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Chapter 14
I never considered the possibility of finding love…never allowed myself to hope for something so beyond the realm of my own possibility. I had accepted the fact that I was undeserving. I had known – almost from the very beginning of my undying existence – that I would never be enough. I had seen it in their eyes. It didn't matter what they said because words could be fabricated.
Words were just words.
They were nothing.
They meant nothing.
Actions spoke louder.
And their actions had been deafening.
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She sat there, trembling and crying in my arms…asking me…pleading with me to take her away. To take her somewhere…anywhere else. And I was still reeling. Reeling from her words – her broken confession of love – her love for me. Me, who was just as broken as her. Me, who had nothing to offer. And yet…she still wanted.
She still wanted me.
She still needed me.
She still loved me.
"Get dressed."
The words escaped my lips before I had a moment to contemplate them, wanting nothing more than to give whatever it was that she needed. And what she needed was to leave. What she needed was to not be surrounded by all of the things that made her sad…all of the things that broke her perfect heart and held her captive in a constant state of pain and loss and fucking oppression.
Her body was still naked and warm against me. Her soft and silky skin covering my own. And then she pulled back to look into my eyes – to see if I was offering her the escape that she thought she wanted. And the offer – my words – hung heavy around us until she met my eyes.
And she knew.
I would give her anything.
Silently, she moved, taking her body and her warmth with her. I could still smell our sex all around me. I could still feel the evidence of her climax on my own skin – sticky and slick and almost dry. I could still remember with vivid clarity, the way it felt as she came around my cock…pulling me deeper, clenching and covering me with wet heat that was unlike anything I'd ever known.
And suddenly her distance was too far…too much.
I moved quickly to stand beside her. I watched as she pulled on her pants and tried with shaking hands to button her shirt. Placing my hands over hers, I silently asked her to let me help…to let me do anything at all. She conceded, placing her hands on my biceps while I covered her up. Looking at her breasts one last time, I fought the urge to cup them in my hands or lean in and kiss them again. Her nipples were pink and tight…erect and beautiful. I could see the chill bumps that rose on her white flesh. Even they were beautiful. And after I covered them with the soft flannel of her shirt, I could still see her nipples through the fabric as they contrasted against the soft curve of her breasts.
"Should I…" she asked quietly. "I mean…I don't…I don't know. Should I bring anything with me?"
Her voice was soft and trembling and I wondered if she was reconsidering her request. And as much as it pained me, I needed to give her an option to back out.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Bella," I assured her.
She looked into my eyes and I could smell the salt of the tears that were forming.
"I…I want to," she whispered, bringing her hands up to my face. Her fingers were so warm as the caressed me. And even though the pressure was barely anything at all, I could feel the force behind her gesture. "I'm coming with you."
"Pack a bag."
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Taking the green backpack from her hands, I slid it over her shoulders before I led her down the stairs. As we stood in the foyer of her house, I turned to her, taking her in my arms and holding her close against me. Her hair was soft and mussed. She didn't pull it back and it hung in soft, wild curls around her face. I could feel the slick texture against my neck…could smell the feminine, clean scent that lingered and combined with the fragrance of the two of us together.
"Are you sure?" I murmured, knowing the answer, but needing to hear her say it one more time.
"I'm sure," she said. "I'm sure of this…of you."
"Then come."
The rain from the night before had all but stopped. Only a light mist remained and I watched with rapt attention as the sheer mist began to seep into the strands of her hair. It was still overcast and a dense fog surrounded us. It felt weighted and heavy…like the burdens that we both carried.
"Are you cold?" I asked her softly, reaching out to button her jacket.
I felt so nervous and unsure, but almost as if she understood what I was I was feeling, she stepped into me and allowed me to take care of her.
"I'm okay," she said, looking at my hands as they made quick work of the buttons.
I wanted her to look at me - to meet my eyes and really see me – in the light of the day, no matter how overcast and clouded it might have been. All of our encounters had been at night, but somehow, standing with her in the day made everything so much more real. So much more important.
"It's so strange," she mused absentmindedly.
"What?"
"This," she said, placing her hand over mine. It was cold and similar to the temperature of my own. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to imagine her like me: unbreakable and eternal, with cherry chocolate eyes that would pierce my heart…my soul if I still had one.
She made me feel like I did.
Like I could.
"My hand is strange?" I asked.
"No," she said, smiling for a moment before her delicate features fell. "This…you…taking…caring for me."
Didn't she know that I wanted nothing more?
"Why would you think that was strange?"
"It's just me," she said. "What I mean is…well…it's just been me. I have always had to fend for myself. It's just been so long since…"
She paused as if she was trying to find the right words, but the words never came.
"It's just your buttons, Bella," I whispered, turning my palm up to meet hers.
"It's not just the buttons," she said. "I mean it is…but it's just everything. It's more. It's you buttoning the buttons. It's just…it's just…I don't know if I can explain it."
"You don't have to," I told her.
I wanted to tell her that I knew…that I understood. That I knew what it was like to be alone, forced to take care of yourself and function in a world where you were alone.
A world where you were lonely.
She shifted from foot to foot in front of me. Her eyes were glancing around as if she were looking for something and not finding it.
"Are we…" she began. "Are we…do we…do we need to take my truck?"
"No," I said, taking her hands and pulling gently. Her fingers felt so small and breakable and once again, I was overcome with the need to care for her – to take care of her. "Come with me…let's take a walk."
She followed without question and her simple trust in me was unnerving – even still after everything we had been through. As we got closer to the woods on the edge of her yard, I felt her stumble and stop as her heartbeat stuttered and then accelerated. Steadying her with my arms, I asked her, "Do you trust me?"
As if trying to prove a point, she said nothing and walked ahead, leading me this time into the darkened and moss-covered shelter of the woods. And just like her…I followed.
No words were spoken as we slowly made our way in deeper. I listened to the sound her still-elevated heart and the uneven cadence of her steps. I held onto her, not wanting her to fall and once I knew we were free from the possible prying eyes of her neighbors, I stilled us both.
"Why are we stopping?" she asked.
"I'm taking you from here?"
"What do you mean?" she asked. "I can walk."
"I know you can," I told her. "But it's a long way and it will be faster if I carry you."
"Carry me?" she asked, confusion evident on her face.
There was still so much that she didn't understand.
"Yes."
"Like in your arms?"
The need to pull her close again consumed me. It was almost as if I was afraid at any moment, it would all come crashing down on her.
"If you want me to carry you in my arms, I would," I told her, stepping in and touching her because I had to. Her cheek was warm and as my fingers dipped lower to her neck – just below her ear – I could feel the steady, pulsing beat of her blood. "But I was thinking that I could carry you on my back."
Her eyes widened for just the merest hint of a moment, but then she leaned into me…my hand. Turning her face, she kissed my wrist once and then moved her mouth up to the center of my palm. Her breath was hot fire and it tickled and licked – the sensation all but causing me to come undone. Finally, she covered my flesh with her mouth, searing me as her tongue pressed against the crevice of my lifeline.
"This is really…real," she murmured against my hand. "You…you're…you're really real."
"I am."
"Where are you taking me?" she asked.
"Does it matter?"
Biting down on her lip, she looked up at me and said, "No, but…"
"Do you really trust me, Bella?" I asked her again, not allowing her a moment of indecision.
She answered softly…quickly.
"Yes. I do."
"Then, please," I whispered. My voice – even though it was low – sounded loud in the quiet of the woods. "Please…just come with me. Let me take you."
"Okay."
I crouched down before her, allowing her to crawl onto my back. She was a wisp of nothing as her weight settled against me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and I steadied her as my hands splayed underneath her thighs. I could feel her heart beating wildly against my back and I knew that she was nervous.
"Close your eyes," I whispered. "It might make it easier."
She laid her head against my shoulder and I could feel her breath, warm and wet against my neck. Her hair hung across my chest and I knew that I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to carry her and keep her with me forever.
"Are your eyes closed?" I asked.
She only nodded her answer.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes."
And with that…I was running.
Everything fell away until there was nothing. Nothing but the feel of the cool air against my face. Nothing but the beautiful, human woman wrapped around me.
I don't know if there are words to describe the way it felt to navigate the woods as I held her against me. It was silent except for the rushing of wind in my ears. The greens and browns and greys all blending and they silently slipped past. The trees were barren…dead. But Bella was life. Bella was everything that was living and breathing and red blood coursing as it raced through her veins. And still, her blood did not call to me. It only sang to me – a sweet, sweet song – letting me know that she was here.
That she was real.
That she was everything.
Bella clung to me. I could feel her fingers clutching the fabric of my shirt and I could tell the moment she opened her eyes because her heart slammed against my back and she gasped loudly. I slowed down immediately, not wanting to frighten her.
"Don't," she whispered. "Don't stop."
I could still feel her pounding heart, so I softly squeezed the backs of her thighs, trying to show her that I would never want to scare or hurt her.
"Are you sure?"
"Just go, Edward," she said. "Please…run."
And so, I did. I ran with her. I ran the same way I would have run if she hadn't been with me. It was easy because her weight was so insignificant. But the weight of what was happening – what she was allowing to happen – covered me until I was completely saturated and dripping in her embrace and her trust.
Why the fuck did she trust me so much?
We had been running for about five minutes when she whispered in my ear, "You're so fast."
"And you're still not scared?" I asked.
"Not of this…not of you."
"Bella," I whispered her name and wondered if she could hear me. If she could, she made no acknowledgement.
I felt her warm hand dip below the collar of my shirt. Her palm pressed against my chest as her fingers rubbed and stroked me softly at first…and then more insistently. I could feel the evening of her heartbeat and the slow, steady way that she was breathing as it covered my neck. And never – not ever – had I experienced anything like it in my life.
I pressed on, wanting to get her to our destination as quickly as possible. But my entire world stilled when I felt her hot, wet tongue against my neck. She kissed and licked me softly. Opening her mouth and breathing me in…tasting my skin. It was sexy. It was erotic. It was my undoing in the moment.
"What are you doing?" I managed to ask.
Her hands were still dipped below the fabric of my shirt and stroking me. Harder now than before. Her legs wrapped around me tighter. My hands slipped back further until I was cupping her ass…perfect and round and soft as I held it. I could feel the heat from her pussy as it emanated through the thick fabric of her jeans. It was hot against my back…and fuck, I could smell her. All around me. Taste it in the air I was breathing.
"Go," she urged me. "Please."
And even though I wanted nothing more than to take her and fuck her on the cold, wet ground of the woods – I pressed forward.
Hard to keep going.
Soft as she touched me.
Wet as she licked me.
Warm as she wrapped herself around me.
It was too much, but I knew that I would give her anything.
Anything at all.
So, I kept running.
"Are you cold?" she whispered in my ear.
"No," I told her. "I never get cold. And you feel like fire."
"Edward," she whimpered my name in a sound that was so filled with need and want and a desire that matched my own. "Please."
"What?" I groaned. "Please…just tell me what you want, Bella."
She whimpered against my neck again causing me to growl. I stilled completely, wondering if the feral sound frightened her. And then I felt it – her teeth pressing against the stone of my skin. It was nothing, barely a shadow of a whisper…but I felt the need and desperation there. Animalistic…just like me.
"I just want…I just…I just…"
I could hear the frustration in her voice, the need she had to try to explain, but she couldn't. Her hands were still touching me, soft and hard…clinging with want. I could feel the fabric pulling and stretching. I could feel her nails trying to dig into my skin. I reacted reflexively, squeezing her soft flesh in my hands, wanting her to know that it was the same for me.
I wanted her just the same.
I wanted her even more.
Her little whimpers and moans grew louder in my ear until they were all that I could hear. My body felt alive from the run – but even more from the woman I loved reacting to me in that way.
I could smell her desire.
It blended perfectly with the wet, earthy fragrance of the woods.
I could taste her arousal and I breathed in, reveling in the knowledge that she wanted me. She really fucking wanted me. I still couldn't believe it. Even then …after everything that happened and everything she had shown me. And though I could have kept running, I stopped. I stopped because I needed to feel her...all of her. More than the backs of her legs and the womanly swell of her hips.
I needed all of her.
Her trembling hands gripped me tighter as I stopped. Carefully, I lowered myself, allowing her to slip from my body. I didn't allow myself time to miss her touch, turning around quickly and taking her into my arms.
"What are you doing to me?" I asked. My voice was rough and low even to my own ears. "Do you know? Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Her eyes were wide and her voice was small and breathless.
"No," I told her. "That's not…that's not what I mean. I just…it's your touch, Bella. Your touch and your voice and the way your body is reacting."
"You're so strong," she said. "So strong and so fast…and I've never…nothing has ever felt like that before. And I just…it made…"
Her voice trailed off and her pink cheeks grew darker, flushed with her desire or embarrassment. As if she had anything to be embarrassed of.
"What?"
"The way you held me," she continued. "I should have been scared, but I wasn't. It was exciting, but I felt safe. You…it…"
"What?" I urged her once more.
Her eyes fell to my lips. I licked them, feeling the venom pool in my mouth like water.
I wanted her.
So much.
And then she looked up, into my eyes again and she whispered so fucking softly.
"It…it turned me on."
"Bella," I groaned, covering her soft lips with my own.
I sucked on her bottom lip, careful not to graze her skin with my teeth and fighting my own desire to consume her…to devour her.
Every inch.
Every part.
She breathed into my mouth, her tongue slipping out and licking me as she sucked. The sounds coming from her were enough to make fall to my knees – to bring her with me and taste and fuck and love her all over again.
She kissed me harder and took all of my strength not to do it, but we were so close to where I wanted to take her. And I could wait…she deserved better than that. But she pushed further…more. She wanted more. Her hands reached under my shirt and I could feel the edge of her nails dragging against my skin.
I pulled away from her mouth, gasping for air I didn't need. Burying my head into her neck I begged her, "Please, Bella…please…not here. We're so close."
"But I want you here," she practically cried. "I want you now. Right here. Why not here?"
"It's cold," I told her. "And you…you deserve better. You deserve more than this."
More than me.
"I don't want more than you!" she yelled, and I realized that I'd said that out loud. What was it about this woman that made me lose all my thoughts and senses? "How can you still think that?"
Her hands jerked away and I ached from the loss of the warmth from her touch. But as soon as it was taken from me, it was back pulling at my shirt with a force I'd never seen from her. My shirt ripped under her fingers, her knuckles white from her clenched fists. I could see the buttons as they scattered on the ground around us. Her eyes were wide and wild. Her hair – tangled from the run – blew is soft wisps around her face.
Her passion was evident.
Her beauty was undeniable.
I had to have her.
Looking down, I could see my bare chest – the evidence of just how much she wanted me. And I wanted her the same way. I knew we were isolated and that no one was around to hear or see us, but still…
"It's cold," I whispered, fighting hard to control my voice.
"You're cold," she responded, not missing a beat.
"You want this?" I asked. "Here? Now?"
"Yes…I want you," she said, running her hands along my bare chest. "I want you here. I don't want to wait. Not when I feel like I've waited for you so long."
She pushed the shirt from my shoulders and I allowed it…loving the way her hands felt on my shoulders. I saw the garment float to the ground, landing silently. I leaned in a kissed her again. Fiercely…deeply. I savored her taste as I slowly unbuttoned the same buttons I had taken such care with earlier. I heard her breathing hitch; I felt her heartbeat speed. And as I removed her jacket and her top, I pulled back to look at her – unashamed, absolutely enamored and completely in love.
I was in love with her.
Her flesh was delicate and pale in the shaded morning light. I could see the little bumps that rose up on her skin…could see the puckered and rosy tips of her nipples and they stood out from her perfect breasts.
Distended.
Erect.
And waiting for me suck.
Not waiting anymore, we pushed and pulled and kicked until finally…amazingly…we stood before each other completely naked. There was nothing between us but the air and space we'd allowed. And as I looked at her heaving chest and my eyes followed up to her full, perfect lips…the space between us vanished.
I took her in my arms, forgetting momentarily just how fragile she really was. If she was scared she never showed it. She only clung to me furiously, kissing and licking my neck and wrapping her legs around my waist. I could feel her wet heat as it pressed against my stomach. She writhed against me, moaning my name and telling me – more with her actions than words – just how much she wanted and needed our connection.
How much she needed me.
"It's the same for me," I told her. "Don't you know how much I want you? How fucking much I need this?"
"I don't know anything anymore," she told me. "I only know what I feel."
"And what do you feel?" I asked her gruffly, pressing her pussy down against my erection. She felt so good…so hot and slick…so wet and ready for me to take her again.
And I would.
"I feel you," she told me.
I walked us to a tree to the side of the path and I pushed her up against it. She gasped my name and fisted her hands in my hair. Her eyes never once betrayed her desire and she kept them open even as I kissed her roughly. She tasted like honey covered lilac soaked in rain water and I licked her tongue and lips as if they fed my body and soul. And on some level, I knew they did.
She did.
"Please," she cried.
Lowering my head, I took her breast into my mouth, sucking her as softly as my need would allow me. I wanted her desperately – so much that I almost missed the look of pain that crossed her beautiful face as I pushed her against the rough wood of the tree.
"I'm so fucking sorry," I rasped, pulling back and cradling her in my arms. "I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you. It's just…I just need you so fucking much. Please, Bella…please…just wait until we get there. We'll be there so soon."
"Please don't," she said, almost panicked. Her eyes were wet and wide as she shivered in my arms. "Please…here…now. I'm okay. You didn't hurt me. And I need you. So much."
"I need you, too."
I kissed her again, careful as I lowered her to the ground. She refused to let go of me, whimpering into my mouth as her arms clutched me tightly. I reached my hand down between her legs, needed to show her that I wasn't telling her no – that there was nothing I wouldn't give her if she asked.
Even this.
She parted her legs, allowing me access to her secret, beautiful place. And heat seared and covered my fingers as they stroked and explored her wet, outer lips. She was dripping and I wanted to lap up every single drop. I wanted to taste the evidence of how I made her feel. I wanted to lick the moisture from her thighs – knowing that it was me who made her body react this way.
I wanted to so fucking much.
But it was cold…and there wasn't enough time.
"Tell me you want it," I whispered, as I flicked her clit with my thumb and rubbed her in small tight circles. "Tell me again."
"I want it."
I slipped my middle finger just inside her hot, tight opening. I felt my finger penetrate her as I began to push it in and out, preparing her for me. I felt her knees tremble and I steadied her, so she wouldn't fall.
"Not enough," I whispered, kissing her as hard as I could without losing control. "Tell me what you want."
"I want you," she said, he head falling onto my shoulder. I could hear her panting…I could feel the heat of her breath on my neck. "I want you…your cock…I want it inside me, Edward. You belong inside me."
I almost came from her words and I allowed myself a moment to imagine the way it would look if I spilled out onto her stomach. How erotic and sexy it would be to see her skin covered in the milky white fluid from my body…from my cock.
"You belong inside me," she repeated, her beautiful, low voice pulling me from my fantasy. "You belong with me."
And her words were too perfect and too beautiful.
And they were the fucking truth.
"Turn around."
She did as she was told without question and as my fingers slipped from her, I quickly bright them to my lips – licking and sucking and tasting on my skin what I would taste from her pussy later.
She was fucking divine.
I placed one arm around her belly, holding her tightly against me while my other hand stroked and rubbed her back. There were a couple of scratches from the bark and I reverently kissed where I'd caused her pain…thankful that there was no blood.
Running my hands along her sides, I lifted her arms, taking her hands and placing them on a low branch above us. I could feel her body shaking from the cold…or from her need. I couldn't tell, but we were both too far gone to stop.
I could make it quick.
I could make her feel good.
I could make her scream my name.
"Hold onto this tight," I whispered in her ear and she nodded her head in agreement. "And bend over."
I looked at her naked and open and ready for me. I could see the swell of her breasts from the side. I admired the perfect angles of her beautiful body bent before me…offering herself to me so completely. She looked so vulnerable, yet she was so powerful in her position.
And I was amazed.
Lowering myself, I aligned my cock to her opening. I rubbed it along the length of her pussy, feeling the slippery heat as it coated and covered me. And with her name on my lips, I pushed into her, filling her completely.
She was so fucking tight.
She felt so fucking good.
She cried out my name as I thrust in and out. I kept a steady pace, not wanting to tease her…there would be time for that later. I wanted to make her come. I wanted to give her what she wanted. I wanted to be everything that that she needed. And in that moment, she needed me.
But I needed her more.
It wasn't long before I felt her entire body trembling. I felt the tightening of her belly. I heard the erratic and shaking breaths that she took. I held her closer, lifting her body up with my hands until her feet were no longer touching the ground.
"Don't let go," I rasped.
"I won't," she cried out her promise.
And then I fucked her…sweetly…thoroughly.
When I knew she was on the edge, I buried my face in her neck and whispered into her ear, "Can you come for me, Bella? Can you come all over my cock?"
She moaned my name and her whimpers and cries filled the quiet space of the woods. I could feel the moment her body tipped over the edge...and as she screamed my name, I toppled over with her.
Telling her I loved her.
And never wanting to let her go.
~x~
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The rest of the walk was quiet. Bella held me tightly, as I carried her the rest of the way. Her body had warmed, but I knew I needed to get her inside soon. We were almost there when she finally spoke again.
"Where are we going?"
Looking down at her, I told her. There was no need for secrecy anymore.
"We are going to my house."
She looked at me, surprised.
"You have a house?"
"It's nothing special," I told her. It was the truth. She was the first special thing to ever happen to me. Ever. "But it's secluded and quiet and I thought it might be a good place for you to get away.
She just nodded her head laying it back down on my shoulder. I held her tightly kissing her hair and shoulder on occasion as we walked. When we approached the house, I lowered her gently to the ground. I looked at her and wondered if I could really be what she needed. And an irrational moment of fear possessed me.
"Please…just say it again." I asked, hoping she knew what I meant. I didn't care how needy it made me sound. I was needy…desperate. I needed her. So much.
"I love you," she whispered. "I'm in love with you, Edward. Nothing else matters."
"I love you, too."
~x~
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~x~
We walked into the house and I immediately went to the fireplace to start a fire. It would be the quickest way for her to warm up after we took a shower. It was just as I struck the match, that I heard him.
His thoughts were clouded…shielded.
Stepping forward from a dark corner of the room, he made his presence known.
I flew to Bella, taking her in my arms.
She froze. I felt every muscle and tendon tighten with fear and anxiety. I immediately took a protective stance. I knew the man before me...and the man I knew wouldn't hurt her. But there was something different about him now.
Something harder.
Something bitter.
"Edward," he drew my name out in a sneer. "I told you that I'd find you."
He looked down to the woman in my arms. I gripped her tighter, uncomfortable under his obvious scrutiny. I searched his eyes, relieved to find them glowing amber.
"Bella," he continued. "I see you've met my friend."
He chuckled darkly. The sound was smooth and controlled. He was always fucking controlled. But there was something underneath the sound. Something maniacal...something that scared me.
I could hear his thoughts. His disgust for what I'd allowed to happen. He knew what we'd done. He could smell the remains of our sex that lingered on our skin. And even though he knew...I could feel no shame or apology.
He didn't know.
He couldn't possibly understand.
"She's a human, Edward," his thoughts crystallizing. "You know what will happen. You know what you've done."
"She knows, Jasper," I said.
"What does she know?" he asked, angry and indignant.
"She knows everything."
I could feel Bella trembling in my arms. And for as much as I thought she'd been scared in my presence...the beat of her heart and the pulsing rush of her blood told me what she had told me all along. She was never truly scared of me.
But she was terrified now.
"Everything?"
"Yes," I told him. "Everything."
He stared at me, challenging and stoic.
"You're a fucking liar, Edward. And I told you. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I know why you're here."
His mind spoke directly, his eyes never leaving mine. And then, his eyes shifted to the woman in my arms.
The woman that I loved.
And the need I felt to protect her covered and consumed me as I stood, prepared to destroy him if he attempted to harm her.
"Tell me, Bella," he drawled with his particular shade of charm. "Did he tell you about Carlisle?"
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A/N
Reviews are love.
Please leave me some.
Thanks and love to Marvar, my goddess and beta-divine. I will never love watching Twilight with anyone as much as I love watching it with you. Thanks for being honest. Always.
To my pre-reading girls…I love and adore you all. You know who you are.
Thank for your patience and for everyone's well-wishes while I was sick. I'm all better now. Ridiculously expensive antibiotics and massive amounts of Robp0rn will do that for you.