Chapter 2: Feathers of the Fire

It's been two years, two years, sense I first went there and have regretted it ever sense. It's always been a nightmare of mine to go there because of finding that someone I love or someone I know has pasted. Now, someone I know is gone and he'll never return like he promised he would.

Sora didn't hesitate to take me to Kairi's house but he sadly had to call my sister and brother. Great, mother Naminé has returned! I tried and tell him to not call her but of course I was too sad to say the words and they were caught in my throat the entire time. Ventus had gone into his brotherly stage and tried to give me some words of wisdom to cheer me up but it didn't help one bit.

Once we had gotten to Kairi's we saw she had been fine and, luckily, Reno wasn't home so she was fine. Naminé told us she told her that Kairi just was upset about Lea not being there so she stayed home. Kairi talked as though she was alright but knowing her and how upset she could get over something as important as her own brother.

"So Kairi, what are you gonna plan on saying to Lea?" Naminé asked as we all sat on Kairi's porch waiting for Riku to come.

"Well…" Kairi scratched her chin and looked away for a second, letting her dark red hair fall in front of her face. "I really want to tell him I'm sorry and how things have been going on around town. I'm sure he'd love to hear how everyone is doing."

Everyone nodded happily at Kairi's words, all but me. I had sat away from everyone and instead sat at the corner of the porch huddled up in a ball. Sora glanced at me once in a while but my mind wasn't at all focused on what they were doing. It was only focused on Lea and on what I was supposed to say to Lea.

There were so many things I wanted to say to Lea so badly but I could never put them in words nor did I have the guts to say them. I'd always considered myself a wimp because of it but then again I had never been brave enough to say my feelings out loud. In fact, it was Lea who confessed his love first and kissed me first instead of vice versa.

"Roxas," A gentle hand was placed on my shoulder but I didn't dare move away or look up to the owner of the hand. Just by the feeling of it I knew it was Naminé's hand but even so I didn't look at her afraid to see her sympathetic look she'd give causing me to burst into tears.

"Don't worry I'm sure you'll feel a lot better when this is all over." Naminé whispered trying not to make her voice sound loud and trying to not frighten me.

I shut my eyes trying hard to not think about the things that were running through my head and pulled my legs closer to my body with my head now in-between my knees.

"So Lea," I began as my eyes wondered off to a star that outshone the others around it. My head was comfortably set on Lea's shoulder with my body on his and in between his legs while we lay on my hammock my mother had just gotten.

"Hm," The redhead looked down at me with a bright and gentle smile on his lips. I couldn't help but want to touch those lips and think of kissing him but by instinct I blushed and looked away.

"Did you use to date anyone before me?" I asked. Honestly I was concerned about him dating anyone else before me but I did want to know so I could know him more.

I heard Lea huff a laughed before he set his chin on my head while wrapping his arms around my waist. I loved the feeling of his skin on mine and couldn't help but ease into his touch. "I hadn't really dated anyone but this one boy."

"Who?" I asked lifting my head to look at him.

"Do you remember the boy Isa, the one who went crazy and killed seven people before being killed by the police?" Lea's voice was soft but it was serious.

"Yeah I remember him, he was a bit crazy huh?" I laughed which I had hoped it would make him laugh as well but I got no response from him.

"Yeah he was crazy….for me." I looked up when his voice had lowered into a sad tone. "I had dated him but left him the day he had tried to kiss me. When he tried to kiss me…it wasn't gentle nor was a passionate kiss, but a forceful one."

'Reno….it was Reno's fault Lea didn't kiss Isa back.'

"But it wasn't because of what Reno did to me that I didn't kiss him back." The redhead almost sounded as though he had listened to my thoughts. "It was because once someone had teased me for dating him and Isa had revealed how crazy he really was. He tried to kill the guy in the middle of the hallway…and I couldn't do anything about it."

"So…that night you broke up with him?"

Lea shook his head. "To save the trouble of having second thoughts I broke up with him the next night. I ignored him all day so he wouldn't make me rethink anything and had Kairi tell him I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone."

Suddenly without warning Lea had intertwine our fingers together and pulled it up to his lips. I blushed deeply when I felt the light peck of his lips on my skin. I squeaked in my throat which I knew he heard by the way he laughed.

"But that's all in the past," He made a quick movement and pulled my body up higher to where my but was now on top of his crotch. "I have my new angel and this one won't be leaving anytime soon, right?"

I looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, I'm yours and that's final."

"Oh Riku's here," Sora's voice awoke me from my memory when I heard everyone stand up. I only barely lifted my head from my knees and saw Riku standing in front of his silver F150 he had borrowed from his dad.

"Roxas come on," I looked back and saw Kairi leaned forward with a smile on her face obviously trying to hide her sadness, unlike me. "Let's go see him."

I looked at her for a second then nodded with a weak yet fake nod before standing up. I looked up and saw Sora already talking to Riku and getting in the car while Ventus and Kairi begun to walk over to the two. Naminé stayed at my side in case and made sure I was okay before pulling me to the car.

I stared out the window as we drove to the graveyard which was at the other end of town and took at least an hour to get there (Twilight Town is a big city).

Naminé tried to get me to talk but I only shoved my shoulder in front of her and ignored her and everyone else. I knew they all were feeling bad because I was ignoring them but they did want to disturb me.

I moved my body into a more comfortable position while letting La continuously kiss my hand. With every kiss I had laughed or giggled or even whimpered. Honestly I didn't want it to stop but he had begun to lick my fingers.

"Heh, Lea…" I giggled. "Stop that tickles,"

I looked up and saw Lea only smirk before he begun to suck on my fingers. Once in a while he would nibble the ends of them. I laughed and then turned my body over making the hammock sway side to side a bit, but as soon as I had I had regretted it.

Lea thrust his hips upward and moved his hands to my butt. At first I had thought it was going too far but in a way I wanted this to happen. In response to his action I moaned and grabbed his shoulder with my one free hand.

"You want me to stop?" Lea whispered, taking my fingers out of his mouth. I opened my eyes weakly and looked into his piercing green ones. Damn were they full of lust, they were erotic. It made me feel as though I was a mouse in a trap. It was almost seductive as a snake would be.

"Can we just kiss instead?" I blushed and looked away in embarrassment. "My mom and dad may be asleep but they're weak sleepers and can hear almost anything including my moans."

The redhead rolled his eyes then grabbed my chin with his thumb and index fingers making me look at him. "Of course," Lea leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "my princess."

I gasped at his last words. Princess…my new nickname…is princess? Oh Lea, how cheap can you get.

Lea leaned back and pulled my lips to his. I was a bit surprised at first but shut my eyes and begun to relax. I gripped his shoulders and pushed myself closer to him making our bodies heat collides causing the temperature around us to begin to rise.

Lea suddenly pulled back and licked my lips. "You look so cute in this position." His eyes were full of desire and they were now holding me in a trance that I couldn't escape.

My cheeks grew redder until they were the color of Lea's hair. "You make me feel like a girl," I squeaked trying to change my voice back to its male voice.

"Here we are," Riku said as we came to a stop. I opened my eyes and looked in front of me to see the graveyard: the placed I had dreamt I would never go to unless it was my own funeral.

"Roxas, you ready?" Naminé asked leaning forward and gently touching my shoulder. I looked at her plastic blue eyes and nodded uneasily. I wasn't at all ready. I don't know why but I had this gut feeling that something bad, no something was going to happen.

I waited for everyone to get out before slowly and quietly walking out, but I stopped once I was in the door still sitting on the seat with my lower body hanging outside. I tried hard not to think about what was going to happen and I tried hard not to think about the past. But there was one thing that was stopping me, his laugh.

The laugh that always made me smile made me rethink the wrong things, the laugh that made me feel as though someone did care. That someone that would keep me happy and make sure that even in the roughest of times the shine would still be shining. The someone that showed me that even if the heaviest and darkest of clouds were covering the sky, somewhere in the world the sun was shining as bright as always and would never go away.

"Come on Roxas," Naminé stretched out a hand when she saw how sad I had looked and how lost in my thoughts I was.

When I looked up I saw everyone, even Kairi, smiling. Almost as though they knew I was having a hard time. Kairi looked at me as though she was saying, "It's alright, and I think it's good that you're coming here."

"Sorry…" I mumbled giving a weak smile to the others. Everyone's smile enlightened even more when I spoke making my weak smile turn into a real one.

I stepped down from the truck and stayed by both Naminé and Ventus as we looked over the horizon which was consumed in arranged columns of graves. The sunset in front of them caused shadows to overtake most of the graves and hid the names that were carved into them making it seem as though the place was abandoned.

"Kairi, do you remember where Lea's grave was?" Ven asked the redhead.

Kairi nodded and stepped ahead of the group taking the lead. If was surprising seeing how I hadn't remembered where Lea's final resting place was at but then again I hadn't really wanted to remember. It gave me the feeling that if I was to remember where it was I would one day sleepwalk to it and end up staying there till I'm ready to join him.

Naminé held my hand nervously afraid that I might trip seeing how I continued to stare at my feet so I didn't get where Lea's grave was memorized. Naminé's hand had been soft and caring and it seemed as though she wouldn't be letting go anytime soon. Yes I know what I said before, I wasn't that big of a fan of Mother Naminé, but honestly, now that I think about it when she is like this it makes me feel just as secure as I was back when Lea was here.

"Here it is," I heard Kairi take in a large breath and exhale that breath as she talked. She obviously wasn't sure about coming here but she also gave a warning that she was glad she was here. "Roxas,"

I looked up and saw her turning to me. "I know you have a lot to say and all but I think today you can go last to have some time to think about all this." The redhead bent down forward and bit and put hand on my shoulder letting her eight silver bracelets create a rattling noise in the silence. "You understand, right?"

I smiled at her in thanks and nodded. "Of course you all take as much time as you need." I said trying to get them to not set their sympathetic looks on me.

Naminé and Kairi both gave a small giggle then lead me to a bench that was set not that far away. My eyes had started to wonder in different directions then I began to read the names on the graves that we past.

'Braig Edward, Dilan Luis, Even Thompson, IenzoThompson.' Who are these people?

I sat on the bench and watched the other but I kept looking over to the graves behind and around me. I tried to tell myself to not look at them and to not try and memories the names on them but somehow both my mind and eyes refused and continued to look at the graves.

I had remembered the first time I came to the graveyard and I was somewhat the same but instead I hid my head in Kairi, Sora, or Ventus' shoulder to make sure I hadn't looked at the graves. The second year was easier sense I had covered my face with my hood and stayed scrunched up in a ball against one of the dead trees.

But now I had no jacket, everyone was talking to Lea, and I was all alone with the unseen bodies with no souls. Goosebumps had run up and down my body wildly with every grave spotted in sight. The names of unknown people continuously planted themselves into my mind until I saw Lea's. At that moment I mentally screamed and hid my face in my knees while pulled my legs up against my chest.

I had hoped that none of the others had noticed and dug my nails into my legs nervously. When I heard no footsteps coming to me I again mentally sighed in relief then relaxed as much as I could but it didn't last long till I heard faint sobs come from the group huddled around Lea's grave.

I looked up to see Kairi sitting in front of the tomb on her knees with tears streaming down her face like a river and a fake yet weak smile placed on her light pink lips. Her blue eyes were dimmer then before and were now filled with the watery tears that were being held back. I was all that surprised she had started to cry seeing how Lea is her brother, but then again she was handling it better than I was and was at least giving a small smile.

"I wish you could see how much I've grown and how strong I've gotten sense you left…." Kairi said hysterically with a few stutters in between. In a way I wanted to block out her cries but I knew it would seem rude, even if she didn't notice.

"I especially wish I had protected you from Reno when I had the chance, but I know you'd say I was still too young to understand entirely." She continued. "But I wasn't as weak as you think, I could have done something to help you…but didn't."

I looked away when I heard her say those words and sighed sadly. No, I didn't want to repeat what she said but it was true: I could have protected him but didn't and only stood on the sidelines like a puppet. If there was a word for me it would be worthless, untrusting…unforgivable. Many times I reminded myself how I could have helped and how I could have saved him…but none seemed to come true.

"Caw! Caw!"

I froze when I heard a crow and hoped the thing wasn't ka'ing at me. I wanted to look up badly but a scary gut feeling caused me to stay still. I lifted my head up a bit in fear then bit my lip. I didn't know why I'm afraid of a bird, I never was. But something about this bird's crow was…devilish.

"Caw! Caw!" The bird repeated.

I nervously shook and bit my lip harder to where it was almost bleeding. My eyes tried to shut but wouldn't and only widened even more as the ka'ing continued to where it was now digging its own tone into my memory.

Finally I gained the courage to look up and find the bird. At first I found no luck and the place looked like it's usual self- lifeless and dead. Until one final caw came then the bird was in sight. The black raven had sat above me on one of the branches with it large black eyes staring at me.

The sight of its eye made me mentally scream and drop dead but on the outside I only leaned away in fear and nervousness. The bird's feathers where a perfect black and had not one touch of brown or red or any other color- only black. The bird seemed to send an uneven aurora to me and made more and more rays of goose bumps to run up and down my body.

"Caw!" The bird gave me one final screech before flapping its wings and setting off the other direction. I watched as the bird left but my from the corner of my eye I saw one of its majestic black feathers fall beside me.

I looked down slowly at the feather before picking it up and gently caressing it. Originally I loved to find and collect feathers but this one was so different from the others. Lea was the one who had given me a raven's feather and I could perfectly remember the way it felt, the way it glowed in the sunset light. But this one-the one I was holding- it was not a regular raven feather. This feather was long, it didn't even let the light touch it, and it was a bit rougher than an original.

"Roxas…" I looked up to see Ventus standing in front of me with tears dripping down his face, his hand rubbing the other arms elbow, and a unforgettable face that almost stabbed through my chest like a sword.

Ven obviously was getting back the memories of Lea when the two where young and wasn't exactly accepting them. He and Lea had been best friend's sense 4th grade when a bully named, Seifer tried to beat up Ven and Lea protected him. It was a bit of a cliché moment when they met but even I thought the time was sweet.

I looked away slightly feeling bad for him before standing up and hugging him. Ven wrapped his arms undermine and held onto my shoulders while hiding his face in my shoulder. I hated to see Ven like this but I guess this is what it's like when I'm feeling bad. It hurts.

"Ven…" I whispered trying to get him to calm down between his whines and gasps. "…please don't cry…I hate to see you like this."

Ven sniffled and gripped the back of my shirt. "I-I know…" He cried. "I-It's just…I miss him!" His voice was loud and mumbled, almost not possible to understand, but it still struck my chest like a bullet through paper.

I looked over to see if I could manage to set Ven down to sit down on the bench and moved him to my side so he had still been hugging me. It wasn't that difficult once I did but I he made a whining noise as though he was uncomfortable.

~xXx~

"Alright Roxas," Naminé walked over to me and leaned down to look at my face that had been kept low so I didn't have to see the others crying or see them in their misery state. "It's your turn."

My head slowly lifted to Naminé but what I saw made me wasn't to cry. Naminé usually was smiling and trying to cheer me up- but this time she wasn't smiling nor was she giving me the look of sympathy. This look was a mix of sadness and hurt, in fact a fake smile was visibly seen.

I sighed at the looked and stood up slowly, trying not to tense myself even more. "I'm ready…" I whispered. Everyone had looked at me in surprise sense last time I had spoken to Lea I didn't even look up till everyone was giving words of wisdom but now I was ready.

Naminé's weak smile continued to show as I walked past everyone nervously. I kept my hands to my chest and my head low while I walked down the dirt path between the graves I pasted. I looked side to side at them in fear that the closer I got to Lea's grave a body would come and pay me for my sin. The nightmarish visions scared my mind making me shaking even more then I already was.

"You're worthless," "Why didn't you help him?" "Why won't you apologize," "Why won't you pay for what you have done?" The graves continuously said. I cried for them to stop but they wouldn't and continued to drop weights on me making my pace slow. The more and more insults came at me the more and more I wanted to drop to the floor and cry or even drop dead along with the ones around me.

"You were never meant to exist." I froze at the cruel cold words. My heart stopped, my brain had gone dead, and my thoughts where shattered. The voice that I heard was heartless, brutal, and unforgiving. But I knew… they were right. I never was meant to exist.

'I bet if I had never meat Lea,' I thought. 'He would have never left, he wouldn't worry so much about me and would still be here, keeping that forsaken promise he had made.'

"That's not true!" I gasped when I heard an unmistakable voice. My heart began to beat again and everything had returned to its original self. The voice was Lea's but it was a bit lower pitch. My legs began to move again and I started to slowly stumble over to Lea's grave.

Yes, I was confused but I didn't even know how to put the words together on how confused I was. I knew that the voice was Lea's but how is it possible that I was able to hear his voice when he's not even here? Was it his spirit that had heard me…or was it someone else?

I stopped when the name 'Lea Hunter,' came up on the large stone in front of me. I looked at it carefully then bent forward to examine the final resting place up close. I remember the first time I had seen this place but it was all a fuzzy scene seeing how I had been crying the entire time.

"Lea…" I whispered before gently caressing his name as though it was his face. Even though I knew it wasn't I could still see his face, his eyes, his soft warm lips, everything. It was all there, staring at me with those caring beautiful eyes.

"Wow…I don't even know what to say." I whispered giving a weak laugh. "Everything has changed…I've become more of an outsider, Naminé has become more of a mother than ever and Ven had started to date Terra."

Naminé and the others watched me as I talked and made sure nothing bad was to happen. I guess they had seen me laugh a bit seeing how they all smiled and begun to talk among their selves.

"Everyone misses you…especially Kairi. In fact, Kairi was able to get Reno out of the house today so you didn't have to worry." I knew it wasn't really a great idea to bring up him but right now my mind wasn't even trying to focus on past. It was only trying to focus on the voice I had heard before, and on what I was feeling right now.

I sadly looked away and shut my eyes. Lea's laugh echoed through my head and made an unforgettable ring and placed itself on my mind. I tried to push it away but he continued to talk to me and laugh with me.

"Lea…." I whispered again. "I wish I had been there for you. I know it was a self-choice for you to leave but….I wish I was the one who had come to save you and get you away from Reno so you wouldn't have to live in fear anymore…."

At that moment I lost my train of thought, I didn't want to continue nor did I have the have the strength to. Many things where wanted to be said but they wouldn't come out nor would they place themselves on my tongue for me to think about them.

"…I miss you…" I whispered noticing those weren't my words, but I said them. Once I heard the beginning of those words I knew the next once instantly. "I love you…"

Eventually I noticed a small tear roll off my chin and land in the grass below but what I didn't see is that when it did that spot's grass grew slightly darker in a more beautiful green. I was too sad and too confused to see it till it was gone and had become its regular green color.

I whipped away at my eyes and pulled my legs to my chest while hiding my face in my knees. "There are so many things I regret so many things I want to apologize for… but don't know how."

Another tear escaped my eye and turned my jeans into a dark color. I never thought that this year I was going to cry as well but this was the time I got to release my feeling and give out my deepest of thoughts to a place where no one would hear and no one would tell anyone.

"So I guess…" I paused slightly and took in one long breath, "I'm sorry…"

I heard everyone step up behind and decided that was all I need to say. Although I had many other things to say I couldn't say them nor would they aren't important.

"Let's go…" Ventus leaned down beside me and touched my shoulder. I looked over to my twin and stared at his perfect blue eyes that glowed with proudness and his golden hair that was side pointed swayed in the unnoticeable wind.

I nodded at him and gave them all a fake smile that I had hoped they wouldn't notice. I looked over at everyone and saw they were all happy for me, all but Riku. He looked at me as though I had said all I had to the wrong person. I know it's a bit hard to tell how a person feels and what they are thinking about but I had seen that look many times before and knew what it meant.

I stood up trying to ignore Riku's questioning look and looked at the muted colors of the sunset dying around me. Now that everything had been said and done everything could ease down again. And now I wouldn't have to worry as much as I was.

"Let's go home, it's getting late." Sora smiled stepping to my other side.

I nodded to Sora and began to walk to the truck. But what none of us, not even I, saw was a the black feather I once had was blown onto Lea's grave and slowly faded into a eternal fire.