Yep, it's me.

Why I keep telling myself 'it's me again' is beyond me. I mean, I know it's me. Or am I really me? How do I know I'm me? Why am I thinking about-

I HATE YOU UNCLE JASPER. YOU AND YOUR PHILOSPHICAL *^%$#!

Jokes, I love you.

Yeah, it was Uncle-niece bonding time today. Might as well say something about it, 'cause it was actually pretty cool.

Uncle Jas took me to an awesome theme park. The place where we live (secret) is seriously cloudy, so no problems with the whole sparkly thing he has going on. Sparkly? Me? I look as if someone's playing around with broken stage lighting that barely works when the sun shines. Which isn't very attractive. Occasionally, I feel like posting a picture on the internet saying 'Am I pretty?' When you're around inhumanely beautiful parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all the time, you're going to need some ego boost.

Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I was a full vampire. It's solve a lot of problems. Including the imprinting thing. Grandpa Carlisle told me it was possible, but there was no way in hell that Jake would let me be one. There he goes again, unknowingly stopping me from doing something.

There I go again, complaining about my best friend.

Break the habit, Ness, break the habit!

'Cause if I'm going to be… married to him… I might as well start getting used to his overbearingness. It feels wrong, though. Like I'm resigning myself to not-loving him and marrying him. It doesn't feel right.

If I can't even love him, then marrying him and being with him forever is the least I can do.

I guess.

And about my vampire person… I don't think that we can be together. I mean, I don't go for unrealistic love. A werewolf imprinted on me, it isn't his fault that he loves me unconditionally while I love someone else. It's my fault.

Why can't I love him back?!

Jeez, Ness. You mess up at everything. You mess up with Jake, you mess up with being a vamp, you mess up at love.

GAAAHHH!

I'm not going to wish I'm a normal person, because I don't want to be. I love Grandma and Granddad, all my uncles and aunties, my mom, my dad for all their vampire-y stuff and everything. I can't imagine them as humans, ever.

It's just wrong.

Jake immediately forgave me for the punching-him-in-the-face thing when I snuggled up to him. He kissed me again and I smiled. But I felt so empty- not like when my vampire kisses me. When my vampire kisses me, I feel like I want more from him, like I have this burning NEED to be by his side all the time.

I've fallen in love with the wrong person.

Life really isn't perfect when a werewolf loves a half-vamp and the half-vamp loves a vamp.

…

I'm going to work on a guide, because this is just so god damn confusing. Like I said before, every person who's been imprinted on should have some sort of guide on how to handle the imprinter. I know I need one. So… might as well start writing one?

Nessie's guide on being an imprint-ee

1. The imprintee gets to choose.

God knows, I didn't. I find it kind of unfair. Why does everyone assume I'll fall in love with a guy that loved my mom who fell in love with me at first sight like some kind of twisted freakin' fairytale?! I don't like fairytales. Or all those cliched stories. They say bad stuff about vamps sometimes, even if it is true. But they don't apply to US, the kick-ass Cullen clan! Nu-uh. No way. Going back to the topic...

I want to choose. I want to choose who I get to spend the rest of my eternity with. But I don't have a choice.

2. The imprintee's family has absolutely zilch to do with the relationship.

I WISH. Since the day I was born, I was supposed to love Jake because, guess what? MY PARENTS TOLD ME TO. No, they didn't actually say 'Hey kid. If you love Jake, that'd be great, okay?' They didn't say that. (Thank God.) But I distinctly remember my mom crooning "Oh Nessykinners, isn't it so perfect? You and Jake are going to fall in love when you grow older and soon Jake will truly be part of the family."

Perfect vampire memory, remember?

I've read romance novels where parents object to the relationship because:

a] The guy is bad and evil
b] They want the girl to marry another guy

Which kind of sucks, because it's a mixture of both.

This is the 21st century! What happened to equal rights? Or don't they apply to half-vamps?

3. Don't fall in love with someone else.

Having broken the rule myself, I know it's not good. Just… don't. Whoever you love, forget him or her. Your life is all tied up and packaged when you get imprinted on. Oh, did I mention you have absolutely zero say in the matter, even though it's about you?

Jeez, I sound so bitter.

I am bitter.

… Why did a werewolf have to imprint on me? Jake has to go ruin everything. He almost ruined the thing between Momma and Dad, and now he's finished haunting Momma, he's haunting me and stopping me from seeing my vampire.

OH GOD DISREGARD WHAT I TYPED IT IS SO WRONG. And I really don't want to delete everything, 'cause I don't want to break my promise to myself. (Read: That I'll not delete anything and type what I truly feel.)

I feel so, so bad. He's my future husband for the love of God! I'm supposed to love and cherish him for what he is (overbearing werewolf) instead of what I want him to be. (sexy vampire)

I'm a horrible person.

Oh wait, I have another rule.

4. Don't hit the guy who imprinted on you

'Cause literally it hurts them more than it hurts you. And if punching a werewolf in the jaw hurts a little when you're a half vamp, it'll hurt a lot if you're human. My mom broke her hand. But I've been told it's not cool. Imagine having someone you love and trust… like your mom hitting you.

Then multiply the hurtful feelings and betrayal by a thousand.

… Yeah.

That bad.

5. Don't fall in love with a vampire

Werewolves and vamps don't mix, period. For the health, safety and sanity of everyone around you, you should tend to avoid them. Because your imprinter will go batshit insane if a single 'cold one' that's unfamiliar comes near you. Especially if your imprinter has bad experiences with one in the past…

…

Jake once loved my mom, even if he claims he didn't. I know he did. And he lost her to a vampire. (Dad) If I go rampaging around with a vampire too, I know he'll lose his mind.

I've just noticed that I've written down all the rules I've broken. I SUCK AT BEING AN IMPRINTEE! Maybe Jake should sack me or something. Or is the imprinting thing for life…?

… Heh.

Once you love someone, you can't just unlove them and transfer the love to someone else. Dad told me about vampires imprinting in a sort of way to choose their mates. And I hate to say this but…

I think I imprinted on my vampire.

… Which kind of interferes with my plans. (Read: Marrying Jake and staying with him for the rest of my life. Which is a long time.) So… What the hell do I do? Work with me, brain.

Tell me- what should I do?