Ah, I still can't believe the amount of reviews. And I'm so sorry I've kept you all waiting so long. It wasn't my intention, just sometimes life gets in the way! But hopefully you won't be disappointed! As much as I would like to say I know where this chapter is going, to be honest, I have no idea. So I'll just write and see how I go. I need to get into the swing of it all again!

But thank you so much for all of the supportive reviews. They are so encouraging and as tempting as it might seem when life gets hectic, I will definitely not abandon this story, I will always get round to writing a chapter eventually. :) Hope you enjoy!

Two hours had passed since JD had awoken the second time. The news of Jordan's untimely death was not a pleasant welcome back surprise, however he had to be informed.

No-one had really known how he would react. Carla had expected tears and a lot of guilt, Turk had expected anger, at both himself and Dave. Elliot hadn't known what to expect. But no-one had expected no reaction at all.

Not a word had left JD lips since Carla told him the terrible news. Even when she recounted the story of how Jordan died. He just stared straight ahead. They couldn't even tell if he was listening, it was either going straight over his head or he was soaking it up like a sponge. At this point, it was hard to tell which was the preferred scenario.

Eventually his three friends left the room deciding that perhaps a little time alone may be beneficial to JD's mental state. So, there they were in the lonely cafeteria at three in the morning, sitting in silence contemplating the week's events.

It wasn't a particularly comfortable silence. Each person felt as if they should be saying something to comfort the other, or coming up with some sort of action plan on how to work a miracle so everything could return back to the way it was before all of this happened. But obviously that wasn't possible now. Things had gone too far, too many lives had been turned upside down to find a miracle fix. So, they sat quietly instead, Elliot constantly stirring her coffee, Carla staring out of the window and Turk gazing tiredly at the floor.

Shifting slightly in his wheelchair, Turk was the first to speak.

"I just can't believe any of this." It wasn't a particularly shocking statement, but it seemed to snap Elliot and Carla out of whatever trance they were in.

Still, it took a while for either to reply.

"I know... it just feels so unreal." Elliot said quietly. "I mean, JD, of all people. I just, I... I can't understand it."

"And then Jordan" Carla added.

"I know, poor Dr. Cox. I can't imagine how he must be feeling. I mean, Jordan shouldn't have even been there. It's all my fault, I told her he was round at the apartment! How stupid could I be??"

"Elliot, you have to stop beating yourself up. You weren't exactly expecting anything like that to happen." Carla tried to comfort her friend. "Besides, it was Jordan's decision to go round in the end."

"I don't know. I just wish that I had been there, maybe I could have done something."

"No, Elliot. Stop right there." Turk had heard enough. "I don't wanna hear you say that ever again! You hear me? Consider yourself lucky you weren't there, consider yourself lucky that you didn't see what we saw! Never, ever wish that you were in the apartment that day-"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts, Elliot. I'm being serious. What we saw in there I wouldn't want my worst enemy to see. It knocks me sick to my stomach. And to think, that... that bastard got away with it. He destroyed my best friend right in front of my eyes. In our own apartment! He'll never be the same again and you wish you had been there? Just do me a favour, Elliot don't ever let me hear you say that again."

Elliot stared right back at Turk, trying to figure out whether he was genuinely annoyed at her or whether he was just devastated for his friend. After a few seconds, she realised it was the latter as he soon broke down into quiet sobs. Carla put her arm around his shoulders pulling him in close. She had never really seen Turk cry before, except after sex of course.

"Let it out, baby." She whispered into his ear.

At this his sobs grew louder as he tried to speak through his tears.

"Baby... what-if-he's... never-the-same?" He said in a broken voice.

Carla exchanged a glance with Elliot, both faces were full of sadness.

All she could say was;

"I don't know baby, I don't know."

Elliot walked in the direction of JD's room, the Janitor was stood by the Nurse's station. He looked sombre and deep in thought. The whole atmosphere within the hospital that night was completely depressing.

It seemed strange to Elliot how for the past week it only seemed to be their lives that had been affected. But now JD was awake and stable, it seemed like everyone else had suddenly felt the shock and grief of the past week too. Unless, she had been too absorbed in her own grief that she hadn't noticed anyone else's.

As she approached the Janitor she wiped the tears from her eyes, she was amazed she actually had any tears left to shed. Leaning against the station next to him she spoke softly.

"Surely you're not on a shift at this time?"

The Janitor turned to meet her gaze.

"Hm, not tonight. Sometimes, I come in anyway. Nothing else better to do I suppose. Plus, I can access everyone's files."

Elliot gave him a shocked look.

"No security."

Eyes still wide open, she gave him a nod then slightly shook her head when he wasn't looking.

"I guess you've not been to see JD then?"

"Why do you say that?" The Janitor turned, slightly curious.

"Well, you two don't exactly get along. I mean, you spend most of your time making things difficult for him. I dunno, I just assumed you didn't like him."

"Nah. It's not that. I admit, I find him annoying. But I don't dislike him."

"Well, then why do you pick on him so much?"

Sighing, the Janitor turned to look towards the young doctor's room.

"Easy target, I guess... And no, you're right, I haven't been to see him. Don't really think it's a good idea."

"Why?" Elliot furrowed her brows.

"Would you?... To me, it's just practical jokes. Fun to cure my boredom. But to him, I've probably just made things worse over the years." With that he pushed away from the station and walked off down the hall.

Elliot was going to call after him to get him to stop, but she felt a little insensitive and slightly embarrassed at the prospect of shouting 'Janitor!' down the hall. She really should have learned his name by now.

Instead, she leaned further against the counter and considered the eerie atmosphere. She found herself amazed at the effect that one person could have on so many people. It was like the whole hospital was in a state of shock and mourning. It annoyed her slightly, people were almost acting as if JD were dead. Perhaps, in their eyes he was. Maybe they had already accepted something that she could hardly even bear to think about. The death of JD as he was, his personality, his spirit.

Even thinking about that for a split second scared her enough to shake her head and rid herself of such thoughts. If he could get through it as a child, then he could get through it again now, right?

Perhaps they weren't grieving for JD at all, after all Jordan's funeral was fast approaching. That was bound to affect a lot of people. She may not have been that popular, but it's always a shock when someone you're used to seeing in daily life suddenly isn't there anymore.

But deep down, she knew that such a strong grief could not be held solely for Jordan. Seeing the Janitor made her realise that. JD had touched so many people in many different ways. He wasn't the most liked person either, in fact he got on a lot of people's nerves. But people always seemed to respond to his cheery exterior and banter. Something Elliot could never tolerate when they dated. In fact, she despised the way he was always so care free and nothing was taken seriously. She was jealous of him. Even now, she could still feel the pangs of jealousy she felt back then when she thought about their time together. She even felt jealous of the fact that he could go through so much as a child and manage to come out such a happy-go-lucky guy, when all she could do was let the negative stuff bring her down.

She started to ponder on how people would react to her in that sort of situation. Would there be the same sort of shock? Would people feel the same about her? Or would they not care?

She once again shook herself out of her thoughts. She was thinking about JD as if he had died. And how could she possibly be jealous of him at a time like this? It was crazy, she knew. But she was hardly renowned for a rational mind.

Hearing footsteps approaching down the hall she turned to find Carla practically sleep walking towards her.

"How is he?" She asked tiredly.

"Oh, I don't know. I've not been in yet. Thought I'd leave him for a bit."

Carla gave her a look which Elliot read as 'It's okay to take some time for yourself you know.'

Turning towards JD's room she went to knock on the door which had been left closed for his privacy.

"You coming in?" She turned back to Elliot.

Elliot swallowed hard.

"Um, no - Carla. You go ahead. I'll... I'll follow in a bit."

Carla continued into the dark room. JD was obviously asleep as his breathing was far too shallow for him to be awake. How he managed to get to sleep on the other hand was a mystery. He must have been exhausted. She was about to approach the bed when something caught her eye. A dark shadow in the shape of a man sat in the corner chair.

From where she was stood, she could not make out who it was.

Sheepishly she whispered to the shadow, careful not to wake up JD. After receiving no response, she approached the chair slowly. The room was so dark, whoever was in that chair had obviously closed all of the curtains and blinds to make sure it was completely black.

After what seemed like an eternity she was a couple of feet away from the chair, she gingerly reached out towards the man. Then he moved. She nearly jumped out of her skin and only just managed to stifle a scream at the sharp movement. Suddenly there was a hand wrapped around her wrist. This time she let out a quick squeal and started pounding on the hand.

"Carla."

She stopped when she heard the voice.

They sat in the staff room.

"Dr. Cox, what are you doing here?" Carla looked at her old friend's tear stained face, his eyes were bloodshot and his facial hair was growing rapidly out of control. He looked awful. She could smell the strong scent of beer, whiskey... and was that cigarettes? She couldn't help but crinkle her nose up at the aroma.

"I don't know. Thought it would help." His voice broke as he spoke.

"Dr. Cox, you need to be at home. I know you're probably worried about JD but-"

"Worried about him, Carla?" The usual strength in his voice returned. "What the hell? Jordan would still be here if it wasn't for him!"

The ease in which Cox could say those words concerned Carla. She was slightly surprised at the venom in her colleague's voice.

"Well she didn't choose to die, did she? And whose fault was it that I was at your apartment in the first place? Because it sure as hell wasn't hers! I wouldn't be worried about him anymore, Carla. I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire! If he'd just left me alone from day one, done as I said, none of this would have happened!"

Carla looked shocked.

"So you're blaming JD for all of this?! Dr. Cox, none of this was his fault!"

"Who was the one who involved me in all of his personal problems? Who was the one who ignored all of my orders to leave me alone? Who kept pushing and pushing for me to behave like a father figure? If it wasn't for him, Jordan would still be alive."

"Dr. Cox, what have you done?" Carla said quietly, gazing seriously at her friend. She didn't particularly want to hear the answer to this as she knew just by talking to Cox that he'd had a hell of a lot to drink. He was bad enough with JD when he didn't have any alcohol in his system.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Just had a little chat."

"Well, how is he sleeping?"

"He's not... he's unconscious" He said with a smirk.

Carla sprang out of her seat and rounded on Dr. Cox.

"What?!"

"He apologised, he actually had the nerve to apologise and think that it would make it all better. It wasn't even her problem, yet she dies and he lives. Where's the justice in that?"

"Dr. Cox, why is he unconscious?"

"I punched him in the face."

"Oh my god!! How could you?? He's in hospital for god's sake!" Carla quickly ran out of the room, down the halls and made her way to JD's bedside.

She switched on a light at the side of his bed and gave him a gentle shake which, thankfully seemed to bring him round. She was absolutely furious with Dr. Cox. She knew he would be grieving, but blaming JD, never mind hitting him, was inexcusable.

JD gave out a quiet moan as he came round. Carla could see a newly forming dark circle around his left eye where the previous bruising was just starting to subside. This made Carla even angrier.

"JD, are you okay?"

After another moan, JD opened his eyes to yet again see Carla.

"My Nightingale." He whispered.

Carla smiled softly at him. She knew he hated the sympathy but she couldn't help but felt sorry for him. He always seemed so young and child like, especially when he woke up.

"Dr. Cox said he came to see you."

This was her chance to find out what to expect from JD during his recovery. JD stuttered for a second.

"D-Did he?... Oh... I must have been asleep."

At this, Carla took on a complete look of disbelief. She expected him to make something up, or twist the truth a little bit. But not pretend that he hadn't seen him at all.

"But he said you had a talk."

She received no reply.

"JD?"

"JD??? Why are you ignoring me?"

Abruptly he sat up, an expression of utter agony crossed his face due to his ribs but he managed to grind out some words.

"Look Carla, I don't wanna talk about it okay?!! I'm sure you already know all of the details anyway so why the hell are you asking me?!!!!" Breathing heavily he pushed himself back down feeling another painful twinge from his ribs. He grimaced as he relaxed his muscles. He spoke again, his voice was much quieter this time.

"I realise it is my fault that everyone was dragged into this mess. If I could take Jordan's place I would. I swear to you, I would. But I can't and I'm going to live the rest of my life regretting that. But please, I just don't wanna talk about it. It'll only cause trouble that we can all do without."

JD turned his face away from Carla, and she reached to grab his hand but he quickly pulled it away.

"Please, Carla. Please just go. You've been hurt enough already... it's everyone around me, everyone I love. They have to go. Go. Please."

Worry shot across Carla's tired features, he wasn't making any sense to her.

"But JD-"

"JUST GO CARLA!"

His eyes were like nothing she'd ever seen before. So many emotions were swirling around, she saw hatred, not necessarily directed at her, she saw anger, guilt but most worryingly of all, she saw pure terror. If she was honest, his change in personality scared her. Not so much as for her own safety as for JD's. He seemed genuinely scared of himself, which scared her.

So she turned off the light and left to find the one person who could give her some answers.

A/N: Oh dear, I'm not sure whether I like this chapter or not, it turned out completely different to what I was going to do. Dr. Cox wasn't going to come in until next chapter and someone else was supposed to be in that chair originally. But I missed the Coxy. Plus I've just realised there is no first person in this!! Woops, that wasn't meant to happen. But hey, I'll wait and see what you guys think. Sorry it's not a long chapter:D