Chapter Fifty Nine: Raw Roulette
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(A/N: Hooray for reasonable/on time updates! I left Raw as it was for the most part, I'm just going to ignore the Vince/Hornswoggle segment where the sound was messed up. Also I'm cutting out the Hornswoggle/Santino segment, I happen to like Count Chocula (but Boo Berry was always the coolest).)
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Raw was live from the Mohegan Sun Arena and tonight's show was featuring the Raw Roulette. A superstar's match would be chosen by a spin of a wheel. Hardcore Holly had just beaten Carlito in a trading places match and had sported the worst afro ever. The camera then went backstage and showed Machetti and Maria walking down a relatively empty hallway together. Machetti was in his black wrestling gear and had his IC title on his shoulder, while Maria was dressed in her normal fashion. "So what did Paul and Brian say what they were doing?" asked Maria. (A/N: A certain returning diva happened to manage them on Smackdown, and they felt obligated to surprise everyone with her surprise return to Raw… but don't tell anyone!)
"Not sure," replied Machetti, "they said something about a surprise for everyone, and that it would have something to do with your match tonight."
"Speaking of that," said Maria as she pulled a door open, "after you…"
"You kidding me?" questioned Machetti, "Vince hates me enough as it is, I'm not going in there first!"
"Fine," conceded Maria, "you big baby." Maria then led Machetti into Vince McMahon's office and the two of them walked up to the Raw Roulette wheel.
"Maria, Machetti," greeted Vince, the second name was said with a bit of distaste. Then he focused his attention back to Maria. "How are you doing? Are you excited? Tonight, you're not just going to be spinning for your match, but your going to set the match for all the Raw divas."
"I'm ready," replied Maria as she reached out and then spun the wheel it landed on… SUBMISSION MATCH. "Well… that's going to be interesting," commented Machetti, "my turn!"
Vince grunted something along the lines of 'that's not what I had in mind'. Machetti reached out and spun the wheel and it landed on… LINGERIE PILLOW FIGHT!
"Um…" said Machetti as he glanced from the wheel to Vince.
"Uh…" replied Vince.
"Uh…" agreed Maria with a small shrug.
"Sir, do you think it would be alright if we… I don't know… switched?" suggested Machetti.
"You know what," said Vince, "for the first time in a while, I agree with you Machetti. You two will trade match types. Machetti you'll be defending your Intercontinental Championship in a Submission Match, and Maria, as well as the other Raw divas, will be competing in a Lingerie Pillow Fight."
"Well that's a relief," commented Machetti, "I don't really do pillow fights anyway."
"Machetti, that's not true! What about that other night about a week ago?" asked Maria, "I was at least wearing lingerie, and you were wearing those black silk boxers I got you for Christmas…" Machetti's face flushed red, while Vince glanced at him curiously, "or did you not mention it because you lost?"
"Hey! I let you win that!" protested Machetti.
"But you didn't deny participating in the 'pillow fight'," observed Vince.
Suddenly Ron Simmons walked on screen, he glanced from Vince McMahon, to Maria, to the bright red Machetti, then said, "DAMN!" The camera faded and went to a commercial break.
(A/N: Sorry, no comments about Maria's all natural pillows.)
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Raw was back and Jeff Hardy had told Orton that he wasn't only going to take his title, he was going to take him out. The camera then cut to JR and King and they announced the Roulette Wheel had been spun and that Jeff Hardy was going to be facing Umaga in a Steel Cage match. Riot Time hit and the fans rose to their feet and cheered as Machetti came out from the back with the Intercontinental Title on his shoulder. He was on his own tonight. "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Submission match," announced Lillian Garcia, "and is for the WWE Intercontinental Championship. The only way to win, is when one superstar forces their opponent to submit. Introducing first, the champion, from Detroit Michigan, weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds, MACHETTI!" Once Lillian finished his introduction, Machetti sprinted down to the ring, slid under the bottom rope then ran to a corner. He jumped up onto the middle rope, then did a back-flip and landed in the middle of the ring to a loud pop from the fans.
Machetti then turned to face the entrance ramp, Vince had seemingly forgot to inform him who he was facing tonight. Machetti's music cut and the arena was quiet for a moment, then Santino Marella's theme hit. Marella came out from the back on his own as well. Carlito was still upset about losing to Hardcore Holly and his bad wig. "And the opponent, from Patterson New Jersey, weighing in at two hundred twenty seven pounds, SANTINO MARELLA!" Marella stopped short of getting in the ring and pulled off his jacket, then he mouthed off at Machetti before climbing up on the ring apron and getting in the ring.
Machetti handed the Intercontinental Championship to the referee and pulled off his shirt, then tossed it out into the crowd. The referee showed the title to Santino then went to the ropes and handed it to someone at ringside. The referee went back into the middle of the ring and stood in between Marella and Machetti, then called for the bell, this match was underway.
The two competitors circled the ring, then locked up, Machetti got in a side headlock, then flipped Marella onto his back for a headlock take down. From there Machetti locked in a side headlock, but Marella countered by bringing up his legs and wrapping them around Machetti's neck for a head scissors. Machetti released the headlock and suddenly brought his arm around and clubbed Marella on the right knee. After another two shots to Santino's right knee, Machetti managed to pry Marella's legs off of his neck and quickly scrambled back up to his feet.
Marella got up after Machetti and took a second to test his knee, and missed the smirked that formed on Machetti's face, Machetti had found his target. Santino looked up and faced Machetti and thought that the smirk on his face was just a cocky grin, then met Machetti in the middle of the ring. Marella swung at Machetti for a punch, but Machetti ducked it, then spun around and kicked Marella in the back of the knee, forcing Marella down onto his knee. Santino scurried away from Machetti and got back up, Machetti darted forward and jumped up into the air slightly and hit low dropkick to Santino's knee. Marella fell to the ground and rolled over to the ropes, then struggled and managed to pull himself up to his feet. But suddenly Machetti came from behind and connected with the back of Santino's knee with a running kick, causing Santino to flip up into the air and come crashing back down on his back.
Santino thought quickly and rolled under the bottom rope then dropped down to the floor to catch his breath. Machetti stood in the middle of the ring and watched Marella as he pulled himself back up with the ring apron. After a few seconds Santino climbed up onto the apron, but Machetti ran at him and hit a baseball slide to the right knee. Santino was knocked off of the apron and his face slammed down onto the mat. Machetti wasted no time and quickly got out of the ring and went after Santino. Machetti pulled Marella to his feet then rolled him into the ring, but not quite. Machetti took hold of Santino's right leg, then lifted it up and slammed the front of it, mainly the knee, down on the edge of the mat.
Machetti got back in the ring then dragged Marella into the middle of the mat. Machetti walked around Santino and lifted his right leg off of the ground, then blatantly kicked the back of Marella's knee over and over again, Marella screamed out in pain and thrashed on the mat, Machetti eventually stopped, after getting in around five kicks, and rolled Santino onto his stomach. Machetti grabbed hold of Santino's leg and yanked him up into the air, then slammed him down on his knee. Machetti quickly capitalized and crouched over Santino then bent his knee backwards and locked in a single leg Boston crab and applied as much pressure as he could to Santino's right knee.
Santino screamed out in pain as Machetti worked over his leg, when he accepted this match, this wasn't how he thought it would go. He was supposed to have caught Machetti off guard in a strange match that had the champion at a disadvantage, and win the belt. Then he would be in Mr. McMahon and General Manager Regal's good graces, and it would only be a matter of time before he and Carlito beat London and Kendrick for the Tag Team Titles, and in the process he's win Maria back. But this clearly wasn't going according to plan, why wouldn't Machetti cooperate!? The champion had pounced on him like some kind of vicious mongoose, and now here he was, Santino Marella, on his stomach in the middle of the ring, screaming out in pain due to Machetti attempting to break his leg in half.
Marella dug deep and pushed himself up off of the mat, he attempted to drag Machetti over to the ropes, but Machetti wasn't going anywhere. Santino realized that he wasn't going to be able to get a rope break and was going to have to escape the move. With a look of intense pain on his face Santino pushed himself further up off of the mat, then suddenly rolled in between Machetti's legs then pushed Machetti off of him. Machetti staggered backwards into the ropes, Santino got up and charged at Machetti then speared him through the ropes. Machetti landed hard on his back, and Marella came crashing down on top of him.
Marella got up first, then pulled Machetti up to his feet, only to shove the IC champion backwards into the ring apron. The middle of Machetti's back rammed into the ring apron and Santino followed up by ramming his shoulder into Machetti's stomach over and over again, forced Machetti's back into the ring apron. Santino eventually pulled back, then he grabbed Machetti and rammed him backwards into the steel ring steps. Santino stepped backwards and Machetti collapsed down to the floor. Santino reached down and pulled Machetti back up to his feet, then rolled him into the ring.
Machetti rolled onto his stomach and tried to crawl away from Santino as he got in the ring, but when Santino came in he ran at and hit and elbow drop to Machetti's spine, then got up and hit another. Marella got back up and grinned down at Machetti, now the match was going the way he wanted it to. Santino pulled Machetti up to his feet and pushed him back into the ropes, then he turned Machetti around and stuck his head in between the top and middle rope, then pulled back on Machetti's shoulders, bending Machetti's back against the top rope. The referee rushed over and yelled at Santino to break the hold, illegal use of the ropes. ONE… TWO… THREE… FOUR… FI… Marella finally broke the hold and allowed Machetti to slump down against the middle rope.
Marella stood up then turned and ran across the ring into the ropes on the other side of the ring Santino sat Machetti up, then got down on the ground and wrapped his legs around Machetti's waist for a body scissors, he spun to the side so his leg was against Machetti's back, then squeezed and applied as much pressure as he could to Machetti's mid-section, more specifically, his back.
Machetti yelled out as the pain shot through his back, on top of that it was starting to get hard to breathe. Machetti reached to the side closest to the ropes, but the rope was too far away to grab. Santino screamed at Machetti to "tap out!" The referee crouched down next to Machetti and asked him if he wanted to submit, but Machetti's response was a loud "never!"
Santino pushed Machetti forward then clubbed him across the back, while keeping his legs firmly locked around Machetti's waist. Machetti was fading fast and desperately needed to find a way out of the hold, otherwise he'd have no choice but to tap out, and if he didn't do that, he's pass out and the match would be awarded to Santino anyway. The fans sensed that Machetti was in trouble and came to his aid with a Machetti chant. The chant grew louder and louder and spread through the arena, almost everyone was chanting MACHETTI, MACHETTI! (A small percentage of them were chanting Machetti sucks but they were drowned out.)
Machetti heard the chant and screamed out in pain then gritted his teeth and brought his legs in, then he suddenly rolled forward and got on his hands and knees. In order to keep the body scissors locked in, Marella climbed up onto Machetti's back, just like he did two weeks ago. Machetti then let out a loud grunt and fought up off of the mat to a standing position, the fans let out a loud cheer now that Machetti had made it up to a vertical base. Machetti suddenly ran backwards and rammed Santino back-first into the corner, and for that second Marella's hold on Machetti loosened. Machetti capitalized and dropped down to his ass, slipping out of the body scissors in the process.
Machetti spun to the side and grabbed Marella's right leg then put it around the middle rope and pulled on it, wrenching Santino's knee on the rope. The referee came over and yelled at Machetti for illegally using the ropes like Santino had earlier in the match. Machetti growled at the referee and told him that he had a five count. The referee started counting, ONE… TWO… THREE… Machetti released Marella's leg and stepped back. The referee rushed over to Santino and freed Marella's leg from where it was in the ropes.
The referee backed off and left Marella leaning against the corner, Machetti went to the corner to keep on Santino, but in a flash Santino reached up and raked Machetti's eyes. Machetti staggered backwards and turned away from Marella and held his hands over his eyes. The referee came forward to check on him, but Marella rushed forward and kicked Machetti right across the back, the sound of Santino's foot hitting Machetti's back was loud enough for everyone in the arena to hear. Machetti dropped down to his knees, then fell flat on his face.
Marella turned away from Machetti and faced the crowd then slapped himself across the chest, he was back in control. The fans didn't seem to be as happy as Santino was and started chanting SANTINO SUCKS! Santino glared at the fans then faced Machetti and walked around him, Marella reached down to pulled Machetti up to his feet, but suddenly Machetti reached out and grabbed Marella's ankles and pulled, flipping Santino onto his back. Machetti got up and crossed Santino's legs, then put his leg through them and rolled Santino onto his stomach, SHARPSHOOTER! MACHETTI HAS THE SHARPSHOOTER LOCKED IN!
Machetti bent Santino's knees, more specifically the right one, and applied as much pressure as he could with the sharpshooter. Marella reached out for the ropes and grabbed onto the bottom one, but Machetti pulled hard and dragged Santino back into the middle of the ring, SANTINO WAS STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! HE TAPPED! MARELLA TAPPED OUT! The referee called for the bell and yelled at Machetti to break the hold, Machetti glared at the referee and glanced over his shoulder at Santino who was still tapping out, then reluctantly broke the hold. "Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner, and STILL WWE Intercontinental Champion, Machetti!"
The fans cheered as the referee handed Machetti the Intercontinental Title. Machetti held the title up in the air then went to the corner and climbed up onto the middle rope, and held the belt up over his head from there. Machetti put the belt down on the turnbuckle then did a back-flip and landed in the middle of the ring. Machetti took his belt and got out of the ring, slapped hands with a few fans on the way back around to the entrance ramp, then headed up the ramp and to the back as Raw went to a commercial break.
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(A/N: This is in place of the Santino/Hornswoggle segment.)
Raw came back from a commercial break, previously HHH had beaten General Manager William Regal in a First Blood Match. The camera cut backstage and followed Maria and Ashley, both of whom were now wearing normal clothes, into the Chaos Inc locker room. Inside London and Kendrick were wearing street clothes, Machetti was just buttoning up a shirt. "Hey guys!" greeted Maria as she ran up to Machetti and hugged him, "Great job out there tonight, champ."
"Thanks," replied Machetti as he hugged Maria back, "You too." Machetti released Maria and put his arm over her shoulders and glanced at Ashley, who was being congratulated by London and Kendrick. "So you're the big surprise those two mentioned," commented Machetti.
"Yeah," answered Ashley, "I'm back from Survivor now, the only people who knew about my return were these two."
"Well congratulations," said Machetti.
"Thanks," replied Ashley, "it felt good to win my first match back."
"Actually, I wasn't really talking about that," confessed Machetti, "I meant being able to tolerate those two for half a year on Smackdown."
"Hey!" exclaimed on half of the mentioned tag team (Brian). "That's the last time we go out of our way to surprise everyone with a return!"
"Anyway," said Machetti as he shook his head at Brian and glanced back at Ashley, "we were planning on going out into the casino and gambling. Wanna come with?"
"Uh… sure," answered Ashley, suddenly the door banged open and green blur/leprechaun rushed in.
"PROTECT THE WOMEN!" screamed Paul as he and Brian shielded Ashley behind them while Machetti did the same with Maria. Horny came to a stop in the middle of the room, he glanced at Ashley, then at Maria, but seeing how he had more pressing issues to deal with he settled on staring at Machetti.
Hornswoggle laughed and motioned to Machetti then pointed to himself. "Oh boy, I think I know where this is going," commented Machetti, then he knelt down in front of Hornswoggle, "let me guess, eed-nay artner-pay?" Hornswoggle nodded and laughed in response.
"Machetti, you already wrestled once tonight," warned Brian (he spoke Pig Latin), "your back can't be in that great shape after your match."
"But it's for a spot in the rumble," Machetti reminded him, "I've been planning on getting myself in that ever since I lost my title. Sounds like a good opportunity to me."
"But it'll really piss off Mr. McMahon," pointed out Paul (he didn't speak Pig Latin but understood enough judging from the conversation).
"It will piss the boss off won't it?" questioned Machetti. London, Kendrick, and even Hornswoggle nodded. "Well if that's the case… then I'm in!" Hornswoggle jumped up and down and clapped in response. The camera faded and cut to the arena where Chris Jericho's music hit.
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Raw came back from the commercial and it was time for the Royal Rumble Qualifying match. The Highlanders were both in the ring ready for the match and Lillian did their introduction. Then Hornswoggle's theme hit and Mr. McMahon's illegitimate son came out accompanied by Machetti, who had changed back into his wrestling gear. Lillian did their introduction as they came down to the ring and got in, but before the match could start the familiar sound of a car crash echoed through the arena. Both Hornswoggle and Machetti smiled as the Hardcore Legend Mick Foley came out from the back and headed down to the ring.
Mick got in the ring and stood in front of Machetti, and motioned to Hornswoggle and then the Highlanders. Machetti smirked then nodded at Foley and left the ring. This worked out well for everyone. Hornswoggle had a partner, Mick got to fight for his spot in the rumble, and Maria wouldn't be upset about Machetti competing twice on the same night and instead he could hit the casino like he had planned on. Now Machetti just had to find a different way into the rumble.
But unbeknownst to Machetti, someone who had been watching the entire show noticed that the Intercontinental Champion had jumped at the chance to piss him off, all for an opportunity to earn a spot in the Royal Rumble. Without anyone knowing, a plan was formed and would be revealed next week. Machetti was in trouble, but he didn't know it yet.
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It doesn't take a genius to figure out who that was, but in an attempt to be mysterious I couldn't just tell everyone who it is.
Also speaking of the returning Mick Foley, I'm going to take a page out of his book and do a cheap pop/shout out. If you guys like this story, narutofreak14 is doing one a lot like it, only on Smackdown/ECW its called Laying the Smackdown. In it he's having his own created wrestler go through WWE storylines in his journey to become a great WWE Superstar.
'Till Next Time…
Peace!