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This is chapter 18.

Chapter 18

My Story

"Harvard?" I could hear myself said to him.

Edward nodded. "Yes. I want to continue my medical degree."

I smiled widely. Happiness filled my heart. This was indeed a great change. I couldn't be happier if he wanted to continue what he was left of. And then, my heart sank a little when I remember the distance which will separate us. I was on my senior year and I will graduate next year. Even if Edward and I had a relationship, I still have to wait for three or four more years for him to finish his degree not to mention his internship. I looked over to the bottle on my hand and played it absentmindedly. I love him, yes, but I couldn't force both of us to a uncertain relationship. I don't want to hold him too. Edward deserved better.

I raised my head and looked at him. Edward was playing with his shoe lace and his eyes were sad. My heart clenched slightly and I gingerly touched his shoulder. He looked at me immediately. I smiled tenderly, trying to hold the pain inside my heart. "It's good if you want to return to Harvard. Your family will be happy about that." Mostly Carlisle, I added mentally.

Edward snorted and his eyes wandered to the main building, to the big window where Carlisle stood earlier. A chill ran down my spine. Is it possible that he knew Carlisle was stood there earlier?

And then, Edward looked back and held my hand which still rested on his shoulder. He took my hand on his and the blood rushed in my veins. Edward looked at me deeply. "I don't return to Harvard to please my family or my father. I want to do better for myself and for my life...and mostly...I want to be a man who deserves you."

I almost gasped from his revelation. His green eyes bore to mine and I couldn't even breathe. I slowly took several breaths and squeezed his hand gently. "Don't do this for me. Do this for you."

Edward stared at me deeply. "No. I'm doing this for us."

I blinked. "Us?"

"Would you be someone special for me, Bella?"

My throat went dry. I knew he was serious, but this was also a serious situation. I just felt we were both not ready for that kind of commitment yet. Even if I did say yes, there was still a huge distance between the two of us.

"Does your silence means no?"

My heart broke a little when I saw Edward's eyes. I've never wanted to see him like this, sad and disappointed. I held both his hands and looked into his eyes. "Honestly, I can't answer that right now, Edward. There are still lots of issues that you need to settle first and I want to help you logically. Maybe I could give you my answer once we were back from Chicago." That was my plan, though. I hoped after going to Chicago and see Edward's life outside Our Hearts, I could make my decision.

Edward's eyes lit up. "Really?"

I smiled warmly. "Yes. Really."

Edward grinned widely and my heart beat turned erratic when I saw his boyish expression. At the moment, I thought I just saw the charming boy inside of him once again.

The next day, Kate informed me that Carlisle was expecting me at his office. Since our conversation yesterday, Kate seemed guarded around me. Either she felt guilty or she wanted to do nothing with me. I made a mental note to myself to resolve this problem before my time in Our Hearts were really over next week.

I knocked lightly on Carlisle's office door before he asked me to come in. He smiled when he saw me and I narrowed my eyes slightly. I didn't trust him yet, but in professional side, he was the one who asked me to assist his son. Therefore I needed to be professional too about it.

"Please, Bella. Have a sit."

I nodded slowly and dropped my bag on the floor after I sat on the chair across from him.

"I'm sure you know about my intentions to ask your presence today," Carlisle said to me.

I pursued my lips. "I'm not so sure, Carlisle. Is there anything that I need to know?"

He smiled slightly. "Ah, yes. Well..." He cleared his throat. "I'm sure you know about Edward's intention to return to Harvard. And I just want to say thank you for making him do that."

I stared at him blankly. I doubted he was truly sincere about that.

"It took a while for him to make the decision and I can see your presence influenced him a lot. Thank you, Bella."

I took a deep breath. "He didn't do it because of me. He wanted to do it for himself." And me, I added mentally. But, I kept the thought to myself. I didn't think it's the best idea to talk about our "relationship" right now.

Carlisle smiled again. "Yes, I know. He wanted to prove himself to you. I know him well."

I raised my eyebrows. "And?" I sensed there was something strange about his tone.

His corner lips twitched and suddenly I felt my entire body went cold.

"I want you to stay close to Edward until he finishes his degree."

A shiver ran down my spine. Was he just using me to stay close to Edward so he could get his medical degree? No wonder Edward dislikes this man so much. His mind was completely twisted between pride and honor.

I clenched my jaw. "I must say I decline."

Carlisle raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

I clenched my fist. "I still have my own education, Dr. Cullen. And I'm sure Edward capable to finish his degree by himself. You don't need to bribe me." I narrowed my eyes. "Edward was right. You are not a good father."

Carlisle's eyes flashed with anger. "I suggest you think first before you speak, Miss Swan."

Oh?

Now, we were back to the 'Miss Swan and Dr. Cullen' thing?

This man is unbelievable.

I chuckled darkly. "And I suggest you put aside your pride and honor first regarding to your son. You can't buy him to obey you. I'm sure you're excited when you found out he will return to Harvard. But, with or without me, Edward already found his reason."

"What is that?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Why don't you find out yourself? It's a good start to know your son better."

I grabbed my bag from the floor and quickly rose from my seat. I needed to get out from here before I could explode. "Good day, Dr. Cullen."

I walked hastily and got out from his office. Once outside, I leaned myself on the wall and took a deep breath. I felt sorry for Edward and for Carlisle too. Their family was really a mess and I didn't think I could handle it if I were about to go to Chicago this weekend. Should I cancel it? But, when I remember Edward's eyes flashed with hurt, I couldn't even think to cancel my trip. I promised him. He could go this far for himself or probably for me too, why couldn't I do the same for him?

I ran my hand through my hair. Talking with Carlisle made me confused. Sometimes he was one step forward and now he was one step backward. He seemed don't know what to do with his son's progress and he didn't want Edward to return to his rebellion mode again.

What I found lacking was the motive. What things which drive them both become like this? From the time I spent with Edward, he told me everything, but for me it's not everything I needed to know. This was also another reason for me not to cancel my trip to Chicago.

I continued to walk to the main hall to see Margaret. I spotted her on one of the chairs and she smiled widely when she saw me. I smiled back and approached her. Once I arrived at her table, I saw lots of brochures on the desk and those were not just brochures. But, they were university brochures.

"Bella, what do you think? Columbia or Dartmouth?"

I blinked. "Uh...for what?"

Margaret giggled. "I need second opinion. I was weighing my choices between Columbia and Dartmouth. Which one do you think it's the best?"

I sat on the chair next to her and shrugged. "Do you already choose what major you're going to take?"

Margaret frowned. "Well...I'm still confused about that too."

I smiled slightly. "How can you choose your college if you don't know what major you will going to take?"

She blushed slightly. "I'm sorry. It's just...I've never done this before."

I chuckled. "It's alright."

"I'm just afraid I will make the wrong decision."

I patted her shoulder gently. Margaret looked at me and I smiled warmly to her. "This is your life, Margaret. You make your own choices."

"But, what if-"

"Wrong or right is not based on other people opinion," I interjected. "You decide what's best for you."

Margaret blinked and took a deep breath. "Alright." And then, she looked at me. "Will I ever see you again after next week?"

My heart clenched when I saw her eyes glistened. "Oh, my dear." I hugged her and she sobbed quietly on my shoulder. This was the first time I saw Margaret crying since I assisted her two months ago. "I'm sure we will. I can give you my phone number and maybe you can ask me to come to your graduation someday."

Margaret nodded and leaned away from our embrace. She wiped her tears and I stroke her hair gently. "Thank you so much for everything, Bella. "

There was no greater present for Psychology student than to hear your subject said those words to you. And no, she was not just my subject. She was my friend.

And now it was my eyes which glistened with tears. "No, Margaret. Thank you for trusting me. It means so much to me."

Margaret smiled and her tiny fingers wiped my tears. "I hope you can help lots of people like us in this place in the future and maybe you can help Edward."

My heart skipped a beat when she mentioned Edward. I laughed lightly, trying to hide my blush, although I knew it was useless. "I'll do the best that I can."

Margaret grinned and then she took a deep breath. "Alright...enough with the sappy mode."

I laughed again.

I was sure she will do great in college.

After having my lunch, I walked to the park to see Edward. He texted me during my lunch hour and told me he will be there if I wanted to find him. He sat on the green grass with Rubik cube that I gave to him and I chuckled lightly. He seemed to find a problem with the cube.

"Hey," I said to him when I sat next to him on the grass.

He looked up at me and smiled. My breath hitched when our eyes met. There was no doubt I fell for him too, but my logic side was winning all the time. We needed to work out more if we wanted this relationship to work.

"I see you are spending your quality time with your friend," I pointed to the cube on his hand, trying not to think about my thumped heart.

Edward scoffed and looked back at his hands. "Quality time, indeed."

I chuckled lightly.

After several tricks, he gave up and put the cube back on his bag. He looked at me. "So, what are we going to do today?"

I shrugged. "Depends on you. What do you want to do today?"

He smiled slightly. "Let's just talk about us."

I blinked. "Us?"

Edward shrugged. "Well...yeah, I want to know more about you. Like why you choose Psychology and not other major such as economic or literature."

I chuckled. "Um...mostly because I suck at economic and I'm not smart to learn about literature. As I said before, I have ability to ...let's just say...understand people."

Edward nodded thoughtfully. "When was the first time you assist other people?"

I raised my eyebrows. "What? You will tell the world about it?"

He smirked. "No. Only my piano."

I laughed lightly and he smiled. Edward raised his hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. My body felt warm instantly.

"I just don't understand why a beautiful girl like you would want to spend her time with people like us. The abandoned one. She could do much better," Edward said in low voice.

His eyes stared at me and I couldn't look away. "I feel much better if I could help people," I answered him in a daze.

Edward dropped his hand and sighed. "If I remember the first time I spoke to you, how I yelled at you...I can't imagine you will handle a situation like that for the rest of your life." And then his eyes found mine again. "What is it feels for you, Bella? The first time you help people?"

I took a deep breath and looked over to the big building in front of me. "It was two years ago," I started my story, trying to remember my first case. "I assisted two young girls."

"Two?" Edward asked.

I nodded. "One girl suffered because her father blamed her constantly about her mother's death while the other girl suffered because her father blamed her for the death of his wife when she gave birth to her."

"Holy s-...sorry," Edward said quickly.

I chuckled and looked at him. "The same case, but different situation."

"And what did you do?"

I smiled tenderly. "After having several sessions apart with them, I decided to meet them both along with their father."

Edward blinked.

"It's not the best thing to do, even my lecturer against it, but I insisted they should meet and also their father should meet too."

I paused and looked at Edward. He was still looking at me.

"I arranged a meeting in a room with double mirror."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

I nodded slowly and pulled my knees to my chest. I wrapped my arms around them and closed my eyes briefly. I remember the time when my two subjects and their father met. It was an emotional moment for me. I opened my eyes and stared at the kids who play soccer on the field.

"Finally, their father understands and my subjects could learn not to blame themselves. Even my lecturer appraised me at that time. I was so happy I could help them too."

I took a deep breath.

"And then...what happened?" Edward asked me in low voice.

I smiled sadly. "One of my subjects died because of a car accident. Drunk driver. And her father committed suicide the day after he buried her daughter."

"Dear Lord," I heard Edward muttered.

I looked over at him. "You might be not in a good terms with your dad, but at least try a way to compromise."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I never knew anything about this before. Bella, you're amazing."

My heart felt warmer. No one ever complimented me before. Not that I was looking for compliment, but still to hear someone appreciate what I've done really meant a lot to me.

I smiled. "Thank you." I took a deep breath. "Well, that was another boring story of Bella Swan."

Edward scoffed again. "Not a boring story. But, it's a very wonderful story." He looked at me and smiled. "It showed me how strong you are and how special you are."

I smiled back. "You're the only on who said to me...after all these years."

Edward nodded and patted my shoulder gently. "I will say that to you from now until then."

Our eyes locked at each other and I could see his sincerity and his love for me. Edward raised his hand slowly and stroked my hair before someone called him and asked him to join them for a game.

Edward looked at me and I grinned. "Just play. I'll stay here and watch you."

His eyes lit up and he kissed my forehead gently before ran to the middle of the field. I put my chin between my knees and watched Edward playing with other kids.

I will do my best not to let the same thing happen to his family.

Edward and Carlisle need to find their family love back.

And I will do that when I visit their home in Chicago.

So, are you guys ready for MTV Movie Awards? I hope Robert and Kristen could win all the categories they are nominated.

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