not sure how to answer him now that he was sitting right here in front of me. Oh Edward, I want so much more than to go to lunch with you, but can I trust you ever again?

He must have sensed my hesitation. "It's ok, you're married. I completely understand if you're not comfortable with it."

"No Edward. I was just…it's fine. Its just lunch with our kids, Its not a date or anything." I laughed it off.

"Of course not. I'd never disrespect you like that Bella. Just friends and their kids having lunch." He smiled and I suddenly felt very guilty. What would Jacob say if I told him I was having lunch with my 'old friend' Edward? He's blow his fucking top that's what. Stop it. Enjoy yourself tonight Bella.

The evening ended up being a really good time. We all took rounds at tag-team pool. Rose and I beat Emmett and Jasper, leaving Emmett pouting like a two year old and Rose having to promise to make it up to him. Garrett and Edward beat us, and though I'd never say it out loud, I was definitely distracted by Edward. I swear he was doing little things on purpose to throw me off my game, like leaning over the opposite side of the table when I was going for a shot, smiling his damn half grin at me and winking. Having had enough alcohol in my system to feel braver. I did a little flirting too, running the end of my pool stick slowly up the inside of his leg, or my finger over the tip of his ear. Hey. Two could play this game and it was harmless flirting. No harm, no foul.

Before we all went our separate ways for the night, Edward and I exchanged numbers.

"It was really good seeing you again Edward."

"You too Bella, I've missed you're fun little self. I'll give you a call later and we can plan that lunch." He smiled nervously.

"Sounds good." And then I leaned forward to hug him. He pulled me in so tight I thought I'd lose it right then. I've missed these arms and this feeling and oh, how I've missed the butterflies.

I had settled for less than butterflies.

Something has to change.

On the drive home in the backseat of Rosie's car, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I smiled ear to ear and settled back in my seat a little when I saw it was Edward. I felt like I was fifteen again, all smiles and giddy.

I forgot to tell u that I had a good time 2nite. – E

Me too. :) Was good to see u again. – B

Sleep well Bella. Talk to you soon. – E

Nite Edward - B

I sighed and leaned my head on the window watching the night whiz by. As we rounded Crescent Lake, the bright full moon reflected off the water giving the illusion of black glass that stretched on for miles. There was a slight disturbance of the surface and a ripple shattered the moon into a thousand tiny slivers. Once the water was calm and the ripples stopped, the moon was whole again.

Poetic.

Two days later, I dressed in denim Capri's and a yellow smocked tube top with a banded bottom to cover my tummy 'flaws'. With the kids entertained by the DVD player in the back seat, I rounded Crescent Lake once again heading towards Port Angeles for lunch with Edward and his daughter. We chose Gordy's Pizza on First since you can't go wrong with kids and pizza. It was some of the best pizza in town and had a laid back atmosphere that the kids wouldn't be too overwhelmed in. Edward and I hadn't really spoken other than a few texts since the day we set up lunch, and I was nervous about bringing up all the things I wanted to talk about.

When we arrived, Edward and Kaylie were standing out front waiting for us. He was wearing dark washed jeans hung low on his hips with a black and white buffalo check button-down opened up over a white t-shirt. He had his sleeves rolled up above his elbows and he was leaning against the side of the building with one hand in his pocket and the other holding hers. Hot. She was even more adorable in person and I felt another piece of my heart break. She had his same bronze colored hair and his exact blue eyes, but her face was shaped a little rounder than his, and I assumed that was something from her. I swallowed hard.

I parked the truck and after unbuckling Robbie from his seat and setting him down on the ground, I grabbed his hand and walked up towards Edward and his daughter. The girls were flanking behind me. We made eye contact and I smiled at him. He spoke first.

"Kaylie, this is Ms. Bella." He said looking down at her as he moved to face us walking up.

I crouched down in front of her and offered her my hand. "It's nice to meet you Kaylie. I've heard a lot about you. You sure are adorable." She smiled shyly and leaned in closer to Edward's side. "Kaylie is this is my son Robbie, and my daughter's Lynette and Madysen. Would you like to play with them?" The girls had come to stand right next to me and were saying 'hi' to her. She nodded and smiled at them.

"Kid's this is mommy's old friend Mr. Edward." I said as I stood up.

"Let's eat!" Edward exclaimed after shaking hands with each of my kids and giving a little extra 'fist bump' to Robbie. Inside I was doing cartwheels, but maintaining a calm façade on the outside.

We sat in side-by-side booths at the back of the restaurant; the girls all in one and Edward, Robbie and I in the other. After drinks and pizza were served and the kids were lost in conversation and coloring on the kids menus, Robbie wanted to move over to the table with the girls, so I figured now was as good a time as any. Just as I worked up my courage to breach the subject, Edward spoke up.

"So Bella, can I ask you something that might be a little too personal?" he asked, not making eye contact with me.

My heart rate sped up. I took a sip of my lemonade and took a deep breath trying to not show my internal 'freaking out' moment.

"Of course Edward." I answered as nonchalantly as possible. "You can ask me anything, we're friends."

"Ok." He paused, seeming to gather his thoughts…or courage. "So, please don't get mad or take this the wrong way. But, why did you marry Jacob? I mean, so soon after we…or I…um…broke up with you?" He was looking me dead in the eyes now, and I could almost decipher…pain? Oh Edward.

"Wow. Umm…" I looked down at my plate and then back into his eyes. I cleared my throat. "Jacob was always my best friend and I always felt safe with him. He was there when I was in a lot of pain and it sort of grew from that. Like I said before, it wasn't anything that I ever planned for, or even expected to happen really. When he told me that he was leaving to join the Navy, I realized that I had feelings for him, and I told him. I'm not sure when or why, but it just sort of happened. I didn't think I'd ever hear from you again Edward. You had told me that it was over, and I was doing the best I could to move on and being with Jacob just felt sort of…natural I guess. Looking back now…well, anyway, that's what happened."

He nodded and took another bite of his pizza. Now's my chance.

"Why did you call me all those months later Edward?"

He jerked his head up looking almost surprised that I asked. Did he think I'd forgotten?

"Do you remember that? You calling me, and me telling you that Jacob and I were married?" I asked.

"Yea. Yea, I remember. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Just wanting to catch up." Really? I quirked an eyebrow at him and he snickered. "You were always so damn cute when you did that. Calling my bluff." He smiled and I blushed looking back down at my pizza.

"The night after I called you…" he started quietly, "when I pussed out and broke up with you on the phone…I umm…well…I got shitty drunk and put my car in a ditch. I spent the next five months in jail and another six months on probation. That night when I called you, I had finally worked up the nerve to do so, knowing that since I'd been in jail and had made no contact with you, you probably thought that I didn't want to talk to you at all." He paused and I felt the tears prick at the back of my eyes. No! No crying!

"I never once stopped thinking about you that entire five months Bella. Everyday in there made me realize that I had made a mistake and I was being a chicken-shit about everything." Fuck! Stop talking Edward. I can't hear this right now!

"Edward…" I started.

"No, please let me finish. I don't know if I'll be able to get this all out later." He pleaded and I took a deep breath and nodded. "When I called you that night I had planned on groveling, begging you to forgive me and doing whatever I could to make things right by you again. But I was too late." He looked down again and I felt the traitor tears slide down my cheeks. Shit.

I grabbed my napkin and quickly wiped my face but not before he'd already seen. He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "So, I'm swallowing my pride and saying 'I'm sorry' for that night. I never, ever meant to hurt you, and if I could go back in time and change it I would. But, Bella, you're married with three children. I won't be the one that comes in between that. I know what it's like to be the man out and I can't do that to someone else. I won't." his voice trailed off into a whisper.

"Can I talk now?" I asked and he nodded letting go of my hand. "What if I told you that I never got over you?" I paused looking him in the eyes, and my emotions took over. The tears that I'd been holding back for ten years came flooding out. "What if I said that I feel like the last ten years of my life have been a mistake, or…don't get me wrong, I love my children with every part of my being," I sobbed, "but that doesn't mean that I haven't thought countless times about 'what if'. So many times I have wished I could turn back the hands of time, and make a different decision. Somewhere in the back of my mind, you have always been there Edward…and…sometimes you've been at the front of my thoughts too." I paused again and wiped my eyes with my napkin. I took another deep breath and bore my eyes into his. "There is a place in my heart that no one has ever touched but you. Ever."

His eyes held pain, sorrow, remorse, anger, and disappointment. Inside I was screaming for him to say something, but I just held his gaze and waited twisting my hands together under the table. I spoke again.

"When you told me that your girlfriend isn't going with you to San Diego, my first thought was 'how stupid is she?' Can I ask you the real reason why?"

"We have our share of issues, and it's just not something I see as being long term with her. She's a great gal, but I don't know." He answered meekly.

"If that were us, God Edward, there would be nothing stopping me from going with you! That proved me to right there, no woman will ever love you, ever….the way that I love you. For someone to love you that long and it never changed, unconditionally, that's a pretty powerful thing."

From the depths of my soul, I knew those words were true and for the first time in…well…ten years, I knew I was finally being honest about my feelings. I felt wide open and at the same time vulnerable to this man. Here I was baring my soul to him, yet again, and he could very well rip it apart again.

"Tell me why Edward. Tell me what happened that made you throw us away. I need that from you right now, more than anything else." I pleaded.

"Bella…" he exhaled my name. "I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you. I proved that years ago." He took a deep breath, his brow furrowed. "I'm a coward."

Chapter End Notes:

Sorry for another cliffie, but this chapter was getting wayyyy too long! The good news is that chapter 9 is halfway complete now, so just a few days wait. :) Thank you as always for reading! I love hearing that you love this story! It's close to my heart...so it makes me happy to hear it!