Author's Note: I really hope you like this chapter, because this is the chapter I have been writing towards since the beginning of this story. I hope ou like it, and if you do like it, then please review it. Come on, everyone! Writing is so often a solitary task, at the very least, you could tell me you're reading this, and maybe what you think of it. Please? Otherwise, please enjoy!

Chapter 19: That Winter

After Stephen spent a sleepless night chewing on a frozen wash cloth while his teeth grew back, the honeymoon continued as usual. Stephen took Celine to every single tourist attraction in London and acted like the perfect husband. They made love nearly every single night. Whenever Celine brought up trying for a baby Stephen made up some excuse. At the end of their honeymoon, nearly eight weeks after their wedding, Celine was still not pregnant.

There was nearly a foot of snow on the ground when Stephen and Celine walked out of the Gard, back in Idris. There, they met Robert and Maryse, who rode with them to Fairchild Manor. Jocelyn welcomed them home and claimed that Valentine as busy with something. He would see them at dinner.

Once all of the catching up was done, Celine went upstairs to unpack. Stephen said he would be up shortly, then retrieved an apple from the ice box and went out to the barn. All of the manor's horses were inside the barn, as snow continued to fall in heavy flakes. Stephen went inside to find the barn smelling like straw and oats, mixed with the warm, heavy scent of horse.

Valentine only owned five horses and boarded two others for some Circle members. Nicias's stall was the last one on the right. Most of the other horses had their heads out of their stalls, all eyeing the juicy red apple in Stephen's hand. Stephen walked down to Nicias's stall to find it empty of everything: straw, grain, and horse. He searched every stall and never found his horse. He was starting to feel a large amount of concern when the barn door opened and Valentine walked in, bundled in a thick wool coat.

"Jocelyn said you were home," Valentine said.

"Where's my horse?" Stephen asked. Panic welled up in his chest as scenarios races through his brain. Maybe she had been stolen by someone. Maybe Valentine moved her to the Wayland's barn. Maybe…there had to be a simple explanation.

"You didn't get my letter?" Valentine asked. Stephen shook his head. "The morning after you left for London, I turned Nicias out with the other horses. That night, I brought her back in. She ate, she was in good spirits… everything was fine. The next morning I came out and found her lying dead in her stall. There's no explanation. Hodge was thinking she ate a plant that made her sick, but… it's awful. I am so sorry, Stephen. You must know that."

"You son of a bitch!" Stephen cried. He came at Valentine, fist pulled back, wanting to smash it into Valentine's face the way he had when Valentine reported Luke's death. Valentine grabbed Stephen around the waist and held him tightly.

"Now, now, son, you know, these things, sometimes, they just happen," Valentine said soothingly. He stroked Stephen's hair. Stephen closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. He was unsure if he should feel angry or sad, which was the same way he felt when Isaiah died. "There is nothing any of could have been done."

"Of course not," Stephen said. He put a hand on the back of Valentine's neck and rested his cheek against Valentine's, so he could whisper in his ear, "Just rest assured. You touch my wife, and you are a dead man."

Stephen shoved Valentine away and started for the barn door.

"I would never hurt Celine," Valentine said. "Never." Stephen glared once more before walking out of the barn.

Stephen spent the next few days keeping his distance from everyone. He felt the loss of Nicias acutely, as she had been more than just a horse to him. She had been his only possession with any sort of worth. Marcus could cut Stephen off financially and even say Stephen was dead to him, and yet he never took away Stephen's one way back to the family. Now, with Nicias gone, Stephen couldn't go to Alicante, or even to visit Michael. As a result, Stephen was suddenly imprisoned at Fairchild Manor.

Not that the weather would allow him to leave. Winter had arrived while Stephen and Celine were in London, and now, daily snow storms dumped snow onto Idris in near record levels. There was nothing to do but read and make love, both of which got boring quickly. Stephen began to feel numb, the way he did before the wedding. Some nights he was able to be with Celine on his terms, which meant that they used protection and didn't mention having a child. On other nights, when Celine suggested they try, Stephen couldn't desire Celine properly, and it never worked. It was those nights that Stephen hated Celine, and yet, he tried to love her, because she never said anything about his inability to pleasure her. She merely rolled onto her side and ran her fingers up and down his spine until they fell asleep together.

Meanwhile, Stephen couldn't help but hear Valentine on the nights he was intimate with Jocelyn. They made it no secret that they were trying to have another baby.

Three months to the day after the wedding, on snowy afternoon in the middle of February, Stephen was lying face down on the bed. He and Celine had gotten up and had breakfast, and then Stephen returned to the bedroom, wanting to be left alone. Fairchild Manor might have been large, but every day, Stephen felt the walls closing in on him, tighter and tighter. Some nights he woke up, gasping for breath, having dreamt of being buried alive.

The bedroom door opened and Celine walked in, carrying a package wrapped in brown paper. She pushed the bedroom door closed, then crossed the room.

"Happy Birthday," Celine said, offering the package. Stephen sat up and took the package from her.

"I forgot all about it," Stephen said. He pulled the brown paper aside and lifted up a small leather bound book with intricate runes carved into the cover. Stephen opened the book to find all of the pages blank.

"It's a journal," Celine explained. "I thought you could write things in it. It's always nice to have somewhere to put your thoughts. I promise, I'll never read it, but it's best to keep it hidden anyway. I don't want to be tempted."

"Thank you," Stephen said. "It's lovely." He closed his eyes and kissed her on the lips.

There was a knock at the door. Celine turned around quickly, then grabbed the journal from Stephen's hands and shoved it beneath a pillow. Stephen opened his mouth to ask her why she would do such a thing, but Celine shook her head sat down beside him.

"Come in!" She called. The door opened and Valentine walked in.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything…" Valentine said. Stephen wanted to laugh out loud. It always seemed like Valentine knew when Stephen and Celine were being intimate. There was also the endless supply of wine and private dinners where Stephen and Celine felt like they were the only people in the house. The pressure to conceive a child was all around, from the pregnancy tests that showed up in the bathroom, to the book of baby names found on the kitchen table one morning.

"Not at all," Celine said. "Did you need something?"

"I need Stephen, actually," Valentine said, setting his eyes upon Stephen. "Robert is here. I was hoping you might have a word with him?"

"Robert?" Stephen asked. "I have nothing to say to Robert." If there was one Circle member Stephen refused to speak to, it was Robert.

"Well, he has something to say to you. It has a lot to do with the Circle," Valentine said. "Come along. You'll be back to your beautiful wife before you know it."

Stephen climbed out of bed and followed Valentine from the room. They walked downstairs to a sitting room to find Robert standing beside a window, looking out, a scowl on his face. There was a decanter of brandy sitting on a coffee table, with two glasses. Valentine poured brandy into each glass and left the room.

"Let me guess. You hate me," Stephen said. He drank his glass of brandy, and then sprawled onto the couch.

"Herondale, I dislike this more than you will ever know," Robert said. "However, while I'm not second in command, I do care for this Circle and all of its members." Stephen looked at Robert dubiously.

"Even me?" Stephen asked.

"Even you," Robert said, with some disdain. "Valentine wanted me to talk to you about your… inability to conceive a child. It's been three months since your wedding, as you know."

"Time flies," Stephen said with a shrug. "I didn't realize you cared about what my wife and I do in the privacy of our bedroom. Am I to care about what you and Maryse do as well?"

"Leave Maryse and I out of this. After all, Alec was conceived within six weeks of our wedding, and we have another baby on the way," Robert said.

"Wow," Stephen said. "That's precision." Robert gave Stephen a smug smile.

"The purpose of your honeymoon was for you to be alone with Celine in the hopes of conceiving a child, but according to Celine, you barely had intercourse the entire time you were in London," Robert said.

"What?" Stephen asked. "Celine told you that? You?"

"She mentioned it to Jocelyn. Maybe Jocelyn told Valentine," Robert said. "So what happened in London, Stephen? Do you just not want to have a child? I mean, the Angel expects you to, and you're going against the will of the Angel…"

"I'm not… Of course I…" Stephen managed, "I don't think this is any of your business! Having a child is between my wife and I, not my wife and I and the Circle and…The Angel…"

"It just doesn't look good, you being second in command and not actively trying to conceive a child," Robert said. "So do you have, like, a problem we need to discuss?"

"By the Angel! I don't have a… problem!" Stephen spit out. "And even if I did, I would never discuss it with you!"

"Well, it's just that you're nineteen years old. You're primed, you know?" Robert asked. "It's not like you had trouble conceiving before. I don't think you even had to try with Amatis, am I right?"

"This is none of your fucking business!" Stephen exclaimed.

"Can you at least get hard?" Robert asked. Stephen jumped up and thought seriously about throwing himself out a window. His eyes got hot as they filled with tears, which was even more humiliating.

"I don't know why it's not working. I'll try harder," Stephen said.

"Good," Robert said. "Try harder."

After more merciless interrogation, Robert finally allowed Stephen to go upstairs. Stephen felt violated. Robert had made it clear that should Stephen and Celine be unable to conceive a child, it would be viewed as extremely suspicious in both the eyes of the Angel and in the eyes of the Circle.

Needless to say, Stephen was fighting mad when he finally pushed open the door to his bedroom. He walked in to find Celine sitting on the bed, dressed in lingerie that left little to the imagination. Her lips were painted red, her hair tousled like a sex kitten.

"Stephen," Celine said. "Back so soon?"

"You look like a whore," Stephen said. "It's nice to see that you're dressing the part you've played all along." Celine's mouth fell open with a gasp. "You told me to trust you! I can't! I trusted you to keep things quiet and you didn't!"

"What are you talking about?" Celine asked.

"You told Jocelyn we never had sex on our honeymoon." Stephen said. "That was between you and I. You're my wife!" The tears that Stephen held in for so long finally broke free. They fell from his eyes and rolled down his face, unstoppable.

"Jocelyn asked me why I wasn't yet pregnant. I told her we had a busy honeymoon," Celine said. "Maryse did this to me… I thought you would like it." Celine stood up and started across the room.

"Keep away from me." Stephen said. "You are nothing but a lying whore. This is what you do: you throw yourself at me, and I have been stupid enough to go along with it. Yes, I do think you broke up my marriage, and yes, I do think you just want to get pregnant. You're acting like you care about me, but you don't. You only care about making Valentine happy!"

"No, Stephen, I love you," Celine said.

"You only say that!" Stephen cried. "You came to my room when I was a married man! You made me fall in love with you because you were everything I needed. I thought you might have loved me and don't, you only say you do! I hate you! I hate you, you stupid bitch, and I want a divorce!" Stephen stormed into the bathroom, the only place he could really be alone, and sunk to the floor. He buried his face in his hands and tried to remember the exact moment his life started to fall apart.

An hour later, Stephen finally ventured out of the bathroom to find Celine sitting on the bed. She was wearing a pair of baggy cotton pajama pants with a matching shirt. Her hair was pulled back haphazardly. She was leafing through a book and munching on licorice. Celine's eyes were red from crying, but contained no tears.

"I meant what I said," Stephen whispered. "I'll leave. I don't want this anymore." Celine looked up and fixed her eyes on Stephen. There was ferocity in her look, something Stephen hadn't seen since the night of Luke's memorial.

"Do you think I wanted any of this?" Celine asked. "When I was a little girl, I pictured my married life, and it was nothing like this. Do you really think I wanted to be nothing more than a common whore? Do you think I wanted to sneak into your room and offer myself to you, like some prostitute? Do you think I wanted to be the reason why you divorced Amatis? Valentine made me."

"You expect me to believe that?" Stephen asked. "It's called freewill, sweetheart. He never made you do anything." Celine smiled.

"Right, just like he never made you do anything," Celine said. "If you opened your eyes, you would have seen that I've been on your side the whole time. Do you really think you're the only person he's brainwashed into doing his bidding?"

"Brainwashed?" Stephen asked. He recalled hearing that word once before, from Luke, the night after Isaiah's funeral… which was the same night Luke went hunting with Valentine and never came home.

"The thing about Valentine is this: he'll never force you into doing anything. He'll only give you a means to fulfill your dreams, but it's not your dreams you're fulfilling, it's his," Celine said. "You are nothing but a means to an end, just like me. Valentine had a plan all along, and you and I played right into his hand."

"How?" Stephen asked. He crossed the room and sat down on the bed. Celine reached over, took Stephen's hand, and looked into his eyes.

"You could say I was the first member of the Circle of Raziel…," Celine began. "I was seven when my parents were killed. Immediately after their deaths I came to live with Valentine's family. His parents already opposed the Accords and had a sizeable grudge against Downworlders. They viewed all werewolves and vampires and even fairies and warlocks as creatures who were less than Shadowhunters. Valentine was raised to hate the Downworlders, to kill first and ask questions later. He was 16 when his parents were killed by werewolves, and their deaths changed him for the worst."

"The Circle was started right after. Luke swore his parabatai vow to Valentine and became his second in command, and as Valentine stayed at the Academy, first as a student and later as a mentor, the Circle only grew. Even then, Valentine had a plan in mind. I was 13 the night he came home covered in blood, swearing that he was attacked by a vampire and fought back to defend himself, killing the vampire in the process. I believed him; after all, I knew Downworlders were evil since my parents died at the hands of a warlock. "They need to be stopped," Valentine would say. "If no one else is going to do it, why shouldn't I?"

"I didn't tell anyone what Valentine was thinking. What was I going to do? He was the only family I had left, so I kept quiet. I started to do what he asked of me. When Valentine had meetings, I came along and provided snacks. Luke and I grew close, and then we began sleeping together. Valentine encouraged it. He used to joke that we would be able to provide the second generation of Circle members. It should have been wrong… By then I was still only 15… but I loved Luke, and my loving Luke kept Valentine happy. He was glad to see I could be provided for, and who better to marry his sister than his second in command?"

Stephen closed his eyes and wished her were elsewhere. The entire story seemed so familiar; it was like he had already lived it once.

"As his parabatai, Luke loved Valentine, and whatever Valentine said was as good as the Law. Luke began to be a part of Valentine's plans. In the Circle, Valentine always preached that he wanted to reform the laws, but with Luke, and later, Hodge, Valentine began to hatch the plan to slaughter the Downworlders at the Accords. Meanwhile, Valentine started pressure Luke into marrying me, and we considered it. I thought Luke could be my way out of the Circle, because for as much as Luke loved Valentine, Luke also knew that what Valentine was planning was wrong. Luke and I thought we might get married and run off together… but then Jocelyn and Valentine got together. They got engaged and married and Luke wanted to stay for Jocelyn. He was worried about her being with Valentine, and couldn't bear to leave her. He loved her, and couldn't love me… so… we broke up."

"That's why Valentine threw your relationship with Luke in your face," Stephen realized.

"Exactly," Celine said. "After the breakup, Valentine wanted me to think that no one would ever love me again. I believed him, for a long time… and then you showed up. Valentine was beginning to question Luke's commitment to the Circle. He wanted a second in command who was hungry to prove himself and you fit the part perfectly."

"From the night of your Initiation, Valentine's been giving you choices, already knowing your answer. He forced you to kill a vampire because he knew you would fight for your life: after all, you had a wife and child on the way. He trained you like a dog: you killed a vampire; you woke up to a pretty girl at your bedside. Your son died and he gave you a shoulder to cry on. Your father turned his back on you and Valentine made himself someone you could look up to. You stole the Mortal Cup and I was there for you again. You felt awful for cheating on Amatis, and Valentine gave you a way out. Valentine told you to stay away from me and you did the exact opposite because it was in your very nature to disobey authority. Valentine never blackmailed you- he gave you a choice and you kept making the wrong decisions… just like me. I could have run away, but I chose to stay."

"Why?" Stephen asked.

"Because I loved Luke, and I love you," Celine said. She put her hands on his face, but Stephen pulled away. He understood that Celine was just another puppet Valentine pulled the strings for, only Celine knew what was going on and should have stopped it.

"You destroyed my marriage," Stephen whispered. "I loved her, Celine. You…"

"There are things I might never forgive myself for," Celine said. "I had good reason to stay. Before Luke died, he had a plan. The Clave would never persecute Valentine, not without evidence, and Valentine would never give them that. The Circle can only be taken down from the inside. That was Luke's plan, until he died. The reason I stayed…besides you… is that there is another group of people within the Circle, who want to see Valentine brought to justice. They're known as The Uprising, and I'm one of them."

Stephen felt his jaw drop. He thought he knew his wife, but this?

"What's the plan?" Stephen asked.

"I'm not stupid enough to tell you that. Not with you so close to Valentine," Celine said. "You're going to have to trust me, Stephen. I promise, I'll get us out of this mess. Soon enough, Valentine will pay for his sins."

Stephen couldn't explain what came next. He only knew that suddenly he had Celine down on the bed as he ripped her shirt off and pulled her pants down. Celine jerked Stephen's shirt over his head and shoved his pants off. Then there was hot skin on skin and wet tears on both of their faces. Celine held Stephen close as he pressed into her. She arched her back and raked her nails down his back, hurting him.

Stephen's focus sharpened. He saw Celine not as the girl she was, but as so much more. She was his wife, his partner in crime, his way out of the abyss he found himself in. When Stephen felt like nothing more than a pawn in some sick game, Celine was one last, desperate move that gave him hope.

Stephen kissed Celine's lips, gasping as they sobbed together. This was the first time Stephen really felt Celine beneath him as he truly recognized her as his wife. This wasn't sex, but rather something bigger.

It was over minutes later. Stephen bit Celine on the shoulder as he came and laid his head against Celine's chest as they each gave up the last of their tears. They fell asleep together and woke up later in one another's arms.

"I don't want to have a child. Not until after the Accords," Stephen said. He kissed Celine on the cheek as she curved her body against his.

"Can we run off together then?" Celine asked.

"We can go anywhere," Stephen replied. "Anywhere."

The next week was quiet. The snow began to melt and bring with it a promise of spring. Stephen and Celine played their usual roles with renewed vigor. One time, Valentine walked into a room to find Stephen with his pants around his ankles as Celine writhed, half dressed, against him. Valentine could barely contain his delight. All seemed well, that was, until, two weeks after Celine's confession, a baby began to scream and cry in the house once more.

Author's Note: Please review. I would love to hear your feedback about the events of this chapter in particular, due to what has happened. Please? Did you love the chapter? Hate it? See it coming? Please let me know. Here's a teaser:

"You went to see her, didn't you?" Celine asked. "You met her in the café and you…"