why, hello. I wrote this about three year ago. i was going to post two chapters at a time one with naruto pov and one with hinata pov in different timeline, how they fall in love. however, as the years went by, i decided to go for a real book and publishing, the whole shebang.
so, here is my story, one that never was.
L egend
O f
T he
U nderpaid
S hinobi
N aruto
O bession
O ver
D angerous
L adies'
E nchenting
S eductions
19 years ago, there was a gigantic beast. It was said that one whoop of its tail could level a mountain or cause a tsunami. This nine tailed fox ran amuck on the lands, causing death and mayhem. It was known to be impervious to all mortal weapons in till one man was able to defeat the monstrosity with the cost of his life. He was immortalized into the Konoha Mountains and was forever known Namikaze Minato, the fourth hokage. Contrary to popular belief, the hokage was only able to seal the behemoth into a new born baby, whose umbilical cord was freshly cut.
The fourth hokage dying wish was for the baby to be seen as a hero. It was only sacrificing a child that their life would be spared and peace be regained. But such an incident would leave a bitter taste in the villagers' minds, so the third hokage made it law to never speak of the natural disaster. In doing so, the child was able to live a normal life.
HA! Yeah, right. Let see you try claiming natural disaster on your house insurance. People lives were a mess, and will continue to be so. But everybody needs a scapegoat, why would anyone look deep into yourselves and change for the better? It is so insulting to our ancestors to let go of our past. A burial ceremonial is conducted for the living. You really think people give a rat's ass, what happens to their body after they are dead? Praising the sacrificed lamb as a hero is equivalent to splitting on their grave. Remembering a child is the same as forgetting the hand that raised you. The victim's family member kissing the feet their murder. They wouldn't have it. They wouldn't stand for it. It inspired hatred, and the child was deemed the pariah of this generation.
Suddenly, it was cool to make fun of little Naruto. When I asked where baby come from instead of the story where a magical stork flies in with a bundle of cloth, warm and loved, I get the drunken hook up. I was born in October 10 with blond hair and blue eyes, so I was told I was German. My mother was binge drinking for the first 10 days of Oktoberfest. Without making much deliberation and with alcohol level enough to kill rhino, she fucked the nearest three and an half men and a goat. Thus, the great demon seed was born.
What was I suppose to do? I was only about 4'2" tall and weighting in 81 pounds, a super light weight. Everybody in my class was taught Muay Thai, tai kwai doe, bushido, kendo or a variation of karate by their parents or instructor. I simply flail my arms back and forward. My secret strategy was to prey. My contingency plan was to run.
Though, I never admit it. I wanted to be apart of them. I wanted to be loved. I didn't believe it at first, but Sakura said it first.
"God, you are so needy and clingy, it's only a matter of time before you throw it away on some whore!"
You don't know how many times, I went hungry because some girl sick mother needs money for her medication, or the ever more popular grandma version. Sometimes, I get told how these girls would die without their cosmetics and I agree. I pay good money for these women to use lipstick, mascara and eye liner, often laced with petroleum, sodium lauryl sulfate, mercury, or lead.
I didn't just want the perfect girl. I wanted everything. I wanted to be hokage. I wanted to have name to be seen everywhere. If the fourth hokage was a legend and his face curved into mount konoha, I want my face to be bigger. I want my face to be curved into the face of the moon.
I spent all my money on every fad, every runaway product, and every brand name. Two years ago, a survivor of a building fire was able to rescue four victims. The survivor had a Buddhist amulet which skyrocketed in value. It was believed that these amulets would protect you from flames, so all those same types of amulets and replicas were worth about 100000 yen. I had about 20. I had two in turquoise, three in ruby, and one in granite embellish with amethyst. Whenever the chuunin exam festival comes around, I get about 5 different kabuki masks each year. Sitting in my kitchen floor is a hand curved ebony table. Need a hand curve ivory pendent for the up coming White Day? I have 30 of them sitting on my nightstand.
The things you own, eventually own you. I am completely obsessed with owning everything. I had to have the perfect couch to go with my butterscotch wallpaper. I was a teenager. I didn't have anything valuable when I installed a safe into my hallway wall, only because it was cool to have one. Right beside it, there were four guitars, completely untouched.
With women, I was no different. I had to have the best. I spent my entire salary just so I can go home, relax, and grab her big fake breast.
My relationships never last very long. I usually condition women to a certain lifestyle, but my line of work is performance base pay. Sometimes, I go months without money. An opportunist is an opportunist.
When the money ran dry, so did the love.
Do you know why it is called a crush? Because in the end, you are going to get crushed. Have your heart crushed in pieces, or skin grafting the dermatitis on my ass to my face after crushing encounter with her jealous, overweight boyfriend. Ironically, it always tinkles the funny bone when someone calls me butt ugly.
It doesn't help having Jiraya as my teacher. Jiraya was slapped with five lawsuits, three alimonies, and you still find him at the local burlesque house for every Sunday mass.
Jiraya would always tell me: "Love is for suckers, it's only a word forged for fire breathing serpents to steal half your shit." When the repo man decided to give him a visit on the behalf of his ex-wife, Jiraya did the honor of splitting half of property of his house by clopping the house in two and fissuring earth down middle.
Despite having a dismay interaction with the nubile of Konoha, I don't regret any of it. I had have my heart stepped on many times, and I have had my possession threw out the second story window. But I can honesty say I don't regret any of it, I take everything whole heartedly, and I never left wondering what if things went a little different.
Tsunade decided to give me a break for the AnbuBlackMask program which is a joke by the way. Chuunin exams were coming up so that meant big fancy parties. Little kids poking each other with sharp sticks? What not to love. But more importantly, the chuunin exam is used to build strong relationship between the five nations. Thanks to consistent advistaments, Chuunin exam has become the hallmark holiday aka Valentines Day.
Warlords come from every corner of the world to watch the Chuunin exam. It only natural that we sell them every sea shelled wampum to seven jeans knockoffs.
Valentines Day has been over for a week now, but the whole nauseating of gift giving for that special someone wasn't over yet. The competitors were given a month to prepare for the final bout that day became known as White day.
All month long the couples with goggles eyes and puppy dog love would rub their faces in the hopeless singles and widows.
The two headed hydras of Konoha would ask the yearly cliché question: "so, who you taking to the white day festival?" you couldn't escape it. It was everywhere: Cheap couple movie tickets, thirty percent off on a meal for two and all the red, pink and purple hearts. All reminding you of the love you don't got. The whole thing just depresses people to seek out the after morning pill.
Lucky for me, I did have a date. Sakura is my girlfriend for an okay four months. With the White day right around the corner, I get certain privileges: Sakura dressing up more slutty, let us be seen in public and asking for the occasional quickly.
"YEAH, baby this is the BEST, I am going to take you to the freaking moon!" I said, exilibrately.
"Huh, yeah okay." Sakura said, while reading Konoha people magazine.
"yep, I can go on all day! No problem, I'm Konoha's most hyperactive ninja!" The bed frame was banging against the wall. "HAHA, let the neighbors complain!" Sakura said nothing as she flips the pages of her magazine. "SHAZAM!" Casting my special mizu jutsu.
"yeah, Naruto go all the way" Sakura said after I stopped.
"Sakura, did you feel anything?" I inquired.
"Oh yeah, that was best… really." Sakura didn't even bother to look away from her magazine. Our sexual endeavors were as PG 13 as they get. Sakura doesn't even bother taking off her black cowboy boots anymore which is kind of hot when she gets in the reversed cowgirl position. I don't even know anymore.
I consider myself to be a very tolerant person. Do you know how many punches to the face I have taken for this woman? Not to mention, I was stabbed through the lungs from her true love, Sasuke Uchiha. None of that seem very important, not until sex was involved.
"Naruto, get ready! Shikamaru and Ino are waiting for us."
It wasn't until I have 12 when things started to change. In a time, when wearing a katana on your hips, you were declared a man. It didn't matter who was I anymore, I was a soldier. A Nobles and a coolie still carry the negative stigma of rank and occasionally roughhouse and carouse each other on the expense of hostess, but we were a band of brothers.
o.0
We all met in front of the club house, South Boulevard. The line stretched out around the corner and down two blocks. Shikamaru was also conducting some clan business in our outing, so he had his name on the list.
Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura and I were doing a double dating thing. It was the girls' idea. Shikamaru was wearing skin tight pants and the most unbearable, women repelling carebear T-shirt. It was a pink carebear with rainbows cuddling a cutesy heart. Shikamaru and Ino are getting married. She was already putting Shikamaru on a collar, and dog tagged him for poof of ownership.
"oh my god, Sakura I haven't seen in too long!" Ino said.
"?Alwaystryingtooneupme,huh?"
"oh,youknow,'tdosomething,theboygorunning" The girls talked, it garble into gibberish. It was best to pay no mind to them.
"Shikamaru, look like she already got you by the gonads!" I said, making sure I crescendo my voice as high as possible, staring at his t-shirt.
"Naruto, what are you talking about?" Shikamaru said.
"I mean she got you on lock down!" Shikamaru was mute. I had to see how much of a hold she had on him. "Why don't we go home and play Atari for old time sake?"
"Ino says that kind of childish" dear god, it worst than I thought. She was already speaking for Shikamaru.
"How about we go and make a best friends college from old pictures?" I said with such glee of delight, I can sense my own mirth.
"that is a little gay." Shikamaru snuffed.
"Dude! The banshee is like forcing you into this marriage" little did I know, the well trained ears of ill intent perked.
"Amen, to that, Naruto." What is it about Shikamaru and I that bring out the tyrant in women?
"WHAT, how can you say that? Your suppose to be on my side!" Ino screamed. In Celtic mythology, it say that a banshee is a sign of death or foreshadowing death. "It almost our wedding day? How you forgotten what this is about?"
"Love" we said stimulatingly. Marriage is the bonding of two people.
"NO, this is suppose to be about ME!" Marriage isn't the same as death but close enough. "Seriously, if you don't get your act together, I might not even invite you to the honeymoon."
I couldn't help feeling this was somewhat my fault, I had to say something. "you guys are going to hot springs right? I think Jiraya is going there too." Ino's face changed.
"You know, having you there wouldn't be so bad." Ino kissed Shikamaru on the cheek. "You guys can have your little laugh, but the least you can do is wait till I walk away." Ino walked back to my little temptress, Sakura. Shikamaru and I didn't know what to say. It was one of those awkward silences. Ino left an emotional aftertaste. Men don't talk about their feelings. A ninja certainly doesn't feel scared when 98 pound petite blond belittles them.
I scratched my head.
Shikamaru has a askew glaze on cobblestone at his feet.
I wanted to break out calisthenics to fulfill my patrilineal dogma.
"Let's get a drink and…" Shikamaru said.
"and reminisce about the past?" I said.
"hell yeah" we both said.
o.0
The flooring was constructed out of 5" by 5" tempered glass panel, each one deploying it revolving light show. The only sources of light to pierce through the industrial size fog machine were the lasers with heart shaped lenses, strobe lights, and planetarium cast along the ceiling.
Ear deafening music, low visibility, and flowing sake, it's the combination of true love.
South Boulevard understood the true secret to lively night club, serve the hotties first. You couldn't yawn and stretch your arms without putting it over a fine, young tail. Tit and ass as far as the eyes can see. Anything more than a handful is wasted, but they were all beyond that potential.
Shikamaru and I sat with the girls at one of VIP booths. Shikamaru's business partner was running a little late, but he did set up this little backstage pass for us.
"Shikamaru who is this guy, you meeting with?" I asked.
"Leon, he is supposed to be some hot shot weapon supplier. We have an exclusive account with his company." I hear of him. He is one of the richest people in the fire country. Vice president of his father company, Metal inc. They made everything from tulwars to katana and explosive tags to powder agents. Their craftsmanship is the finest Stradivarius metal smithing and artisans in horticultural and biological warfare.
"Greeting, Mr. Nara and Mrs. Nara." A man walked over to our table. He was probably no older than we were, probably never shaved a day in his life with his hairless mug. He had these thick rim glasses and jet black hair. "Sorry, I'm late."
"Leon, good to see you" Shikamaru got up to shake his hand.
"Aye, to you as well." Lean attention turn towards Sakura. "And what do I own the pleasure?" he reached out to shake her hand and turned her palmed facing down, leaving a lip shaped saliva on her hand.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I said. Leon didn't let go of Sakura hand. Sakura was blushing, something I haven't seen in a long time. "Don't touch he…" without even looking at me, Leon flesh out 1000 yen in my face.
"Two sake bottles with your largest cups, snap to it." My face is flashed with blind rage. I was going to headbutt him once for flirting with Sakura, and hit him 20 times for making a fool of me.
"Hey! Let me go!" Shikamaru shadow mane ensnared my movement. "Let me hit him, just let me hit him just once." Shikamaru had a hard time restraining even with his chakra shackles.
0.o
Shikamaru made me promise as a wedding gift and as one of his best man to not force his hip bone out of his socket and fill his bone marrow with lye.
Shikamaru and Ino were out on the dance floor after his business was conducted. It was just Sakura and I with the biggest asswipe in Konoha. I vaguely remember Sakura telling me that Leon was voted bachelor of the year and was feature on the cover of business weekly when I usually try to drown her out by turning my television set up another 5 bars last week.
"What does a beautiful woman like you do around here for fun?" Leon said. I tried my best to hide my disdain for the man, but every word just screamed, slap me. I'm not trying to be a jerk. Nobody likes being a third wheel, especially if one of those wheels happens to your girlfriend.
"Oh, there is a lot of stuff to do here in Konoha. Perhaps, I can show you around?" Sakura was sitting so close to the edge, I was surprise she didn't fall on her ass.
"I would like that." Leon lean in closer, close enough to smell the coconut perfume I brought for Sakura. "Perhaps, I can show you around the fire country, my company takes me all around country side, it quite beautiful this time of year." It was like they were sending Morse code to each other by winking and biting their lower lip. "In fact, I have a boat in the harbor. If you get out 4 km out the pier, you can see Orion and Mars' orbit is getting close to earth this year." I was about to set the world record for longest projectile induced nausea. It was absolutely disgusting. It felt like I was one of those hental movies where a tentacle rapes an underage woman. The whole just boils your lower intestines, but you just can't stop watching. It I had to say something, anything.
"you know I once punch a gorilla in the gonads." Sakura and Leon eye balled me for a full minute before they shrugged off the little urchin.
"I would love to go on a cruise!" There was a loud smack on the table as I stand up.
"Sakura, can I speak to you for a minute." Before giving a moment to speak, I grabbed her arm. Nearly toppling her chair over as I lift her from her seat and dragging her across the room.
"Naruto, you're hurting me." Sakura said in whence of pain.
"What are you doing with that guy? For all you know, he could be an axe murder!" or a Casanova.
"Naruto, are you jealous?" Sakura blinked.
"Jealous! Jealous of what?" I barked.
"Not so loud Naruto, you are embarrassing me, can we talk about this later?" Sakura said.
"Is that all you care about? How you look in front of your friends. I know we have our problems and all but, there is a point where we need to discuss them."
"I do try to talk to you! You always ignore me!" Sakura said.
"Communication is two way street, not endless bitter on your behalf!" Sakura and I were always stubborn as mules. We both right. We were both always right. "Now look who is embarrassing us in front of our friends!"
"They are my friends! You would still be a loner if I didn't introduce you to them, and I kind of regret it now." It's funny, how old insecurity can creep up on you. Those mementos from my lonely past still haunt me. I say something, something mean, something I regret the second it left my lips.
"You fucking cunt! Are you on your period again?"
"Oh, my god, Naruto. I can't take this anymore." She closed her eyes, trying to rub out the huge migraine, but to no anvil. I was still there. "We have to break up; I just can't take it anymore."
"Wait! Where you going?" she turned her back on me, both literally and figuratively. I know we have are problems but…
"I get my stuff in your apartment later. This is just too difficult." I watch as Sakura walked back to Leon and gather her stuff. I wanted to stop her. I wanted to tell her to hold on and things will get better. Tell her that I was going to try to relinquish the control over the television remote, and I was willing to trade off from being the big spoon to little spoon if she gave us one more chance.
But sorry seem like the hardest thing to say. "You are just being too easy!" she was already half way out the door.