Cullen awoke with her snuggling in his arms, and it was perfect. Everything was right in the world. Then Solona rolled over, nearly slapping him in the face, when he moved to glance a the curtain. Chuckling he pulled her back to him, kissing her hair as he tried to fall back into slumber. It didn't much work and she started to mumble and shift, her ass dragging across his morning erection. He gave a groan, watching as her eyes opened and she sleepily stretched up to kiss him. He smiled against her lips as she pressed harder, rolling him and laying on his chest. Just as quickly she curled again to go back to sleep.

She woke up instantly when there was a knock at the door. "Templar?" a voice said. "Message for you, ser. From the revered Mother."

"Of course. A moment, please," Cullen said, face turning rosy. Solona looked nonplussed, though she quickly slid off of him- and damn if that didn't do sinful things to his body- and snatched up her belongings and easily slipped into the bathroom. Hidden away from prying eyes. Cullen pulled up his trousers and roughly tied them and cracked open the door.

The Sister on the other side eyed him as she handed over the parchment. He thanked her quickly and ignored her lingering gaze as he waited for her to leave before he shut the door. It was only polite. With a gusty sigh he turned to see Solona peaking out of the bathroom. She gave him a smile when it was safe and walked out, dressed and running her fingers through her hair. Instead of saying anything she searched the floor for her shoes.

Cullen sat on the bed and broke the seal, quickly pulling out the paper and reading the content of the letter. Solona gave a sound of cheer as she found them, stretching from her place on the floor to get the second one before standing to lean against him and read over his shoulder. "Seawing, then," she said, glancing back at him with a smile before sitting back and braiding her hair.

Cullen hummed, watching her. She glanced up and noticed his gaze. She gave a little smile, brows furrowing in question. He opened his mouth before shaking his head and smiling, folding the paper and putting it back in the envelope. "What?" she said, arms dropping.

Cullen glanced back at her before setting the envelope in his bag. "I-" Cullen glanced back at her, not sure how to say it. Anyway he could think of made him sound arrogant or degrading her. Most were both.

"Cullen, say it. This is probably just going to steam and fester horribly if you don't." She stood from the bed, hands on her lovely hips as she watched him. "I'll... try to not get mad until you explain."

Because that was reassuring.

Cullen frowned, forcing himself to remain sitting. He still remembered their last fight- or first. Same thing, really. And it wasn't important. But it would bother him. And perhaps that made it important? "I... had thought you a... less experienced?" He flinched as he said it.

She straightened, eyebrow raising and looking completely shocked. Head shaking, mouth open as she tried to understand, he figured. Even he knew it didn't make a whole lot of sense. "What?"

"Last night-"

"Sex, yes, I understand that part." She rubbed her forehead and licked her lips, distracting him a bit. "Sorry. Interrupting. I said I would not." She clasped her hands and closed her mouth tightly. He wanted to kiss her and make it all go away.

But of course, that wouldn't be accepted.

"I thought you would be-" he stuttered, face red. To actually say it was hard. And it made him feel like a teenager, a dork again. As old as he was he should have been able to talk about sex.

"Virgin."

"Yes. That." He glanced at his feet before glancing at her expression. Schooled, protected, closed off. Fantastic. "But you weren't."

And he was.

Not that he was going to say that. Cullen licked his lips. He felt like the damn woman in this relationship. So insecure and confused. Not to be sexist, of course, but- he was getting off track. Solona let out a quiet huff. "I had a few flings back in the Circle." She watched him, awaiting his response. He waited for her to continue because talking was hard. "I trusted Anders and he helped me through the first steps back before he got into that semi serious relationship with Neria. And- are we really talking about this?"

With all the blood rushing to his cheeks, Cullen was pretty sure he was going to burst a vein. And he couldn't decide how he felt about Anders, of all people, touching her. He hadn't ever liked Anders, personally. And the man was, for lack of a better word, talented. By gossip, at least. Some mages, Cullen knew got around. Anders only hid as much as it took to save him from Tranquility, everything else he rubbed their noses in. Their, as in Templars. "I- Anders?"

She finally responded in a way that made him feel a little bit more in control. She blushed, and he felt that anger that always made him feel more grounded. Not that anger was a good response, the rational part of his mind said. But he at least was grounded now. Insecure now, he growled up at her. "I suppose I should just be more surprised that it was Anders of all the mages."

"Oh get off your high horse." He jerked staring up at her and almost deflated in his surprise. "Sometimes it's so easy to forget you were -are a Templar and things get distorted. Lost in translation. I was never going to get out of that Tower, as far as I knew. I was never going to feel grass under my feet or anything like freedom. I'm still not. Everything I will ever do will either be a lie- because they can't know what I am- or defined by the magic I can do. I accepted that.

"But that's not the point- though it's something you seem to forget Cullen. The point was that some horrible horrible things happen in Circles and I was growing up and that left so many openings to Templars. Rape isn't often about the sex, but that wasn't unheard of. More often then not it's about asserting power and dominance so I kept my head low as Orsino taught me to. But I was still scared. If it happened I would have to deal with it. But I was not going to let a Templar steal my virginity Cullen."

Cullen gaped up at her like a fish and did little else than stare. So she continued. "I trust Anders. He's a self centered prick at times, I won't deny. But he cared. And he was gentle as I knew he would be. That was important to me. There wasn't any emotion. Not even when the trysts continued for a short time. He was experienced, he knew things. He made it enjoyable and I thought- if I had to face a Templar one day at least I would know that sex could be enjoyed. It wouldn't terrify me. I hoped."

Cullen knew he didn't always know everything. And a part of him knew there were things he would never know or see in Solona. Things he wouldn't even understand. But to hear this sort of confession, and her angry but almost flippant way of explaining it twisted a knife in his gut. It reminded him of when she explained her family to him. She was so detached, numbed to these sorts of horrors and it was heartbreaking. Was it just her or did the Circle do this to her? What could he do to make it all better?

Nothing, he knew.

Licking his lips he quickly rose and pulled her into a hug. She gave a startled jerk- obviously expecting anything but. He held her tightly, mumbling apologies. For bringing it up, for what his brothers could have done to her. For being jealous. She slowly wrapped her arms around him, returning the hug. No tears, not great emotional let out. Just acceptance that he wouldn't ever understand and she would have to make do with this. Cullen wasn't sure he could and wished, sometimes, that he could be as strong as her.

So I thought I should explain why she wasn't actually a virgin, even though everybody was assuming she was since she did sort of act it. Emotionally tieing herself to somebody- that was new. Sex in general, not all that new. So that's why she was shy and timid with Cullen. I also thought this would show more of Solona, who you guys only get a limited view of. Anyway, not sure why this chapter was like pulling teeth to write but it was. Probably because it was an argument or something. But I apologize none the less. I should get these out quicker for you guys.

Reviews appreciated.