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Runnin' Barefoot
Then I understood everything that Johnny had told me, every single word. And I felt dumber than a sack of rocks.
That was why she was out there. She'd been going out there since I'd left and been picking up the glass. That's why her hands were bandaged... that's why she'd hid her hands from me. She'd hurt herself trying to fix something she hadn't messed up, because I had hurt myself on her track.
I kept thinking, and the rest was like dominoes. She really had done everything I wanted.
I wanted her to train me to run faster.
So she taught me the best way she knew how. She yelled at me and taunted me and insulted me until that was all I could think about every time I ran. She taught me to use anger to push myself, and to use it to run harder. And apparently it worked, according to Sodapop and everybody else.
I wanted us to be friends. Even though we were as different as we were.
So she tried to be friendly by asking me about my hair, one of the most recognizable things about me. People always asked me about my hair. That's actually how I met most of my school buddies: one day they'd said something about my hair or asked what kind of oil I used and I told them. But I was so defensive that I didn't understand what she meant when she asked. She was trying to talk to me. Like a person instead of a coach.
I wanted her to teach me basics.
I had been slacking. I'd been getting slower than I'd ever been, and she'd noticed. So what did she do? She made me take my shoes off. How much more basic could you get than running barefoot in the country on clay dirt?
Every single thing I'd wanted out of her training me, she did. And what did I do to thank her? I called her crazy, and yelled at her that I didn't need her or her help. I sat up on the side of the bed. I felt even more stupid than before when I had no clue what Johnny had meant. I buried my face in my hands. I'd been all around lousy. To everybody. Jimmie, Johnny, Darry... I groaned. I'd never felt like such a lowlife'd jackass.
"You sick or somethin', Ponyboy?" I heard Soda ask behind me.
"No, I'm just..."
I couldn't answer him. Just stupid. I layed back down and covered my eyes with my arm so I could think.
She said she had my shoes...
She told me she'd bring me back my shoes tomorrow. Maybe then I could beg her to help me still. Not only for track, but just because I wasn't ready for her to vanish from my life, even though that's probably all she wanted to do. I'd talk to her tomorrow. I'd try at least. I had to. That only meant one thing, though. Tonight was gonna be a real long night.
"Soda, I'm gonna..." I turned and looked at him. He was out like a light already, so I just got up to sit in the den. That way I wouldn't bother him.
OoOoOo
When the time finally did come for me to head out, I hurried and jumped in the shower. I hardly got any sleep, now that I think about it. I was probably running on nothing but adrenaline. It was enough, though.
I didn't tell Darry where I was going or what I was doing. He was just gonna get worried and try and get one of the gang to go along with me and I didn't feel like going through all of that. I didn't have time for it, even though now that I look back, I know that was a bad idea.
OoOoOo
I got across town faster than I ever had, and she was waiting with her back turned to me. I almost didn't recognize her at first. Even from that angle she looked different. I guess she heard me coming behind her and she turned around... and when she did I almost stopped dead in my tracks. She was wearing a dress. I mean, I had seen her wear skirts at school, but this was different. It was yellow and light blue and had flowers all over it.
I finally did reach her and saw just how different she looked when she looked up to face me. Her hair was done different than I had been used to seeing it. And she had sparkly diamond earrings in her ears. I'd never seen her look so girly. It made my ears get hot.
"Here," she held up my shoes in front of me, but she wouldn't look at me... she hadn't the whole time... not in my eyes at least. I barely looked at them, I just kept my eyes on her, trying to figure out something to say. But I couldn't figure out how to put everything I'd figured out into words. "You gon' take 'em?" She snapped.
I don't know why, but grinned then. Like a mule. I'd never been so happy at someone being angry with me, but this time I was, and the next thing I knew I was squeezing the life out of her and had her off the ground. She was beating the daylights out of me with her fists and kicking and trying to push me off the whole time, but I just laughed while she cursed me out.
"Put me down, you..." she was using the shoes to beat me across the back and calling me every name under the sun by then, so I finally let her down back on her feet. "I knew I shouldn't'a come out here! Take 'em, an' don't come out here again, fool!" She threw the shoes into my chest and yelled.
"No." I just shook my head. I wanted to see just how mad she would get.
"Whatchu mean, 'no'?"
"I'm not leavin', Jimmie," I told her again. She narrowed her eyes at me when I shrugged at her.
"Ok, well, tell y'what. I am. Move ya crazy white ... out the way." She said trying to shove me. I didn't budge. When she finally did look me in the face I quit joking around and got serious.
"I don't want you to stop training me, Jimmie."
I looked her dead in the eyes, and for a split second she looked almost happy to hear me say it. I really mean a split second, too. If I had blinked, I wouldn't have seen it. Then she narrowed her big brown eyes at me until they were slits and flared her nostrils at me.
"Why." She said. What she really meant was 'gimme one reason not to knee you where the sun don't shine and leave you curled up in the dirt', but that's what she said. 'Why'. I tried to come up with a way to tell her really why, and it took me a while to find the words. But once I stopped thinking so much, they came right to me.
"Because I need you to."
She kept looking at me with her eyes slitted for a long time after I said that. It was starting to make me fidgety. But finally she sighed and crossed her arms.
"You got some kinda nerve, little boy."
I chuckled at her, "Yeah, I know. And you've got some kinda attitude," her expression changed after that. I guess she was kind of surprised that I was starting to open my mouth to her... but she wasn't mad about it. In fact, and I could hardly believe it myself, her mouth turned up into a little grin and she shook her head. That sent a million thoughts through my head. I couldn't rightly recall ever seeing her smile before that... not when it came to anything having to do with me, anyway. Was this what she'd wanted? Had she been waiting for me to figure out everything like Johnny had? Had she just been messing with my head this whole time or testing me? Were we friends now? I wanted to ask her every one of those, but she spoke again before I could think clearly.
"Ima be late for church," she said, "You meet me out here tomorrow aft'school."
She started to leave, then, and I called after her and asked what about my shoes. She didn't turn around, just kept walking and said I wasn't ready for them yet. She was probably right.
OoOoOo
I got home even faster than I'd gotten to the track. I was just going to walk back, but right when I had almost gotten back into town I got a feeling that a car was trailing me. When I checked behind me, no one was there...and I checked a few times, but I guess my nerves just got the best of me. So I ran the rest of the way.
I was just about home when I saw Johnny walking in the same direction. I sped up to catch up to him. Right after Jimmie, he was the next person I really needed to talk to. He turned when he heard me coming up behind him and grinned.
"Hey, Johnny!" I panted and slung my arm over his shoulder, "Where ya headed, I wanted to tell you somethin'."
"Well,... over to your house, then, I guess," he laughed, "Where are you comin' from, you're sure in a good mood."
"How do ya figure?" I asked him. I didn't think I was acting any different than usual.
"Well you're smilin' from ear to ear, for one thing," he laughed again, putting his hands in his jacket pockets, "I'm surprised you can see, your cheeks are closin' your eyes from you grinnin'. Come on, tell me."
"Well, I talked to Jimmie." I laughed. He looked kind of confused at me when I said it.
"About what?"
"Well, about how I needed her to keep helpin' me."
He grinned at me again. I guess he knew that I'd finally came to my senses by then, "So ya figured out what I meant, huh?"
"Yeah. Soda made me realize it."
"Really? How?" he asked.
"He was tellin' me about how mad I was looking when I raced Steve at the lake," I shrugged, "It just flipped on in my head."
"Yeah, it's a lot easier to think when you do it less. Some things should just... be. You know what I mean, Pon'?" he asked, "I mean, there are things that have all these meanings and they're all hidden and it's beautiful when you get deep into 'em... but there are things that are just there, plain and simple. And they can be beautiful too, and have meaning and be special and all that," he said. We were at my house by then, and I stopped when we got to the gate.
"Yeah... I guess you just gotta know when to be deep or not. Like... learn the difference, huh, Johnny?"
"Yup," he answered, "That comes with time I guess," he opened the front door and I followed him in. He seemed to have it mastered to me. And right then I got the feeling that I had a few more things to learn from Johnny. And maybe Jimmie, too.
TBC