Soooo here's ther thing... you're gonna hate me after this chapter and IM SORRY but it will work out in the end! :D I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE! for now... ima go hide behind a rock, and i will have one more chapter and an epilogue after this sooo enjoy :)

He couldn't pretend to Lily anymore, he decided the next morning after the full moon. However many times they had slept together in drunken stupors or in distinctly euphoric happiness he had finally told her how he felt for her. Because he did feel for her. He felt the way he should feel for Victoire. The way he once did feel for Victoire. Lily meant everything to him. She was his tiny light in a pitch black tunnel that had become his life. It didn't matter that Victoire was suffocating him so much with her smothering self ever since he begged her for another chance. If it wasn't for Lucas he'd have declared it to her long ago. But he couldn't pretend. She now knew the way he felt. She knew that he had fallen head over heels in love with her. He, after all, had never been one to resist the temptation of something so decadent, so beautiful, so... forbidden. And, Merlin, he wasn't about to start now. It was just such a shame she was putting up such a fight.

What he didn't count upon was Lily avoiding him more than usual. All of a sudden she had gotten more cuddly close with Lysander. They were never more than three inches apart and talking to her had become a near impossible task. All he could hope for was two moments alone with her. Something that seemed to be getting more and more unlikely as time went on. The only time he could corner her was in her office at St Mungos. Or at least he thought, they had informed him that she had begun working from home on a research project months ago. Dejectedly he went home, back to his unloving wife and his bouncing little boy. Because really, without Lily, what else did he have to live for except Lucas?

It was not until the Potter's annual Christmas party Teddy saw Lily again to find a few precious moments alone with the bright red headed girl again. The kitchen was a quiet place during the festivities as the party was currently taking place in the ballroom. Ginny had told him to go find some more ice. It just so happened that Lily was also in the kitchen, tears falling from her prettily done up eyes, tear tracks coursing down her cheeks. Faint lines cut through the blush and powder that resided there, making her look a little like a clown. But she was a broken clown. And in Teddy's eyes she was a beautiful clown.

Forgetting about the ice for a moment he walked over to the beautiful girl leaning against the sink, a glass of firewhisky in her hand. He took the glass from her and placed it upon the nearest counter, pulling her to him as gently as he could, afraid she would pull away from him and avoid him again. As she had been doing for the last three months. Murmuring soft words of comfort in her ear he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. She felt relaxed in his arms. His big, warm, comforting arms. He kissed her head one last time before she looked up at him with wide, doe-like eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly. She shook her head, letting him know she did not want to talk about it. He frowned taking her hands in his. "Lils, please. I'm worried about you."

Sighing she whispered. "Can you take me away? Anywhere, just... not here." He nodded keeping a firm grip on her hands as he apparated out of her kitchen and back into her apartment, the oh-so-familiar surroundings now changed due to Lysander's additions, tainting, marring her personal space. He stared down at her with a worried expression as her tears came again, thick and fast.

"Lil?" She shook her head again, indicating him to not speak. Instead she opened her bag and produced a small moving black and white picture of a slightly blurred peanut. He looked at her in confusion. "You're pregnant?" Again she shook her head. His expression became distinctly more sombre as realisation dawned upon him. "You miscarried?" he whispered softly, pulling her into his chest again. "I'm so sorry, Lil. I – I don't know what to say."

For many moments Lily didn't say anything, she just buried her face in his shirt collar and sobbed softly albeit slightly hysterically. He could tell this was a new occurrence in her life and he didn't want her to feel as though she didn't have anyone to turn to. Teddy doubted her family knew of the predicament as Lily more or less kept herself to herself, rarely being expressive or indeed even sharing most of the time. So long it had taken Teddy to break through her protective barrier but now that he had he didn't ever want it to go away. He like it when Lily trusted him enough to tell him things, he wasn't about to let it go quickly.

"It was yours," she sobbed miserably into his chest. Closing his eyes against the onslaught of emotions that began to build up inside him, he held her tighter, pulling her onto his lap, rocking her back and forth slightly, like he used to do when she was small and had grazed her knee.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear. "I'm so so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she whispered. "Healer said something about the lycanthropic gene being prominent. It began to spasm during the last full moon... ripped itself from the lining or something."

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, not knowing what else to say. Her eyes fell closed as she rested her head upon his shoulder, her tears slowing after a while. "How long ago did it happen?"

"I was about four months along..." she looked down at her now totally flat stomach with distain. "Lysander... he- he found out. He noticed that I was getting fatter. He thought it was his. Obviously he left me after he found out it wasn't. I – I feel so alone, Ted."

Teddy felt like his heart was shattering as he stared at the beautiful girl in his arms. He hated how much pain he had caused her. "You have me-"

"No, I don't. Victoire has you. And it sickens me to think that you have a family with her. You have the perfect life, Ted. You have the perfectly doting wife, you have a perfect son who hasn't inherited your lycanthropy, he hasn't inherited your metamorphagus gene. He's just plain Veela. Just like Victoire. I hate her. I hate that you got to be with her. I hate that you have a perfect family. I hate that I'm only good for sneaking around."

A finger to her lips effectively stopped her rant momentarily as she stared up at him, every emotion she felt stirring in her big emerald eyes. He couldn't help but marvel right then how much she looked like her grandma and namesake. Of all the pictures Harry had shown him of her, it really was remarkable how much they looked alike. Their hair was a similar shade of red, one or two shades darker than her mother's own russet curls, their eyes were exactly the same and there was something to be said for the serene way in which they dealt with most things, much unlike the famous Weasley temper.

"Did it ever occur to you that I don't like perfection?"

She scoffed at him with a roll of her eyes. "Don't be such a fucking noble git, Ted. It doesn't change the fact that you have it, and if Victoire ever gets her way, you'll keep it. You're far too much like Dad to ever think about leaving her. You have a stupid hero complex where you think you can save everyone, make everyone happy. Well you can't. I'm not going to ask you to choose because I know exactly who you'll choose and why. All I'm asking is that you stop lying to yourself and accept that you will never ever leave her because you're terrified of what she'll do to you. You may feel like you want me now, but if it really came down to it, saving me from myself or saving yourself from the possible consequences of leaving your wife, you're gonna choose you. Because there are more people to hurt. Risk of one to save the many right, Ted?" She stood holding her hand up against his protest. "Don't, Ted. I can't deal with your self-sacrificing crap anymore."

"Lily you forget that Victoire almost kicked me out, she tried to take my son from me. You forget that she doesn't actually love me and honestly, I don't love her either anymore because you know what? I never ever found anyone as perfect as you. I'm so sorry that I caused you this pain and suffering, Lily. I really am, you of all people deserve a happy ending. But what happens when Victoire finds out that I actually love you more than I have ever loved her? What happens when she decides I can't see my son anymore? Lily I would love more than anything to be able to have a child with you, I really would. But..."

She shook her head, begging him to stop. "Please, Ted. No more. I can't deal with it anymore! Don't tell me you love me then in the same breath tell me that we can't ever be together because you're too scared to leave that psychotic bitch of a wife!"

Teddy stared at her longingly, trying to get her to realise what his feelings were just by looking at her, of course, it would help if she had been looking at him instead of disappearing from his sight, yet again. He sighed, staring at the space she had been standing. She was right, of course she was right. Lily was just a distraction. Something that he shouldn't need with every fibre of his being. But he did. He had always needed her. He would never ever forget her and he vowed he would never let her go.

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