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Songs for this chapter: I Still Miss You - Keith Anderson (he owns not me.)

Before the sun broke the horizon Monday morning, I was wide-awake. I'm not quite sure what woke me, but it was with a sense of urgency. I felt like there was something I had to do and do it now, but I wasn't sure exactly what that was. I don't remember my dream, but I was sure it must have had something to do with this feeling. I laid there in bed for a long while just staring out the window at the moonless sky. I could hear a soft breeze in the trees and a light rain dripping off the roof of the house. This is a typical start to a day in Forks.

Charlie and I had discussed in a little more detail, my decision to move forward with the end of my marriage. It's still not an easy decision, and I'm still not sure how to approach Jacob with it yet. It seems almost heartless to do it while he's deployed and virtually helpless about it, yet waiting to drop it on him when he returns feels just the same. I needed some time to figure out how I was going to tell him.

Still feeling that strange sense of urgency about something unknown, I grabbed my laptop off my desk and lay back down on the bed. I opened up my email to find two new emails from Jacob, basically just stating his desire to work this out and give me time. I sighed. I hated knowing that this would hurt him, but I like Charlie said, I had to stop worrying about how everyone else is going to feel. He said to remember that it was time to stop trying to please everyone and worry about pleasing myself for a change. He was right.

Any hope that a response was waiting from Edward was immediately lost. I tried to remind myself that if he had already read it, he could still be processing it. After all, it was a pretty 'soul bearing' email. Maybe I could have figured out another way to say what I'd said rather than emailing it, but it was done now, so all I could do was be patient. I was fairly certain that he would respond; it would just be when he was ready. At this point, I wasn't even sure what type of response I was expecting, but anything was better than nothing.

Emmett, Rose and the kids were due back today, and I was very thankful for that. I needed her, and him too and get another perspective on things. Rose had been through a divorce before, and if you can't already tell, she's no bullshit. She was the perfect person to seek advice from at this moment more than ever. Plus she's one of my best friends and I just needed her right now. I had talked to her briefly on the phone yesterday and filled her in on my decision, but was ready to be face to face with her and really get to the depths of the decision and have her there to 'hold my hand.'

We made plans to meet in Port Angeles at Smuggler's Landing for lunch because Emmett had made some last minute plans that would have put them back in Forks later than they originally planned. I left the girls with Charlie, so it was just Robbie and I. We spotted them already seated at a corner booth near the window, when Ben saw us, he cheered as he came running towards us "Waa-bee! Bewwa!" The boys embraced and then we headed to the table.

"Hey guys." I smiled as I sat down sliding into the booth opposite Rose and Emmett. I handed Robbie a kid's menu and crayons.

"How's it goin' Bells?" Emmett asked as he texted on his phone. He had a menacing look in his eye, and I was immediately sure that Rose had told him my decision.

"It's going ok I guess. How was the weekend with your parents?" I asked trying not to let the conversation become about me.

"It was great. Dad and I did some fishing with Ben while mom and the girls did some shopping."

I smiled at him and then looked at Rose. I could tell she was conflicted. She wanted to get right down to it and talk, but with Sam there and old enough to understand she wouldn't, or at least specifically anyway.

"You doing ok?" She asked softly.

"Yea, I think so. It's sort of liberating but heartbreaking all at the same time. Does that make sense?" I darted my eyes to Emmett and back to her.

"Completely. I think it's fair to say that if it wasn't bothering you, you'd be a cold-hearted you-know-what. But since we know you're not that kind of person at all, it's perfectly natural to feel conflicted. This isn't some small little thing, it's life altering."

I blanched. Gee, thanks Rose…as if it wasn't freaking me out enough.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to make it worse. Just trying to make you feel better about how you feel. Ya know? I think I know you well enough to know that you're making the right decision for you."

"Bella, mind if I ask you something?" Emmett chimed in. I nodded. "Feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but how much of this decision is based on Edward?"

I froze and held his gaze. "Before you answer that Bella," Rose started, giving Emmett the evil eye, "please believe me when I tell you he knows nothing about anything you've told me. Remember he knows of you from Edward." Emmett looked from Rose back to me and nodded his head. His phone chimed a text and he responded before going on.

"She hasn't told me anything. I've been doing a lot of figuring out on my own. Any one would have to be blind not to notice the crazy intense connection you two shared the other night at Jasper's bar. You don't see love like that very often."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare into his baby blue eyes and try to absorb what he was telling me. "Emmett, it's complicated." I whimpered.

"What's complicated? You either love him or you don't. Seems pretty cut and dry to me."

Just then the waitress came and took our orders. I was relieved for the break in the tension that was building. I was feeling overwhelmed and that damn sense of urgency that I woke with this morning, or it almost felt like a pull now, was back. Why did I feel like there was something I had to do, or somewhere I needed to go?

We didn't talk again about the situation and ate our lunch in an awkward silence. It wasn't that easy. Yes, I love Edward and yes he loves me, but that's a given. There is so much more. I lost my trust in him. It wasn't as if I could just open right back up to him. What if he freaked out again? I am not sure that I could handle losing him twice. He now had trust issues too, and let's not forget the fact that he has walls built up so high, I am not even sure that I can break through them.

After we had finished eating and paid our bills we walked out to the boardwalk. Emmett grabbed Ben and Robbie and said that they had some 'guy things' to handle and they'd meet us back here in a few hours. Rosie, Sam, Zoe and I walked down the boardwalk towards the pier. The same pier where Edward and I shared our first kiss. I sighed. There was a small concert going on in the pavilion. The band was pretty decent with a light rock sort of sound. It wasn't too crowded, so we made our way to a bench off to the side and sat down. I glanced down towards the end of the pier at the tower and smiled. Happy times.

Before I realized it, I stood up, turned to Rose and told her I'd be back. I walked along the weathered boardwalk up to the pier. Somewhere I needed to go. Something I had to do. As I slowly walked along the pier in the direction of the tower, I absentmindedly ran my hand along the cold metal railing. Breathing in the salty air I smiled as I stopped almost to the tower and leaned over the side of the pier. Turning my head I looked back towards the pavilion and could hear the sounds of the band and the crowd. A shiver ran up my back, and it was if I could almost feel him wrapping his arms around me here in this very same spot ten years ago. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. Pulling away from the railing I headed towards the tower. I stood at the bottom with my foot on the first step and looked up. Still feeling that pull, I told myself that I needed to face this. This is where it all began, and for whatever reason I needed to go up there and face it. Closure maybe? Something was pulling me back to this very spot at this very moment for one reason or another.

As I made the turn on the final landing I stopped before the last flight of steps, the pull was overwhelming. What the hell?

Five steps to go, and I froze. This could not be happening. Is he pulling me here?

Four steps. His back was to me as he leaned over the railing.

Three steps. His bronze hair was in disarray and blowing in the breeze.

Two steps. He turned to face me, his blue eyes shining and placed his hands in his pockets.

The final step up onto the landing. He smiled a shy smile.

Edward.

"What are you doing here?" I asked gently, swallowing hard.

"I'm thinking that you and I have been part of an Emmett scheme." He chuckled. "I didn't realize you were going to be here until I saw you walking up the pier."

"Oh. Well, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. I was just taking a walk after lunch while we waited for Emmett…to…" I paused. "Humph. Emmett's not off doing anything is he? He's probably down there now with Rose." I blushed as I turned and looked down the pier.

"If I know Emmett, he had nothing to do. He told me to meet him in the tower, but my guess is that since you're here, he's not coming. I'd like to stay if that's ok. Maybe we could discuss your email?"

Mortified…yep, that's how I felt at this very moment. I wanted to jump right off the tower and plunge into the ocean.

"So, you have read it?" I shifted my weight, looking down at my feet and felt the blush rise up my neck.

"Well, sort of. Victoria read it first." I gasped, jerking my head up and meeting his stare.

"Oh my God. I'm…that's a pretty big invasion of privacy, huh?"

"I asked her to check my email for me because we were waiting on an invite…it's not important, but you should know she got pretty pissed."

"Shit, Edward. I'm, well I won't say I am sorry for sending it, because that would mean that I didn't mean any of it, and I did. But I am sorry for any issues it caused you and her. That was not my intention at all."

"I know, don't worry about it. She's slightly overdramatic most of the time anyway." He snickered. "But in all fairness, she wasn't technically doing anything wrong."

I nodded my head and pressed my lips into a thin line. Now it was awkward. Say something, Edward. It's your turn again.

"So," he cleared his throat, "I guess I should start by telling you that we broke up."

I raised my eyebrows at him and internal Bella did a back flip handspring. He didn't show much emotion as he said it but I caught a slight glimmer in his eye. I maintained my composure as best I could.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I really hope I didn't cause too much trouble." Lie. Lie. Lie.

"No really Bella, we were headed that way anyway. We had a good share of issues and they just all came to a head. You did nothing wrong. It was inevitable really." His expression was difficult to read, but I didn't detect much sadness.

"Well, I'm still sorry. Break ups aren't easy no matter how or when or why."

"Yea, well anyway. So, wanna talk about that email?"

No! No! No! I'm a chicken-shit!

"Sure. What do you want to discuss?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady and my confidence up.

"Bella," he took a deep breath, "a marriage is only over when someone gives up. Please don't give up. It would break my heart." He begged with his words and his eyes.

"Edward…" I whimpered.

He took a few steps toward me his eyes still fixed on mine. The air caught in my throat and my body hummed with electricity as he neared.

Butterflies.

"Please say you won't give up." He pleaded.

"Edward, I'm not giving up..."

"Good" he interrupted.

"No, let me finish. I'm not giving up on true love. You see, I don't see it as giving up on anything, but rather finally making a decision based on my life and myself and not what someone else wants. I'm making a decision based on what I want for a change."

Neither one of us moved as we stood less than a foot apart, locked in an intense gaze. I couldn't speak, hell I could hardly breathe this close to him. I watched a stream of emotions play across his face, but the one that I had memorized was love. I could see it deep in his eyes. I sighed.

"Bella, I know what it's like to live without you. I see now what it did to both of us, but this is so hard for me knowing that your marriage will end because of me."

I smirked. "It's not all about you, Edward."

"This is my fault isn't it?" He said softly.

"No, it's not Edward. This is my fault. It's my fault for marrying him in the first place. It has nothing to do with you, but all to do with me making a rash decision and being too selfish to do something about it sooner."

"I made a decision this weekend." I said shyly. "My dad and I talked, and I'm…I'm going to tell Jacob I want a divorce." His brow furrowed and he exhaled thru his nose.

"This is going to kill him, Bella. Trust me when I say that."

I let out a deep breath. "I already know that. But the longer this goes on, the more hurt he will be. It has to stop now. I can't keep pretending or continue being selfish any longer. It's hurting me too you know?"

"You're right you know? You have always been that person that does things to make other people happy instead of yourself. It's one of the things I love most about you. You're not selfish Bella, you're the most selfless person I know. I hate that it's hurting you though, I wish I could ease that part for you."

"Just having you back in my life is enough for me, Edward."

He snickered, closed the gap between us and placed his hands on my hips. I slid my hands up his arms stopping at his biceps and my heart rate picked up.

Shit. Still married. Still married.

In almost a whisper, with his eyes boring into mine he spoke. "To answer your questions…yes…yes, I can consider the possibility of us and yes…I can envision a future with you in it. I can't imagine a future without you in it. Not now that we've found each other again."

I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close. His hands slid up to the middle of my back and pulled me in. Our hearts beat together in rhythm.

We pulled back from the hug but held the embrace and our eyes locked again.

"What?" he grinned.

I smiled and then looked away. "Just…you," I sighed, "us…and how much I wish things were different. I wish things weren't so…complicated." My voice trailed off to a whisper.

He inhaled deep and exhaled through his nose, furrowing his brow. He seemed almost, angry?

"What?" I reciprocated.

He shook his head and seemed to be battling internally what he wanted to say. He frowned again, "I should just…I should leave you alone, Bella. You don't need me to complicate your life any more than it already is."

He began to release me from our embrace.

I pulled him back. "Edward…stop. I don't care about that. Don't you understand? I don't care about the complication of you and me. I want you Edward. I've always wanted you. I need you in my life…and I think you feel the same."

He nodded and his blue eyes sparkled.

"But I…I really don't know what to do here. Maybe it seems simple to you…but you're not married. I know I don't want to be with him anymore, but…shit...it scares the hell out of me all the same…and then there's you and…that's all kinds of fucked up." I said shakily as my eyes began to well up with tears.

"I...I don't want to imagine my life without you now." He squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his forehead to mine. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make you trust me again Bella. Everything."

He pressed his lips to my forehead and took a deep breath. "I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I pressed my lips to his cheek. "I want that Edward, but you don't need…I just need you in my life. Say you'll stay."

"I'll stay as long as you want me to." He whispered.

"I just need to know that when things get good, you're not going to run away. And when things are hard, you're not going to run away then too. I want you to stay forever."

"God, Bella, you have no idea how much I've missed you." He breathed pulling me in tight.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "You have no idea how bad I want to kiss you right now." I whispered.

I felt as if I was in the middle of a dream as he pulled back and his liquid blue eyes met mine. He looked at my lips and then back to my eyes. He brushed his knuckles along my cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and then cupped my jaw. My heart rate jumped into overdrive. I felt him tilt my head up as he leaned down. I could feel his breath on my face, his warmth surrounded me, and yet I still shivered. My eyes fluttered closed. His lips faintly brushed mine and he ghosted them slowly across from one side of my mouth to the other. Heaven. We both sighed and I dropped my chin.

"I'm sure I might." He chuckled.

God, I wanted him to kiss me, with every fiber of my being, I wanted him to kiss me. But, I didn't want to be that girl either. I couldn't do to Jacob what Tanya had done to him. I knew I'd never be able to live with myself if I did. Damn morals!

He took my hand, laced our fingers and turned us towards the stairs. We made our way down the tower and back towards the end of the pier. Rosie and Emmett were at the concert with all the kids and right before we greeted them, he dropped my hand. I sighed at the loss of contact.

Soon Bella. Soon this man will be all yours and you can scream it from the rooftops!

Chapter End Notes:

So...what do ya think? Toss the morals and jump his bones or wait it out? I can't say what I would do...I mean, Hello...it's Edward? What would YOU do? Ha!

These two obviously still have a ways to go, but stick with me...as long as Jacob doesn't cause any problems...

Next chapter coming up soon! You know I don't like to make you wait too long!