There Are Days Like This Too
Author: Irish Kaoru
Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form own any part of FAKE, it's characters, or the 27th Precinct (which by the way does not really exist although if I do remember correctly there is a 19th Precinct)
Chapter Three:
Early Morning Thoughts
It was early morning, most people still slumbered on lost in dreams, even the sun was still sleeping. Ryo rested his head on the window pane with a heavy sigh. Sleep was harder to come by the past few weeks. With work as stressful as it was and the depression that he was suffering from setting in fast and hard he was a man living on the edge. There was little time to spend with Dee let lone Bikky or himself. He felt like he was failing in all of his duties.
His love life was almost nonexistent. Both he and Dee were still working till all hours of the night and up again before the sun. They had become accustomed to talking about the triple homicide during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, bouncing possible motives, suspects, and witnesses back and forth. Sure there were the brief stolen kisses on the rooftop, break room, and office, the gentle caresses as they lay in bed, but they always left Ryo wanting more. Absently he ran a hand back and forth across the bandages that lined his inner arm to wrap the wounds made with a solid quick stroke.
Ryo carefully climbed out of the bed making sure that he did not disturb Dee in the process before making his way down the cold hallway and to the bathroom that was at it's end. He took a long look in the mirror and hated everything that he saw there. His face was pale with dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. His hair was unkempt from tossing and turning all night. But when he took a look at himself like this it wasn't the physical features that he hated, sure they were as unattractive as the rest of him, but what he truly saw was the things that couldn't be seen with a human eye.
When he looked at himself he saw a liar, a failure. He saw the promises to catch a victim's murderer to their family and the look of their faces when he has to explain the case was dropped. Guilt at not being able to capture every killer before they took another innocent life, a miserable human who was nothing but a waste of time, space and air.
Once again he felt the bandages underneath his shirt and for a moment Ryo's gaze was diverted from the mirror to his arm. He carefully tore off the gauze that encased his forearm. He couldn't help but laugh at the situation in which he found himself. Here he was being careful not to reopen his wounds knowing his collection was about to grow.
He couldn't help but stare the arm once it was free, Littering his arm were the gashes of past experiences, some old (back from when his parents dies) and some fresh (just made yesterday)
Silent tears began to run down his face as he thought about Bikky. He was fortunate, he was at least given the chance to see Bikky grow up, unlike the poor souls in the case that he as Dee were working.
Triple homicide. Three males ages twenty six, thirty, and fifteen. It happened about a month an a half ago, dour buildings down the street from where Dee and Ryo now lived. Not only was it close to home but it hit close to home as well. Victim number one was twenty six years old, a construction worker. His "un-legal husband" was a lawyer, one Ryo knew in passing from his many court appearances as a detective on the case. And the third Victim was their son, fifteen, no older than Bikky and even went to the same school.
All that was known about the murders was that it was not random. It was most likely someone that knew the family because there was no sign of a struggle. But that had mad it all the more confusing. All of the friends and family that knew the now deceased had alibis which meant that the two of them were overlooking something that could be very important. The only problem was that they only had until the end of the week to figure it out before the case was moved to another team or possible dropped all together.
Ryo whipped away the tears that now ran down his cheeks with impatient hands. He reached around blindly under the sink, fingers searching for the small cardboard box that held within it his salvation.
With shaky hands Ryo pulled the box out and popped open the top so that he could look inside at the contents. A small silver razor blade looked back at him, cold and uncaring about what Ryo was about to use it for.
There was new fresh gauze waiting to be used, to caress Ryo's arm as gently as a lover would. Love and hate were contained within this box, this glorious box.
A small smirk graced his lips. All fear, sadness, and loneliness he felt diapered as he removed the blade and placed it on his arm. Just the tip, its sharpest point and the part that was likely to do the most damage lay gently against his skin. The tips of his hand grasped the dulled edge tighter as he applied pressure to his arm. With a quick deft motion he drew the blade across his skin and watched as the white began to turn red.
Ryo placed the tip back at the beginning of his wound and pressed down a bit harder than he had the time before dragging it in the same path that he moved the last time, retracing the line that had already been made.
Pain filled Ryo's body as he did this. Pain and … excitement. He looked at the small river that ran down his hand to the tip of his fingers and then dripped onto the white tile he was sitting on drip, drip, drip.
It was fascinating to look at the way the dark red had a way of mixing out into the pale white that was his skin. It shimmered in the artificial light like the tears that fell from his eyes once again. It was beautiful… and ugly, ugly and repulsive because it represented everything that was wrong with his life.
He was so memorized by this that he barely heard it… the one sound that he was more afraid of than anything else…
A/N there you have chapter three. I know that some of this is repetitive but please understand that this is just the way that i was thinking when i wrote this... i think that i did mention in the author notes last chapter that i kinda just write and post (with this story at least) once again i don't agree with what Ryo is doing in this story although it is something that i have and still sometimes struggle with. But things will get better for Ryo... i think or else he will continue to be emo. We will have to see how things unfold. Is it kinda sad that i am the author and haven't the slightest clue when this story will make progress? soon i think because of this chapter.
thank you for reading but like i have said from the start of this story you can review if you want to i am not going to ask that you do.
ja
Irish Kaoru