A very Potter Sitcom

Episode 6, Season 1

(A very Hogwartian Halloween)

(TV- 14)

(Theme song)

(Scene begins in Great Hall in the morning. We see many Halloween decorations on the walls)

Dumbledore: Good morning kiddies. I'm very happy to announce that we shall be having a Halloween ball this Halloween night so be sure to invite that special someone!

(He looks at Snape)
Dumby: So Severus…

Snape: Oh, I just remembered that I can't go. I have to spend Halloween like I always do, getting drunk in my office. (Quickly) Snape Vanish, bye!

(He runs off)

Dumby: Okay, so all of you kids get ready to ask out some sexually attractive people! Bye, byyyyyyeeee!

(He walks off)

Hermione: So who are you gonna ask out Jacob?
Jacob to group of girls: Uh… which one of you wanna go to the ball with me?

(They all raise their hands)

Girls: Me, I do!

Jacob: I'll go with all of you!

(They cheer as he walks off with them)

Chad laughing: What an idiot.

(He walks off as well)

Ron: So Hermione, we're going together right?

Hermione: Yep.

Ron: Cool.

Harry: Have you guys seen Ginny anywhere?
(Ginny comes on)

Ginny singing: I've been alone, surrounded by darken-

Ron: Shut up. We already did that poor heart harmony last week.

Ginny: Oh, right.

Harry: So, wanna go to the Halloween ball with me?

Ginny: Oh yeah!

Harry: Great, so I'll see you later than?

(Ginny nods)
Ginny: Yeah, see ya!

Harry laughing: Okay bye!

(He runs off)

Ginny: I've gotta get my dress!

(She runs off)
(Malfoy walks on with Pansy in front of him, trying to avoid him)

Malfoy: But Pansy, I know I was an ass at the Yule ball last year but I've changed since then.

Pansy angrily: Oh bull(bleep)! You haven't changed one bit. You only wanna go with me to get Hermione Granger jealous.

Malfoy laughing nervously: Oh yeah right! And you say I'm the one who's talking bull(bleep).

Pansy: Oh I'm sorry if you're just a dork who can't get laid so let me just say… go to hell Malfoy!

(She runs off)

(Crabbe and Goyle walk on)

Malfoy to Goyle: Pain in the ass right? Poor thing was begging me to go with her but I simply raised my head and said "Oh, I AM sorry Miss. Parkinson, but you are too late as I have decided not to go with anyone. It's all above my dignity and I know that to keep it, I have to-

(Moaning Myrtle walks on)

Myrtle: Wanna go to the ball with me?

Malfoy: YES!
Myrtle: Okay.

(She leaves)

Malfoy in sing song voice: I got a date! I got a date!

Crabbe: What happened to you and Luna Lovegood?

Malfoy: Well, we just sorta… split apart. And then she dumped me. Yeah…. What a bitch.

(He begins to walk away)
Malfoy: Come on, let's get going! I want to go make fun of wizard chess club members or something.

(Scene change)

(In the Gryffindor common room, Harry is getting into his dress robes with Ron and Jacob)

(Song "A Hogwartian Halloween" begins)

(Scary theme of excitement)

Harry singing: Why gentlemen, we have a glorious treat tonight! This year's Hogwartian Halloween shall be the opposite of a fright!

Ron singing: We might get a drink, we might get laid, and we might get a wink from a girl and maybe paid!

Jacob singing: And all in all, it'll be a ball.

(They walk off as Seamus and Dean come on)

Seamus singing: I've really, really gotta say, that this year'll be okay!

Dean singing: I'm having one of those days, supported by one of my favorite HOLIDAYS!

Both singing: I think we're gonna have a great old Hogwartian Halloween!

(Scene quickly changes to girls dorm without fadeout)

(Hermione, looking like she did at Yule Ball, is brushing her hair)

Hermione singing: For once as I look into this shiny mirror, I feel like the upmost Goddess of the year! I love this place, love the school, I love my face; it's really cool. I just feel like I'm gonna defeat all who are mean and that I shall have a damn good Hogwartian Halloween!

(Scene changes, without fadeout, to the Halloween ball with Dumbledore in the same usual robes, but in black, next to McGonagall)

Dumby singing: Welcome kiddies, to this year's Hogwarts Halloween ball!

McGonagall singing: It's time for fun for you-

Dumby singing: For ALL!

Both singing: And ghosts like Peeves will be mean, as it's a Hogwartian Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenn!

All singing: If you think we're scary here in the wizard world, just watch us on Halloween and we will unfurl! We've got the best-

Dumby and McGonagall singing: The dead no longer rest!

All singing: And our goblins and ghosts shall be really meeeeeeaaan! WHY? Because it's a Hogwartian !

(Song ends)

Dumby: Okay kids, drinks are over there! Don't spike the punch with any butter bear okay? Good.

(Commercial break)

(We return to the Halloween ball with Harry holding Ginny)

Harry: Having fun?
Ginny: Yeah I guess.

(Pause)

Harry: Hey, wanna go have some REAL fun?
Ginny excited: Oh wowy! Oh Harry Potter.

Harry laughing: Okay, let's go.

Malfoy: Not so fast Potter!

(Malfoy comes rolling onto stage. He looks cocky)

Malfoy: I see that you're having a date with that Weasly girl. I'VE got a date too.

Harry: Oh really, with who, Moaning Myrtle?

(Harry and friends all laugh)
Malfoy: Uh…. no. I have a date with…. with… uh….. Well, see here Potter-

Harry: What?

Malfoy still rolling: I have not acquired a date per say but that I really actually think that

(A student accidently spills the whole boll of Punch onto Malfoy)

Malfoy: Ow.

(Others start laughing)
Malfoy: This is all your fault Potter! You will all pay! Draco vanish!

(Malfoy slowly begins to roll away)

(Everyone stars at him)

Malfoy: Now you see me now yooooooooooooo-

(Finally disappears off stage)

Malfoy: - oooou don't!

(Pause)

Harry: Well uh… that was funny.

(Everyone agrees and laugh)

Hermione: I don't know. Harry, maybe you should talk with him. When we're nice then he's really nice too. I feel kinda bad, could you just try?

Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll talk to him. Just make sure you do my Potions essay later, 'cause it's due tomorrow.

Hermione: Okay.

Harry: Thanks.

(He walks off stage)

(Scene changes to Malfoy sitting in a small room alone)

(Harry walks in and the theme "Harry and Hermione" from the film Harry Potter and the Half blood prince starts)

(Audience laughs at reference to Half blood price movie)

Harry: Hey you.

(Malfoy looks around)

Malfoy: What do YOU want Potter?

Harry: I'm sorry. Look, you're not that bad of a guy and I'm sorry if I've been an ass.

(Malfoy smiles slightly)

Harry: I don't hate you Malfoy.

(Door slams shut)

(Harry runs and finds that it's locked)

Harry: CRAP! Now I'm stuck with Malfoy, I hate this guy!

(Malfoy rolls his eyes and takes out his wand)

Malfoy: Let me at it Potter. Alohomora!

(Nothing happens)

(Malfoy tries to open the door)

Malfoy: Oh dear God. We're trapped.

(Dark theme plays and stops as scene changes to Halloween ball)
Ginny: I don't know. He's been gone a long time Jacob.

Jacob: Well, I'm sorry Ginny but no, I haven't seen him.

(Snape walks up drunkenly)

Snape drunk: Hey! Did you ever see the movie Transformers?

Both: Yeah?

Snape: Okay, good job. Did you see my picture of Lily Evans around anywhere?

Both: No?

Snape: Then DETENTION!

(Ginny screams slightly and Jacob groans)

Snape: Hey! Did you see Van Helsin?

Jacob: Yep.

Ginny: No.

Jacob and Snape: Then YOU SUCK!

(Ginny cowers)

(Scene changes back to room with Harry and Malfoy)

Malfoy: Potter? Are you still here or did you find a way out?

(Harry walks out from behind a pillar and is behind Malfoy)

(Harry is holding an ax)

(Audience cheers at reference to Shinning)

Harry: AAAGGHHH!
(He runs at Malfoy)
Malfoy: AAAHH! Rape!

Harry calm: No it is not rape. It's REDRUM!

Malfoy to himself: Redrum? Redrum? Oh, spelled backwards is Murder. I get it now. AAAAAGGHH! REDRUM!

(Harry begins chasing Malfoy around the room)

(Scene quickly changes to Chad in his bed)

(His eyes suddenly shoot open)

Chad: Redrum. Redrum. Redrum. Redrum.

(He get's out of bed and walks out of the dorm)

Chad: Redrum. Redrum. Redrum.

(He walks down the stairs and into the Gryffindor common room)

(Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Dean, Jacob, Neville, Cho, and Lavender all star at Chad as he passes)

Chad: Redrum. Redrum! Redrum! Redrum! Redrum! Redrum! Redrum! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! Redrum.

(He walks out)

Cho: Redrum? What's Redrum?

Ron: I think it might be what we drank tonight.

Neville: Yes, somebody spiked the punch.

Jacob: Damn straight somebody spiked the punch.

(Commercial break)

(Scene begins in room with Harry in it. He is holding his ax)

Harry: Oh Draco? Where are you? I've got a present for ya.

(Filch knocks on door)

(Harry jumps and runs behind a pillar)

(Door opens)
(Filch walks in)
Filch: Hello? Anyone in here? Hm?

(He walks forward slightly as door closes behind him)

Filch: What the-

(Harry runs out with the ax)
Harry: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
(He hits Filch with the ax and Filch screams)

(Scene changes to Chad screaming in the hall)

Chad: AAAAAGGGHHH!

(He breaths)

Chad: Whew. Okay. AAAAAGGGHHHH!

(Snape comes up)
Snape slowly: Stop yelling, I have an early hangover.

Chad quickly: Redrum.

(He runs away)

Snape: Kids. And no, it was beer not Redrum!

(Scene changes back to small room with Filch on the ground)

(Chad runs in and sees)

Chad: Harry!

(Harry looks at him and holds ax)

Harry: Redrum kid, Red (bleep) ing rum.

(Malfoy walks behind Harry with his own ax)

(Malfoy swings it down and hits Harry who falls onto floor, dead)

Malfoy: Don't screw with Malfoy, Potter.

(Screen goes black and changes to Malfoy turning in bed)
Malfoy: Oh yes Hermione! Your friend was a bad person but I beat him in the en-

(He wakes up)

Malfoy: It was a dream? Damn it.

(Goes back to sleep)

(Myrtle pokes her head out from under the bed)
Myrtle: Happy Halloween. (Cackles) Now it's rape.

(She gets up and goes over to Malfoy, still laughing evilly)

(Roll and credits)