Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Song for this chapter: Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You – Kellie Pickler (she owns it, I don't!)

Edward took a deep breath, dropped his chin and closed his eyes. He rubbed his hands up and down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose between his middle finger and thumb and let out a sigh. I sat silent and patient, waiting. It was his turn to talk. I'd said plenty. I'd bared my soul without hesitation, but I wasn't going to look back on this moment, no matter what the outcome, and have any regrets for something not said. I didn't know if there would be another chance. Speak now, right?

I looked over at the kids who were chatting, coloring and still munching on their pizza. They were thankfully, oblivious to us, enthralled in the excitement of their new friend and their own little universe. Lynie looked up from coloring and chatting to me and smiled. I smiled and turned back to Edward.

"It's hard for me to say this but…I made a huge mistake with you." He started looking down at his hands on the table.

I felt like he had reached across the table and slapped me and I sat back abruptly. I was a mistake?

"No wait. That didn't come out like I meant it to. Not us as a mistake! God Bella, before Kaylie…you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I meant…I made a mistake by pushing you away. That was the biggest mistake of my life. But by the time I came to my senses you were already lost to me forever." He slowly lifted his eyes and met mine. He was in pain. "I got scared Bella. I have no better explanation than that. Everything between us was al;"too perfect and I just thought it had to be too good to be true. So, I put up this wall and pushed you away. You were so patient and loving with me, even though I know you felt me pulling away. You never stopped telling me that you loved me. You never stopped showing me that you loved me, and it only scared me more. Even as I was breaking both of our hearts by leaving you, you were still telling me you loved me."

"Are you kidding me right now Edward?" I let out an exasperated breath and began feeling a little angry. This…THIS is his reason? All for nothing…because he was a chicken shit?

"I told you, I'm a coward."

"Yea, no shit! Oh my God Edward! Why didn't you just talk to me? We could have avoided so much pain and regret and…fuck…mistakes! Didn't you know how much I loved you? Didn't you know that I would have been willing to do anything; go through anything for you? I would have…God!" I was trying to maintain my composure and keep my voice steady and low, but at the same time, years of frustration and emotion were coming to the surface.

"Bella, please…I…"

"No Edward. You ripped my heart out. You were it for me. " I shook my head, closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead.

"Shit Bella, I know that and I am so sorry. But you seem to still have me on this pedestal, and I am not a nice guy. I'm an ass. Didn't I prove that to you?"

"It's just a cover Edward. I know the real you. You know the real me. I was never fake with you." I said with no emotion as glared at him.

"I had never felt that way about anyone before, or so quickly for that matter. I haven't since either. When I found out you were married I shut myself off completely. I swore I would never let anyone get to me like that ever again, and I have never taken that wall down. Maybe that's why Tanya cheated on me."

"Tanya's an idiot and I want to beat her ass." I huffed as I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest like a pouting child. I turned my head and looked at the children again.

He snickered. I felt the tears prick my eyes again.

"She got to have your child and then just throws you away like…" I caught myself and snapped my mouth shut. Fuck! Filter Bella!

"Part of the reason I came home was to find some sort of closure on the past and us and to get some answers from you. Now I feel even more confused than before." I turned and looked him in the eyes and the tears fell yet again. "Do you have any idea how badly I want you to tell me that you want to be with me? And how much that makes me feel like an idiot?"

He held my stare and I tried to determine what he was thinking. The corners of his mouth turned up just slightly, but his eyes were still giving away nothing.

"Bella, you're married with three kids."

I shook my head and looked away. "I'm not happy Edward. I haven't been for a while. If it wasn't for the kids, I'm sure I would have left a long time ago."

"I really hate to hear that. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. You deserve that." He said softly.

"So do you Edward. You're obviously not happy with this girl you're dating now, or you wouldn't be so eager to move and start over. And if she even loved you a fraction as much as…well, she'd drop everything and go with you. Then don't even get me started on Tanya. You deserve so much better than that." Stupid women.

Still watching me, he said nothing and we just stared at each other. Speak damn it! I feel like such an idiot right now!

Our waitress came by and broke the moment asking if we needed anything else. Edward shook his head but never broke our eye contact. The man had the power to see into my soul and at this very moment I hated that.

Kaylie and Madysen then came to our table and asked if they could go to the restroom, so I stood and grabbed each of their hands.

"I'll take them. Can you keep an eye on Robbie please?" I asked quietly and he nodded. I felt defeated and I didn't know where to go from here.

In the bathroom, I ran cold water onto a paper towel and wiped my face. My skin was blotchy, my nose was red and my eyes were blood shot. Awesome. However, at the moment I was ready to write a note to whoever created waterproof mascara or I could have looked even worse. I cleaned up the best I could, and the best I cared to. Once the girls were done, I helped them wash and dry their hands.

"Miss Bella, why are you sad?" Kaylie asked me sweetly.

I crouched down to her eye level. "Oh sweetie, I'm just so happy to see your daddy and meet you. Your daddy was a very important person in my life a long time ago, and I'm just crying because I missed him."

"I cry when I miss him too." She said and looked down at her feet. I really hate Tanya.

"It's ok to cry when you miss him. That's what you're supposed to do when you miss someone that you love." I said back pulling her into a soft hug.

"Do you love my daddy?" I froze and pulled her back. Madysen was standing next to us watching this entire exchange. I looked over to her and then back at Kaylie.

"Enough talk about being sad and missing people. Let's go see if your daddy wants to go do something fun. What do you say?"

They both cheered and jumped up and down. As we headed back to the table, I noticed that Edward had moved over to the kid's table and was seated next to Robbie with his arm laid out behind him on the seat and their backs to me. As I approached I could see that they were playing tic-tac-toe on the menu. I smiled.

"Awww man! You beat me again! You're so smart!" Edward said, tousling Robbie's hair. My heart swelled.

"Yep!" Robbie smiled back proudly! Then he stood up on the seat and threw his arms around Edward's neck. I stood there stunned as Edward wrapped his arms around his little body and hugged him back. My heart clenched. Then as if it was nothing, Robbie sat back down and picked his crayon up to start another game.

I slid back into my seat and the girls gathered at the table with Edward. I quietly observed his interaction with the children. He was a natural. A long time ago, I had envisioned a future that involved Edward and children…our children. It was almost gut wrenching to see him being so good with my children. I sighed and finished eating the slice of pizza that had grown cold on my plate.

I was still struggling internally. Where do we go from here? He still had yet to really tell me how he felt now. Did it even matter? Could we ever be together again? If it were possible, could I ever trust him again? There are still so many questions and uncertainties hanging over us. Let's not forget the main one, I am married.

"Please daddy! Please?" Kaylie's sweet voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Well, why don't you see if Miss Bella wants to go?" Edward half whispered to her.

I felt the seat shift beside me and looked down into a carbon copy of my favorite pair of eyes. She was him almost completely, it was heartbreaking. Sulk much Bella?

"Miss Bella? Will you go bowling with us? Please?" she asked so sweetly that I had to giggle. I gave her a little tickle in the ribs. "Of course! I'd love to!"

Edward paid for a lane with bumpers for the kids and a lane for us. He flat out refused to let me even pay for one game. We got the kids all set up with a few light weight balls, their names entered into the game computer and I put on and tied Robbie's shoes. They were anxious to get started and Edward and I hadn't even changed our shoes yet. What I wouldn't give for even just a small dose of their energy.

Finally they were deep into their game so Edward and I started on our game. Everything was easy and carefree for a while. We were just old friends having a good time with our children. Of course it couldn't last long. We were on our fourth frame of the game and I had just rolled my ball down the lane for my turn.

"Strike!" I fist pumped as I turned back to the seats. Edward smiled a big grin as I sauntered and gloated. I did a little dance and wiggled my hips eliciting a laugh from the kids.

Right as I stepped off the wood lanes and down to the seating area he was right in my face. His eyes met mine, and I knew that look. Desire. He grabbed my hips and I felt my breath catch in my throat and my face burned. I swallowed hard.

"You have to stop moving like that if you expect me to respect the fact that you're a married woman." He whispered in my ear. His velvet breath on my neck was enough to make my knees give out. Just as he let go, I slumped into the closest chair and made every attempt to regain my composure as he made his way to the lane to take his turn.

Fuck.

The atmosphere immediately became awkward.

Shit.

He bowled his frame while I tried to focus on something, anything other than what had just happened. I watched as Robbie rolled his ball down the makeshift ball slide they had for young bowlers. He clapped when it knocked over a few pins and ran back to his seat. I watched Edward step up and pause to take another shot. I wanted him, but I couldn't have him. But did he want me too? What the hell just happened?

I pulled out my phone and text Rosie.

Mayday! SOS Need help! Going down in flames! Save me! – B

Thirty seconds later.

What happened? R u ok? Call me? – Rose

Can't call. Bowling. I'm so confused. There is so much to tell you. – B

You can't leave me hangin like this. Just tell me you haven't done anything. – Rose

Nothing like that happened. Just told him how I felt and he hasn't really said anything since. It's so confusing bc he sort of just said he wants me, but I don't know what that means. I hate this. – B

Sounds like there is still stuff left to be said. Guess you need to find more time for that. I have to feed Zoe call me later. xoxo – Rose

I didn't feel any better, and I was still whirling from our little…what was it? A moment? An episode? Ok, get it together Bella.

Edward sat down in a chair next to me. "You're up!" he huffed and laughed. I looked up at him from under my lashes and met his stare.

"Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that a second ago. That was inappropriate and I apologize." He said softly.

I put my hand on his knee. "Forgiven. But we still have a lot to talk about. Don't you think?"

"Yes, I do." He said placing his hand on top of mine. He gave it a little squeeze and I stood up to take my turn.

The rest of the afternoon was fun and easy going again. The kids had a great time and ended up playing two games to Edwards and my one. I beat him, and he claimed he let me. I knew better, but it was a lot of fun and the awkwardness was gone for the remainder of our time at the bowling alley.

"I'd like to invite you and the kids back to my house, but only if you're comfortable with it. There's a neighborhood playground behind my house that the kids can play at if it's not raining." Edward said rather shyly as we put our shoes back on.

I looked up at the kids and then back to him. "What about your girlfriend? Will she be there?"

"We don't live together, so no. But she's at work anyway and we don't usually see each other during the week. She's knows I was having lunch with you and the kids, so it's fine. Unless you don't want to…" he paused.

"No, that's fine. Somehow I don't think the kids are ready to be split up yet." I smiled as I nodded in their direction of the girls talking animatedly and Robbie acting like he was in on the conversation.

We pulled up in front of an adorable pale yellow barn-shaped Dutch Colonial home. Complete with black-trimmed windows with planter boxes and a small brick staircase that led to a red front door. Edward's home.

I was fully expecting to be met with the same old nineteen twenty's style décor when we walked through the front door but was surprised at how modern and contemporary it was. It had obviously been restored or remodeled. As we walked into the living room I took notice of the wood floors and guessed that they were the original ones. The living room was a light tan color with wide white crown molding and baseboards. He had a black sofa with a brown velour blanket thrown over the back. In front of the sofa was a black coffee table and both faced a flagstone fireplace with a flat-panel television hanging over the mantle. The place was immaculate and not at all what you would expect the home of a single man to look like. Or maybe neater than I assumed a single man's home would be.

"So…this is my home." He said standing in the middle of the living room with his hands in his pockets and a smile in his eyes.

"It's beautiful! Not at all what I expected to find when I walked through the door."

"Would you like to see the rest of the house?" he asked as the kids ran off down the hallway to Kaylie's room.

"Sure. Did you do all of this decorating?" I asked as we walked into the kitchen. It reminded me a lot of my dad's kitchen with the same old home charm, only instead of yellow cabinets, they were white with frosted glass fronts and they were lit from inside. The counter tops were a slate colored marble and the appliances were stainless steel. It was beautiful.

"Kind of. I bought the house right before Tanya and I got married. It was definitely a 'fixer-upper' back then, but I have put a lot of blood, sweat and even a few tears into getting it to how it looks today. I'm pretty proud of it." He said proudly.

There was a dining room off to the left of the kitchen and a door to a laundry room and outside to the right. We headed back thru the living room. Behind the couch were glass French-doors that opened up to a small library. Off to the left of the room was a black baby grand piano. My eyes focused in on the shiny instrument and I was suddenly taken back to the first time I'd ever heard him play. It was also the first time I had ever met his parents.

"I want to show you something. Follow me." Edward said as we headed upstairs. We had just finished dinner with his parents, and I was feeling a little sneaky going upstairs with him.

On the second floor he took my hand and led me into a massive sunroom. Funny. Who has a 'sunroom' in Washington State? The Cullen's, that's who. Situated in the middle of the room was a very beautiful cherry finished grand piano. Edward tuned and closed the sunroom door and then pulled me over to the piano and lifted the cover off of the keys. I gasped and my eyes grew wide.

"I didn't know you played." I said in a shocked whisper.

"Not many people do. The big football star playing the piano? Could you imagine?" he scoffed.

"Oh please. I think I just fell even more in love with you." I winked at him.

He smiled softly back and tucked my hair behind my ear before kissing me softly on the cheek.

"I want to play you something. But I have never done this before…played for anyone I mean. Other than my parents of course, so you'll understand if I am crazy nervous right?" he said shyly as we sat down on the bench.

I couldn't speak for the lump that was in my throat. I just nodded my head as I watched him turn and face the keys. It was as if his fingers were made for nothing but playing. The tinkling of the piano echoed throughout the room with a melody that took my breath away. He was perfect. How could it even be possible that this man was mine? I fought the back the tears that were threatening to fall as he played the last chord. He turned to face me then, seeming unsure and I crushed my lips to his. His hands cupped my face as mine went to his back and I pulled him closer. His slid his tongue into my mouth and I pulled him even tighter.

"Here. Now Edward." I whispered breathlessly.

"Oh woman, what am I going to do with you?" he whispered back against my lips.

"Make love to me. Please?"

"Since you said please." He chuckled still against my lips. "But you have to be quiet."

Then he sat back, pulled the cover down over the keys and pulled me to stand up. He pushed the bench back, grabbed my hips and lifted me on top of the piano. I went for the buttons on his pants as he slid his hands under my skirt and found the edges of my panties. I pushed his pants and boxers off of his waist and helped them down further with my feet as he pulled my panties off my legs and put them in his pocket with a wink.

He sat back down on the bench and pulled me to straddle his lap. I placed my knees on either side of his hips and reached down to stroke his erection with one hand, and grabbed hold of his shoulder with the other. He kissed the hollow of my neck and sucked hard. I guided him to me and slid him into me almost painfully slow. He looked up into my eyes and I began moving on him. I leaned down and kissed his lips and I could feel my body begin to warm to his ministrations. He reached between us and rubbed me, and my head fell back of it's own accord.

I dug my nails into his shoulders and he suddenly stood up, pushing me up against the covered keys and placed his leg up on the bench to support us. I braced myself with one hand across the piano and held onto Edward with the other, my feet on the bench. It wasn't the most comfortable position but he was hitting places I'd never felt before and it wasn't long before I was losing all control of my body and mind. He was pumping hard and fast and my God, I never wanted him to stop.

Edward covered my mouth with his and swallowed my moans as my orgasm exploded all around him. A few hot and sweaty pumps later and he was following right behind me. He slowed down but didn't stop moving in me as he rested his head on my chest. I reached down and grabbed hold of his ass as he continued to slowly move in me. He was bringing me to another high and I squeezed and pulled him tighter to me as another wave crashed over me.

Oh my God!

He stopped but we didn't move. We were both covered in a layer of sweat and when he finally stepped back and pulled out of me my legs were like jelly. He held onto my waist as he guided me to sit on the bench. I righted my skirt and he pulled his pants back up.

"Well, I've never done that before either." He winked.

"That was hot. I mean like…really hot…and damn." I was still trying to recover and couldn't make a coherent thought.

He chuckled and placed his lips on mine. "I love you Bella."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my lips to his. "I love you."

"Bella?" I felt Edward grabbing a hold of my left bicep and shaking me slightly. My eyes were still focused on the piano. Shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

"Are you ok? You seem to have spaced out there for a minute." Edward grinned that fucking hot crooked grin and his blue eyes sparkled. He knew exactly what I was just thinking about! Kill me. Kill me now.

"Umm…yea…I'm fine. Sorry." I stammered and my face was on fire with embarrassment.

"So, like I was saying, I bought the piano after the divorce, but haven't ever played it."

"Why not?" I asked, quite shocked. "From what I remember, you were really good at it." I cleared my throat and avoided eye contact.

He full out laughed out loud and then looked down at the floor. "I knew it!"

Seriously God…right now…I'm ready. Please, just kill me now.

I cleared my throat again and crossed my arms over my chest. "Knew what? What are you talking about?" trying desperately to hide my embarrassment of being busted in my daydream of him.

He turned his head and looked at me from the side and…holy shit…he blushed. He shook his head and then shifted his weight and turned back towards the doors. "Can I show you the rest of the house?" He held out his hand towards the door.

He showed me Kaylie's room of pink and white and butterflies and the hall bathroom. I stood in the doorway of his bedroom, but I refused to go in. As bad as I wanted to see his master bathroom, I wouldn't allow myself over the threshold of his door. Somewhere deep inside it felt like crossing some kind of 'marital vow' line.

"You have done a great job with this place Edward. I mean, I didn't see it before all of the work you've done, but it's beautiful now. I love it." I gushed as we walked back to the living room.

"Thank you. I love it too." He smiled.

We sat down on opposite ends of the couch facing each other. I held my hands in my lap and he laid his arm across the back of the couch.

"Ok, so let's finish this conversation Bella. I'm pretty sure that we both have plenty left to say to each other, right?

I nodded my head and twisted my hands in my lap. I looked up into his eyes and waited for him to start.

"Bella, I never got over you either."

Butterflies.

Chapter End Notes:

Don't hate me for following a cliffie with a cliffie...these chapters are just running away with me! )