Can't Let Go Of You
Disclaimer:The Hunger Games Trilogy and its characters solely belong to Suzanne Collins.
Summary:"You love me. Real or not real?" he asks. "Real." Katniss answers without any doubt and yet she knows that she can't give her heart to Peeta completely… Because a part of her cannot completely let go of Gale no matter what. Post-Mockingjay.
Pairings:Gale/Katniss, Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Johanna
Chapter Two:
Katniss Everdeen wanted to hear nothing more about the upcoming wedding of Gale Hawthorne and Johanna Mason. She thought that her head will be cleared of thoughts about Gale once she returns to District 12 with Peeta Mellark and Haymitch Abernathy from that celebration of Panem's freedom done at the Capitol. She convinced herself that everything will be back to normal the moment she spends her time only with Peeta. But three weeks later, she received a phone call from Hazelle Hawthorne. Katniss was just so glad to be able to hear from Hazelle that she just blurted out that she would like to visit them at District Two. Gale's mother was overjoyed. She asked Katniss to come by their place in that week.
And this led Katniss Everdeen to where she is now, standing in front of the train station of District Two. Her long dark hair is in her usual braid and she's wearing a black burnout long-sleeved shirt and a pair of casual black pants. She can feel her palms sweating as she scans the busy-looking people moving in and out of the station. She doesn't really know where to go. Hazelle told her that someone will pick her up. Katniss hopes that it won't be Gale. She adjusts her hold on her small luggage and suddenly finds her shoes interesting. At this moment, she wishes that she has let Peeta to come when he insisted. But she didn't like the thought of him spending some of his precious time away because of her when he's busy managing the construction of his bakery at the heart of District Twelve.
"Katniss!" a familiar male voice calls out to her and her head snaps up automatically. Her eyes search for a familiar face and they soon fix on a dark haired guy running towards her location. She bites her lip at the thought that it might be Gale. But she decides to look around her for a moment. She was the Mockingjay after all. She was never really quite the looker so she now hopes that no one will recognize her even after… Rory Hawthorne, she recognizes him the moment he is close enough, called out her name quite loudly in fact.
The now sixteen year old boy engulfs her in a tight hug. She's not really expecting it because Rory was even more aloof than Gale was. She remembers that this boy used to be nice only with her deceased younger sister, Prim. She did teach him how to hunt together with Gale back then and she guesses now that they do share a bond. A smile breaks out on her face and she hugs him back.
"You are so much taller than I remember you to be…" Katniss says the moment he releases her from the hug. Rory just smiles down at her. She can't help it but to appreciate the handsome boy before her.
"I bet you thought I was Gale back there huh," Rory points out and she hesitates to answer first but she soon gives him a small nod. The boy chuckles shortly at her honest answer. "Don't worry I'm not offended or anything. I'm kind of used to it." He moves to take her small luggage from her.
"Thanks," Katniss mumbles out. Rory then leads her to a car. She indulges herself in a conversation with Rory and almost forgets that she might be meeting Gale again soon enough.
"It's Friday. Don't you have school?" Katniss asks curiously.
"I don't have class for today. Vick though is at school. Posy will be coming home around 2 p.m. later," Rory explains. "They'll all be at home before dinner," he adds. She then remembers Gale at this. Gale has informed her that he's not living together with his family anymore and she wants to relax at having this thought in mind. She wants to think that she'll be able to visit Hazelle and the kids then leave District Two without encountering Gale or Johanna.
"I'm not really sure if Gale will come over for dinner. We usually see him during weekends only and most of the time we're the ones who visit him. The man is quite busy you know," Rory says as if he can clearly see who Katniss has in her head right now. This makes Katniss wonder how she can keep her thoughts from being reflected on her face. She doesn't really like the fact how everyone can read her like an open book.
"Uhm I did come here to see you guys and Hazelle of course. I can't really stay for long. I also plan to drop by my mother's place at District Four then return to Twelve on Monday," she informs Rory even though she feels like she doesn't really have to. She somehow wants him to think that she's not really interested on seeing his older brother.
"That seems to be a very quick trip… I'm sorry Katniss. I think you won't be able to follow that because Posy plans to keep you here longer if you understand what I mean," Rory says and Katniss smiles at this.
"I miss Posy very much... But I guess… we'll just have to see. I know very well not to underestimate the persuasive charms of a little girl like her," Katniss looks out of the car window and hopes that she will have no reasons to stay longer in District Two than she has originally planned.
Katniss is greeted by Hazelle Hathorne's warm embrace the moment she steps in their spacious house. She is very glad to see the older woman. Katniss admires Hazelle because she was able to remain strong for her family and was able to support her four children after his husband was killed in the same mining accident that killed Katniss' father. Rory proceeds to busy himself with reviewing his lessons while the two women spend the next hours catching up.
Around six in the evening, Katniss helps Hazelle out on making dinner. She is busy stirring the spaghetti sauce they're cooking at the moment when Hazelle tells her to give it a rest for a while. "Would you like me to get something?" Katniss asks curiously as she wipes her hands clean with a cloth. She sees a warm motherly smile etched on the older woman's face.
"I have something for you upstairs. You should try it while dinner's cooking," Katniss has no idea what is that something but she follows Hazelle upstairs into the room she'll be using while she's staying with them in this house. She is greeted by a dress in the color of golden light brown. She stares at it like it is some kind of snake that will bite her if she comes any closer.
"W-What is it for?" She's amazed by how she managed to ask even if she already has the idea of what the dress for is. Hazelle looks at her with surprise clearly written on her features.
"Didn't Johanna or Gale tell you?" Hazelle asks. She can't help it but to feel that something is really wrong with the current situation. Katniss feels like the words are trapped in her throat so she just shakes her head as a 'no'. She watches Hazelle think for a while. "Well… Johanna wants you and Annie to wear matching dresses on her wedding since you girls are her closest friends," Gale's mother explains. Katniss thinks that she's so stupid to hope that she can avoid any talk involving Gale's upcoming wedding. She doesn't really have a plan not to attend the wedding but she prefers not to talk about it.
"Johanna said she already informed you." Hazelle says and Katniss tries to focus her attention at anything besides the somewhat dreadful dress lying on the bed at the moment. An awkward silence fills the room. Hazelle can't think of anything to say because Katniss looks somewhat upset. She doesn't really want to pry into the girl's feelings. She silently hopes that Katniss is really back in good terms with her eldest son just like what Gale has mentioned to her a week ago.
"Are you trying your pretty dress on, Catnip?" Posy says excitedly as she enters the room and clings around Katniss waist. This seems to snap Katniss out of her deep thoughts. She looks up at Hazelle and gives the older woman a small smile.
"It looks really pretty. I'm going to try it on. I guess it's just Johanna's plan to make sure I won't say no regarding this," Katniss says and Hazelle nods.
"I'm going to wait for you downstairs," Hazelle says before exiting the room.
Posy is waiting impatiently for Katniss to try the dress on. She doesn't miss the sad look on Katniss' face though. "Don't you like your dress, Catnip? I think it's very pretty. Mine is pretty too," eight year old Posy says cheerfully. Her green eyes are sparkling. Katniss forces out a smile for her.
"I like it very much, Posy," she says but her tone says a different thing. Little Posy seems not to notice it anyway.
After a few minutes of staring at the dress, Katniss gives up and sheds her clothes off and then she grabs the dress to put it on. It doesn't take long for Posy to start clapping her hands the moment Katniss steps in front of the full length mirror wearing the long chiffon halter dress. It's simple. The waist gathers into a side cascade making her silhouette flattering and the pleating at the bust gives her more shape. The dress is beautiful. Katniss can see that very well but for some reason wearing this dress seems to make her feel like she's wearing a very heavy long gown. She will be seeing Gale get married while she's wearing this dress that his lovely bride-to-be picked out especially for her.
She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. She reminds herself that she has no reason not to be happy about Gale and Johanna's wedding. She tells herself that she should show… or act at the very least that she's happy for the both of them. Act. Pretend. Pretend to be happy for him. Katniss thinks that she can do it. After all… she survived her Games by pretending to be madly in love. This shouldn't really be that hard for her, she thinks. Katniss turns to the light red-haired girl with a doubtful look on her face.
"What do you think, Posy?" She asks. Posy jumps up and down as she claps her hands. She jumps on the bed and motions for Katniss to move closer to her. Posy is holding something in her hand that seems to be a flower. She moves to place it in Katniss' hair when a voice coming from the hallway calls her attention.
"Posy? I got something for you!" Katniss freezes upon hearing Gale Hawthorne's voice. She seems to be deaf while Posy babbles about how her older brother will like 'Catnip' in this pretty dress. Her gray eyes follow Posy as the girl jumps down from the bed and runs out of the door, leaving it open. She hears them talk at the hallway. Posy squeals when Gale seems to give something to her. Katniss balls her hands into fists. Her palms are sweating and her breathing is hard. She wishes that Gale will not come in the room. He's not supposed to be home. He's not supposed to here is what Katniss thinks. Nothing seems to go in accordance with her plan.
"Catnip?" She takes a deep breath before looking up to see the man she has planned not to meet here in this little trip of hers. Gale stands there at the doorway with a very surprised look on his face. He's still wearing his black military uniform. Katniss focuses her eyes on the few unbuttoned golden colored buttons of his uniform. She reminds herself again to act normal and… happy.
"Hey… Gale." She greets him with a smile on her face. Gale seems to be infected by her smile for he smiles as well. He steps into the room with Posy clinging around his waist. He wants to just charge in and bring his best friend in a hug but he stops himself from doing so. He stops directly in front of Katniss.
"I didn't know you'll be here," Gale says honestly. He then eyes her and how the dress is fitting her so well with great interest.
"Well I promised Hazelle I'll visit her and the kids so… here I am," Katniss says as she spreads her arms a little bit as if she's presenting herself.
"Did you plan to visit me and Jo as well?" Katniss is very surprised at his question. She quickly recovers.
"Of course," she lies and she thinks that she's doing worse in the acting she's doing right now than what she did in the arena. Gale decides not to ask her more about her trip.
"Gale, put this in Katniss hair. It will make her more beautiful." Posy hands Gale an ivory gardenia flower. Katniss' hand moves to snatch the flower from Gale's grasp so she can put it on herself because she doesn't really feel comfortable with the idea of Gale doing it for her but the man seems to know what exactly she's thinking because he moves his hand holding the flower out of her reach.
"Let me handle it," Gale says gently and Katniss drops her hand in a defeated way at her side. She doesn't really want to fight it off with Gale because she thinks that will really look stupid.
She stares at his chest as his hand moves in an agonizingly slow pace on her hair. She knows that putting a flower on someone's hair should not really take long but for each gentle brush of Gale's fingers on her hair, she feels like each second gets longer. The warmth his body is radiating at the moment makes it hard for Katniss to stay steady on her feet. She simply wants to throw her body against his and hug him tightly. But she can't. She knows she shouldn't do it. "There." Gale's voice snaps her out of her thoughts. She refuses to look at him so she just proceeds to walk over to the mirror to look at herself. She admires the flower.
"Thanks for the flower, Posy." She says and Posy runs up to her and hugs her.
"You look very pretty, Catnip," she says sweetly and Katniss places a soft kiss on the top of her head. Posy then blows her a kiss before running out of the room. This leaves her alone with Gale who is looking at her with clear adoration in his eyes.
"You do look pretty, Catnip. I hope you like the dress," Gale says and she gives him a smile and a nod.
"Thanks… I like it really."
"Let's talk about things during dinner. I'll be downstairs." Gale says and walks out of the room much to Katniss' relief. She hurriedly takes the dress off and throws a white loose long-sleeved shirt and black pants.
During dinner, Katniss seems to forget everything as she's absorbed in a cheerful chat with Gale's family. It almost feels like the good old days when she would have dinner over at Gale's house or when Gale would have dinner over their house or sometimes their whole families have dinner together. The atmosphere really gives Katniss a warm feeling in the inside.
"Beetee left something for you at my place. Would you like to get it after dinner?" Gale asks before he puts a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth. Katniss seems to fail on assessing the consequences of her answer well enough because her curiosity takes over her and she wants to see what Beetee left for her. She nods failing to realize that she will be alone with Gale and Johanna or worse… just Gale and her.
Katniss does realize it when she's already inside of Gale's car and he's driving to his place. She tries to put her attention at the bright lamp posts adorning the side walk but soon enough the silence becomes too much for her so she looks at Gale who seems to be contented just driving there. "Why didn't Johanna come with you for dinner?" she asks and tries to ignore the slight pain she feels in her chest upon mentioning Johanna's name.
"Johanna's in District Four since yesterday. She said she'll be staying there until the weekend is over," Gale says like nothing is wrong with that. Well nothing is really wrong with that but for Katniss it's completely wrong. She realizes that she will be alone with Gale at his place. She doesn't really know what she's acting nervous and scared about. It's not like Gale will do anything funny… She's just afraid she will do something funny which makes her very uncomfortable.
Soon enough Katniss is able to see a lighted house at the distance. As they get closer and closer, she sees that it's actually a glass house. She admires the well-tended garden at the front of the house. Gale parks his car at the garage and as they walk towards the front door, Katniss can't help it but to like his glass house.
"Like it?" Gale asks as he opens the glass doors for her that leads to a grand hallway. Katniss steps into the house and she immediately sees the forest stretching out from the other side of it. She walks down the hallway with Gale at her trail.
"Hmmm I like it. Though…" she trails off as she turns to look at him. He waits for her to continue. She shrugs. "I never expected you to have a house like this… I mean… I see you as a very private person and…" She looks around the house. She can see the living room, dining room, kitchen, study room, etc. The rooms are simply separated by walls made of glass. "This is so uhm open… Do you get any privacy here?" She asks curiously and follows him when he walks into the kitchen. She suddenly feels comfortable. Maybe it's because of the forest. She finds it very homely.
Gale pulls out two glasses and pours some lemonade into them. "The president gave it to me. I don't really know why. But when I see the forest I quickly thought that I really want it. Security is pretty tight around this place and besides… you can push a button to activate the blinds. Also the bedrooms are fully curtained along with the bathrooms in them," Gale explains and Katniss takes in his every word as she sips on her lemonade. "Seeing the forest is good for Johanna and It… It's like we have a piece of home here…" His voice trails off. His eyes catch Katniss and they just look at each other for a moment. Gale feels like it's been ages since she's seen Katniss with her hair down and not braided. He looks away before he starts feeling something else for her.
"Then why don't you just come home?" Katniss' question shocks the both of them. They both decipher the longing she has in her words. Gale wants to take her in his arms but he restrains himself. He's too afraid Katniss will push him away. He's sure he can't handle more heartbreaks so he decides not to push anything with Katniss.
"There are too many memories there," he says softly. Katniss turns her back on him.
"Then why have a forest here to remind you of home if you don't want to be reminded of the memories?" She suddenly feels some tinge of anger towards him. She doesn't really like the fact that he chose to stay in Two and never tried to visit Twelve for three whole years.
"I knew that if I go to Twelve I have to see you… I just… I just felt like I couldn't face you yet," he says. She whips back at him with anger burning in her gray eyes.
"So it's okay if we just meet at that celebration?" Her tone is cold and they both know that their conversation is starting to get ugly.
"To be honest I didn't expect to see you at the gathering… But when I saw you there I thought that I have to talk to you. I thought that maybe that was the chance I've been waiting for…" He swallows the lump in his throat as he takes a step closer to her. He feels bad that he didn't even try to support her during her darkest days. He thinks that maybe he made another wrong decision. But three years ago, he just knew how much Prim's death affected Katniss. He just thought that it would be for the best if he stays away from her for a long while given the thought that Katniss couldn't separate the image of him from her sister's death.
He reaches out a hand to touch her but he stops in midway when he sees her flinch. "I… I've done a lot of wrong things, Katniss… I've always thought that my actions will help bring peace to you and to everyone… But I guess it wasn't that easy… I've always thought of your well-being during the rebellion… I tried to give my best... for you… for the rebellion… It's just maybe… I couldn't really give what you need." Katniss can feel the tears hurting her eyes but she refuses to cry even if her chest is already in a lot of pain now.
"I'm sorry I didn't come and see you for all these years… I just thought that… that I wouldn't really be helping you in your recovery. And besides… Peeta was there for you. He's always been the one you need…" Gale turns his back on Katniss because he doesn't really want her to see the pain clearly etched on his face at the moment. "I know he can take good care of you… I'm happy for you, Katniss," he says with a hint of sadness in his tone. He faces her again. Tears are threatening to fall from her eyes. He knows she wants to say something but the way she's chewing on her lip tells him that she's stopping herself from saying it.
Gale moves closer to Katniss. She just stands still. She doesn't move away when he places a hand at the back of her neck and pulls her against his chest. He just holds her there for a while before he kisses the top of her head. "Let's go get Beetee's package for you," he says in an almost excited way because he wants to lighten up the mood. He releases her and walks past her when she grabs onto the fabric of his uniform. He stops walking. He just stands there as Katniss rests her forehead against his back.
He doesn't need to turn around to see that she's crying. She's trembling hard enough to make him feel that she is indeed crying.
"I never hated you, Gale…" she mumbles behind him. A part of her wants to say 'I've always loved you…' but she suppresses it.
~End of Chapter Two~
Okay I forgot to post this two nights ago. Sorry ^^; Anyway more things will happen in the next chapters. Thanks for reading and please do review!