Hello! A special thanks to all who commented and all who favorite and followed! It means a lot! So…. This is from Harry's POV. It will start getting a longer later on in the story, but as for now it's a bit short. If I don't update soon, PM me, I might've gotten lost in the world of math and died inside it. PLEASE REVIEW! NO FLAMES! On with the story!
It's my fault, and anyone who says otherwise is either kidding themselves or being just plain stupid. If I had gone quicker then I could've saved all those people. Ron says I'm being anti-social. Git. Not really, I'm just upset, he's my best mate. Ginny says when I'm ready, she'll be there to talk. That sort of scares me. About what? Hermione says I'm a wreck. Ding ding ding, we have a winner. No matter what people are calling me these days, I don't feel like a winner. I feel like they should be calling me "The-Chicken-Boy-Who-Could've-Gotten-No-Where-Without-Other-People"
They're all over me now. I'm hiding. In Grindmald Place. It's sanctuary. My only sanctuary. I wish they'd just go away. They didn't seem to care too much about "Undesirable Number 1" before. Their only mission used to be to behead me. I'm no longer an Undesirable. Predictable. Kingsley's told them to lay off. They don't listen. Life hasn't been easy.
After scaring me with talk of the "talk", Ginny's left me alone. After Ron gave it two tries, he stopped coming. Neville and Luna came once. She and Neville are official now. She seems happy, and he's over the moon. Hermione's persistent. She comes twice a day. At least. Sometimes, she refuses to leave, and those days, she sleeps on the couch. I offer her a bed, but she likes the couch. Probably because there's no bed in the nearest room. She's a bit scared of the place. There are still strange creatures lurking about, but it's unplottable, which is good. She and Ron have apparently broken the record for the shortest relationship I have ever heard of. Three hours.
They hated each other for a few days, but now they're friends again. For some reason, I felt something weird in my gut when they broke up. Is that normal? I don't take back the way I reacted when they were having their shouting match. Ron was being terrible to her and I told him to go eat dung. Lovely thing to say, I know. But, she was crying all over the place, what was I supposed to do? I just got so angry.
I don't only feel bad because of what happened during the Battle for Hogwarts. I feel bad because I never really thanked the person who helped me out the most. I thanked Ron. I thanked Ginny. I thanked Luna. I thanked Neville. I thanked Aberforth. All the other Weasley's. By letter, but still. But, I didn't thank Hermione. I know, I know. I owe her a thank you. I do. But nothing I ever say will let her understand how much everything she's done means to me. I really don't know how to thank her.
Even now, after a week, she's still coming. What discouraged everyone else only seemed to egg her on. Girls really are confusing. The thing that scares me the most is that, well, I think I might fancy her. I know it's stupid. I know. I don't know. I'm so confused.
I'm half-considering making her think I'm fine so she'll go away. Not to get her away from me, but to get her to stop worrying. For her sake. She can't spend her whole life cooped up with a nutter like me; she's got too much potential. Despite what she said to the Minister, she is clearly considering being a Healer. She keeps on hinting about wanting me to go back to Hogwarts with her. I'm not sure if I want to. I've gotten job offers from the Auror office saying I can start now, so it's not like I really need to go back.
But until she really comes out and asks me instead of going, "I loved Hogwarts, I wonder if we'll ever go back," every time I let her into my room. She came in yesterday, and I didn't really hear what she was saying, I just knew she cared. I got the jist; she was asking me if I'd ever really be alright. It warmed my heart to know that it mattered to her–that I mattered to her. So, for her sake, I forced a chuckle and nodded.
She saw right through me. I could tell. I could hear her by my door that night. But I couldn't find the strength to go and talk to her. I feel like such a wimp, sitting there moping around, crying over my parents and my godfather and my friends. What use is it? I'm wasting her time. I shouldn't be giving her false hope. I'll never be alright.
Random things are always crossing my mind of our first year at Hogwarts. I know she about to say something before I went off to fight Quirrell, I know it. I just don't know what. I mean, she did say something, but she was going to say something else, but she didn't finish. I wish I knew what she was going to say. I wish I had the courage to ask her. But I don't.
"Me!" said Hermione. "Books! And cleverness! There are more important things–friendship and bravery and–oh Harry–be careful!"
Friendship and Bravery and–what? It's maddening. I'm going insane over this. I wish she knew the Harm an Unfinished Sentence Could Do.
Don't you hate it how I always end it like that? JK, but I won't end every chapter on that. Just 500. JK. PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks for reading, I'll update soon!
And by the way, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!