Author's Note: Some of you already know, some of you don't, so I'll formally announce that I made the incredibly rash move in starting an original story for NaNoWriMo… while still working on this story. Long story short, I could really use some encouragement, so please review! The more reviews the quicker I will update! Also, thanks to my anonymous reviewer, feel free to send more anonymous reviews, I don't mind, I just like knowing this fic is being read. Please know that I am committed to this fic, until the end. Enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. They all belong to Cassandra Clare.
Chapter 20: Secrets and Lies
Two years before Stephen came to Idris, espresso came to Idris. Of course, tea and coffee had existed there long before then, brought over from the mundane world by Shadowhunters who preferred to have a little pep in their step. Never before did the Shadowhunters have espresso, or, all of the things that could be made with espresso. Once they got hooked on lattes, cappuccinos, and macchiatos all topped with whip cream and sweet syrup, there was no going back. The Shadowhunting world was forever changed.
And so it was, four weeks after Celine's confession, that Stephen found himself sitting in the back of a coffee shop, his hands shaking and his nerves shot as he drank espresso and milk. Every night for the last two weeks brought the same torment of the screaming infant locked somewhere in the house. Every day brought Valentine's inescapable scrutiny of Stephen and Celine's lives within the walls of Fairchild Manor. It was the beginning of March, eight months before the Accords were to be signed, and Valentine's madness was coming to the surface.
Once the snow melted, Stephen went hunting twice with Valentine. One time, they had sat beside a lake for half a night before some faeries climbed out of the water. Then they attacked with no reason, killing all of the faeries, until there were no witnesses left. It was a dark time for Stephen, to know there was a way out, but that, for the greater good, he needed to stay in the Circle, keep close to Valentine, and hope that one day, he and Celine would be free.
The one thing Stephen could change was his currant living situation, which was why he had come to Alicante with Celine . Once there, Stephen sent Celine to do the grocery shopping while he went to get coffee at a nearby café.
The bell over the door chimed and a woman walked in, dressed in riding clothes. She sat down across from Stephen and took his hand. Stephen looked up into his mother's eyes as his vision clouded with sudden, unexpected tears.
"Stephen," Imogen breathed. She took in the dark circles beneath his eyes and the paleness of his skin.
"I can only sleep an hour a night. I thought everything would be okay, but now… I want to come home," Stephen said. "You have to make father let me come home."
Imogen sat back in her seat so that only her finger tips rested against Stephen's.
"Why now?" Imogen asked. "You've been out of the Academy for nine months. You had a home of your own, and then you moved to Fairchild Manor. What made you want to come home?" Stephen took a deep breath as all of the reasons why rushed through his mind. He was so dangerously close to telling his mother everything. He should have never requested they meet. He should have never asked her this one thing.
"I can't tell you," Stephen said.
"Is it Celine? Or Jocelyn?" Imogen asked. Stephen shook his head.
"Things have happened that I can't talk about, mother. I have done terrible, terrible things, you must know that. I want to tell everyone what is going on, but… I can't," Stephen said. His voice cracked and he finally broke down in tears. "I must stay the course and play the hand I've been dealt, but I really need my family right now. Please, mum, is that so much to ask?"
"I'll see what I can do," Imogen said. "That's all I can do."
Stephen left the café not long after, leaving his mother behind. Celine only knew that Stephen was meeting someone, and Stephen didn't want her to know who, not yet, anyway. He was afraid of being seen with his mother as well. At last count, the Circle was up to nearly a hundred members, and if it got back to Valentine that Stephen was meeting with Clave loyalists, the consequences could be cataclysmic. Stephen didn't want to believe that Valentine was capable of murdering Shadowhunters who got in his way, but then again, Stephen was starting to feel unsure of what Valentine was capable of.
The streets of Alicante were bustling as usual. Now that the long winter had past, everyone was eager to get out of their houses and become social once more. There were flowers blooming everywhere, and their sweet scent made Stephen sneeze again and again. He wandered down a street, looking into shop windows, admiring a set of hunting gear in one shop, oriental art work in another. When he came to the end of one street, he turned right onto another, and snaked his way down streets, moving further away from Market Square.
Stephen kept walking until he ended up beside a canal filled with fast flowing water from the spring thaw. He tossed a flower bud into the water and watched it float away, then turned around to see that he was standing in front of the canal house he and Amatis had once shared.
It looked the same as it had at this time last year, when Stephen signed his name to the deed that made the house his. It was obvious that Amatis still lived there, as she had planted flowers in the front flower boxes and even placed a large planter filled with orange flowers on the front steps. The front window facing the street was open, with curtains fluttering in the breeze. Stephen knew he could walk up to the door, right now, and knock. He only wanted to see Amatis, only to know if she was alright.
In the darkest moments of the winter, Stephen thought about Amatis. He wondered if she ever got over him, and, if she had, did she find someone else to love? Did she think about him the way he thought about her? Did she miss him? Had she believed Stephen when he said that their marriage was a mistake, or did she know that he had only said that to convince the Silent Brothers? Would she ever forgive him?
"Can I help you with something?" A man asked. Stephen jumped and turned to the man. There was something familiar about him, as if he was a neighbor Stephen talked to once or twice before. Stephen looked at the man's clothing, which was tattered and faded, and then down at his own clothing, which consisted of tailored pants, a fine black jacket with brass buttons on it, and a pair of shiny black boots so new, they rubbed blisters on Stephen's heels. Stephen didn't fit in this neighborhood, which was meant for the poorer residents of Alicante. He might have lived here for a few months, but now, he was an outsider, and therefore, suspicious.
"I'm just passing through," Stephen said. The man scowled and Stephen hurried down the street, not bothering to look back at the house.
Celine was standing in the midst of Market Square when Stephen got back. She had her arms folded, and as soon as Stephen got close, she stormed over to him.
"Where have you been?" Celine exclaimed.
"I went to meet someone, you know that," Stephen said.
"Who?" Celine asked. "We aren't going to keep secrets, remember?"
"That's pretty hypocritical coming from you. Our entire relationship has been built on secrets and lies, remember?" Stephen retorted.
"That's different," Celine said.
"Of course it is," Stephen said. He couldn't help but notice that he was adopting Valentine's passive aggressive attitude towards conflict. Valentine rolled his eyes and told Stephen what he wanted to hear in the same way that Stephen did to Celine.
Over the last few weeks Celine had become increasingly unbearable as far as her attitude was concerned. As it was, they were either ripping each other's clothes off, or trying to act happy when they were anything but.
"You went to see her, didn't you?" Celine asked. "You met her in the café and you…"
"Angel, Celine, who are you talking about?" Stephen asked. "You can't go off spouting pronouns…"
"Amatis," Celine said. Stephen felt his breath catch in his throat. Just Celine saying the name made Amatis feel real, as if he managed to forget that she was actually a part of his past, and not a marriage he merely dreamed. "You saw her, didn't you?"
"No. I haven't seen her since…" Stephen began. "I didn't go see her, alright? There's no need to. What's done is done. I divorced her, and now…"
"You see her every night in your dreams," Celine said. "Don't deny it. Just last night…"
"You're being hysterical," Stephen said, but he knew Celine was right.
On the nights Stephen could sleep, he dreamt of many awful things, of vampires and babies dying. Amatis played a role as well. Just the night before, Stephen saw himself in the Silent City with Amatis, right after their runes were sliced. Amatis turned to Stephen, covering the wound over her heart as it bled. Blood blossomed between her fingers, hemorrhaging harder and faster, while Stephen stayed rooted in one spot, unable to do anything but watch Amatis bleed to death before his eyes. He screamed and cried, but Amatis bled until she could bleed no more, and then, she died of a broken heart.
"Stephen," Celine begged. She grabbed him by the arms and shook him, breaking him out of his reverie. Stephen blinked quickly and looked down to see Celine's eyes filled with tears. "I need to know you're with me on this. There can't be any secrets between us. Now tell me the truth, did you go see her?"
"No!" Stephen exclaimed. "Just because I cheated on her with you doesn't mean I'll cheat on you with her. How am I supposed to trust you if you can't even trust me?"
"I just want to know who you went to see," Celine said. "Please, Stephen."
"I went to see my mother. I had… I needed to discuss something with her," Stephen said. He looked around at the people milling about and wished he didn't have to think about every word he said, for fear someone might over hear. "Come on, let's go." Stephen grabbed Celine by the arm and pulled her to the carriage.
They went back to the manor, unloaded groceries, and then Stephen fell into bed with Celine and woke up later when she dropped an envelope onto his face. Stephen opened the envelope and pulled out a letter written in his mother's precise handwriting.
Stephen,
Your father is unwell and requests that you come to the manor to assist with the spring foaling season.
He is sorry for disowning you, and welcomes you and your wife home with open arms.
Love always,
Mum
"What is it?" Celine asked.
"We're moving," Stephen replied, and kissed Celine on the lips.
Dinner that evening was roast beef and potatoes. Jocelyn had cooked the entire meal and was now trying to get Jonathan to eat a bowl of strained peas he was more interested in throwing about the kitchen. Valentine smiled and tried his luck while Jocelyn turned to her plate of food.
"We should get used to busy and disruptive suppers," Valentine said. Jonathan opened his mouth, obediently, and took a spoon full of peas offered by his father.
"Valentine," Jocelyn said, looking into her husband's dark eyes.
"Oh, we'll tell them. Jocelyn and I are expecting… once again," Valentine said.
"It's early, anything can happen," Jocelyn said, glancing at Stephen.
"This so exciting!" Celine said. "How far along are you? When are you due?"
"October," Jocelyn said.
"You wasted no time at all," Stephen said, nodding to Valentine, who looked convincingly sheepish.
"Yes, indeed, unlike yourself," Valentine said.
"The spirit is willing," Stephen said. He lifted his glass of wine and had a sip. "I received word from my mother this evening. My father is unwell, and my mother asks that I come home to assist with the horses. They have a few pregnant mares which are going to give birth in a few weeks."
"You're moving out?" Valentine asked. Stephen reached over and clasped Celine's hand.
"My father is unwell," Stephen said. "Being his only son, I'm concerned. Herondale Manor isn't far away, I would still be able to be at your beck and call as your second in command. I just fear that if I refuse my mother's request… she could become suspicious."
"But your father disowned you. You are dead to him," Valentine said.
"Be that as it may, my father is not dead to me," Stephen said. "My father doesn't understand unconditional love the way I do." Stephen took another sip of his wine, trying to ignore Valentine's eyes on him. Even Jonathan seemed to stare.
"Excuse me," Celine said. She put a hand over her mouth and hurried from the kitchen. Stephen watched her go.
"I think it's best you stay here," Valentine said. "You're important to my plan, Stephen. I need you here as my second in command…"
"I'll be here whenever you need me," Stephen said. "It's just that… it's been a long winter, and Celine and I have been trying so hard to have a baby. I was thinking that perhaps a change of scene just might be what Celine and I need to… you know."
"I know," Valentine said. He gave Jonathan another spoonful of strained peas, then brushed a lock of white blond hair off the baby's forehead. "I lost my father when I was 16. Not a day goes by that I wish I had more time with him. If you're going to be happy living with your parents, I can't force you to stay here."
"Thank you," Stephen said.
"You may go with my blessing," Valentine said.
After dessert, Stephen and Celine went upstairs to their bedroom. Celine fell into bed and was asleep within minutes. Stephen pulled out the journal Celine had given him, as well as a fountain pen, and began writing a letter.
On the day that Stephen and Celine moved into Herondale Manor, Marcus was suspiciously absent. Imogen made conversation with Celine while Stephen directed Robert and Michael as they carried things in. Then anyone related to the Circle was gone, and Imogen left Stephen and Celine to the business of settling in. Stephen fell into a large, soft bed and pulled Celine after him. They fell asleep fully clothed and woke up twelve hours later.
Suddenly, every bit of pressure that was present in Fairchild Manor disappeared. Stephen and Celine started to split their days between only sleep and wakefulness. They went to the occasional Circle meeting, but also spent time together. There were ample opportunities to conceive a child, but Stephen didn't want that, and when they did make love, he was careful. Celine, meanwhile, started studying in the Library and also napped often. She was changing before Stephen's very eyes, becoming less of a silly girl and more of a refined woman.
Marcus kept his distance from Stephen, making it clear that it wasn't his decision that Stephen move home. Meals were often quiet, and Marcus never spoke to Celine or Stephen unless he had to. Still, Marcus was allowing them to live under his roof, which was progress.
One night after dinner Stephen and Celine joined his parents in a parlor for drinks before bed. Celine wanted to play chess, so Stephen set up a board close to the fireplace.
"Chess is not a woman's game," Marcus said, not bothering to look up from his book.
"My wife can play whatever game she wants," Stephen said. He sat across from Celine at a table. He had taught her how to play chess on their honeymoon and yet Celine was still terrible at the game. This time, she made the first move. Stephen took one of her pawns, and then resisted taking another. Playing chess with Celine wasn't really a challenge, not the way a game between Stephen and Marcus was. It was Marcus who taught Stephen how to play, and Marcus who never once lost a game.
Celine looked over the board, then picked up her knight and moved it in an L-shaped pattern to take out one of Stephen's pawns, placing her knight in the path of his rook.
"Who taught you how to play chess?" Marcus demanded. Celine pointed to Stephen, shocked at Marcus's question. Marcus stood up, crossed the room, and looked over the board. "Angel, girl, is this a game of chess or a slaughter fest?"
"Her name is Celine," Stephen offered.
"Stand up. Move. This girl is sacrificing chess pieces like they are of no use to her," Marcus said. Stephen stood up and Marcus sat in his chair, across from Celine. "Now listen, girl, just because the knight as strident limitations doesn't mean that it can't be an integral part of the game. You can't use it to just take out pawns at will. And you must think three moves ahead at all times! Now watch…"
Stephen walked over to the couch and sat beside Imogen. Celine asked a question and Marcus answered it in his crisp tone, and then smiled to soften the blow. Celine returned the smile and paid close attention to Marcus's lesson.
"It's good to have you home," Imogen said.
"It's good to be home," Stephen said.
March turned into April as Stephen continued to live his double life. At Fairchild Manor, and, increasingly, at Wayland Manor, Stephen was the perfect second in command to Valentine, always prepared to pledge his absolute fidelity to the Circle. Whenever he went hunting with Valentine, Stephen was sure to appear ruthless. One night he stabbed a werewolf over and over again as Valentine cheered him on. When he came home that night, it was Celine who scrubbed the blood from beneath his fingernails and drew comforting runes on his skin, just to help ease his agony. At Herondale Manor, Stephen sat at every meal and pretended that everything was perfect. Every night he fell asleep with Celine in his arms as he dreamed of Amatis. The nightmares continued.
Whenever a nightmare woke Stephen up to the point that he could not sleep, he brought out his journal and pen and write another letter, quickly filling up the pages of his journal with his thoughts. He didn't dare send the letters, not yet anyway.
Stephen was writing one morning in the early, predawn light beside a window when there was a soft knock at the door. He went to the door and opened it.
"Your father wants to know if you would come down to the barn. There is a mare struggling with her labor, and your father can't deliver the foal on his own," Imogen said.
"Tell him I'll be right there," Stephen said. He dressed quickly and went out to the barn to find his father in a mare's stall. The mare's neck was covered with sweat, her body rigid with contractions, her stomach swollen to the point of bursting.
"I can only see one foot instead of two," Marcus remarked grimly. "Can you hold her head? I'm going to try to maneuver the foal to see of that helps. Otherwise…" There was always a chance that the foal could die, as well as the mother.
Stephen had been helping his father with the mares for as long as he could remember. He had been present at Nicias's birth, as well as the births of countless other foals and it was nothing for him to kneel beside the mare's head and hold her halter. Marcus did what he needed to do, and once it was done, he and Stephen moved from the stall as the mare stood up and delivered a tiny foal which then lay helpless on the stall floor. The mare worked to clean it, then nudged the tiny horse until it climbed unsteadily to its feet.
"A colt," Stephen said.
"A fine looking one at that," Marcus agreed. "Let's call him Cimon." There was a tradition in the Herondale family of naming horses after Greek military officials.
"I like that name," Stephen said. The foal attempted to trot over to his mother and instead ended up in a heap of long legs on the stall floor.
"I don't know how long you plan on staying around. It will be some time before he could be of use, but he can be yours to train. ," Marcus said.
"Of course," Stephen said. "Thank you, father."
"You're welcome," Marcus said. He lifted his hand, hesitated, and then patted Stephen on the back. "You know… I'm sorry, for how things have been between us. I want you to know that it's nice to have you beneath my roof again. I feel like you're out of trouble and where I can keep an eye on you."
"I'm glad to be back," Stephen said. He gave his father a brief smile and turned to look at the foal once more. The tiny horse was dark brown, with a stripe of white running up its face. In just a few weeks, it would be able to join the other foals out in the pasture.
Marcus rested his hand on Stephen's shoulder. Stephen didn't say anything. The last time his father had even remotely touched him was a brief hug the morning of Stephen's wedding to Amatis. Marcus wasn't big on gestures of affection.
"Your mother and I only want to see your happy, safe, and taken care of," Marcus said. "When you do things like join the Circle and marry two girls in a span of five months, we worry. Your mother and I aren't going to be around forever, but we don't want to outlive you either. Please, son, be careful with your life!"
"I'll be careful, father," Stephen said. "Don't worry, father. Everything is going to be fine."
Author's Note: I can't say much about the next chapter. It's short and to the point. Here's a teaser:
Stephen closed his eyes and opened them; all the while thinking that Jocelyn couldn't have meant what she said. She had to have been lying.
Now review! Please? In fact, if I get five reviews for this chapter, anonymous or not, i'll post the entire paragraph those sentences show up in. You guys can't have all the fun!