And You Get PezBerry, And You and You! (Sorry had a latent Oprah Moment...)

I don't own Glee...nope, not at all...

Enjoy!

A Month Later

Santana crept an arm over Rachel's midsection pulling the smaller woman more completely into her body. Her and Rachel's relationship had progressed in some ways, but in others they seemed to remain stagnant. She put most of the blame on herself, they'd never discussed what they were even though Quinn admonished her repeatedly for putting the subject off. Even though they were currently in a sexual relationship and they acted as though they were together, they'd never officially said that they were no longer pretending and she felt that Rachel was more distant from her than ever. She wanted to bring it up, but she could admit that she was afraid that any discussion would crack the precarious situation.

"My Papi he use to say that Mami was his world," She began quietly, "they were high school sweethearts he said he always knew he was going to marry her. They were always so affectionate with each other, they never lost that, you know?"

Rachel nodded silently and she continued. "I guess it's right that they..." She sniffled and knew she was crying "...that they died together. They wouldn't have been able to live without each other. I don't know how to miss them less, I wish I had done more, been a better daughter..."

Rachel turned to face her and cupped her face with her left hand, wiping away errant tears. "You were the best daughter you could be San, your parents adored you and you them."

"I was a brat."

"Maybe you were, but you're not nor have you been for a while. They left you in charge because they trusted you, they believed in you...you had their greatest confidence." Santana found herself staring into gentle brown eyes.

"I can't go through half this house, Rach, Mateo could be buried in garbage in his room..."

"I assure you we have been keeping his room meticulously clean." Rachel giggled lightly.

Santana gave her a small watery smile. Rachel opened and closed her mouth. "Go ahead and say it."

"Well," Rachel let out a big breath, "don't take this the wrong way, but maybe it would help if we cleaned..."

"Cleaned?" She frowned scrunching up her face.

"...yes...right now it's like...it's like we're living in a mausoleum, San. How can it not hurt both of you everyday even if you don't know it, to see all these...relics of your parents. I mean your parents room is locked and the things are covered in dust. You...you can't complete the grief cycle like this, San..."

"You want me to throw them away?" Santana pulled away slightly, she'd wanted to open up to Rachel; show her that she was okay with her seeing her vulnerable, she didn't think the conversation would lead here.

"Not them San, things...you're parents aren't the things they owned, San, they're your memories and you and Mateo. We can do it together, ok? Let me help you..." Rachel pulled her back so that their bodies we once again flush and lay a gentle kiss on her chin "...please, San."

"I dunno, Rachel..."

"Can you trust me? I'm not saying it's not going to be hard, San, because it is, but you have to let them go...it's as if we're all waiting for them to come back, and they're not going to..."

"I know that dammit!" She pulled away angry, throwing herself from the bed and pacing.

"San..."

"No. I know they're not coming back, Rachel, I know! You're not allowed to make it seem like I'm in denial...I know."

"I'm sorry...I wasn't trying to upset you..." Rachel hung her head and Santana felt like and ogre. She knew Rachel was just trying to help, but the thought of confront her loss had her crippled in fear. She felt claustrophobic. She couldn't breathe.

"San...San, you have to breathe...breathe, baby, breathe..." She vaguely felt Rachel's small palms cupping her cheek. Her touch had a way of grounding her and she felt her breathing and heart-rate even out.

"Here...lay back down," Rachel pulled her back to bed and wrapped her arms around her, "better?"

Santana took a deep breath and nodded her head. She couldn't find a way to make her mouth form coherent words. Rachel squeezed her midsection, essentially hugging her while they lay.

"I'm sorry, San, I shouldn't have brought it up..." The smaller woman mumbled into her shoulder.

"I brought it up...and you were honest with me, I shouldn't have gotten mad at you for being honest..."

"It was a stupid idea anyways...we don't have to do anything...don't have to change a thing..."

Santana turned to face the smaller woman causing her to shift her arms. "Maybe, there are things that should change..." She tried to convey meaning with her intense gaze.

Rachel frowned and her arms slipped away from the Latina's body. She'd known this moment was coming, sure they'd been doing well, but who was she kidding? Santana was finally tired of this added dimension of the plan and she wanted her to give her some space. Well, why not? Especially after she'd just caused the woman to have a full blown panic attack. She was so stupid! How could she have even thought to insinuate her opinions on how Santana was handling her grief...she wasn't her girlfriend, not really her fiancee...she was just a stupid girl. She moved swiftly from the bed putting distance between herself and Santana.

"Rach...?" The other woman sat up peering at her companion curiously.

"I'll...um...just...sleep in the den tonight and I'll move my stuff there tomorrow and...um..I'll...I'll try to stay out of your way until Ms. Jenkins makes her decision..."

"Wait, Rachel, I don't understand...?" Santana tried to look into the other woman's big brown eyes, but she refused to look at her as she gathered some of her things that were around the room.

Rachel ran a shaky hand through her dark hair as she reached for the doorknob and Santana could tell she was crying. Santana sprung from the bed and placed a solid palm on the door, preventing it from closing. She tilted Rachel's chin up towards her and gazed into tear-filled eyes.

"Why are you leaving? I'm trying to tell you that I don't want to pretend be with you anymore..."

"I get it okay, you don't have to rub it in!" Rachel eyes flashed angrily.

Santana chuckled and stopped when Rachel's eyes flashed dangerously. "No, you don't get it, okay? If you'd stop interrupting me." She mocked and then conitnued before giving her the chance to cut in again. "I don't want to pretend anymore cuz I like you Rachel, I care about you, it's not an act for me and I'm hoping that the tears mean it's not an act for you either."

Rachel sniffled and her eyes softened. Santana gave her a lopsided grin wiping tears away with the hand that had been lingering on her chin. "I'm going to kiss you now, but I feel like a part of you still wants to hit me, so I'm just going to cautiously keep one eye open..." She dipped her head down and pressed her lips against Rachel only managing to keep one eye open for a few seconds.

So, yay? Santana told her how she felt, good, yes?

Ink