Heero's Angel

Ch. 2

Roots

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I do not own the song "Jesus' Blood" by Delirious?. This chapter is a little fluffy…but also angst…and some people may consider this as Heero being out of character, but just think about it yourself…how do you think Heero would act if he felt God? Don't we all, at some point, have to humble ourselves and be completely honest with Him to feel Him?

I've heard of people experiencing miracles before. You know, the whole bright-light thing, seeing faces or hearing voices when they're near to death, but I can't ever remember seeing one or experiencing one myself. I'd like to though, to be honest.

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, not able to get to sleep. Too many thoughts and things like that. That's what Dr. J had to scold me for a lot of times. He'd hook wires up to me and monitor my brain waves while I was trying to go to sleep, knowing full well that there's really no way for me to control it. But then again, I was meant to be inhuman. Perfect.

I looked around the room. It felt so right being here, asleep in this house, with this family. The moonlight shone through white, silken curtains and the wind whispered. I had opened the window because I had gotten hot in here during the night. I guess that's what it's always like wherever Relena is, though. She gets cold really easily.

The room was so much like her. I could tell she had designed it specifically to make her guests feel at home, and she did a good job of it. The drawers were made of white marble and the floor a plush cream color. Above one of the marble desks was a gigantic mirror, shaped like an oval, giving anyone who cared to look in it a view of their entire body, along with the bedroom.

It smelled like dew on roses. I don't know how, but it did, just like Relena. I think I might have gone mad if I hadn't gotten so accustomed to her office…yeah, it smelled the same way. Maybe she just liked what it smells like when it rains. But the moonlight scattered across everything, making it pearly and shiny, and almost…surreal. Everything had a bluish-white tint to it.

I slid to the side of the bed and my bare feet touched the carpet, and I allowed myself the pleasure of moving my feet back and forth across it. It felt like my carpet, at my house. I got bored pretty fast and opened a drawer that was connected to the side-table, finding a white-leather Bible. It wasn't just one of those Bibles you find in hotel rooms, either. It was specially made, like a gift for someone. I wonder who it was for…

Curiosity got the better of me and I opened it, fingering the first page.

To Mrs. Relena,

We love you so much! You're such a beautiful person on the inside and the outside, and hopefully we'll all grow up to be just like you. Thank you for your contributions, we had a wonderful Christmas this year. Thank you so much for visiting with us, you helped bring smiles back to some of our faces, and you helped us all to realize that there is a loving God. We love you with all our hearts, please come back soon.

Love,

Children of St. Peter's Orphanage

I could only stare at it for a while. What else could I do? She was such a beautiful person…so pure, so caring…so full of life, and love. She not only brought hope to my eyes but to the world's…I never knew. I guess I never tried to look any deeper into her than I had to, because if I did…I might not end up in her arms but wrapped around her slender finger.

I put the Bible back into the drawer and closed it quietly, for Aurora's bedroom was right next to mine. That little girl…she is mind-boggling. I catch her staring at me sometimes, as if she's waiting for me to look her way, and she'll smile this innocent smile…she looks so much like that little girl and her dog, Mary.

My hands instantly start trembling as I think of that little girl and I get up quickly, pacing back and forth across the room. I hate when this comes up in my mind…it…it scares me, almost. Not because of all the death I felt, or the people that I killed…not even the blood on my hands, but the feeling that I might become who I was then…young…unprepared…sorrowful…all the while trying to retain emotions such as anger and pain and guilt…God knows the guilt…

I've learned to control it all now, and promised myself to never make mistakes again. My mistakes cause the shedding of innocent blood and that scares me beyond belief, all though I don't think I'd ever admit that allowed to anyone.

I walk out onto the balcony and stare out onto a crystal sea of stars against the midnight sky. It was an unusually deep blue sky tonight, and the air was dense and smelt of thunder. I could hear it roaring in the distance, a few miles south of us.

And then I felt her. I stood there, gripping the railings of the balcony, and I felt her behind me, staring at me. Somehow she had gotten into my room without me realizing it and I smelt her watered rosy scent and I pictured her in her pajamas a few feet away from me, her hands clasped in front of her, nervous…the way she gets sometimes around me. I don't really know why. She was a shy person, in truth, when she wasn't in a room full of politicians…when she was with real people, showing emotions and things of that nature. But I never expected her to do what she was about to.

I felt two frail hands slide under my arms, around my ribcage, and close in front of me in the kind of sentimental embraces I had only heard of in movies. She leaned against me and I felt her forehead pressing in between my shoulder blades and I felt her chest against my back, and I felt her heartbeat throughout my own chest, vibrant, and full of precious life. I laid my hands on top of hers and sighed, tilting my head to the side.

This was so ridiculously unlike me, but I couldn't help it. For, you see, this was all I had left. This was what God had chosen to show me, what I suppose he had chosen to bring me back to life with. And…well…it felt like everything was okay in her arms.

I felt her even breathing on the back of my neck, and she began swaying back and forth to an unknown rhythm, and I couldn't help but go along with her, being as how she had her arms wrapped around me and all…not that I wouldn't have, if they hadn't been there. It felt so impossible…she was so…so beautiful, and pure, and…I should even call it holy…and she was dancing with me, of all people.

She was humming something under her breath, and I liked the way it sounded. I nudged her and I guess she got the point that I wanted her to sing louder, because she did. She always seemed to know exactly what I wanted.

"There's a secret I must tell

Of all the love I've found.

And it's hidden in my heart…

The day You tore my world apart."

I listened attentively…what secret? I almost asked her but I felt her grip around me tighten. I felt the first drop of rain land on my nose, and felt her trembling behind me. She was cold. My love was cold.

"Hallelujah

King forever

Friend and Savior…"

Oh. That kind of secret. I wish I had a secret like that. I had a feeling right then that someone was telling me…you can.

"Jesus' blood

Never fails me.

Jesus' blood

never fails me.

Jesus' blood…

Jesus' blood…"

It was amazing. I felt something in my heart. I mean, I actually felt something…something inside me feel, something like…like hope. I hadn't felt that for a long time. And the one person I thought I would have it in first…my own Relena…wasn't the person.

"And this secret, it will run

To the corners of the earth.

Where every woman, every son

Will carry higher chains undone."

It was God. I felt…I felt God. Was this what had been missing my whole life?

"Hallelujah

Kind forever

Friend and Savior…"

Somehow she knew, and I felt her smile against my back. I looked up into the sky…and just stared. It was all I could do. God was real. God is real. What kind of love is this?

"Jesus' blood

Never fails me.

Jesus' blood

Never fails me…"

The rain suddenly came down in showers, and she paused and chuckled softly. I turned around swiftly and picked her up, and she screamed and turned into a ball of joyous laughter. We ran back into the house and I dumped her onto my bed, and she was still giggling. Something bubbled forth out of my throat and I laughed, and she looked up at me as if I were a ghost. I looked down at her after I was through and just smiled at her…not really knowing why. She smiled back, and we must've been there five minutes just staring each other.

As if realizing something, she jumped off the bed while pulling me down onto it, and quickly wrapped the covers around me. I was immediately warm, even though my clothes were a little damp. She sat next to me and I looked up at her eyes - her lovely blue eyes. She reached over and ran her hands through my hair, smiling at me with a small blush staining her cheeks.

I got drowsy pretty quickly, which is really unusual for me. That night, I went to sleep with her hands running through my hair, her arms around my heart, and her sweet voice singing softly until I was gone.

"Sing your songs of freedom

Praise the God of Heaven,

Love that never fails me,

Jesus' blood…

Jesus' blood…"

He was amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

After I left him, I went up to my room and thought about him for 30 minutes. I had gone in there to check on him, because it was his first night out of the hospital and everything and I didn't want him alone for too long. I got to the door and peaked in, finding him sitting on the guest bed looking in the white leather Bible I had received one year ago from the precious orphans of St. Peter's, and I couldn't help but smile at his curiosity. I watched him get up slowly, watched him walk across the room and stare into the mirror for a while. I wonder if he sees the same person I do.

I followed him out there, and when I found him he paused, and I knew that he knew I was there.

I've read in the Bible that when you bless your enemies, it's like heaping coals of fire on their heads. Well, Heero isn't exactly an enemy, but I sure would like those coals to melt his frozen heart. Because I know for a fact that it's this beautiful light underneath the ice…it's a beautiful ray of warmth just needing a little understanding.

So I wasn't really sure how I could bless Heero…and the thought of hugging passed through my mind. I acted on it. That's what I heard Heero had said once. Act on your emotions. And I did.

I never knew one person could hold so much warmth inside them. It felt so perfect with him, there. I can't really explain how peaceful and wonderful it felt. He didn't push me away, and he didn't flinch when he felt my touch, which is so unlike Heero, and I don't know why he didn't. But right then, it didn't matter. I just wanted him to let me hold him, and he did.

I leaned against him, and I felt his hardened back muscles, and wondered how one person could be so strong. When he placed his hands over mine I felt his arm muscles flex a little, and when we began to sway…everything between he and I was in sync with the other.

I sang him the song that I sang to Milliardo when he came to me for advice on how to ask Noin to marry him. The irony was killing me.

But then, something clicked, and I realized that Heero was connecting with God, or some basis level for that. Maybe he was just interested in religion, and he looked at the Bible because it was there…but why was he letting me hold him like this, singing him this song about Jesus? Maybe I was freaking him out and he just didn't want to say anything.

I was about to ask him if this was okay, but the sky fell down on top of us and we had to run back inside. I couldn't help but laugh under my breath. It seemed like we were always being stopped by…something. Whether it be rain, or threatening to kill me, or opening up a little bit…something was always there.

But not this time.

I'm going to get him to open up to me within these next two weeks. After all, it is my job.

The next morning Noin and I were in the kitchen fixing breakfast for Heero and Zechs, and I was really hyper for some reason. Which is a big deal, for me.

"Relena, what are you doing?"

"Putting chocolate chips in my pancake."

"For breakfast?"

"Um…yeah…"

She looked up at me with her bright eyes and…looked at me.

"What?"

"You're really, really weird."

I flicked a chocolate chip at her eye and it stuck.

"Ow."

We were both laughing as she tried to get it out of her now swollen eye when I heard the stairs squeak. We turned at the same time to see Zechs helping Heero down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, Heero paused and looked at me.

"Well good morning, beautiful." I heard Zechs say, walking towards Noin then kissing her on the lips. They both walked outside, leaving us alone again. I looked back at Heero and found him sitting on the bottom step, holding his head in his hands. I walked over to him and touched his arm.

"Hey…are you alright?"

He didn't look up at me. I shook his shoulder gently…realizing how thin and frail he is, underneath it all.

"Heero?"

He still didn't move and I lifted his chin with my hand. I'll never forget what I saw.

There was blood running from his nose, covering his mouth, his lips, his face…it was everywhere. His mouth was open, as if in shock, and he was staring at me, but seemingly through. What stood out the most were his dilated eyes…they were frightened. Had I not spent years studying him I might not have known, but they were. And that scared me.

"Heero! Look at me, Heero!"

He didn't move. He couldn't hear me, and I was screaming. I had grabbed both of his shoulders and shook him, and all he did was let himself be pushed and pulled back and forth, until finally he let go and let his head fall forward once again, against my chest.

I was alone.

I was completely alone, and no one could hear me screaming. There was nothing but a swirling blackness around me, and I couldn't move, and I couldn't breathe. I think I'm dying. So, this is it.

Relena…

Was this it? Right when I…right when I begin to let go…I'm dying? I don't understand it.

God…why is this happening?

I couldn't help but ask. I can't help but be disappointed. This can't be it.

I need You…

There was silence around me, and for the first time I…I didn't want it.

Please…

I am alone.

Please don't give up on me…

My ears pounded with…a heartbeat. Feeling began coming back, and immediately I felt my nose bleeding and myself leaning into someone. I smelt watered roses along with my own blood. Relena…

Vision came slowly, but all the while I heard her heartbeat as my head leaned against her chest. I felt her running her hands through my hair, the other wiping the blood I knew was running down my face. I reached up and grabbed a fistful of her blouse, and she gasped as I pulled her down to my eye level. My breathing was heavy and she stared at me with kind eyes.

"There is a God, Relena."

She looked at me then, with all the grace one body can hold, and I saw the stars in her eyes. I lifted my face an inch from hers…our noses touched, and she stared at me with those shining stars…and we stayed there, millimeters apart, staring at one another. I felt her breathe against my face, and she looked down and pressed her forehead against mine.

And so, because at this moment I had the stars within my grasp, I reached up, took her in my arms, and kissed her jaw line.

It was my replacement and explanation for my pain, with all of my mistakes. With all of my shameful life and with all of the love that I could muster up in that one moment. I kissed her with all that I am, and she accepted me. She accepted me. And even though it wasn't what people call a heated kiss, or a lustful kiss, or even a passionate kiss…it was all I had dreamed of and more.

I was soaring across the ocean.

What was always there but just held back came forth when he looked at me, and all the world disappeared, and everything was okay, because Heero had granted me a piece of himself.

It was over so fast. It was just a brush of the lips, in the twinkle of an eye, but he had done it, and when I looked up he was staring at me with such intensity that I couldn't pull my gaze away from his. When I looked deeper, I found hope, underneath the layers.

He reached up and placed his fingertips against my lips as I sat there, speechless. It was much more of a big deal than most people would take it. It wasn't just a kiss on the cheek. It was…it was…

Perfect.

I reached around him and brought him into my arms, and he let himself be held and rocked like the child that was in his heart, there on the steps. But then, he reached around me, and placed his chin over my shoulder. I laid my cheek against his, and closed my eyes.

"I feel you." He said.

Immediately, the warmth flooded through me, bursting forth out of my heart. The words meant more to me than I could've ever imagined they would, because right at that moment I realized how lonely I actually was, and I was so grateful. I was so happy.

"And I know that you feel me too…I just know…I know that when you look at me, and you feel the same things I feel, and want to change the world the same way I do…I know that there must be something there that goes so much deeper, Relena…"

So much deeper. So much deeper.

"Let's figure out what it is together, okay?"

And he smiled.

~

Voila! I've had about half of this chapter written for forever. Then my dad deleted it. Grrr….but then I rewrote it, in my opinion better.

I HAVE A QUESTION TO MY REVIEWERS!!!

Would you rather me write shorter chapters, and post them more often like this, or write longer chapters like the first chapter and post them less often?