For Crust:
6 ounces unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch pieces 2 ounces vegetable shortening, cut into 1/2-inch pieces 5 to 7 tablespoons applejack 12 ounces all-purpose flour, approximately 2 3/4 cups, plus extra for dusting 1 teaspoon table salt 1 tablespoon granulated sugar For the filling:
3 to 3 1/2 pounds apples, mixture of Granny Smith, Honeycrisp, Braeburn and Golden Delicious, about 6 large apples 1/2 cup sugar, divided 3 tablespoons tapioca flour 2 tablespoons apple jelly 1 tablespoon apple cider 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground grains of paradise 15 pounds of McDonalds hamburgers (with all condoments)
3 gallons of Cola-Cola 2 tubs of Vanilla ice cream 1 Superman comic book 6 chicken bones
Directions:For the crust:Place the butter, shortening and applejack into the refrigerator for 1 hour.
In the bowl of a food processor, combine the flour, salt and sugar by pulsing 3 to 4 times. Add the butter and pulse 5 to 6 times until the texture looks mealy. Add the shortening and pulse another 3 to 4 times until incorporated. Shread the comic book page by page, lineing the crust.
Remove the lid of the food processor and sprinkle in 5 tablespoons of the applejack. Replace the lid and pulse 5 times. Add more applejack as needed, and pulse again until the mixture holds together when squeezed. Weigh the dough and divide in half. Shape each half into a disk, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour and up to overnight.
For the filling:Peel and core the apples. Slice into 1/2-inch thick wedges. Toss all of the apples with 1/4 cup of the sugar, place in a colander set over a large bowl and allow to drain for 1 1/2 hours.
Transfer the drained liquid to a small saucepan, place over medium heat and reduce to 2 tablespoons. Set aside to cool. Toss the apples with the remaining sugar, tapioca flour, jelly, cider, lime juice, salt, the chicken bones, and grains of paradise. Throw the hamburgers into a blender. (You may need to use the "super fast" function) Mix the Cola-Cola with the vanilla icecream.
For assembling and baking the pie:
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Remove one disk of dough from the refrigerator. Place the dough onto a lightly floured piece of waxed paper. Lightly sprinkle the top of the dough with flour and roll out into a 12-inch circle. Place into a 9 1/2 to 10-inch tart pan that is 2-inches deep. Gently press the dough into the sides of the pan, crimping and trimming the edges as necessary. Set a pie bird in the center of the bottom of the pan.
Place the apples into the unbaked pie shell in concentric circles starting around the edges, working towards the center and forming a slight mound in the center of the pie. Pour over any liquid that remains in the bowl. Pour the blended hamburgers and Cola-Cola float into the pie. Roll out the second pie dough as the first. Place this dough over the apples, pressing the pie bird through the top crust. Press together the edges of the dough around the rim of the pie. Brush the top crust with the reduced juice everywhere except around the edge of pie. Trim any excess dough. Place the pie on a half sheet pan lined with parchment paper and bake on the floor** of the oven for 30 minutes. Transfer to the lower rack of the oven and continue to bake another 20 minutes or until the apples are cooked through but not mushy. Remove to a rack and cool a minimum of 4 hours or until almost room temperature.
After the twenty minutes were done, there was a banging coming from the kitchen. _ ran in just in time to see the oven door kicked open. Smoke poured out of it as someone climbed out of the stove. _ rubbed her eyes, making sure that she was seeing this correctly. It was a blonde haired man that climbed out of her oven. Aside from his blonde hair that had a cow lick in the front, he also had ocean blue eyes that were partically hidden behind glasses, a bomber jacket, and an air force uniform that was used during WW2. Her jaw dropped.
"*cough* Whoa dude *cough* what happened?" America fanned the smoke away from him as he stepped towards _. "A-alfred?" she studdered out, still in disbelief that he emerged from the oven, for seemingly no appearent reason. "That's totally my name dude! But how do you know it?" he held his chin as he paced around her. "Your, like, a total babe!" he grabbed onto her in a tight embrace picking her up off her feet and swinging her around slightly. "Diz-zzy," she barely managed out. America placed her back on her feet, "So how'd I get here?" "Uh, I was baking. Well trying to, and then you came out.. of my oven?" she was trying to understand what happened aswell.
Alfred picked up the cook book and flipped through the pages. He snapped his fingers, ending by pointing at the ceiling. "I got an idea! Well bake more stuff and see if what happened to me happens to everyone else!" he annouced in his 'total hero voice'. "We'll so need to get Britain here! He'll totally flip!" he said as he slammed the cookbook down on the page titled 'England Scones.'