Draco found himself standing outside of the study for twenty minutes before gathering the nerve to go inside. He didn't find himself frightened of many things, but she scared him, plain and simple. It hit him in the middle of the night. He was frightened of everything about her, of the things she was capable of, and the things that had shaped her.
She was sitting at the desk like usual. Her knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, cheek resting on them as she faced away, looking out the window. It was sunny, and the air that rushed in was crisp and smelled of fall.
"Good morning." He felt guilty disturbing her, but didn't feel right not alerting her to his presence. She didn't move, and for a moment he was worried something had happened to her. Finally she turned and acknowledged him.
"Morning." The sound was soft, and empty, spoken just because it was proper to say. He took the far seat, peering at the books piled next to it. When it was clear she didn't plan on talking to him, he selected one and buried himself into it. For hours it was quiet. The only sound being their breathing and the scratching of her quill. He tried to ignore how painful it was to be in the same room with her. It felt stuffy and Draco felt on edge. Hermione would sigh, and return to her folded up position, disappearing into some far off place in her head. This went on for some time before she got up and left the room. Draco frowned and then he stood, and returned to his room.
They went through this process for several days. Draco would find himself in the library waiting for her, and she would either show up or stay locked in her room. She was holding a secret defiance against someone, trying to punish everyone who she felt had wronged her. Draco figured he fell into that category. But still, he returned to the library, in hopes of the company, and tried to keep himself entertained.
"Why do you keep coming in here?" Her voice sank in, and he looked up at her.
"Well, you know, we had that conversation the other day, and I assumed that you were there for that."
"Unfortunately." She gave him a harsh look, and he laughed.
"Bloody mind games. You know what Granger, Fine. I'll just stay in my bloody room, and hopefully when all this shit is over, I will never have to see your face again."
"Good. Because I would like nothing more than to never see, speak or hear from you again."
"Glad to know you've grown up!" He stood, towering over her.
"Ugh! I hate you. I really really hate you Malfoy. This is your fault! All your fault because you have no guts. Because you don't know how to be a fucking man. You'd rather watch a girl be tortured to death, than try and help her, all because Mummy and Daddy taught you she was dirty and worthless. Right, Malfoy? Isn't that exactly it?"
"You have no clue the things I've gone through or the things I've seen!" He yelled.
"You have no clue the things I've seen! You've lived in the freaking lap of luxury, while people have been dying all around you!"
"You don't know what you're on about."
"I'm so sick of seeing your face!" Hermione's eyes clouded with tears. Draco wasn't even sure why she was yelling at her, and it dawned on him that she didn't know either. "For 8 years, I've had to deal with you and your stupidity, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything. I just want to be with them, I just want to help. I don't want to be here." Her body shook as she sob, "I would give anything to be able to leave you here to fend for yourself. I don't know why I helped you. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. All I've learned is people do not change, you are inherently good or bad. And you, Draco Malfoy are bad."
His pride took a blow. He didn't think of himself as bad, just someone who had bad luck. The urge to hit her overcame him again.
"Well, I'm glad you think that Granger. Since you said it, it must be fucking true because you know absolutely everything about absolutely everyone!" He gave a hollow laugh, "If we had to go back in time and do it over, I'd make the same exact choices."
She took a heavy breath, slowly exhaling, she shook her head side to side, curls flowing around her face. "You deserved every bit of what you got. So fucking high and mighty, the three of you. Undefeatable, so fucking naïve, thinking you were invincible." She flinched at his words.
"We should have left you there!" She screamed. "You don't even fucking get it! Why do you think you don't remember anything after me, before you woke up? Your father was going to kill you. "
Draco froze as her words hit home. The memories came back slowly, but he was unsure of what was real and what was his imagination. He remembered the cold feel of the metal as it connected with his temple, his father standing over him. He remembered wanting to speak but being unable. He could remember watching Harry and Ron, protecting Hermione. And then there was darkness, and noise, buzzing that he couldn't decipher. She spoke softly now.
"He was going to kill you, so we jinxed him. I wouldn't let them leave you. I couldn't go knowing that you were going to die. It was so personal. And even though I hated you, it hurt. You would never save me. They would have killed you regardless, you know that. Why didn't you try to save me?" Tears rolled down her face, and he wanted to wipe them away. His anger with her bubbled and he tried to suppress it. The humanity in him made him feel sick. Here was the reason why she had spoken for him, and never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought of returning that. He was bad, and he knew it.
"Got all that anger out then, Granger? Are you done now?" He sank back into the chair. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her fists, reminding him of a young child. She tried to leave the room, but his voice stalled her. "I shouldn't have said you deserved it. I wanted to help you. I really did, but I don't even know how to help myself."
"It doesn't have to be this way." She whispered, repeating the words he had woken up to. "You can still help yourself, Malfoy, just take the hand that's being offered to you." He focused on a spot outside, jaw set. He ignored her as she watched him, until finally out of the corner of his eye, she retreated. The door down the hall closed, and he was alone again.
"So." He bit his lip trying to decide how to go on. They were seated in the dining room, Hermione having procured a meal that was more like the kinds they had in the Wizarding world. She looked at him expectantly. It had taken her three days to speak to him again, longer for him to forgive himself, though he wasn't sure that would ever happen. "If I… I don't know, 'help' you guys, what exactly would that pertain to?"
Hermione took a deep breath and licked her lips, pushing her plate away and turning towards him.
"Well," She started, "I don't know all the details of it. The overview I was given was you would be interrogated-"
"How exactly do they plan on-" Hermione raised her hand.
"-Let me finish. You would be interrogated by way of veritaserum, so they'd know you aren't lying. It would be an easy process as you would be doing it willingly, so instead of restraints, most likely they'd come here and do it. Protection would be offered to you and at the end of it all, you would still go to trial-"
"I thought you said there wouldn't be one!"
"Malfoy, let me finish. At the trial, with Harry, Ron and I's support, we would vouch that you willingly gave up information that may or may not be detrimental to the death eater's cause and potentially endanger those closest to you, mainly your mother as your father has since been killed. It is almost guaranteed that you would be cleared off any wrong doing, under the pretense that you were not acting out of free will, but because you felt cornered and threatened by your own side. You'd be a free wizard, Malfoy."
Draco took it in, the prospects that if all went right, he'd be able to walk out of this house and never look back or worry about anything ever again.
"What if…they went back on their word?" He seemed to be choosing his words carefully; unsure of what he should ask.
"Well they won't. I mean, let's be honest, if Harry Potter told them all to jump off a bridge, they'd do it." Draco smirked and she gave a small smile. "But, if hypothetically they did, we'd make sure it didn't happen by writing out a contract that would not be able to be broken. We'd cover all the bases, I'd make sure of it." She pulled the plate back to her, and continued eating, sending the message that she was done talking about it.
The intense need to keep her talking overcame him. He needed to hear her voice, needed to know she was in the moment with him. It twisted his stomach and made his heart ache, how badly he wanted to hear her.
"Why did you volunteer to stay with me?" he asked, thinking he was treading in safe waters. Hermione took a deep breath and pursed her lips.
"I 'volunteered' by proxy."
He gave her a confused look, to which her eyebrows raised.
"Basically, there was a meeting. And I, incidentally, was not at the meeting. And incidentally, someone, Ron, volunteered me to stay. Said I'd be more than happy to do it."
"And you weren't?"
"Obviously not." There was a brief silence between them. She played with the fork, disappearing into her head, deep in thought. "Why do you care?" she asked suddenly.
"I was just curious. I figure if I might as well know where you stand on the subject of me."
She laughed darkly, and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Did it mean that she was unhappy about him, or unhappy about the situation? He wondered why he always had so many questions about her. Why he found her thoughts so perplexing.
"Why did you protect me?" the question startled both of them. She looked at him apprehensively.
"I told you. It didn't sit well with me to leave you to die." A piece of hair slipped from behind her ear and into her face. Without thinking, Draco reached out and gently pushed it back into place, grazing her cheek softly. The touch made her jumped and she leaned away from him, and for the first time in the weeks since he had come to this place, he saw something in her eyes other than the haunted, empty look she had taken on. She looked frightened and relieved, all of which was quickly replaced with concern. Draco found himself thinking about how she didn't speak very often, and when she did it was to either yell at him, or explain something monotonously. Hermione kept herself frequently in check, stored away where no one could get to her, and Draco wondered what it would take to break through her wall.
"I'm going to bed. Good night, Malfoy." She rose quickly, leaving him to his thoughts as he tried to contain the overflow of emotion he felt. He returned to his room grudgingly, throwing himself on the bed, and trying to calm his head. He thought he knew what she meant when she said she was tired. He was tired to. He no longer had the energy to be cruel to the girl he had spent his childhood tormenting. He no longer felt the want to. All he wanted was to get through each day, and do so without conflict. He closed his eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep.
He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, pulling her back to him. She spun around and looked up, giving him a sly smile and raising a finger to her lips.
"Where are we going?" He whispered.
"Away from here." She responded, pulling him along, through the many hallways, left and right, upstairs and down. Had he needed to, he'd never be able to return the way they had come.
"Granger…" She gave him a glance at his voice, shushing him again before tucking them into a hidden corner. "…why me?"
"Because they broke you too. I didn't want to be alone."
"You weren't alone." She seemed to ponder this, no doubt thinking about the people who had risked their lives for her.
"You were though. No one loves poor itty bitty Draco." She cackled and he ripped his hand away from her. "A father that ruined his family and a mother who never truly cared. Such a sad lost boy." She cupped his face. He tried to pull away from her, but her eyes had turned dark and they intoxicated him. "You have one purpose. To serve others and then they'll get rid of you. No one will ever miss you."
"Let go of me." He said, "I don't want this."
"You have no choice!" Her voice grew deep and demonic and she laughed again. Again, and again, until his ears felt like they would burst from the sound of it, and he tried to escape her. His hand wrapped around her neck and she gave him a surprised look-
Draco sat up, breathing heavy, rubbing at his ears. His throat felt raw as though he'd been screaming for a long time. He could make out his reflection in the mirror and it scared him how much he no longer recognized himself.