A VERY POTTER SITCOM

EPISODE 15, SEASON ONE

SEASON FINALE!

"A VERY SECRETIVE CHAMBER"

(TV-PG)

Malfoy's voice: Previously on "A very Potter Sitcom"…

(We see Harry reading a piece of paper)

Harry singing: I've just made the greatest discovery of the day. Greater than the day I made Voldemort go away. This little piece of paper that Hermione had in her tiny hand holds all the answers that Slytherin's heir needs to know to command.

(We see worried teachers talking to McGonagall in the room)

Snape: What did it say?

McGonagall: It said a student has been snatched by the monster and taken into the chamber itself!

Blonde teacher: Which kid got taken?

McGonagall: Chad Kragoff.

(We see Harry and Ron running through the hallway)

Harry: Lockhart may be useless but the idiot's gonna try and get into the chamber. At least we can tell him what we know!

Ron, panting heavily: I don't like running!

(We see Harry and Ron talking to Lockhart)
Harry: You're running away? After all that made up crap you did in your books- oooh, realization.

Lockhart, loosing smile: Exactly! It's made up bullcrap! And what are you gonna do?

(Harry stands there for a moment and then suddenly grabs Lockhart into a head lock)

Lockhart, very fast: Ah! Stop, you are hurting me! Stop, you are hurting me!

Harry: We know where it is. Let's go!

(Quick blackout and we see Harry, Ron, and Lockhart walking into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom)

Myrtle: Oh, it's you. Come to throw another book at me?
(Ron stars for a moment and then throws a book at Myrtle)

(Myrtle glares)

Harry: Is the entrance to the chamber of secrets here?

Myrtle: Uh, yeah. Right there at that sink.

(Harry looks at sink)
Harry: I think I know what to do.

(Looks at sink again)
(Harry mutters in snake language)

(The sink moves backward, revealing a large hole)

(Everyone stares)
Lockhart: Holy crap. Well, I'm going to go now.

(Ron punches Lockhart in stomach)
Lockhart: Oh! You are hurting me.

(Falls into hole)
Lockhart, distantly: Ahhhhhhh….

(Silence)
Lockhart: It's really quite unbelievable freezing down here.

Harry: Well, it looks like we're stuck in the biggest of jams.

(Pause)
Ron: What?

Harry: Never mind. Let's go. One, two, three!

Both: AAAHH!

(They run at hole and hit each other, falling on ground)
Ron: Oh, I'm sorry Harry.

(Scoots back)
Ron: Let me just get outta your way- *falls* AAHHHH!

Ron: I landed on Lockhart!

Lockhart: You are hurting me…..

Harry: I'm coming guys! One, two, three!

(Jumps)

Harry: AHHH!...ah!

(Screen changes to dark chamber where Harry falls out of large shoot)

Harry: Dear God, it's really freezing down here. My skin is numbing up.

Ron: I think I landed on Lockhart too hard. He can't even remember who he is, or where he is, or what he is. He thinks he's a muggle.

Lockhart, drunkenly: Hello. Who are you? More importantly, who the hell am I?

Ron: Hard to rely on this one.

Harry: Okay.

(Steps a little away from Ron)

Harry: Come on, man. Let's go. There's nothing blocking our way.

(Large amount of rocks fall in front of Harry)

Harry: Ron! Ron, can you hear me!
Ron: Yeah! What should I do?
Harry: Try to shift this rock. Don't use magic. It might cave in. God, it's so cold. Anyway, use your bare hands!

Ron: I can't feel my bare hands!

Harry: I'm gonna go ahead.

(Harry gulps)
Harry: Well, here I go.

(He starts walking)

(Commercial break)

(We return to see Harry walking into a large chamber with a stone statue of Slytherin's head and a small area of water in front of it with Chad lying near it)

Harry: Whoa. It's the secret swimming pool of Hogwarts.

(He sees Chad)

Harry: Chad!
(Runs to Chad's body and collapses next to it)

Harry: Come back to me Chad!
Voice: You mean….come back to….RIDDLE!

(Joe Walker steps out from behind a pillar and the audience goes wild with cheering)

Riddle in Joe Walker's real voice: Well, well. If it isn't the famous bastard, Harry…freakin'…Potter.

(Harry stars)
Riddle: I've wanted to talk to you for a very long time.

Harry: Are you a ghost or something, you look so young.

Riddle, flattered: Oh, thank you. *Straightens up* But, I am not a human, mortal man! I am….*Poses for Umbridge's "WOMAN" yell* a... memory.

Harry: What do you mean?
(Riddle smiles evilly)

Riddle: 'Means I'm just a version of Tom Riddle, preserved in a Diary for 50 years. And then, that little wimpy boy right there found it and it became a Diary of a Wimpy kid. He told me about how sad he was about his brother treating him poorly along with all of his friends. Soon, I turned the Diary into a cell phone to get him to stop writing….but he texted me. He soon became scared, finally, and who should pick it up, but you? Harry Potter. The person I was most anxious to meet.

Harry, flattered: Oh, ha, are you a fan? I could sign your man boob.

(Riddle raises an eyebrow)
Riddle, angrily: NO! I'm a dark lord who wants you to just die! *Voice turns into Voldemort voice* I am Lord Voldemort! TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE! Switch the letters around in a few places and it becomes "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!" *Laughs evilly*
Harry: NO!
(The dark, sinister, suspenseful theme of "I am Lord Voldemort" begins)

Voldemort: Yep! And I am going to do what my future self started! I am going to kill yooouuuuu!

Voldemort singing: I have risen back from the dead! * Beat x2* Made that little boy loose his tiny head! *Beat x2* I made him open the door to this place! *Beat x2* And now I'm gonna blow you both all over the place!

(Music picks up)

Voldemort singing: I am Lord Voldemort! I am Lord Voldemort! I am the dark lord! I am hard core! I'm gonna throw your body all over the damn street. Pick you up, throw you down! Smash you under my feet! I haven't got anything better to do! All I want is to freaking kill you!

(Tap dances as song picks up and as the audience cheers)

Voldemort singing: How is it that a little boy like you *beat* destroyed me while Dumbledore saw you through? *Beat* I'll be sure to get my revenge! I'm back and better! Back forever! Soon it'll be the end! I am Lord Voldemort! I am Lord Voldemort! I am the dark lord! I am hard core!

(Another dance part)

Voldemort singing: Looks like you're too late to save that little creep!
(Chad rises into air as smoke pours in, risen by crew members in black suits so they can hardly be seen)
Voldemort: Now the end will come soon and vengeance will be what I reap! Soon you and your friends are going to die! But for now, it's time for Chad to say bye bye!

*Laughs maniacally*
Harry: No! Leave him alone! He's just a little kid!

(Voldemort continue laughing as a giant snake rises above them, similar to the special effects to create Aragog)

Harry: Oh my God!
Voldemort: Better not look in its eyes, Potter! *Continues laughing as music also continues*

Harry: HELP ME!
(The sword of Gryffindor, as seen in AVPM, falls on Harry's head)
Harry: OW. *Sees sword and grabs it*
Harry: Hey, snake! Take this you bastard!
(Yells and throws the sword, which flies towards the snake, in slow motion)

Voldemort's voice in slow motion: Oh, sh*t.

(Sword falls into snake's mouth and the creature falls back into the pool, dead)

Voldemort: NOOOO!
(Song ends)

(Chad is still in the air, asleep, and Voldemort grabs him)
Voldemort: Okay Potter! You won there! But come any closer and I'll KILL this little mudblooded sh*t!
Harry: You bastard. You just don't get it, do you? You kill innocent people and for what? FOR WHAT?
Voldemort: For power!
Harry: Yes, but you don't need violence to get power. Ministers of Magic, Presidents, all of them got power with their worse crimes being some affairs with women. You don't need to kill that kid, Voldy. Why don't you try a little slice of remorse pie, huh? Huh?

Voldemort: Well, I-

(Chad stirs and Voldemort looks down at him)

(Silence)
Voldemort: I have a little boy in my arms. He's so adorable. So little, pure, and…innocent. *Glairs* I'll let him live.

(He places Chad carefully on the floor)
Voldemort: But I am back. And I will take over the world. No matter who I have to kill. See you around Potter. Voldemort's back.

(Disappears into the smoke)
Harry: I'll be ready.

(Commercial break)

(We return to see Harry standing over Chad who wakes up)
Chad: Harry? What happened?
Harry, solemnly: He's back, Chad. Voldemort's back.

(The screen changes to Harry in Dumbledore's office, alone)
Dumbledore: Well, I suppose you should be rewarded, Harry. You went through something terrible and there's more to come.
Harry: It's just…..how many times do I have to kill him?
Dumbledore: Clearly more than once.

(Harry nods)

(Suddenly, the door to Dumbledore's office flies open and Rita Skeeter walks in)

Skeeter: Well, if it isn't old Dumby back.

Dumbledore: It is and this time I'm here to stay. Ms. Rita, I know of what you did by sneaking the Diary into that wimpy kid's cauldron at Diagon alley. *Picks up a copy of Diary of a Wimpy kid* Although, I have been reading another copy. It is very good. *Audience laughs* Well, except for the damn creepy messages sent by Tom here, but uh…I think I'll just let you off with a warning.

Harry: What? A warning? But-she-

Dumbledore: Harry, Harry! You'll understand when you're older about how to choose between what is right…and what is easy. *Audience claps* Oh, yeah. That's my catch phrase now.

Rita: Well, Potter. The twelve year old Titan will always be around to save the day, won't he?
Harry: Yeah…I will. *Annoyed* And I'm thirteen, bitch.

Rita: Fine, whatever. It's of no concern to me. I'm going to go write a VERY long article about how HP saved the day and how this entire thing is Dumbledore's fault. *Giggles* I am a bitch. Rita Skeeter out!

(Turns to run away, but trips on long cord across the room and falls over)
Rita: Agh!

(Dobby comes out from behind wall and smiles)
Dobby: If anyone messes with Harry Potter….they mess with Dobby too. And trust Dobby….you don't want to mess with Dobby the free elf!

(Audience cheers)

Harry and Dumbledore: Holy s**t!

Dobby, leaning against wall coolly: Yep…holy freaken' s**t.

Harry: Wow, thanks Dobby. You really are a great guy.

Dobby: Thank you, Harry Potter. Now, I must go and visit someone who deserves to truly meet me…as a family member.

(Dobby exits)
Dumbledore, putting one arm around Harry: Come on, Potter. Let's hop on the good foot, head on down to the feast, and eat!
Harry: Yeah, what DOES hop on the good foot mean?
Dumbledore, laughing slightly: I have no idea.

(Seen changes to Malfoy standing in Slytherin common room)
Malfoy: Well….I think I have decided I like this place. It's not….too bad. Pigfarts is of course better but I suppose that I can settle for an Earth bound school….for now. Until rockets are available.

Dobby's voice: Draco?

(Dobby walks on)
(Malfoy turns around as beautiful, happy music plays)
Dobby, arms reached out: MY SON!
Malfoy: Dobby?
(Dobby nods)
Malfoy, running with joy to Dobby: DADDY!

(The embrace with love and happiness)

Dobby: Oh, my son. How I've missed you so. Oh…f**k Lucius Malfoy.

Malfoy: I love you Daddy! Don't ever, ever leave me!
Dobby: No. We are going to be together for a long time. I love you, my son.

Malfoy: No…I love you more!
Dobby: No, I love you more!
Malfoy: No, I love you more!
Dobby: No, I love you more!

(Scene dissolves)

(We see Harry and Dumbledore walk into the Great Hall where everyone is standing)
(Hermione sees Harry and runs toward him, hugging him)
Hermione: You solved it! Oh, Harry. Even if Voldemort is back again, we can defeat him.

Ron: I know we can. And you can count on us to be there by your side.

Harry: Oh cool.

(Jacob runs to Chad)
Jacob: CHAD!
(They embrace)
McGonagall: Another happy ending.

Snape: Oh, yes. Indeed. Look over there. That's the happiest part of them all.

(We see Lockhart hanging with a rope around his neck, a large smile still on his face)
Snape: He thought it would be fun to try and see what would happen. God, you think he was stupid before he lost his memory!
(They laugh)
(The cheerful ending sound of the song "Finally done" begins)

Harry singing: It's been so long, but now we are done. Done with Hogwarts adventure and Hogwartian fun! I'll see you all next year and that's a rap! Time to go back to a summer of crap! *He says crap but is still smiling widely*
Ron singing: Voldy may be back this time! But we'll tear him down! And that is fine!
Hermione singing: Even if the devil comes to his aid-

*Song picks up*
Jacob singing: We'll kick his ass! 'Cause we've got it made! He's going down and that is-

Everyone singing: TOTALLY AWESOME!

(They all begin to dance and sing more)
All singing: We'll see you next year! Hope you had fun! What is done is totally done. We'll hope for better next year! But it doesn't matter 'cause Hogwarts is what we hold dear!
(Dance part)
Snape angrily while dancing: I hate this!
Dumbledore: Oh, Severus! We're gonna fight a dark lord soon! Let loose a little!
Snape: Maybe we'll die again this time.

All singing: We can't wait to get back! For these days everything is either blue or it's black! We don't care; it's Hogwarts we hold dear! We can't wait for another kick ass Hogwartian year!

Ron singing: And that is-

Hermione: Yes that is-

Harry: Yeah, that is…..

All singing: TOTALLY…TOTALLY…TOTALLY…AWESOOOOOMMMMMEEEE!

(Blackout and audience cheers)

(Roll and credits)

…..

Produced by YouTube productions, Starkid, and Warner Brothers.

ADVERTISMENT: STARTING JUNE 15TH, SEASON TWO OF THE POPULAR YOUTUBE SHOW "THE POTIONS MASTERS CORNER" WILL BE PUT UP ON AS OUR SUMMER SHOW. SNAPE'S SPIN OFF, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, CONSISTS OF THE PROFESSOR INTERVIEWING SEVERAL PEOPLE IN A VERY COMICALLY WAY. BEFORE YOU READ THAT STORY, PLEASE WATCH SEASON ONE OF "THE POTIONS MASTERS CORNER" AT YOUTUBE. THANK YOU FOR VIEWING "A VERY POTTER SITCOM" AND WE'LL SEE YOU September 1ST, 2011 FOR THE START OF SEASON TWO. Bye!