A/N: Hey guys, just so you know this chapter is based off of the song 'Miserable at Best' by Mayday Parade. It's a beautiful song, listen to it if you get the chance.
Please review, I want to hear what you think.
Also, please keep reading, there is a part that gets a little weird but trust me, it'll make sense if you keep reading. :D LOVE YOU GUYS!
Chapter Thirteen
"I can't believe this is happening right now."
"Finn, please calm down."
"I can't believe I missed my God Damn flight."
"Finn, it'll be fine." Rachel sighed out as she curled her hair in the mirror of the hotel room they had been sharing. Finn insisted that she stay in it until he get back on Saturday and that they'd figure out a more permanent living situation for her once he got back. She would only have to be in Lima another month and a half, but that seemed like an eternity when they had only spent the two days apart and they days just dragged by. "You can just hop on the next one."
"I swear if Jesse St. Jackass tries anything…"
"FINN!" Rachel shouted, "It will be fine, it's one night and I'm sure you'll make it home before the reception is over. Plus, what were you planning on doing? Standing outside the wedding and watching over me? You can't be there anyway." Rachel reminded him.
"I just wanted to be there before you went."
"And why is that, lover? So I wouldn't forget about you and fall into Jesse's arms?" Rachel teased him. "Trust me, babe. That isn't happening. I'll be missing you the entire time."
"Ugh, I know I'm being crazy."
"Yes you are."
"But, I just… I need to see you."
"Finn, you will see me. You'll see me tonight. Just think about this, next time you see me, I'll be in a pretty pretty dress and I will give you the honors of taking it off."
"That does cheer me up a little."
"Text me when you know when you'll get in. I'll try to get back as soon as possible. You still have the room key?"
"I sure do. Try to not have too much fun tonight."
Rachel laughed at Finn's insecurity, "Trust me, I won't. See you soon."
"See you soon."
Rachel hung up the phone and laughed at her boyfriend for being so protective, it's a feeling she wasn't used to, but she thoroughly enjoyed it. It made her feel worthwhile Everything about Finn made her feel worthwhile.
She had to get someone at Breadstix to cover her shift and Santana was pissed, she promised her she would make it up to her is some way, maybe she would take over one of Santana's shifts before she left for LA. She had so much more time to do so.
Knock! Knock!
Rachel thought it was a little strange that someone was at the door, but she opened it anyway, "Santana? What are you doing here?"
Santana walked in with a smug grin, "You said you were going to make up missing our gossip shift tonight."
Rachel laughed, "I know I did. But not right now. I have to finish getting ready fo-"
"Oh come on, we'll be quick." Santana's smirk was confusing Rachel in so many ways, it was the smirk that she would give men when she was planning on attacking them in one way or another.
"Quick? What are you talking about? I meant I could take your shift." Rachel laughed turning to the mirror and Santana walked behind her, grabbing the curling iron from her to curl a couple of spots she missed in back.
"Sure you meant you wanted to take my shift, Yentle?" Santana asked putting down the curling iron and fluffing her hair, "Are you going to go all Berry on me and put that back in a tight terrible bun or something, or will you keep it like it is? It's sexy."
"What is wrong with a nice up-do?" Rachel spinned around with a grin, "I think that is a classic look."
Santana just rolled her eyes, "How long has Finn been gone?"
"Two days." Rachel pouted, "I'm dying."
"Well, I can help you with that." Santana smirked and Rachel really wasn't getting the hint.
"Help me with missing him? He'll be home tonight." Rachel shrugged her shoulders and unzipped the bag that held her red dress, "What do you think of this? Too much?" She held the form fitting long red dress up to her and then turned it around to show Santana the low-cut back.
"No, it's awesome. Show those St. James just how devilish you can be." Santana sat on the bed and patted the spot next to her.
Rachel followed her and tighten the belt on her robe before sitting down, "You want all the gossip now, I'm guessing." Rachel laughed.
"Nope, I want something else." Santana whispered putting her hands on Rachel's face and kissing her.
Rachel was so surprised that she didn't pull away right away, mostly because of the shock, and then because she could taste strawberries on Santana's lips and found that interesting. "Whoa." Rachel finally put her mind together enough to push her off, "What are you doing?"
"You told me you'd make it up to me." Santana stood up, undoing the belt on her trenchcoat and revealing a small red corset and lacy panty combo. "I thought this would be the perfect way."
"Santana, I'm with Finn now." Rachel told her but Santana didn't seem to mind, she slid her hand on the robe belt Rachel was wearing and undid it revealing Rachel's plain black bra and underwear set, "I'm serious."
"Then why aren't you stopping me?" She asked her as she pushed her backwards on the bed and straddled Rachel, "If you really didn't want this, I would be out that door, wouldn't I?" She whispered against Rachel's lips. "But here I am." She licked Rachel's lips lightly and Rachel gave into her, taking her all in.
"You're right, I mean, I did this to Jesse with Finn." Rachel whispered, "Why wouldn't I do it to Finn with Jesse?" Rachel asked aloud and let Santana's tongue into her mouth, moaning her name.
With a shake of his leg, Finn was awake. "What the…" It took him all of about 2 minutes to realize it had been a dream. Now he just had to put together what had and hadn't been a dream. He missed his flight, he was on the second flight. He talked to Rachel just before he had gotten on.
Who was this jealous demon inside of him that was taking over every piece of him? Why was he so protective of Rachel? Why was he doing this to himself? As the plane landed in Ohio he felt like he could breathe easier. He shot Rachel a text quickly.
"I've landed, I'll be at the hotel soon. Your dress isn't red, is it?"
Rachel responded within seconds, "I'll be there before 11. Glad you're home safe, no it's silver. That's a weird question to ask."
"I know, I had a weird dream. I miss you. I love you. See you soon."
"See you soon."
Rachel fixed her make-up in the mirror and stuck her phone back in her clutch purse before going back out to the reception. Jesse was talking to his new brother-in-law and everyone seemed to be having a great time. She kept the perma-smile on her face as if it were her job and smiled at everyone she saw.
Jesse walked over to her after a while and grabbed her hand, "One last dance and then we can head out?" He requested and she smiled and nodded.
When they got on the dance floor Jesse wrapped his arms around her waist and she internally groaned before wrapping her arms around his neck, "Thank you." Jesse said simply, "For coming, I mean."
Rachel just nodded, her mind already in bed with Finn but her body in the arms of the man she once loved, "Of course, I owed you this much." She whispered back.
Jesse nodded as they swayed softly to the song.
Let's not pretend you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes
"This song is sad, like really sad. Why would they play this at a wedding?" Rachel was appalled at the lyrics.
"It's the song that was playing when they met." Jesse told Rachel, they were at this concert.
Rachel nodded, "Oh." Is all Rachel could say, hoping that the words from the song weren't what Finn was thinking in that moment, or what Jesse ever thinks.
"We were happy once, weren't we?" Jesse asked as the swayed lightly and Rachel felt her eyes begin to tear up.
She nodded and cleared her throat, "Yeah, we were happy. But, it wasn't the same. We weren't happy like they are." She pointed to the bride and groom who were in a giggle fit over a piece of cake that had fallen on the bottom of her wedding dress. "We weren't the couple people make movies about, we weren't the people who their kids look at and say 'I want to be in love like them'"
Rachel was avoiding Jesse's eyes like they would burn her, "But, the song, the song you used to sing…"
"My Man?" Rachel asked and she felt her heard sink.
"You used to sing that to me." Jesse croaked and Rachel finally looked into his eyes, glistening with un-cried tears.
"Jesse, I didn't sing that to you. I sang that for you." Rachel said, hoping that the difference didn't seem too harsh. "The feeling, the feeling that song talks about… I had never felt that with you. I had never felt it at all."
Jesse pulled her closer, "You don't feel anything for me anymore?" He whispered into her ear.
She pushed back a little, "Stop that. Please don't."
"Why don't you come home with me, Rach?" Jesse asks running his fingers through her hair and Rachel shivered from the contact. She knew there were eyes on her so she didn't jump back like she wanted. "We can be us again, just for a night. I'll show you what you're missing, Rachel. Come home with me."
Rachel swallowed and the song ended, "Go tell your sister one last 'Congratulations', Jesse." She said before excusing herself to grab her coat and bag. When she turned around she was face to face with her Mother-in-Law. "Oh, hello… Sheila." She said awkwardly.
"Hi darlin', you know, you look beautiful this evening." Sheila grinned so big it seemed like she was cringing.
Rachel gulped and nodded, "Thank you, that is really sweet. The wedding was amazing. You must be s-"
"Let's cut the shit." Sheila barked, "I saw you last week, with another man at the school."
Rachel's voice cracked, "Uh, Sheila, I'm sorry, I don't under-"
Sheila grinned widely, fury in her eyes, "You know how I volunteer around town a couple times a week, Tuesday was my day to serve lunch at the school and you my dear were kissing some tall stranger. A tall stranger who wasn't my son." Rachel was shaking, she didn't know what to say or do, "My dear, my darling daughter-in-law, I knew you were trouble. From day one, I just knew it." Sheila shook her head at Rachel, "But Jesse stuck up for you, telling me how wonderful you were. You my dear are a common tramp. I suggest you tell my son the truth before I tell him for you… and sweetie, I will rip you apart. You won't get a dime in the divorce."
Rachel had to mentally remind herself to breathe in and out, Jesse already knows, she just doesn't know Jesse knows. Rachel reminded herself.
"Rachel?" Jesse's voice from behind her saved her from this hell, "Hey Mom, we're going to head out."
"Oh of course." Sheila brushed past Rachel, "Have a fantastic night, thank you so much for coming." Rachel stayed with her back to Jesse and Sheila composing herself. Once she thought that Sheila had made her way out of the area she turned to see Jesse who was looking at her with a furrowed brow.
"You okay?" Jesse asked, grabbing her elbow escorting her towards the door. They both smiled at waved at a couple distant relatives as they made their way out the door.
"Uh, yeah, I'm-"
"Did you give any thought to my proposition?" He asked as he opened her door.
Rachel got in and shut the door and waited for Jesse to get in on his side, "No, Jesse, I am not coming over."
"Give me one good reason why not?" Jesse asked sharply.
Rachel sighed, "Okay, let's say I agree. I decide to come over what will we do? Maybe I'll make you dinner and you'll talk about how it is mediocre. And then after you'll work on dance steps while I play the piano, then you can complain that I played too loud. After I'll take a bath and play music loud enough so you won't hear me cry, or sing. Because when I sing in front of you, you have to make it about you."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Jesse spit at Rachel.
Rachel raised both of her eyebrows and Jesse began to increase his speed as he drove, "I'm talking about how whenever I would sing in the car you would tell me to take one note an octave up or down. My pitch was off and when I would argue you would throw that I have never sang professionally in my face. Sometimes, just sometimes I want to sing in the God damn car. Sometimes I just want to sing without being told I'm awful."
"I would never say-"
"Not in so many words, no." Rachel snapped, "Listen Jesse, I gave you what you wanted. Not that it helped much, please just take me to my car as we discussed before."
"What do you mean 'not that it helped'?" Jesse groaned.
"Slow down, Jesse." Rachel frowned, she paused for him to listen to her and once he did she sighed out before telling him about what his mother had said, "You Mom saw me with Finn. On Tuesday."
A low growl released from Jesse's throat, "Well that will ruin any chance of me telling them I left you."
Rachel closed her eyes in frustration, "You can still say you left me, you left me cause I cheated on you. Simple as that." Rachel whispered into the dark.
"Let's just get you back, you've officially ruined just about everything." Jesse sighed and Rachel let one tear fall down her face.
Once they got to the school where they had met, Rachel grabbed her bag to get out of the car slowly, she turned around and looked at Jesse who refused to make eye contact, "I did love you Jesse. It's just-"
"It's not enough, I get it." Jesse said back, "I can live without you, Rach." He assured her as she got out of the car. She turned to look at him.
"I know you can, Jesse. You're an amazing guy. You deserve someone who can treat you so much better." Rachel said sincerely.
Jesse looked up at her slowly, "Don't you get it, Rachel. I can live without you, but I don't want to be. I've been miserable these last few weeks. Don't you get that you're the girl I want to be with? I don't want someone else. I want you."
Rachel choked on a sob that made its' way from her throat, "I-I'm sorry I can't give you what you want."
"I'm sorry too." Jesse growled, "Shut the door." He demanded and she did. As soon as the door latched he sped away and Rachel broke down.
Her knees hit the pavement and her hand was shuffling through her purse looking for her keys or her phone, something. Anything. Her tears made it hard to see but she felt the ran start to fall on her head, "Perfect." She growled.
"Baby," She heard Finn's voice and then felt his arm around her, "Baby, get up, you're going to get soaked."
"H-h-how did you?" Rachel stuttered out.
"I decided to come here to meet you after you didn't get home at 11 like you said, just in case Jesse tried something." He helped her up, "What did he do to you, Rachel?"
"N-n-nothing, th-th-thank you." Finn helped her into the car and got in next to her kissing away her tears, her face was in her hands and when the tears cleared she saw his sweet face, looking like it was almost in pain. "I-I'm sorry, Finn."
"Don't you dare apologize. You haven't done a thing wrong."
She wiped her face and her nose, "You see, that is where you're dead wrong. I have hurt everyone." She whispered. Finn kept his hands on the small girl trying to comfort her, "Thank you though, for being here."
"Of course," Finn told her, "I love you too much to see you hurt this much, please don't hurt baby."
"Let's go home." Rachel nodded softly, "Thank you, Finn. You are just… You're amazing."
Finn nodded and went on his way, when they got to the hotel Rachel took off her coat revealing the silver sequined dress that she was wearing. It hung on her body well. It didn't expose any skin besides the neck and her calves, but it was still sexy as hell. Finn knew that Rachel wouldn't want that in her current state so he just walked up to her, brushed his thumb on her cheek and told her the honest to God truth, "You look so beautiful."
Rachel nodded, "Thank you, babe. It's so good having you back. I missed you so much."
"I know, I've been miserable without you." Finn agreed. The words coming off his tongue reminded her of a similar sentence coming out of Jesse's mouth just an hour earlier. But Rachel knew that she could do something about it with Finn, she didn't have to make him miserable. She could keep him happy.
"Hey Finn?"
"Yes lover?" Finn grinned softly at the small girl in his arms. He had become quite fond of the silly nickname.
"I will never do to you what I did to Jesse." Rachel promised.
Finn opened his mouth in confusion, "Rachel, I wouldn't accuse you of tha-"
Rachel brought her hand up to his mouth to silence him, "I know, baby. I know, I just… I hurt him so bad and so much. It's almost. It's quite unbearable." Rachel sighed out, "But it was all for you, so I could be with you. I would never hurt you like that, I could never hurt you like that… you mean so much more to me than anything. I needed you to know that." She let the words fall out of her mouth.
In absence of a verbal response, Finn let his lips attack hers. Taking her for what she was, his. "Good, because I won't be hurting you're either. You are way too special." Finn told her, running his hands through her hair, "I have never loved anyone the way I love you."
"Same here, Finn. Trust me." Rachel smiled her 100 watt smile at her tall boyfriend and raised an eyebrow seductively. "How about you love me like you've never loved anyone over there?" She pointed to the chair in the corner. "I've never done it on a chair."
"Well, today is your lucky day." Finn picked her up playfully throwing her over his shoulder. "After today, you won't be able to say that."
"Oh, I am very lucky." Rachel giggled out, realizing how true that statement was. Even with all the stress and drama, she wouldn't give up being with Finn for anything.