Chapter 9: troubles at the mainland = worries out at sea
The quarantine regulations affected everyone on the ship. There were no trips to the local pub or nice pool nights or going out on dates. The first week there had been no problem. Everyone on the Hammersley had been away at sea for a week, or sometimes longer, before. They kept themselves busy with work but after a week it became clearer that the sailors needed something to distract them from their everyday life.
The junior sailors' mess was transformed into the local hang-out place for when you were off duty. Beer rations were up scaled to two nights a week and small competitions were invented to keep everyone happy.
One thing that became a daily routine was watching the news together. It was one way of keeping up to date with what happened on shore.
After three weeks at sea Charge, 2Dads, Bird, Mike and Kate were off duty and waiting for the news to start. Together with ten other sailors they had crammed themselves in front of the small television set.
"Can someone turn up the volume a bit?" Bird asked when she heard the intro start.
"Oh Birdie. What's wrong with your ears?" 2Dads teased as he gave her a friendly punch.
"Nothing!" she replied defensively.
There was some political news from Canberra to start with but then a picture of the naval base was shown and everyone's attention increased as they listened to what was going on.
"New evidence has come up in the bombing which killed two brave men six weeks ago. A man in a boat attempted to blow up the naval base in Cairns. The man was stopped by the navy but they were too late to defuse the bomb which blew up the boat with two navy personnel on board. Now, six weeks later, the main suspect in the case, a woman in her thirties, claims this attack wasn't the only one planned. Police informed us the woman refuses to cooperate any further after she informed them of a possible other threat," the news anchor said, looking directly into the camera and thus at the viewers.
Everyone started to talk at the same time. This news was not what anyone expected. Swain's death was still so fresh and it brought up a lot of emotions. The news coverage continued but through all the commotion it was hard to follow what was being said.
"Could you all shut up for a moment? I'd like to hear what else they're telling us," Charge yelled.
Not a sailor dared to say another word and everyone looked at the small screen where the news anchor looked over her shoulder towards her own television screen. There was a male reporter with a microphone in his hands standing in front of a large building.
"Jared, you're at the police station in Cairns. What can you tell us? Is this new threat serious? How reliable is this suspect?" the news anchor asked the reporter.
The image of the reporter filled the full television screen. The man pressed his ear while the news anchor asked him the questions. He nodded before he looked straight into the camera and started answering.
"Yes, I'm at the police station. The woman who was arrested has been cooperating in the past weeks. She provided the police with lots of information which made it possible to arrest several others but after she let information slip about another threat she refused to talk any further," the reporter said.
The camera zoomed out a bit and showed another man standing next to the reporter.
"This is Senior Sergeant Detective Millar who has been in charge of this case. Detective Millar how serious is the threat this woman has made?" the reporter asked the police cop.
"We don't know what the threat involves yet. We believe either the suspect never intended to share this information with us or that she knows of the existence of another threat but doesn't know the full details herself. She has given us enough information to make us believe she's reliable but since she's refused to talk to us any further it's became really hard to find out more about this new threat," the cop explained.
"What can you tell us about this new threat?" the reporter asked.
"All we know is that the bombing at the harbour was the tip of the iceberg. The people responsible had made a dirty bomb with existing chemicals. It was some sort of a trial to see how quickly the authorities would react. We have a fair idea where the new threat comes from but we can't give out that information at this stage. We urge people to contact the local police if they see, hear or know anything about chemicals being produced," Detective Millar answered.
He went on to give a phone number which could be used to contact the police and then the news anchor continued with the other news items as if nothing special had happened at all; but on board Hammersley everyone was quiet.
"This isn't happening," Charge said.
He was the first one who dared to speak. He was still pretty calm but inside he was boiling mad.
"That bitch knew this all along. She nearly killed Dutchy," he started to get fired up. "Twice," he added, thinking about the first time where Madelaine had sent out Dutchy into an undercover operation while she knew his cover had been blown.
"Charge, come on, mind your language," Mike tried to calm him down.
"I would love to go to that police station and drag her out and question her myself," Charge went on as if he hadn't heard Mike.
"Yeah! I'm with you. Why drop the piece of information and then stop talking?" 2Dads wondered.
"Can you believe it? They said Swain's death was a trial bombing. We honoured the good man for his bravery and suddenly he's nothing more than a trial case," Charge said in total disgust.
"Nobody is questioning Swain's death," Mike said as he patted Charge's shoulder.
"Well, he certainly is a nobody to miss Cow. How can she live with herself. She worked with us for months. She knew Swain and still she did nothing to prevent Swain from dying," Charge protested loudly.
Kate stood up and walked towards the hallway. She could understand Charge's anger and frustration. She was feeling exactly the same way but he was forgetting one major detail in his frustration.
"There were two men killed in that bombing. Jim's life was sacrificed by that stupid bitch as well," Kate blurted out, not able to hide her emotions.
Charge didn't know what he had done wrong. Of course he knew Jim had died too. He never denied that and how was it possible for the strongest X he knew to end up in tears over a news item?
"I'm sorry ma'am," he said although he wondered if Kate had heard him. She stormed away, leaving them all wondering what had just happened.
"I'll go and see what's going on," Mike said, getting up and followed in the direction Kate had gone.
There weren't many places on this ship she could hide but he was going to start with the obvious places first. When he knocked on her cabin door there was no reaction but she wasn't in the galley or out on the deck so he went back there and quietly opened the door and peeked around.
When Mike entered the room he could see Kate sitting on the edge of her rack crying. She looked up when she saw him but didn't move or say anything.
"Oh Kate," Mike said apologetically. He felt sorry for her. "They didn't mean anything by it."
"I know," she whispered. "I miss Swain too and I can understand why Charge is angry. It's just… It's just that in the past three weeks people have talked about Swain and how they miss him. Hardly anyone talks about Jim," she sobbed.
"Swain was a good friend to all of us," Mike tried to explain. He picked up a clean tissue and handed it to Kate. In the past few weeks he had never taken the time to see the situation from her side, but now he could understand how lonely Kate felt right now.
"Yeah and I was the only one who was friendly to Jim," Kate fired at him.
"That's not true," Mike defended himself. Maybe she was right. Jim was respected by the crew but he was never really included in anything.
"That's what it feels like. Like I've got to defend Jim's pride. I can't even blame the others. Swain was their friend and colleague and they're doing nothing wrong by talking about him," Kate had to admit.
"But you miss Jim even more because of it," Mike comforted Kate.
"Yes," she sighed.
Mike felt somewhat guilty for leaving Kate to deal with her feelings on her own. As far as he knew he hadn't done anything to aggravate her but he hadn't been very supportive either. Swain was an everyday topic of discussion and as much as it helped everyone coping with his death there were very few people who would talk about Jim. Kate must have felt pretty lonely and was crawling back into her shell.
"I'm sorry," he apologised.
"What for?" Kate asked blowing her nose and then throwing the dirty tissue in the bin.
"For not being a good friend," Mike answered. "and for misinterpreting your words," he added almost inaudibly.
"My words?" Kate asked in total confusion. What was he talking about? Had he said something wrong about Jim that she couldn't remember? What had she said for Mike to misinterpret?
"You see, when I was staying at your place you said something about marriage and Jim and well, I put two and two together and came to five," Mike said laughingly at his own little joke.
"I don't understand," Kate said. She couldn't at all remember what she had said that day and why was he telling her this now? She had left the junior sailors' mess because she felt sad about Jim but this wasn't about him at all. This was about Mike and her.
"When you told me you still had Jim's ring because you were always going to marry him I was surprised. I thought you had said something else to me about marrying Jim. I thought you said you couldn't marry him. Full stop. What you meant was that you couldn't marry him at that moment because you were pregnant and didn't want to look like a whale. Remember you said that?" Mike asked.
He looked embarrassed and Kate took a minute to remember the two scenes he had just described. Could it be he had never said anything about Jim because he was jealous? Kate looked at Mike and decided to go along with this conversation to see where it would end.
"Yes I remember that, but how could you think I didn't want to marry Jim?" she finally said.
"Well," Mike blushed. He pulled his hand through his hair and smiled nervously. "You continued by saying you could only marry," he paused a second, "and then you stopped talking and looked at me. I thought you were trying to say you could only marry me."
Kate let out a loud laugh. Now she knew Mike was jealous of Jim but she also thought he had moved on. She had heard rumours about Mike and Maxine and they were either lovers or very close friends but there was something between them. The last thing she expected was for Mike to still have feelings for her.
"Talk about misinterpreting. How could you get it so wrong?" she asked, trying to stop laughing when she saw Mike's uncomfortable look.
"I don't know," he shrugged.
Mike wanted to tell Kate how he had come to his conclusion but she was laughing so hard he didn't know if it was because she was laughing about the situation or simply at him and his foolish notions. She clearly didn't return his feelings.
If Jim hadn't come around he would never be in this situation. He had asked her once before if Jim was the reason for their break up and she had said he wasn't but he had never gotten the actual reason. They were on speaking terms and maybe, if he asked nicely, she would give him an answer now.
"I want to ask you something. Something I can't figure out on my own," he softly asked while he created a bit more distance between them.
"What is it?" Kate wondered. The laughter had cleared up some of the sad feelings and if there was a chance to clear up any other misinterpretation she was up for it.
"Why did you break off our relationship?" Mike blurted out before he could stop himself from asking.
He felt bad about it the minute he saw Kate swallowing and twitching on her rack. She probably hadn't expected this question.
"I didn't believe in it anymore," she answered, not daring to even look at Mike. Kate felt uneasy and as a result her cheeks were burning up.
"That's it? You broke it off because you didn't believe in it anymore," Mike said with a raised voice.
He couldn't believe his ears! It was a reason but not enough of an explanation after the long relationship they had.
Kate exhaled at Mike's outburst. She had never expected him to take it well but he was angry. She had to explain it a bit more. "I was scared, tired, angry, frustrated. I couldn't do it anymore," Kate added, sounding frustrated. "The only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't tell you. I couldn't."
Kate folded her hands and fidgeted with her fingers before she quickly looked at Mike. Her answers hurt him, she could see that, and this probably wasn't the right time for this conversation but not finishing it was far more hurtful in the long run. She had to fight her way through the awkwardness and continue.
"Why?" Mike demanded to know. His voice was harsh but he didn't care. Kate had given up and then easily moved on into a new relationship. Jim had died a heroic death, just like Swain, but Mike couldn't believe Jim had nothing to do with Kate's decision to break up.
"I still had feelings for you. If I would come near you, you could have easily talked me around," Kate whispered.
Mike was amazed. It sounded like she was apologising for not trying harder. How could she break off a good relationship if she still had feelings for him? He just didn't understand it and her answers led to more questions than answers.
"It's not that simple to explain," Kate sighed, looking at the ceiling.
"We still have nine weeks left on this ship. Is that time enough for you?" Mike said angrily.
Kate stood up and looked down at Mike. "If you're going to be like this I'll pick another day in those nine weeks to tell you."
"I just don't understand," Mike said through gritted teeth.
Kate felt her heart pulsing and she needed to get her breathing under control before she could explain her actions to Mike.
"When we first met, years ago, I was head over heels in love with you. Then you left," she started out slowly, pacing up and down her cabin.
"But that was years ago. Does that have anything to do with why you broke it off?" Mike interrupted her.
Kate stopped pacing, shrugged and pulled up the chair to sit in front of Mike. He couldn't get away without knocking her over but at the same time she could flee if he was making it too hard on her.
"I want to explain it to you so you can understand why I did it. Please let me tell it my way," Kate insisted.
"When I was posted on Hammersley and found out you were the CO I hated it. I didn't want to be anywhere near you. I was still angry that you had left me and had learned to vanish into anonymity. Well, as you know, I changed and realised I loved working here so I never left."
Mike smiled and nodded. He remembered how she gave back the recommendation he had slaved over.
"We worked well together but that all changed when Jim came around. He turned you into a green-eyed monster," Kate said, thinking back to all those jealous stares she had copped while Jim and she were kissing.
"You're talking about a few years ago now, aren't you?" Mike clarified.
"Yes, but you know. The jealousy made me see you still had feelings for me. Jim saw it too and he saw something I couldn't see yet. He saw I still had feelings for you too. It took us another year before we actually got back together again," Kate continued.
Kate took a little break and looked around her cabin. Her emotions had calmed and she could continue without any problem.
"When you were promoted to Commander we could finally act on our feelings. Our blitz relationship lasted a full twelve hours. Great twelve hours but that was it. You came back to Hammersley and although it was meant for a short period of time it started to look like a permanent placement to me. You didn't do anything to get back to Navcom. You enjoyed being the CO and being out at sea and you never gave me the impression you were keen on having a real relationship with me. It took a near death experience for you to realise I even existed," Kate accused him.
"That's not true!" Mike defended himself.
"That's how I felt, Mike," Kate said looking intently at him. "I had given up on you but I was willing to give you one last chance. Not that we could do much because we were still waiting for a new CO. I thought we were going to make it this time; hoped is a better word, and then I got my knock-back and you had to stay on as CO for another twelve months," Kate explained.
Mike could hear the pain and irritation in her voice. He could understand it so well because it was exactly how he had felt. He took her hands in his own and caressed the top of her hands with his thumbs.
"Kate, I was working on that. I was not going to let us wait another year!" he exclaimed, trying to look into her eyes.
"I know you went to Fleet Command. I know you threatened to resign, to give up your whole career," Kate told him.
"Because you're worth it Kate," Mike tried to make that clear. Why couldn't she see that?
"You don't know that. We've never been together long enough to know what's in store for us. I couldn't let you throw away your life for me," Kate said, pulling her hands back from his grip.
"So you decided for me?" Mike asked angrily. She had never given him a chance to show how serious he was.
"I decided for myself. Have you ever thought how I would feel if you had given up everything to find out it wasn't working between us? You would have lost your job, I probably would have lost mine. You've been in the navy for thirty years. It is a very important part of your life. You may or may not have rearranged your priorities but it would always be a very important part," Kate explained.
She couldn't have lived with herself if they would have lost everything. Mike only wanted to see the nice picture in which they lived happily ever after but she wasn't so sure that was going to be reality.
"You are the most important person in the world!" Mike exclaimed. He stood up and wanted to leave but Kate wouldn't move.
"I can't be your number one without there being a number two," Kate threw at him.
"So again, you decided for me," Mike said defeated. He wanted to leave but sat down on her rack again instead.
"I couldn't see myself waiting another year. I didn't want to wait another year," Kate said quietly. "I've seen you. You chose the navy the first time around and the second time around you did nothing to get back to me. I would be the one you would resent and it would break up any relationship we would have. I was scared I would lose everything," Kate said, at the end, her voice almost inaudible.
Mike didn't know what else to say. They had a major disagreement on what would or could have happened in the future. Since then she had moved on with Jim and he had gotten her pregnant. Jim wasn't around anymore but could she see a future for them now he was gone?
"Do you still have feelings for me now?" Mike asked, afraid to hear the answer.
"It's not the same as a few months ago," Kate answered tactfully. She couldn't break his heart completely by saying she had no romantic feeling for him anymore, but she respected him as a friend and wouldn't want to lose that if she didn't have to.
"I still love you Kate and I want to help you out in the next months. Will you let me do that?" Mike asked.
Kate smiled and put her hand protectively on her belly. "You're a friend and I'll respect you but I hope you'll understand that I can't think of loving someone else right now. The only other person who I could love is growing inside me," she answered.
"Almost twelve weeks," he said, remembering how far along she was in her pregnancy.
"That's right," Kate answered. "I'll need to tell the others soon. I might start showing in the next week or so," Kate confided in him.
Mike was glad to see a proud Kate standing in front of him. She looked so different from a few minutes ago. Emotions had run high but in the end it was better for both that they had this conversation. Hopefully more would follow in the next few weeks and it would be good too to tell the others she was pregnant. They could do with some good news.
Mike stood up just before Kate did the same. She let him pass her and let her hand linger on his arm while he walked towards the door. He was about to leave her cabin but then he turned around.
"Take a rest. I'll tell the others you're fine. I'll see you tomorrow morning on the bridge. Good night."