By The Bubbles
Summary- Left to his own devices, Pyro sneaks into everyone's rooms and reads their diaries.
Disclaimer- Pyro, in all his awesomeness, is the property of Stan Lee, whose shoes I am not worthy to tie the laces of. 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights' is the property of unbelievably funny Mel Brooks, and 'The Wizard of Oz' is the creation of L. Frank Baum.
A/N- This chapter looks at Piotr's diary, and I should probably go ahead and warn you that there'll be some O/C'ness in this chapter. It's nothing major, just something I've had in mind for a while that would be the first thing I would do if I ever met Pitey. Oh, and to Author376- Nope, sorry, I support Lancitty over Kiotr… Though I could probably work some in since you asked nicely… hmmm… (wanders off to plot)
Snap- (Hijacks author's note) Waahaaa! Not only will there be Kiotr, which is so much cooler than Lancitty, there will be Mygneto! Or, whatever it's supposed to be called.
Bubbles- (Tackles) There will be no Mygneto, vous singe stupide! No one who did the Squelchy with Sabretooth deserves someone as great as Magneto!
Snap- Are you absolutely sure you aren't a fangirl?
Bubbles- There is a difference between Fan Girling and Fangirling.
(o.o.o)
//Denotes thought//
(o.o.o)
Chapter 2- If You Only Had a Brain, We Wouldn't Be Here(o.o.o)
He crossed the hall sulkily, depressed at the thought that he was the only thing standing between Gambit and happiness. Distracted, he wandered into Piotr's room by mistake, and was about to turn and go to his own when something on the nightstand caught his eye.
It was Piotr's diary. His face split into a wide grin.
"I'll bet Pitey appreciates me!" He said happily, and settled down to read.
(o.o.o)
Sometimes I wonder exactly what it was that made Magneto chose to bring Pyro into our little group. Not that I don't like him, it is only that he tends to get in the way at times. Take today for instance. It began as any other day, with Pyro prodding me in the side in order to wake me, which is part of his daily routine.
(o.o.o)
"All right, John, I am up, you can stop prodding me."
Pyro obeyed. "Oh good, you're finally awake!" He said cheerfully, as if he had not woken him up. "Can you do me a favor and drive me somewhere?"
Piotr shook his head and began getting dressed. "I have other plans. Why can you not drive yourself?"
Pyro crossed his arms and sulked. "Because me car's still in the shop."
"Da, I forgot."
Pyro's car had been totaled some few days before, in an incident involving, as Pyro described it, a large hairy Canadian, a tree, and Gambit.
He made his way downstairs, Pyro trailing behind them. In the living room, Gambit was lounging on the couch reading a very battered copy of The Straight Dope. Sabretooth was sitting in the recliner with his legs dangling over the side, filing his claws.
"Can't ya please take me, Pitey? I don't have any way to get there, otherwise."
"Can you not get Gambit to take you?"
Gambit peered over the top of his book.
"Gambit can't go anywhere, homme en métal, he is waiting for a call."
Pyro sat down in the remaining couch space. "Are you still waiting for that stripey Sheila to call? Give it up, mate, it's been three days already!"
Piotr rolled his eyes. Gambit had given the girl Rogue their phone number when he stayed at the mansion a few days back, and had been waiting by the phone for her to call since then.
"Where is it you want me to take you, Pyro?" Colossus asked.
Pyro grinned and dug something out of his pocket. It was a flier, colorful and vibrant, with big block letters and cluttered pictures that suggested that, like Pyro, the person who made the flier went wild when put in front of the computer. Though it was cluttered, Piotr was able to get the gist- the local theatre was holding auditions today for the upcoming production of The Wizard of Oz.
"I was gonna take me ownself to th' auditions, but then someone," here he looked pointedly at Gambit, "Went and totaled me car."
"Don't blame me, mon ami. Gambit was not de one to damage de car, it was dat big hairy Canadian."
"Well… ok," Pyro conceded. "I'll give you that one." He turned back to Colossus. "Please won't ya' take me, Pitey? Pretty please with a bowl of pudding on top?"
Colossus looked at the puppy look that Pyro was giving him and sighed. He could not refuse Pyro and he knew it.
"All right, Pyro, I will take you."
"Hoorah!"
Pyro dashed from the room, presumably to grab his things, and returned barely a moment later with a backpack slung over his shoulders and the flier still clutched in his hand.
"We can stop by the manor after the tryouts are over so I can tell Nighty that I got the part of the Scarecrow," he said with a smile.
At this statement, Sabretooth snorted. Even Piotr had to suppress a smile- Pyro, with his tendency to not think things through all the way, was perfect for the part of one with no brain. Gambit was laughing as well, and put his book down to join them. Pyro elbowed him.
"Decided ta join us since we're stoppin' by Mutant Manor, huh?"
Gambit lunged for his throat but missed when Pyro sidestepped, then chased him all the way to Piotr's minivan.
"Shotgun!" Pyro yelled, and jumped through the window to the passenger side seat. However, he didn't make it and ended up hanging half-in, half-out of the window. He kicked his legs, trying to get all the way in. Pitying him, Piotr grabbed one leg and tipped him the rest of the way in. By the time he made it to the driver's side, Pyro had managed to right himself and was clicking into his seatbelt. Gambit climbed much more gracefully into the backseat, and at the last second Mastermind joined them, muttering something about needing a ride into town.
Piotr waited a moment in case Sabretooth wanted to come. The feral Canadian was leaning on the doorframe watching them, because there was nothing on TV and he'd finished filing his nails. Gambit leaned out the window.
"If mah Chere calls, tell her Gambit come see her later. Can you do that, mon ami?"
"I might," Sabretooth called back. "If I remember it that is."
He sneered at this, suggesting that perhaps if Rogue did actually call, he would tell her that Gambit had left to see some girl. Gambit glared, but didn't feel like pushing the matter, so he pulled his head back through the window and let it back up.
As they rode to town, Pyro twisted around in his seat to look at Mastermind.
"Say, Jason, since when do you go anywhere with us?"
Mastermind fixed Pyro with a loathing stare.
"Not that it's any of your business," he said, "but if you must know, I have some things in Bayville which require my attention."
"Where am I dropping you, Jason?" Piotr asked, guiding the van smoothly from the interstate to the main road in Bayville.
"Here's fine."
Piotr nodded and pulled the van over to the side of the road. Mastermind climbed out. He fixed Piotr with his uncomforting stare.
"There is no need for you to pick me up, metal man. I will call Lord Magneto when it is time to return home."
Piotr nodded, uncomfortable under the telepath's stare, and drove off.
"Crikey," Pyro said with a shudder. "That bloke gives me the willies. Why does the boss keep him around?"
"Because, my Australian friend, unlike us, he actually works."
It was true. For the most part, the Acolytes went about their lives business as usual. They went out, they stayed in, they read books and watched TV and ate, they trained occasionally when they felt like it, and they spent a good deal of time arguing with or about each other. Once in a while, Magneto would show up with a mission for them, and they would do it, but as to actual work (not counting their chores around the base), Mastermind was the only one who did any. So, despite the fact that he gave every single one of them, including Magneto, the willies, he stuck around.
Why he chose to, considering his meek salary, was a mystery in and of itself.
(o.o.o)
After they dropped Gambit at the Institute, and promised to pick him up before they left, Colossus drove the rest of the way to the theatre. When they were about a block away, Pyro made the metal man stop. Once they had, Pyro jumped into the back seat and pulled the contents out of his backpack. From what Colossus could see, they were clothes, though Piotr could not understand why he was changing into them.
Then he jumped out of the van into the sun, and he understood all too well.
Pyro was wearing a scarecrow costume. He had on a flannel orange shirt (some things don't change) under a pair of overalls far too large for him. Poking out of every available opening on the outfit was straw, and Piotr wanted to ask if it was scratching his feet, for he was barefooted. A floppy gardening hat had been placed atop his head, and more straw had been stuck into his orange-blonde hair. He had painted his face a burlap brown and put more paint around his eyes and mouth, making it seem as if his mouth had been stitched on.
Once he had adjusted the costume to his liking, he took off down the street to the theatre. The straw of his costume crackled and rattled as he walked. Piotr followed, trying desperately not to look as if he belonged with this strange person.
In the theatre, Piotr realized that he would look less out of place if he was in some kind of costume, and not having the foresight to bring one, he went for the only option left to him. He turned his skin into the metal armor that made it impossible for him to leave Magneto, and became the Neo-Tinman (Neo-Tinman is the name two other auditioners gave him, because of his clothes and woodcutter's build.)
Pyro ran over to sign up for the part he wanted to play, and Colossus sat down in the back row, hoping to avoid notice.
No such luck.
"Bonzaiiii!"
Before Piotr could react, a being that might have been Human and might have been female- it was rather hard to tell given the current situation- landed on his shoulders and wrapped a pair of legs tightly around his neck. Something clanked on his forehead, and the possibly female being leapt from his shoulders and onto the ground. He turned around to see a teenage girl with bushy auburn hair, green eyes, a cute little up-turned nose, and a short doggy tail that was currently wagging furiously.
"I'm Ace!" she said happily. He blinked.
"Um, Colossus. Um, why did you put a magnet on my head?"
For indeed she had. The item on his forehead was a cheesy refrigerator magnet that read, 'In the beginning there was darkness. Then God made a pot of coffee and got to work.' Piotr removed it from his forehead and handed it back to her.
"I couldn't resist!" She said cheerfully. "You were sitting there all metal and such and I just couldn't resist!" She turned her head slightly sideways. "Has anyone ever gotten their tongue stuck to you in winter?"
He just stared at her like she had sprouted gills or something, because he didn't understand the reference, but John, who had rejoined him in the commotion, grinned broadly- he got it.
"That would be wild, mate! Y'd be walkin' around with a person stuck to ya, and they'd be all, 'Hey, lemme go!' and you'd be all, 'But I can't!' and then they'd be all, 'Call the Fire Brigade!' and then they'd have to chop off the person's tongue with those axes they use to chop up more firewood!"
Pyro, it would appear, is not only clueless as to the exact job of firefighters, but he also did not appear to understand what was done during that particular scene in the movie.
Before they could get any farther than Pyro's rant, another being with white hair and blue skin tackled the dog girl from behind.
"I take my eyes off of you for two minutes and you run off to terrorize these nice, erm, people!" she called, wrestling Ace to the ground. Ace, of course, protested.
"No! I can't go yet! I have to lick him and find out if it sticks!"
"It's 112 degrees outside, even I'm hot; you're not sticking to anything!"
At this revelation, Ace stopped struggling. "S' cold in here," she said sullenly.
"Ugh." The other girl gave a sigh of disgust and led her friend away. "We've things to do. Now come on before I fire you."
"But Spa-ade!" Ace whined, only to have Spade silence her with a look. She pouted and followed reluctantly.
They both stood staring at the place where the girls had been only moments ago, Piotr digesting what had just happened. Pyro was casting ever lengthening sidelong glances at Piotr's metal skin. Finally, when he could no longer resist, he leaned over and licked the metal man.
"Gack! Bleh, blimey, that tastes horrible. Y'ever wash, mate?"
(o.o.o)
It was almost an hour before Pyro's audition, and by that time, Gambit had joined them. He slid nonchalantly into the seat beside theirs, muttering in broken English about hairy Canadians. Colossus grinned, but Pyro ignored him. He had been going over his tryout piece until about ten minutes before, when he had fallen silent and begun staring at the door in an almost contemplative pose.
At first, Gambit had looked curiously at their oft-hyper companion, then seemed to decide he didn't really care.
After Gambit had been there for about five minutes, a voice called over the intercom.
"John Allerdyce, you're next."
Pyro got up stiffly and made his way down to the audition room. Gambit and Colossus exchanged looks and followed him.
In the room, they saw Pyro standing on the stage, waiting for the order to begin. The two girls from before, Ace and Spade, were sitting at the front seats in the audience. Spade had a pencil writing of it's own free will on a notebook in front of her. While she wrote, Ace climbed on stage and began examining him at all angles.
"I like 'is costume, Spade. He looks like he put a lot of time into it." Her tail began wagging furiously when she looked at the paint on his face. "He even got the ears uneven and one eye bigger than the other, just like it says in the book!"
"That's definitely a plus," Spade replied. She finished what she was writing and her pencil disappeared. "Ok, Acey, come down so he can perform his piece."
"Righty-ho!" She said cheerfully, and hopped down off of the stage.
John waited until she was seated before taking a deep breath and beginning his piece.
"I am a scarecrow," he said, "And I am the smartest scarecrow you will ever meet. If you will bear with me for but a few minutes, I will tell you how it is that this came to be."
Colossus was enthralled. Pyro used the stage like a pro; he told of the scarecrows adventures so well that for a moment, Piotr had to remind himself that he was watching Pyro and not the actual scarecrow.
"He gonna get de part," Gambit whispered to him. "Dere's no way anybody else do bedda dan dat."
When he'd finally finished his monologue, the two girls began conversing in loud voices about whether to give him the part. Ace, it seemed, was all for the idea, while Spade was still skeptical.
"I like 'im," Ace said happily.
"I dunno…"
"Aw, come one, he was great!"
"You only like him because he's cute. And Australian."
"And cute."
"I already said that."
"I felt the need to reiterate the point."
"Excusez-moi, fille," Gambit said as he and Piotr went down to the steps where the girls were talking, "But what exactly is it about Gambit's friend dat you t'ink is so wrong fo' yo' li'l play?"
"It's not that he's not good!" Spade said swiftly, catching a bit more of the Cajun's charm than he'd intended. She got woozy and sat back down. "It's just that he might be… too good."
"How can you be too good?" Piotr asked. "Aren't you supposed to get the best actors available?"
"Well, yes, normally," Spade conceded. "But you see, this is a community theatre. The actors here are just normal people. They're good, but not that good. Someone like John here would only make them seem worse by comparison."
"Yeah," Ace added with a snort. "Not like this is Twelfth Century Fox or something."
Pyro grinned rabidly, and they could already see where this was going.
"Cause, cause if it was, there'd be men in tights."
Spade buried her face in her hands and moaned. "Great, you had to say it, didn't you?"
Pyro was delighted to find someone who threw Men in Tights references into everyday life. The two linked arms and began singing.
"We're men… we're men in tights…"
They were dancing too, with the complete choreography from the movie.
"Dieu ont la pitié, il est Pyro en tant que fille" Gambit said quietly, at the same time that Spade said,
"Oh your God, it's Ace in male form."(1)
They watched, somewhere between horror and fascination, as Pyro and Ace performed an impromptu rendition of the song. Spade was the first to snap out of her revelry. She rounded them.
"Get him out of here," she ordered. "It's bad enough that I have to put up with Ace always quoting that movie, I don't need him to encourage her."
Pyro had just begun to sing a new song when Piotr grabbed him.
"The night is young and you're so beauti-ack! Hey!"
He struggled a bit, and Piotr tucked him under his arms. He carted the small Aussie toward the exit, and Gambit followed with a flirty wave at the director and producer.
Without Pyro to sing with, Ace had taken to quoting the movie from the beginning. The last thing Piotr heard as he left was the resounding ThudThudThud of Spade pounding her head on the wall and Ace saying,
"I am Ahsneeze, father of Ah-Choo."(2)
(o.o.o)
"Dose fille's were weird," Gambit said, once they were away from the theatre.
Piotr put Pyro down, and between the three of them they managed to get him out of his costume- a task made all the more difficult by the fact that he was trying not to lose the hay that had previously been stuffed into his clothes and hair.
"Let's go ta th' manor!" Pyro said cheerfully.
Since Gambit agreed, Piotr was outnumbered, and agreed. At the manor, Gambit went to bother Rogue, and Pyro wandered off to find Nightcrawler and presumably resume their windows-door debate. Colossus, having never actually been in the manor, was left to stand awkwardly in the front hallway, which he proceeded to do with much foot shuffling; that is, until Shadowcat walked into him.
Actually, walked through him was much more accurate description of what she did. The feeling was quite unnerving, and he looked down curiously at the young girl now pulling herself through his body.
"Like, sorry," she mumbled. "I'm not used to people standing in front of the door when I walk through it."
Piotr couldn't help thinking that this girl would probably make an interesting addition to Pyro's windows/doors debate.
"I'm Kitty."
"Da, I know."
They'd met once, when Gambit had his license revoked and needed Piotr to drive him to the school so he could harass Rogue. He'd thought at the time that she was very pretty. She slapped her forehead.
"Like, duh, Kitty! I remember you now, you're Peter!"
"Piotr, actually."
"Oh, sorry." She made a face and tried to pronounce his name. "Pee-o-ter. Did I get it right?"
He shrugged. "Close enough."
She was about to say something else when a voice sounded inside their heads.
//Kitty, could you please bring your new friend to my office?//
"Like, sure Professor." She grabbed his hand. "C'mon, I'll take you on the express route."
She dragged him off towards the wall, and he suddenly felt the odd numbing sensation that he would later identify as going intangible. She pulled him out on the other side of the wall, and there was a yelp. Piotr only saw a flash of several people jumping out of the way before he was pulled through the next wall. One girl with a distinct Scottish lilt to her voice yelled something about honking before she phased.
The next room had only two occupants, but since said occupants were sitting very close together, Piotr got the distinct impression that they wanted to be alone, and was quite glad when Kitty pulled him into the next room, which was blessedly empty.
And then they were in an office, standing in front of a desk occupied by a bald man in a wheel chair. Piotr relaxed as the feeling returned to his body, but tensed up immediately when he felt the man scrutinizing him. He felt uncomfortable under this man's gaze, and was glad when he turned to the impromptu messenger girl.
"Thank you, Kitty, though judging by Piotr's face I'd say he would have preferred for you to use the doors like other people."
"It was a bit unnerving, da," Piotr said. He wasn't going to bother asking how the Professor had known his name. He probably really didn't want to know.
"Piotr, I spoke to your friends a few days ago, and now I would like to extend to you the same invitation to join the X-Men." His eyes twinkled. "Unless perhaps you think that we don't have enough fun? I'm sure Logan wouldn't mind remedying that."
"No thank you, Professor," Piotr replied. "I would very much like to join someday, but at the moment there is too much else that I must do. Besides," he added with a laugh, "I would be useless to you against Magneto. Metal skin, you know."
"I understand." Piotr arched an eyebrow, wondering how much the man really did understand. "Nonetheless, the offer, as well as our front door, is always open to you."
"That is good to know, Professor, though if Kitty is present I doubt very much that I will need a door."
Kitty wrinkled her nose at this jab, and then grabbed his hand and led him to the door. Xavier stopped them.
"One more thing, I would like to invite you and your friends to stay for dinner."
Kitty turned to him hopefully.
"Oh, that would be like, so great! Whaddya say, Piotr?"
Colossus looked at the hopeful look on her face and smiled.
"All right, Kisa, I will stay. However, I do not speak for my comrades."
"Yes, I understand. Why don't you go ask them? You will find Gambit in the library with Rogue and Logan. Pyro is down by the pool with Kurt, discussing, if I'm reading correctly, doors and windows."
Piotr rolled his eyes and took his leave. He was all the way down the hall before he realized that he had absolutely no idea where the library was. The pool would likely be located outside, but he had no idea where the exit was and so was left looking around in the hope that a sign would appear suddenly and point him to the library.
He didn't have to wait long. Kitty poked her head through the wall beside him.
"Need help finding the library?"
"Yes, please. Though, can we take the conventional route this time?"
(o.o.o)
When Xavier had said that Gambit was with Rogue and Logan, Piotr had assumed that they just happened to be together. When he arrived in the library, he found that he'd been far from correct in his assumptions. Gambit was with Rogue and Logan, all right, but they weren't hanging out in the conventional sense. It was more like Gambit was trying to get Rogue to join him for a weekend in Paris, and Logan was hovering with his claws out and looking generally menacing. Gambit didn't even have the option of throwing in random French to get Logan off of his scent, because not only did Rogue not speak French, but Logan very probably did.
They caught the tail end of the conversation as they came in.
"What y' say, Chere? We fly t' Monte Carlo, we eat nice, lie on de beach…" (3)
Logan waved his claws in Gambit's face.
"Rogue ain't goin' nowhere with one of Magneto's men, Gumbo."
Gambit scowled.
"Y'know, we ain't exactly enemies no more, fuzzball."
"You're gonna be my enemy soon, ya call me fuzzball again."
"You jus' name de time and de place." He grabbed a card from his pocket and charged it, just to show his point.
"Gambit! You cannot be fighting with these nice people. We are guests in their home!"
Gambit wrinkled his nose in disgust. He tossed the card into the air, and it disappeared in a small explosion.
"You're just lucky Colossus was here to stop me."
Wolverine growled.
"I don' see 'im holding ya back, Cajun. Maybe we go somewhere that ain't in the house, an' see if maybe he can stop you then." The tone of his voice was mocking. Colossus could tell he was still sore about whatever Gambit had done to the obstacle course earlier that week.
"Anytime, Minou."(4)
Wolverine snarled and tried to tackle him, but Rogue yanked him out of the way just in time. He smirked at her.
"Gambit can' help but notice dat you save him, Chere. Maybe it mean you like me, non?"
He grinned suavely, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Piotr was amazed at the intensity of Gambit's one-track mind. Even with a large hairy Canadian practically at his throat, he couldn't manage to stop flirting for more than a few minutes. Piotr shook his head. Gambit might very well be on the verge of death, and he was still trying to plan a weekend away with Rogue!
"Huh, as if. Ah just don' wanna have ta clean up tha bloodstains when Wolverine goes Jack tha Rippa on yo' Cajun butt." She turned away with a huff. "But as far as Ah'm concerned, whatever he does to ya' outside is no less than what ya' deserve."
"Heheheh…" Wolverine cracked his knuckles. "I'm gonna enjoy wipin' the floor with you, Swamp Trash. Unless you're afraid, let's go to the Danger Room. We won't get any interruption there."
He turned and left, not even bothering to find out if Remy was following him. Gambit took Rogue's hand and kissed it.
"Don't worry, Chere, Gambit beat Wolverine den come back. We plan our weekend away den, ok?"
He winked and followed Wolverine to the Danger Room. Piotr grabbed him as he passed by.
"What you want, Colossus? Gambit just answering a challenge."
"I do not care what you do, Gambit," Colossus said. "I merely came in to tell you that we have been invited to dinner. Do you plan to stay?"
Gambit looked over his shoulder at Rogue, who had returned to her book now that she no longer had the two men to distract her. He grinned.
"Gambit got no problem wit' staying. We leave after dinner, den."
And with that, he walked out of the library.
(o.o.o)
Colossus didn't bother going with Gambit to see his fight with Wolverine. Instead, he asked Kitty to take him to the pool, so that he could inform Pyro of their dinner plans. He was there with Kurt, playing a one-on-one game of volleyball while they continued their discussion.
Their conversation had long since left any semblance of the original argument. From what Piotr could make out as they came up, they had ceased to talk about windows and doors and were now trying to decide on whether or not monkeys had feet or hands.
"I'm tellin' ya, my fuzzy blue mate, they are feet. When standing on two limbs, they always use the hindmost ones, same as any primate, so that would make them feet."
"But zey have thumbs, Pyro. That makes them hands."
"They aren't thumbs, they're opposable big toes!"
"Do you hear yourself when you talk? They are identical to their hands. If they are feet, then so are their hands!"
"Your feet look like your hands. Does that mean you eat with your feet, or that you walk on your hands?"
"Vat?" He looked at his hands, then at his feet. "Zey don't look exactly alike."
Piotr cleared his throat to get their attention. Knowing Pyro, their debate would last for some time (then switch into another completely unrelated topic), and he didn't have time. He wanted to see the rest of the mansion before dinner.
Pyro looked at Piotr, and in his distraction, let the volleyball fly past him, where it hit a blonde boy in the chest and knocked him backwards into the pool. He struggled for a minute before surfacing, and threw the ball back to them.
Several students in and around the pool began laughing at his expense, and a redhead that Colossus recognized from earlier reached out a hand to help him out. He took her hand before winking at her and yanking her into the pool after him. Yelling obscenities with a distinct Scottish accent, she shoved the blonde boy under the water, to which he of course retaliated.
Once he had resurfaced, he splashed her, but she ducked and the water hit a brunette boy. At the force of the water hitting him, the boy split into two, and both boys threw an incredible amount of water at the blonde boy. The blonde boy dropped into the water, and a second brunette boy froze the water before it had a chance to hit him.
The water sloshing around the mini-iceberg in the pool hit a blonde girl sunbathing on a float in the middle of the pool. Without even opening her eyes, she lobbed a glowing ball in the ice boy's general direction. He dodged it, and it landed between two other girls. They shrieked and ran away from the ball, which exploded in a small boom.
A tall boy with spiky orange bangs laughed at the two, and one of them shot an array of sparks in his direction. He ducked, and laughed.
By now, a simple splash fight had become a mutant free-for-all. The students were using their various powers to throw or dodge the water. One boy used fire from his hands to evaporate the water. Another boy kept freezing the water before it touched him. The boy with clones was quite literally everywhere, fighting the others and his clones.
Pyro hung back, not interested in anything that had to do with water. He pulled Piotr with him.
"So what's up, mate? It's not time to leave yet, is it?"
"No, John, it isn't. Actually, we have been invited to dinner. I thought to go ahead and tell you."
"All right! So what are you gonna do till then?"
"Kitty has agreed to show me the grounds," Piotr explained. "I am going to go now. I will see you at dinner, my friend."
"Kay, bye!" Pyro waved as Piotr followed Kitty away from the pool, then left to find some new way of amusing himself until his friends ceased throwing water around.
(o.o.o)
"And this is like, Kurt's room."
Kitty had taken her tour-guide job seriously, and was currently pointing out each and every room in the dorms, along with a brief description of its occupant.
"Kurt is the fuzzy blue one who argues with Pyro, da?"
"Right! Now, moving on, this is Cyclops's room. He's our 'fearless leader.' Personally, I think that sometimes he's got a stick wedged up his nether regions."
Piotr smiled at this thought- he had heard similar things from the Brotherhood, who loved to badmouth various members of the X-Men- namely, the leaders. He put a hand on her shoulder.
"Perhaps, Kitty, you should show me something other than the dorms. Like the rec room."
"Okay, like, right this way!"
The only occupants of the rec room were Storm and Beast. Storm was watching TV while Beast hung upside down from the ceiling reading a book.
"Are you, like, up for a game of pool, Piotr?" Kitty tossed a pool cue at the Russian. "I may not be as good as Rogue or Sam, but I can beat Bobby, so that's gotta count for something. Are you any good?"
"I have… played… before," Piotr answered with a secretive smile.
In truth, he had played. Gambit organized a pool tournament at least every other week. However, saying that he played well was another story entirely- though, that probably had more to do with the fact that none of the other Acolytes ever played by the rules. Gambit often charged the tip of the cue, Pyro hit any ball that got in his way, and Sabretooth just plain cheated. The winner was usually the one who cheated the most, and Piotr was too honest to cheat.
But Kitty was an X-Man. She would be honest. Perhaps now he could test his skill against someone who played fair.
(o.o.o)
"Not fair, Kisa," Colossus said. Kitty had made the cue intangible, allowing it to pass through the ball blocking her angle to the cue ball- a trap he had set up to force her to scratch. Beast chuckled.
"I don't think you realized when you agreed to the game that the students at the school find it perfectly acceptable to use powers while playing. In fact, they are encouraged to find creative ways to use their powers to assist them."
"You aren't surprised, are you?" Storm asked. "Surely someone who goes by the name Gambit and uses playing cards as weapons doesn't play by the rules?"
"All of my comrades cheat," Piotr explained. "I simply expected an X-Man to be honest enough not to."
"I didn't cheat," Kitty said. "It's like, totally in the rules to use your powers. Professor X even said that it was okay. And it's not like I have an unfair advantage, because you have mutant abilities too."
"I think I am beginning to understand," Piotr said. "But how am I to use metal armor to help me play pool?"
"That is for you to discover," Storm said. "Until then, you will have to rely on skill alone."
"Sucks to be you, huh, Mon Ami?" Gambit was standing in the doorway with Wolverine, who was supporting him. "But maybe you find somet'ing before our next tournament."
He looked pretty battered, but oddly satisfied. McCoy jumped up in alarm.
"Good Lord, Logan, what did you do to him?"
Wolverine grinned. "Nothin' that he didn't do right back." He transferred Gambit's arm to Beast's shoulder. "Cajun knows how to fight. Gave back everything I threw at him and then some."
Beast sighed. "Come with me to the infirmary, Remy. I will patch you up." Gambit followed, muttering about ending up there every time he visited the Institute.
Logan laughed and flopped down on the couch, propping his feet up on Storm's lap. She frowned at him and shoved his feet onto the floor.
"You could have killed the boy, Wolverine. Are you still that upset that he beat your obstacle course?"
"Oh, please, Storm, I'm over that. I fought him 'cause he was badmouthin' me. And I didn't have any intention of beatin' him so badly. I was just gonna rough him up a bit. He's the one who made me bring my a-game."
He started telling Storm all about their session in the Danger Room, with much gesticulating. Kitty rolled her eyes and dragged Piotr out of the room.
"Come on, let's go."
"Where to, Kisa?"
"To the kitchen. It's Rogue's turn to cook dinner, and I want to see if she'll let me help."
(o.o.o)
They found Rogue in the kitchen, mixing something in a large bowl and barking orders at Tabitha and Jamie. She spotted Kitty and Piotr in the doorway.
"Hand me that carton of eggs, Jamie. Kitty, if ya think you're gonna come in here and help, think again. Ah'm still recovering from tha last time someone let you near tha kitchen."
Kitty threw up her hands in surrender.
"Like, relax, Rogue. I just wanted to remind you that Piotr and his friends are here for dinner."
Rogue scowled. "Ya mean Logan didn't manage ta kill that Swamp Rat?"
"No, he like, did really well! Mr. Logan said that he had to use his a-game."
"No foolin, huh? Well, I hope he don't think he's gonna use Logan ta get ta me." She huffed and turned away in time to see Jamie and Tabby trying to sneak out. "Hey, get back here you two! You're supposed ta be helpin' me!"
Kitty and Piotr left while she was yelling at them, not willing to spend any more time around her than necessary.
(o.o.o)
Gambit had recovered by dinner. He sauntered into the dining room, charm radiating from every pore on his body.
//He probably heard that it was Rogue's turn to cook dinner.// Piotr snorted. //Though he could just be feeling particularly arrogant because he did well against Wolverine.//
"Like, what's with him?" Kitty asked. "I mean, he knows he can't get anywhere with Rogue, she's like, totally untouchable!"
Piotr arched an eyebrow. "You think that Gambit is only interested in a physical relationship?"
"Isn't he?" Kitty looked shocked at the idea that someone who flirted so often would be after anything else.
Piotr shrugged. "It is hard to tell with Gambit. It is possible that he hopes to be on her good side when she gains control of her powers. It is also possible that he simply finds her a challenge, since she so often rejects him. Or maybe he is drawn to her emotionally. Gambit is a mystery when it comes to women. I will say this though, in the time that I have known him, he has never taken such interest in anyone like he has with your friend."
Kitty looked over to Gambit with new respect. "So, he may be like, in love with her?"
"Possibly."
"Whoa. Kurt's not gonna like this."
(o.o.o)
Dinner was an amusing affair. Piotr had long since grown accustomed to the X-Men using their powers willy-nilly all the time, and was therefore not in the least bit surprised when a plate of dinner rolls levitated past him, or when Kurt appeared beside him in a puff of smoke, grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes, and teleported back to his seat. He was unfazed when Jamie produced a clone to pass the peas, and when Storm called up a wind to blow the roast her way, he simply ducked.
Yup, a normal dinner at mutant manor.
After dinner, most of the students hung out in the rec room, trying to kill as much time as they could before Logan or Storm sent them up to their rooms. That's why most of the manor was present when the front door flew open and Magneto floated into the room in all his purple caped glory.
Logan jumped at the master of magnetism, but Magneto simply waved his hand and Logan found himself stuck to the wall. He struggled a bit, trying to get free.
"I come home from a hard day of taking over the world hoping to sit down to a nice supper cooked by my Cajun manservant, only to have that hairball I keep around for God-knows-what-reason tell me that he's at the home of my sworn adversary, as are my other two lackeys! You three have spent more time with the X-Men lately than with your own team! What do you have to say for yourself? Well?"
"Erik, how nice to see you." Xavier rolled into the room, not at all surprised to see one of his staff stuck to the wall and his enemy hovering in the front hallway. "You should have come sooner, you could have joined us for dinner."
"Ah, Charles." Magneto hovered over to him. "So is this your plan? Get friendly with my Acolytes and then steal them?"
"I have no intention of stealing your Acolytes, Magnus. I simply wish to have our pupils on friendly terms. We are not exactly enemies anymore, Erik. It seems to be working well, isn't that right, Kitty?"
Kitty jumped, startled at being pulled into the conversation.
"Yeah, like, totally! Me and Piotr have been like, hanging out all day. We're good friends now. And like, Mr. Logan is impressed with Gambit, and Pyro gets along with Kurt just like they've always been friends."
Magneto stared at her, deciphering her speech into plain English. He smiled.
"Be that as it may, what am I to do about dinner? Gambit knows to leave a note on the fridge if he's going to be gone long."
"But Boss, Gambit have no idea he gonna end up staying for dinner. It was sudden."
Magneto might have glared at them, and he might have scowled, but his helmet made it difficult to tell. Nonetheless, he turned swiftly, swishing his cape as he did.
"I take my leave of you Charles. Come along, Acolytes. We have to get home. I left Sabretooth alone and if we don't put out his milk bowl he may starve to death."
They followed him out the door, not willing to disobey. Just before the door closed, they heard a thud as a laughing Wolverine fell from the wall.
(o.o.o)
Pyro told me before bed tonight that he only tried out for the play because he wanted to see if he could. It amuses me that he might put that much work into something that he was only doing out of curiosity. Ah well. I was planning to spend the day looking for my family, but spending it with my friends was just as good.
(o.o.o)
Pyro dropped the diary onto the dresser and darted down the hall to Sabretooth's room.
"I probably shouldn't do this. Sabby's gonna kill me when he finds out I've been anywhere near his room. But I gotta know if he blames me for anything bad about his life like Gambit and Colossus do. I don't want my buddies to think they could be happier without me!"
Sabretooth's room took some time to break into. If Magneto was paranoid about having a thief in the house, it was nothing to how Sabretooth felt. He had about eight locks, not counting the two that had come with the door. Pyro managed to pick all of them, and pushed the door open to the cleanest room in the entire base.
Pyro took even longer to find the wild man's diary. Sabretooth kept his room neat, but that didn't change the fact that he had lots of hiding places in his room. He finally found it attached to the inside of a lampshade, and settled down on the floor to read.
(o.o.o)
Author's Note- Hey, whaddya know, I can write Kiotr!
Snap- Then you can write Mygneto, too.
Bubbles- No! Anyway, what did you lot think of Ace and Spade? I need to know so I can decide whether or not to use them in the sequel, where they'll have bigger parts. The story is just in the planning stages though, so I can easily write them out of it if they get a horrible reception. Next chapter is Sabretooth, and it will be up quite quickly, as I have a good deal of it written in my head already. And it's much funnier than this chapter.
(1) Dieu ont la pitié, il est Pyro en tant que fill, translation, God have mercy, it's Pyro as a girl.
(2) Quotes and lyrics from Robin Hood: Men in Tights, property of Mel Brooks and Twentieth Century Fox.
(3) More altered quotes from the Animated Series.
(4) Minou, translation, Pussycat
I would like to apologize for the fact that the part of this chapter where Xavier is talking Piotr sucks, but on the day I wrote that part, one of our dogs got hit by a car and I kind of shut down emotionally for a while. I wouldn't have even written anything that day except that I find writing to be a good way to deal with grief… and anything else, for that matter. Anyway, I'm fine now, if a bit sad.