Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons

Haru – Asuka

Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

No copyright infringement was in any way intended.

Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod

M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

HTML ver 10 APR 08

Ver 1 – 22 APR 08

Haru – Asuka

It was raining then.

The sky was gray as the Heavens cried. Sometimes I would think that they were crying for me. But in my heart of hearts I knew that was not the case. The Angels were crying, but not for me.

"I hate you."

Words. Words can hurt people. I know this. There are words that people say that they wish they never said out loud.

These words were mine.

And I can never take them back.

The sky was awash in sunset colors- pink, orange, purple. The clouds were light and feathery. No chance of rain then. No possibility of respite from the coming confrontation. And I know there will be a confrontation. Because I know that no matter how much I want to run away, I cannot.

"Soryu-san?"

I turn to the woman beside me. She is older than I am, and yet she is younger. I guess that age is a matter of experience rather than life span.

"Sorry, Miyazawa-san. I have a previous engagement," I felt a bit sorry for her. The whole staff had been invited for a section drinking session. This was of course a trial for the women who are unattached and are not in the market for companionship. Basically just me and Miyazawa in our section. She is too absorbed in the books, and I have other personal matters to bother with. We have formed a sort of alliance to fend off unwanted attention and I feel bad about abandoning her.

"Here," I hand her one of Misato's coupons. "If you can't handle it anymore just tell them you're meeting someone."

Miyazawa blushed as she recognized the name of the bar. It was rather famous, or rather notorious in some circles. I just smiled.

"Later."

"Thank you, Asuka-chan."

And for the first time today, I feel better.

000

I walk through the park, enjoying the slight chill and the festive mood in the air as people celebrate in the traditional way. Packed meals and blankets spread under the trees. Drinks flowing and portable karaoke machines blaring. A pink haze as the streetlights filter through the cherry blossoms.

I try not to think of Shinji. I'll cross that bridge when I get there, for the moment I would like to enjoy the walk through the park.

And then, he's there in the back of my mind as my link flared. Like a dog who senses its master. I turn and see him walking beside Aida-kun. They were whispering and I can't help but envy how close they were. Aida - he's Shinji's bestfriend - a role in Shinji's life that I wanted for myself, as the other role I desired could not be fulfilled.

A moment of indecision. And then I was following them, a sea of people between us.

I wanted to walk with him, even if I can't be his bestfriend or lover. I wonder if he was still in pain. I wonder...

I felt the icy stab of pain as they greeted a group of girls - the three girls from earlier. The mouse who wanted him looked up at him in expectation, her joy evident. He even smiled at her.

My God, what have I done.

000

I had no idea how long I wandered, but it was already night when I stepped into Mi-chan's.

"Irrashaimasse," Shigeru greeted as I entered. He froze as he noticed the difference in my outfit. Instead of my usual baggy clothing, I had worn something that accented my figure. I remembered that there was a time that I would be pleased with myself at stopping a grown man cold in his tracks. Now it was just a bit of irritation.

"Good evening, Barkeep," I say with a bit of false cheer. Shigeru's not really a friend, but our shared history does make him closer than an ordinary acquaintance. Without any word he mixes up something and puts it in front of me. I know better than to ask what it is.

The bar was noisy as per usual for this time of night. Almost every time that I am here I can lose myself in the noise of humanity, but today was one of those exceptions. It's like having a lump in a soft bed. No matter how comfortable you are with the rest of the bed, there's that lump that sours the whole thing.

He's there in the back of my mind once more. I couldn't decipher the complex emotions vibrating across the link, so giving in to the urge, I look back and saw his smiling face.

It hurts.

I know I'm supposed to be happy to see him happy but it hurts. My heart feels like it's being squeezed as I see him speaking to that girl. I feel like a jilted lover. And in a way I know I am.

'If you can take him, then do so' - more words that I wish I can take back.

I look away and stare at the bottom of my glass. Out of sight out of mind. Except that with him, it doesn't work, what with my link to him. At this distance he is a constant whisper, a ghost breathing down my neck. He is like a beacon in the dark. His presence a pulsating warmth in the back of my awareness.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing in a place like this?" someone said in a lazy drawl beside me.

I turn a lazy eye, full of malice at the speaker. I guess I should have lashed out, but that is not how a proper lady acts. "I didn't know you swing that way."

An embarrassed laugh as Misato stuck her tongue out at me. "Asuka-chan's no fun," she muttered as she sat down on the barstool. Even with the bar crowded, the seats beside me were free - most people knew not to bother the cold-hearted red devil. Except of course for the ditzy owner of the bar.

"So." she said as she meaningfully eyed the group at the corner.

"So." I reply, adamantly ignoring the same group.

From the corner of my eye I can see, Misato frown at me. "Asuka..."

"I don't want to talk about it." I think this woman understands me better than I thought.

She gives a snort of annoyance. "And when do you want to talk about it? After that girl gets him! It's so fucking obvious that you're so in love with him that it's a bit confusing to everyone why you two don't hitch up!"

"That ain't so," I stammer out. I gulp down some of my drink so that I don't have to look at her. I feel it burn its way down to my gut, scorching my heart in the way.

"Shigeru-kun! Come here for a moment!" Misato called to the bartender

"Yes, Major?" Shigeru asked as he stood at parade rest opposite us behind the bar. I guess old habits do die hard.

"Is it or is it not obvious that Asuka loves Shinji?"

Yes, Bitch, announce it to the world, why don't you? Thank God that the bar was noisy enough to hinder people from eavesdropping.

I look at Shigeru-san's poker face. He did not respond immediately but he did start to lose his composure.

"You don't need to answer that Shigeru-san," I choked out.

"Thank you, Asuka-chan," Shigeru's relief was palpable as his shoulders sagged. Her glass couldn't hide Misato's satisfied smirk.

I chewed on my lower lip a bit. "Is it really that obvious?"

"Well, not really," Shigeru said as he absentmindedly began polishing the bar's surface - one of the nervous tics he picked up over the years. "It's just that we've known you two for a long time. I think everyone was sort of expecting it especially since you were living together. It would've been unnatural with the time you spent with each other."

"And whose fault was that?" I said as I glare at Misato

"You could always move out you know," Misato sing-songed.

Once more the self-satisfied smirk as I remained silent. I knew I could probably slap that smile of her face.

Shigeru broke the tense silence. "Asuka-chan, Shinji-kun's a bit confused right now, I don't think he knows what to feel. What with changing schools and all, being removed from that comfortable routine of his and moving to a new environment. And your relationship had always been of the love-hate kind and... Er..."

I look up at Shigeru as he faltered and then he gave up and concentrated on polishing the bar.

"What!" I asked in a bit of panic.

"You hit him." Misato coolly replied, a bit of anger and disappointment in her voice. Shinji had already removed his bandage but there was a bit of discoloration where the wound was.

That also hurt me.

I look at the corner, the laughter of the group inexplicably cutting me to the core.

"Asuka," Misato laid her hands on mine, her voice the most gentle I've heard. "If you don't make it clear to him, you'll lose him."

I want to tell her that I don't want to keep him, that I want to be free of him, or rather I want him to be free of me. But I knew that Misato would not understand. But I'm also scared that she knows what I really want.

I bit my lips till I could feel the copper tang of blood. Then with a flash of inspiration, I stood up and walked to the karaoke machine as soon as the last singer finished crooning.

With a bright smile I looked at the audience.

"Konbanwa."

Tsu Zu Ku

Irrashaimasse – "Welcome" – connotes "Welcome dear customer". Almost reflexive to all service industry employees.

Konbanwa – "Good evening"