[Cut to Merlin bursting into Arthur's room. Arthur's in there with Gwen and Uther. Uther is acting like a chicken.]
Merlin: Arthur!
Arthur: Merlin! Haven't you learnt to knock?
[Arthur takes off his shirt. Everyone takes a sip of drink]
Merlin: Morgana has gotten her hands on a very powerful weapon and we must get her.
Uther: (like a bird) CACA!
Arthur: Where can we find her?
Merlin: In Cendred's castle.
Gwen: How did you figure that out?
Merlin: It's in this note (pulls out note). I had Gaius translate it for me.
Uther:(singing) "I believe I can fly! I got caught by the FBI! All I wanted was a chicken wing! Now I've gone and lost everything!"
Arthur: Alright, let's go!
Gwen: I'm going with you.
Arthur: No Gwen it's too dangerous.
Gwen: No, I'm going because it proves how this show is pro-feminism even though during these times it would be a scandal for a woman of any rank to be involve with such activities...Also, I'm a blacksmith's daughter.
Merlin: How does that-
Arthur: Well, that's convinced me. Let's go!
[ Cut to Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Doctor, and Rose all on horses ridding to Cendred's castle.]
Merlin: I spy with my little eye something egotistical, prattish and blond.
Rose: Arthur?
Arthur: Shut up!
Gwen: I spy with my little eye something tall, made of stone and dangerous looking.
Doctor: Cendred's castle?
[They have arrived]
Merlin: Well that was surprisingly simple. I can't believe nothing went wrong.
[They all pass out. They wake up in a cell]
Arthur: You had to open your big mouth, didn't you Merlin?
[Morgana enters. Arthur takes off his shirt. Everyone takes a drink.]
Morgana: Hello there Merlin, Gwen, brother. ( turns to the doctor and rose) So you two must be the owner of the mysterious blue box.
Rose: I'm Rose.
Doctor: And I'm the Doctor.
Morgana: A doctor! You're just what I need. My sister needs help.
[Morgana leaves then comes back with Morgause who has a huge scar on her face.]
Merlin: Her neck broke! How did she only get a scar?
Morgana: Silence! I kill you! (to the Doctor) Please help me. Since her accident she's been speaking in tongues.
Morgause: AAMOF WU?
Morgana: I can't understand a word she's saying.
Morgause: URSAI.
Doctor: here's the thing. I'm not that kind of a doctor. In fact Doctor is my name.
Rose: Not his real name, but no one knows what his real name is.
Morgause:WYRN.
Morgana: No morgause, there are no Wyverins here.
Morgause: TINWIS!
Morgana: Please don't be angry with me.
Morgause: Sry, 3 u lil sis.
Morgana: I think I understood that.
Rose: Oh, I know what's going on. She's speaking in text.
Morgana: Text? This must be some language of the old religion. I must learn it! (points to Rose) You! You, will teach me the ways of texting!
Rose: Oh no.
Morgana: Everyone else can leave!
(Uses a spell to transport everyone, but Rose, back to Camelot.)
Doctor: We must save Rose!
Merlin: I don't get it. Morgana had all of us as her prisoners, yet she released us all. She could have gotten rid of all of us.
Gwen: Yes, but see looking at this from a logical standpoint would cause the plot to completely fall apart.
Doctor: There's a plot?
PartlyInsaneEvilKitty: Don't question me and my powers of absolutely randomness! MUHAHAHA!
Arthur: Anyways, we should go to my father to see if he will lend us knights to create a rescue party.
Merlin: Your father wouldn't let you create a rescue party for Gwen when she was in trouble and she's a citizen of Camelot. What makes you think your father will let you make one for a visiting woman, who he suspected of witchcraft?
Arthur: Well, he has lost his marbles.
[Everyone mumbles in agreement.]
[Cut to Uther sitting at the throne. There are a lot of people standing around and talking. Uther is wearing his crown upside down and is dressed in drag. Arthur, Merlin, Gwen and the Doctor enter.]
Arthur: FATHER!
[Arthur takes off his shirt and everyone in the room takes a drink]
Doctor: Seriously, does he have to keep doing that?
All the Girls: Yes!
Gwen: Hands off! He's mine!
Doctor: (to Gwen) Wait, you and Arthur?
Gwen: Yes.
Doctor: ( he looks at Merlin) I thought that he was...well, you know.
Merlin: What are you talking about?
Doctor: You and Arthur...
Merlin: GROSS! That's disgusting.
Slash Fans: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bromance Fans: YESSSSSSSSS!
Arthur: (to his father) Father, the Lady Rose has been captured by Morgana. We must save her.
Uther: Sorry, no can do.
Arthur: But this may be the perfect opportunity to capture Morgana and punish her for her crimes.
Uther: Does this dress make my butt look big?
Arthur: Dad!
Uther: " I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!"
Arthur: I can't believe this. Why, why me?
Uther: Why you? I'm the one with a thankless job.
Arthur: Please dad!
Uther: No!
Arthur: I'll keep annoying you until you say yes.
Uther: No!
Arthur: DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD!
PartlyInsaneEvilKitty: SHUT UP!
Uther: Okay fine! you can have you stupid rescue party. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to attend to because I'm just a "Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!"
[Uther exits. Merlin walks up to Arthur.]
Arthur: Don't you dare say anything.
Merlin: My lips are sealed as long as you stop calling me a girl.
Arthur: Deal.
Gwen: Alright everyone, let's get this rescue party on the road.
[After an epic 80's montage of the knights getting ready. They ride off. Gwen, Arthur, Leon, Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, Merlin, Lancelot and the Doctor. are ridding together]
Merlin: So everyone knows we're the ones who are going to be the only ones to find them right?
Lancelot: What do you mean.
Merlin: Think about it, we are always the ones who get in the most trouble yet always survive. Leon has nearly died more times than I can count. Gwaine is too likable to ever get killed off. Gwen is Arthur's true love and Arthur is prince, therefore they will be fine. I have face more dangerous creatures imaginable without amor and always come out unscathed. Lastly, Elyan and Percival have both survived an immortal army attack.
[Everyone remains silent.]
Merlin: Also we're the main characters.
Everyone: Oh.
Gwaine: So the only one we have to worry about is Doctor boy here.
Doctor: Who are you calling boy? I'm most defiantly older than you.
Gwaine: No argument there.
Doctor: Besides, I'm never killed. Everyone around me always dies, but I never do. So maybe this will all be your unlucky day.
Lancelot: Everyone, let's not bicker and argue about who will get who killed first. We're on important business.