Doctor: For the last time there's no such thing as magic! Where are we? The Dark Ages?
Everyone: Yes!
Rose: We're not sorcerers.
Uther: You claimed to travel in a small blue box, that's bigger on the inside, through space and time.
Doctor: That's just a figure of expression. I'm a lord. See my papers [hold's up physic paper].
Uther: You could have used magic to fabricate this. Why should I trust you?
Doctor: Because first of all I'm amazingly witty, hilarious and intelligent, also look at this smile [smiles]. How could anyone reset?
[Merlin walks forward]
Merlin: Excuse me, but I'm the one with the most wonderful smile.
Doctor: Are not!
Merlin: Oh, it's on!
[American idol music]
Uther: Welcome to Camelot's smiles! I am your king, Uther Pentdragon, and these are your judges: Sir Leon.
Leon: How did I get here?
Uther: Captain Jack Heartness.
Captain Jack: Hey there everyone.
Uther: And lastly George Takei.
George: Hello.
Uther: Let's begin. First up is The Doctor. Doctor.
[Doctor does his smile.]
Uther: Next is my son's manservant Marvin...Merman...
Arthur: Merlin!
Uther: Oh, right. Merlin.
[Merlin does his smile]
Sir Leon: The Doctor's smile has got sort of of an " aren't I so clever" kind of charm, whereas Merlin has the "I'm the innocent best friend" look.
Captain Jack: I have to agree with Sir Leon. All I'm saying is that I wouldn't mind a little bit of both, if you know what I mean.
Doctor: Jack!
Captain Jack: It's a compliment!
George Takei: Truthfully, I have no idea what I'm doing here.
Captain Jack: Why hello there.
George Takei: Hello.
Leon: So, in the end, we call it a tie.
Everyone: Hooray.
Arthur: Everyone, be more medieval!
Everyone: Hazzah!
Uther: And as winners you both get to keep your lives.
Rose: What about me?
Uther: Who are you? [changing subject] And now a word from last years winner of "who get's banished now"and currently knight of Arthur's round table: Gwaine.
Gwaine: Bum-ba-dum-ba-dum
[Gwaine, Lancelot, Elyan, Leon and Percieval: "We're knights of the round table
We dance when e're we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impecc-able
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam alot
We're knights of the round table
Our shows are for-mid-able
But many times, we're given rhythms
That are quite unsing-able
We're opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lot
In war we're tough and able.
Quite indefatigable
Between our quests we sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot.
Percieval: I have to push the pram a lot!]
Gaius: Stop that! Stop that! It's too silly and a bit suspicious...Carry on!