What Speaks in Darkness Chapter 20: Sensory, a twilight fanfic

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~x~

Chapter 19

"If my heart could beat," he whispered, quiet and clear. "It absolutely would for you."

And I was covered with a warmth I couldn't explain. Because somehow, he knew that I was hurting. Somehow, he knew exactly what I needed him to say. He said it…and his words meant so much.

They meant everything.

I looked at him, wanting him to see that even though I was scared, I knew he was the one. I'd made a choice when I left the bar with him.

I chose him.

I loved him.

More than anything.

"I know," I replied. "Mine beats for you, too."

~x~

"What did you say?" he asked, as he suddenly stopped the truck.

I was jarred from the sudden change in our speed and the almost harsh tone of his words. Even though Edward was a vampire, he had never been anything but gentle with me. His voice, his words…his touch. But my face and body heated and flushed as I remembered our time in the woods, and how "gentle" wasn't exactly the word I would use to describe him then.

"What…what are you talking about?" I asked. "Why did we stop?"

"Bella," he said as he turned to face me. His movement pushed me back and his hands reached out to touch my face. And even though his hands were steady and calm, I could feel the turbulent storm that simmered just beneath the surface. "What did you just say to me? Please…you have to tell me."

My mind, still shaken and unsettled from the events that had taken place at the bar, raced as I tried to figure out what was making him so upset.

He seemed so, so upset.

"I told you that my heart beat for you, too." My voice trembled and I felt a new wave of hot tears flood my eyes. I had cried so much tonight. "I don't understand," I said. "Why is this upsetting you so much? You said the same thing to me."

And he had.

I heard it.

His voice was soft, but his words had been so clear. And I needed them so much in that moment. I needed to know that he still felt the same way. Because I had been so scared. Truly, as I stood there in the bar, I saw his face. The pain and the resignation. He was going to leave me. He was going to walk away and I would have lost him. I needed to know that he was in this as much as me. I needed to know there was no way he would ever leave. Because I knew now, I could never leave him.

Not ever.

He looked at me for the longest moment. His eyes were dark, but I could tell he was confounded. And I couldn't fathom his lack of understanding. If anything, I was the one who should have been confused. I didn't act like this, when he spoke those words to me.

Those words – his words – made me feel comforted.

They were exactly what I needed.

So, I gave them back to him, in return.

"I…" he started, then paused, "I…I didn't say anything."

His words cut me like a blade, wounded me in the deepest, softest part of my heart and soul.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, backing away from him. I scooted over the furthest part of the cold leather seat of my truck. "Why would you deny it?"

He tried to move closer to me.

"Don't," I said and he stopped immediately. "Just…don't."

"Bella…"

"You said it," I cried. "I heard you. Did you not mean it?"

None of it made sense. And I felt like it was something he would have said. His words all along had been so beautiful, so passionate. He made me feel like I was something special…like it was me. Like I was the one he'd been waiting for.

Why was he doing this now?

Was he trying to drive me away?

"Bella, please," he spoke again. "I meant it…I mean it."

His voice was so sincere, and a new wave of confusion and emotion crashed over me. I felt so all over the place. Like nothing in my world was grounded and I was spinning out of control. Because even though this was crazy, even though everything about this was terrifying and screamed for me to be frightened, I never once was.

Because of him.

Because of how he made me feel.

Because I knew he felt the same way.

"I don't understand," I said. "What do you mean? Why did you tell me you didn't say it? And now, you're telling me that you did. If you wanted to confuse me, I promise, you don't have to try so hard."

My words sounded as bitter as they tasted in my mouth and my body shook as the adrenaline surged. And I didn't even know where it was coming from. The entire day and night had already been so draining. But I had remained calm. I had remained centered because I knew that finding Edward meant something. But there was no calm now. No, now there was only the reality of everything that happened, crashing down on me.

Me and Edward.

Jacob and Alice.

Jasper.

And all of it was too much.

He moved to take me in his arms, and while I wanted to fight him, I just couldn't. I didn't have the strength. Soothing hushes fell from his lips as I cried into his neck, and my closed fists pressed against the stone of his chest. He was so hard and yet, he held me so gently.

This was the Edward I knew.

This was the Edward I understood.

But in reality, I knew that there was still so much I didn't understand. And I remembered his voice, only moments before, when he spoke to me so harshly. When he denied telling me the words I needed so much.

"You said it," I cried in protest. Only my voice wasn't loud. There was nothing commanding or forceful behind my words. Just weakness and tears and the fear that I really couldn't take this. But his voice echoed in my head…his words resounded in my heard. He fucking said it. So, I said it louder. "You did! You said it. I fucking heard you!"

"Bella, shh…" he whispered. "Please, stop crying."

But I couldn't stop crying and that only made me cry harder. And I hated my weakness because even though all of this had been scary, I had been strong. All along. I had been strong for him…for me. Because I knew that he was worth it. Finding him had been worth it.

"You said it," I said again, hiccupping. He pulled me closer, but the movement was awkward because of how we were sitting in the small space. "Why? Why would you tell me that you didn't? Why, when all I've done since you told me what…who you are, is tell you that it's okay? That I didn't care and that I wanted to be with you anyway?"

His hand trailed down my back and I could feel the tension in my body leaving. Not because I wasn't upset, but because I was tired. All of this had been so exhausting.

"Please," he whispered roughly. "Please…just…just listen to me. I didn't say it, Bella. I didn't…but I thought it. I thought it. I thought it and you heard me. You responded to me. Not my words….my thoughts." He pulled back looking in my eyes and I couldn't see him. Not really. It was so dark and my eyes were so cloudy and filled with tears. "You heard me, Bella. How? How could you hear me?"

My mind was spinning all over again. And I couldn't be sure if he was telling the truth. Even if it was the truth, I didn't know what that meant. How could that have been possible? How could I have heard him?

"How?" I asked, the words falling from my mouth without filter as I thought them. "How…I mean I…I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"I don't know," he said, his hand reaching up and cupping my face. There was a frenetic tension in the way he was touching me…the way he was looking at me. I could feel it in the posture of his body. I could taste it in the pulsing energy around us. "I only know that you did. You fucking heard me…my thoughts, Bella! You heard what I was thinking."

Looking into his eyes, I could see he was telling the truth. Or at least what he thought was the truth. And then it hit me like a fucking ton of bricks. He hadn't been denying what I'd heard. He was just denying that he said it.

"So…so, you weren't telling me you didn't mean it?" I asked, still trying to wrap my stupid, confused mind around what he was saying. "You…you meant it? You thought it?"

There was a moment after I spoke when everything was silent. Him…me…the air and space around us. It was the kind of quiet with noise. Almost like a buzzing bell in my ears. As if the silence was so much, so overpowering…it needed to speak. It had to find a voice. The ringing became more pronounced as he looked at me and when my chest started to hurt, I realized I wasn't breathing. I gasped, taking in a deep breath. My chest burned as it filled with air that tasted like him. My head spun and I let the dizziness consume me.

"Listen to me," he said roughly. My eyes tried to focus, tried to see him through the window of water that covered them. "I love you," he said. "I love you so fucking much. And yes, Bella. Fucking yes…I meant it." His thumbs pressed against my cheeks, wiping the tears away. "I meant it, with everything I am. But you heard it. You heard me, Bella. You fucking heard me, when I wasn't even talking. When I was just sitting there, so thankful for the way that you were holding me. So thankful that you left…you came with me. And you kissed my heart, Bella. You put your mouth on me right here," he said, placing a hand over his still-exposed chest. "Here. And yes, I thought it. I meant it. I would say it a thousand times, but I didn't say it then. I didn't say it…and you heard me."

"Edward," I whispered, still confused and overwhelmed by his words – his perfect words.

"But I didn't have to say it," he said. "Don't you see? I didn't have to, because you heard me. How could you hear me?"

"I…I…" I stammered, trying to tell him that I didn't know. And honestly, still a little uncertain that what he was saying was true. But how could it not be true? How was any of this true at all? All of it was crazy. All of it had been too much to really understand from the beginning. From the Ouija board, to him being a vampire. The fact that there were others out there like him. And I had stood in their presence more than once. All of it was beyond fucked up, but looking at him, I knew that none of that mattered.

It was him.

He was real and he was here. And because of that, nothing in my life would ever be the same again.

"You're shaking," he said. "Please, Bella…you're scaring me."

"I'm scared," I admitted, feeling a sense of relief from saying the words. "I'm so scared right now, Edward. I don't know what any of this means. I don't know what's really going on. I only know that I need you. And everything has been so much…too much. And what happened back there…when I….when I thought you didn't want me…"

"When did you think I didn't want you?" he interrupted.

"I thought…I just…" I said, trying to find focus that simply wasn't there. All of the emotion was still boiling right at the surface. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself and then I searched his eyes, hoping that whatever I found there would calm and center me.

They were nervous but soft.

And they were telling, just like his words that followed.

"I always want you," he whispered. "Have always wanted you. From the first time I saw standing outside the bar. From the moment I followed you home. Don't you know that, Bella? Can't you see?"

His words were as soothing as the cool of his palms against my hot cheeks. I sucked in another breath, feeling my spinning mind settle. Not completely, but it was enough.

"You think I heard you?" It was a statement…it was a question.

"I know you did," he said softly. "Even though I meant it completely…I didn't say it. I know I didn't."

"But why can't I hear you now?" I asked. "If that's the truth, why can't I hear you now?"

"I don't know," he said. "I only know that you did…and I don't think it's the first time. Actually, I know it's not."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"

He sat back in the seat of the truck, his eyes silently asking for permission to take me with him. And of course, I went. I was still shaken and confused, but unwilling to lose the physical contact.

He leaned back against the seat and I settled in his lap, facing him. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close against his chest as I rested my head against his shoulder. Nothing in my world made sense at the moment, but that did.

He did.

"The first night," he whispered. "The night with the board. You…you heard me then, too. And the more I think about it, Bella…the more I think it wasn't the board telling you my thoughts. I think it was you. You could hear me."

I thought back to that night, sitting alone on my porch. I thought about how unnerved I was when the planchette started to move. And even though I was scared, I knew something real was happening. Something beyond my own limited understanding.

"But it was the board," I whispered. "It wasn't me moving it…it was moving on its own."

"I'm not pretending to know the answers, Bella," he said. "I'm only saying that anything is possible."

I couldn't help the painful laugh that escaped my throat. Anything was possible. Myths and dreams and things that held no place in my reality had all suddenly become a part of my life. And if I was willing to accept that as the truth, was I really incapable of believing that something like this about myself?

"But I'm human," I whispered. "Human…nothing…"

"You…" he whispered roughly, pulling back and looking down at me. "You're different…you're amazing…you're…you're everything."

And then his lips were on mine, hard and deep, as he kissed me almost painfully. My mouth opened as I tried to breathe and I tasted the salt of my own tears on his tongue. My hands reached up and threaded through his hair as he groaned. It sounded so loud in the small space of the cab and it only served to make me needier and more desperate than I was before.

"Tell me," he rasped, as his mouth trailed across my cheek and down my throat. "Tell me you know, Bella…how much I need you…how much I love you."

I couldn't speak. I could only nod my head, but that wasn't enough. Not for him.

"I need you to tell me," he said again, pulling away from me and causing me to whimper. "Please, Bella…please."

"Yes," I said, reaching for him again. Needing so much the contact that we'd had just seconds before. "I know…just please…please, don't stop."

I couldn't stand the thought of him pulling away again and I knew that maybe words were what I needed more than the physical contact. But I felt flooded with desire and a desperate want to be connected to him in this way. More than anything. My head was still heavy and clouded, but my body knew – my body had always known where he was concerned. Even when I thought I was dreaming.

"We can't," he said. "I…I can't. Not here…not now."

But I wasn't listening. I knew I couldn't stop. So, I reached out to him with shaking hands and trembling fingers. I pushed apart the top of his shirt that was still unbuttoned and I kissed him again. Harder this time, but with no less love than before. I felt my teeth graze his skin, as I slid down his chest and he cried out, bringing his hands to my hair.

"Yes," I said, panting against him. "Please don't tell me no. I would never, never tell you no."

I licked him then, tasting his cool skin, which stood in contrast to the sandalwood and spice that filled my senses. My fingers worked as quickly as they could, trying to unbutton the rest of his shirt. His grip on my hair told me that while he might have verbally protested; his body was telling him the same thing as mine.

We needed this.

Both of us together.

I pushed his shirt open and sat back on his lap. I looked at his skin, so pale and white…even in the darkness. If the moon was over us, it was hidden and nowhere to be seen. The tree covered road was deserted except for us, not a single car had passed us since we stopped. And though is eyes were dark, I could make them out and as he looked at me. And in them, I found the truth.

He could never say no to me either.

Quickly, I lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it to the side. My hair fell down over my shoulders. The way he was looking at me made me feel desirable…sexy. And once again, I was reminded that he was the only one who had ever made me feel this way.

Like I was something to be desired.

My eyes held his, as he slowly reached up to cup my breasts in his hands. They were covered with my bra, but I could still feel my nipples harden under his cool touch.

"You're beautiful," he breathed. "You're so fucking beautiful."

"Tell me," I whispered, before leaning in to kiss him gently. I licked his bottom lip, before sucking it into my mouth and biting down. In felt his chest rumble under my hands, as a soft growl escaped. So, I bit harder, before licking him again. "Tell me…what are you thinking?"

He reached behind me and unclasped my bra, sliding the straps over my shoulders. Chill bumps rose on my flesh from the touch of his hands. From anticipation and want.

"No, Bella," he whispered, before reaching out and pulling my bra from my body. My breasts fell free, as he leaned and took one in his mouth and cupped the other in his hand. He sucked my tender flesh softly, before licking around my nipple with his tongue. It tingled as he pulled away, licking a trail between my beasts and up my chest, before achingly…finally covering my ear with his mouth. "You tell me."

"I can't," I whispered.

"You can," he said lowly with conviction.

I watched as he reached down, unbuttoning his pants and pulling his cock free. My breathing sped, as I watched his hand gently stroking the length.

"I want you to touch me, Bella," he said. "I want you to touch me and I'm going to touch you. And I don't want you to speak…I just want you to listen. Listen to me. Hear me. I know you can."

My hand covered his for just a moment and I felt him, hard and cool and perfect under our fingers. And then, his hand moved away and I began to stroke him softly on my own. He remained silent except for his panting. I tried to focus on him, but there was nothing.

No sound.

No words.

I was fascinated with the moisture I could feel on the tip of his head. And if it had been possible, I would have leaned over to take him in my mouth. I wanted to taste him. To suck and lick that perfect part of him that was weeping for me.

My other hand reached inside his boxers and I cupped his balls. A small whimper escaped his lips and my eyes shot up to his. They were wide and focused solely on me. He reached out then, and two fingers began to trace the line of my pussy. I wanted to moan…I wanted to cry. But instead, I bit my lip and I tried to listen.

I wanted to hear.

He quickly opened my pants and his hand slipped inside my panties. He palmed me then, completely covering it and pressing against my skin that felt so hot against his cold hand. And still, there was nothing. No words, no sound. Just the pounding of my heart and my erratic breathing.

His fingers slid just inside, opening me, spreading me. And it felt so good, I couldn't help myself. I pulled my eyes from his and looked down, needing to see what he was doing. Wanting to watch what I was feeling because it was too much, too good to believe it was real.

"You're so hot," he whispered. "So soft and wet for me."

I whimpered at his words…his touch…just him.

"You…you do this to me," I whispered, still watching his hand. "You make me this way."

His hand stilled, just for a moment, but then he began stroking me again.

"Look at me," he said. "Look into my eyes."

And so, I looked up. His face was intense, even more than before. There was something wild and urgent in the way he was looking at me. And then he spoke, his words slow and soft.

"You heard me, Bella," he said. "You hear me."

My mind spun and it was so hard to focus on his words and what he was telling me because he was still touching me so perfectly. I could hear the way his fingers slipped wetly against my skin and I tried to let go…tried to be there in the moment with him. His words or his thoughts…I didn't know what was true. But I knew that none of it mattered as long as it was him…as long as he was with me there in that way.

His finger slipped inside me completely, twisting as I stretched open to receive it. I didn't look away this time, but I could barely keep my eyes open as the pleasure covered my body.

"Wet and tight and hot like fire…"

It was his voice, his words.

But he wasn't speaking.

"Beautiful."

He began to move his hand, his finger pushing in and pulling out. A look of knowing on his face and I wondered if he could actually know what I was feeling…what I was thinking. Was I really hearing him? Was this all in my mind?

"I smell you…"

His words.

His thoughts.

"Your beautiful body…your perfect pussy…"

His words.

His thoughts.

"For me…I make you this way…"

And still he didn't stop his hand as he fucked me with his fingers. And I couldn't look away from his face, his parted lips.

That never fucking moved.

I could feel the pleasure taking over. My body trembled and fought it, wanting so much to stay in the moment with him. Needing so much to know if what he was saying was true.

Could I hear him?

Could I really fucking hear him?

"I love you, Bella."

"I've waited for you."

"I didn't know."

"I didn't fucking know."

He was pushing hard and my breathing was labored and all of it was too much…too intense…too unbelievable to be real.

"I know you can hear me."

"It only makes you more perfect."

"Tell me…"

"Come for me, Bella…and tell me you can hear me. I know you can."

And my body tensed and exploded, as everything around me came crashing down. My hands that were longer touching him, gripped his shoulders as the entire world I thought I understood, morphed and changed into something unknown…something supernatural…something frightening but perfect.

Perfect, because of him.

"I can!" I cried, finally collapsing against him. "I could hear you, Edward. I could hear what you were thinking."

"I know," he whispered, taking me in his arms and turning my body. He wrapped me up against him, kissing my face…my neck. "I knew you could."

And I cried, not because I was upset, but because I was so confused and overwhelmed with the truth and his love. And how fucking much I loved and needed him in return. Everything was the same, but my world was entirely different and I didn't know how to wrap my mind around it.

I could feel his breath on my neck, I could hear his speaking, but the words blended together.

"I love you, Bella. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, but I can't be without you. Not again…not ever."

I felt the tears streaming down.

I felt his arms holding me…keeping me safe.

"You have to….you have to…"

"What?" I wanted to cry, but no words left my mouth. I only knew I would give him anything. Everything. All that I had belonged to him.

"Please…just say yes."

Anything.

"Please…"

Anything.

And everything was hazy. My mind, his words…his thoughts. Nothing was clear any longer. Everything was heavy and weak and tired just like me. But through all of it, as my body fought the darkness that sought to overtake me, one word resided in my mind. One word lingered in his thoughts, repeated over and over again.

Change.

Darkness won and sleep took me quickly.

~x~

When I woke up, Edward was lowering me into an unfamiliar bed.

"Where are we?" I whispered, my voice thick and rough.

"At a hotel in Port Angeles," he said. "Shh…you need to rest. Sleep, Bella. Sleep for me."

I wanted to fight him, but I was so tired and I knew there was no use.

"Come," I whispered. "Lay with me, please. Be with me."

He leaned over me, kissing my temple. He smelled so good and his kiss was so cool and soft against my flushed skin.

"Soon," he whispered. "Rest. I'll be back before you wake."

A moment of panic surged through my body. My eyes opened and I looked at him.

"Where are you going?" I asked, scared and anxious.

"I need to hunt, Bella," he said. "I need to feed."

"Can't I come with you?" I asked.

"No," he said quickly. "You can't…you just….can't. Not when I'm hunting. Please, just rest."

I wanted to argue, to ask why he was so adamant. But I didn't have the strength. My eyes closed again, as he whispered. "I'll be quick…and Bella, I love you."

~x~

The room was still dark when I opened my eyes. I could feel the slight chill of his body against mine. I sighed, relieved that he was there with me. Just as he'd promised. I could feel the pull of my tight muscles as I stretched before my body sagged back against him. His arms wrapped around me, cool and comforting.

Except it wasn't.

Suddenly, I knew that it wasn't.

Everything was off…everything was wrong.

I breathed in, trying to calm myself…and that was when I smelled it.

Smoke and bourbon.

I tensed…and that was when I felt it.

Arms that weren't Edward's, wrapped around me.

I gasped…and that was when I heard it.

Slow and southern…and sickeningly sweet.

"Hello, Bella," the voice whispered directly in my ear. "You know, darlin'…you're beautiful when you're sleeping."

~x~

A/N

Reviews are love.

Please leave me some.

So, yeah…I hope you're happy for the quick update. They wouldn't shut up and this chapter kind of (almost) wrote itself. I'm gonna say (pretty firmly) that this will be the last update until I get back from vacation. But you never know. Edward might be chatty again. And I can hear his thoughts. Since I write them.

Marvar is always honest with me…even when it's bound to hurt my feelings and make me an emo mess. I love her for that…and for her awesome ass. J/S She's amazing.

Caren and Raina are the best pre-readers in the world. Seriously. I wouldn't enjoy this near as much without them.

See you guys in a couple weeks. I'll be the one with a tan and a hangover. xoxo