Pyro's Massive Invasion of Privacy
By The Bubbles
Summary- Left to his own devices, Pyro sneaks into everyone's rooms and reads their diaries.
Disclaimer- Pyro, in all his awesomeness, is the property of Stan Lee, whose shoes I am not worthy to tie the laces of. I'm not worthy!
A/N- Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! Magneto's diary now! Unlike the others, Pyro's involvement with this chapter is minimum. Anyway, the Nazi gold mentioned in this story is a reference to the newest fic on The Bubbles Fanfic Recommendations, Ask the Brotherhood by Avatarjk137. You should go read it; it's hilarious.Snap- (obvious silence.)
Bubbles- And Snap isn't speaking to me because I refuse to write Mygneto. Actually, I could get used to this.
Snap- (Sticks out her tongue.)
Bubbles- While I'm on the subject, I want to go ahead and say that Mystique is only in Mag's office for cake, and just cake, and nothing but cake.
Snap- I hate you.
Bubbles- Thought you weren't speaking to me.
(o.o.o)
//Denotes thought//
(o.o.o)
Chapter 4- Wanted: Two Well Behaved Children(o.o.o)
John stepped out into the hall and looked at the remaining two doors. One belonged to Magneto, and the other to Mastermind. The next choice was obviously Mastermind, but the psychic had gotten his security updated since the last movie night, and Pyro still hadn't learned the combination for shutting it off. That would mean he'd have to crack the lock the old fashioned way, and Gambit was way better at that than him.
Maybe he should just skip over to Magneto's room.
Magneto's room proved to be hard to break into. It was large and steel, and if he had to guess he'd say it was about ten inches thick.
"Blimey, Mags is paranoid."
He dug a paperclip out of his pocket and began picking the lock. After several minutes of this he heard the familiar click that meant the lock had opened. He pushed the door in and stepped tentatively into the room. He had never been in Magneto's room before, and he was a bit nervous.
He looked around. Everything in Magneto's room was metal.
"Man, Mags has serious control issues. Now where's his diary?"
He found the diary in the desk and settled down on the metal bed to read. But, the metal bed was uncomfortable, so he went down the hall to his own room and sat in his orange beanbag chair instead.
(o.o.o)
I have decided that since I was such a failure as a parent to my own children, I will start over with someone else's.
(o.o.o)
Magneto paced around in his office. Mystique was sitting at his desk, watching him pace and eating a slice of better-than-sex cake that Xavier had sent over as a belated birthday cake. Very late, actually, since his birthday was two and a half months ago.
Oh, well, it was good cake, at least, which was why Mystique kept visiting.
"Magnus, I still don't understand. You dumped one in an insane asylum and left the other to virtually take care of himself. It's no wonder they hate you."
"Yes, but I've been trying to build a relationship with them now. All of that is in the past."
Mystique sighed and took another bite of cake.
"I don't know what Xavier means. This cake is good, but it's not better than sex."
Magneto quirked an eyebrow at her. "Well, I know that, and you know that, but between losing his hair and losing his ability to walk, Xavier's sex life has been decidedly lacking."
"I don't know; I've always been rather attracted to bald men."
"Really?" His curiosity had been peaked. "Would you do him? If he asked, I mean."
"Maybe." She took another bite and savored it. "Mmmm, better than the Count, not as good as Sabretooth."
"I didn't need to know that." He stopped pacing. "Maybe I could build a parent/child relationship with some other kids. Like you did with Rogue."
"I… Which kids?"
"I hadn't thought about that part. What about those kids at the boarding house? One or two of those would probably be willing to start a parent/child relationship with me. Any suggestions?"
"Hmm…" She took a bite of cake. "Todd might give it a go; anything to get on your good side for when, as he says, Wanda comes around and realizes that he's the man of her dreams."
"Todd? The smelly one?"
"If you don't like Todd, you could try Freddy. He's a good kid, and would be willing to give anyone a chance."
"He's the fat one, isn't he?"
"Well, yes, but he's very strong. If not him, then why not give Lance a shot? He has good leadership skills; he'd make great heir, and he'd be willing to do it simply to tick off Pietro."
"Maybe. Who else is there?"
"Pietro and Wanda."
"Are you sure? I thought there were a few more girls."
"There was Rogue, but she left. And then Tabitha, but she left too. Wanda would probably leave if she had somewhere to go that wasn't Xavier's." She paused. "Tabitha still visits quite often. I'm sure she wouldn't mind making you a surrogate father if she thought it would get her some of your Nazi gold."
"Who told her I have Nazi gold?"
"No one. But you could use it as bribery to get her to be your surrogate daughter." She took another bite. "Nope. I was wrong. Definitely better than Sabretooth."
"You disturb me, Mystique. I'm going to go give that Lance boy a call. How do I contact Tabitha?"
"She lives at the Institute. Call Lance first, though. She may be over there."
(o.o.o)
Magneto floated dramatically into the living room. The entrance was completely wasted; there was no one present to witness it. He started to float the phone over to himself only to realize it wasn't on the charger. Sighing, he floated into the rec room. Pyro was present, along with Kurt. They were playing Baldur's Gate.
"Pyro, what is Mystique's young spawn doing in our rec room?"
"Playing Baldur's Gate," he answered without taking his eyes off of the screen.
Magneto rolled his eyes. "I can see that, Pyro, but why is he playing Baldur's Gate in our rec room?"
"Because Sam took over the rec room at the school. So I came here to play."
"I guess that makes sense. By the way, where's the phone?"
Pyro reached under the beanbag chair he was seated on. He took out the phone and tossed it over their heads at his boss- still without taking his eyes off of the screen.
Magneto caught the phone with his powers. He dialed the number to the boarding house and floated out of the room while it rang. He called over his shoulder,
"Oh, and Kurt? Your mother's in my office. I'm sure she'd love to see you."
After about fifty rings (ok, twelve, but it felt like fifty), someone finally answered the phone.
"Yo?"
"Yo? Is that any way to answer a phone? No it isn't. You're supposed to say where you are and who is speaking."
"Hey, yo, you called me. You should already know where I am."
"But what if I'd gotten the wrong number? How would I know? I might have started talking and it wouldn't have even been the person I called."
"Was it a wrong number, yo?"
"I don't know yet. You still haven't told me where you're at."
There was a disgruntled sigh on the other end, as if the person were missing Coupling or something.
"Fine. This is the Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House. You are speaking to Todd Tolensky. May I ask who is calling?"
"That's much better, Todd, although I should warn you that it is a very bad idea to give out your real name over the phone. I might use the information to harm your loved ones."
"Who is this, yo?!"
"It is Magneto, you slimy little wart-monger. You know, your boss."
"Oh, heheh. Hey Boss-man. Hang on, I'll give Pietro the phone."
"Don't bother, I'm not calling for Pietro. I'm calling for Lance."
"Why?"
"As if it's any of your business. Just give him the phone."
"In a minute. Say, listen, you're Wanda's pops, right?"
"That's what her mother told me."
"What?"
"Nothing. Why do you ask?"
"I was wondering if you could maybe give me some advice on how to get on her good side."
"Don't lock her in an asylum and then wipe her memory of it?"
"Well I meant besides the obvious."
"I don't know if you've noticed or not, flytrap, but I'm not exactly an expert on Wanda's affections. Now give the phone to Lance, before I come over there and rip your tongue out."
"All right, fine, no need to get violent, yo. Yo! Lance! Phone!"
Magneto dug around in his ear for a moment.
"You know, Todd, it is considered good phone etiquette to take the phone away from your mouth before you call someone to the phone. Actually, it's considered good etiquette to simply take the phone to them."
"Hey, shut up, yo! Not like I tell you how to act on the phone. Here Lance. It's Magneto."
"All right." There was a shuffling as the two exchanged phones. "Pietro's not here," was the first thing he said.
"Why do you children always assume that I am calling for Pietro?"
"Because he's your kid? Wanda's not here either."
"I'm not calling for Wanda. I'm calling for you."
"Oh?"
"I'll get straight to the point. How would you like to be my new son?"
"What?" There was a shocked silence, then laughter. "Oh, I get it. Funny, Mystique, but I'm not falling for the Magneto impression again. Get a knew one, that's getting old."
"It's not a- Mystique impersonates me? Oh never mind, I'll ask later. Listen, this isn't a joke. I want you to be my new son. While we're on the subject, is Tabitha there?"
"No. Um…" There was a long silence. "Why do you need a new son? Pietro might have his problems, but he's a good enough guy. And Wanda's cool too, as long as you aren't Todd or you didn't lock her in an asylum."
"Yes, but you see, I did lock her in an asylum, thereby missing my window for having her as a good daughter. And Pietro is just screwed up. So I've decided that since I did such a bad job with my own kids, I'd try again with someone else's."
"That's messed up, man."
"Just think about it, ok? I'm going to give Tabitha a call."
Magneto hung up the phone, wondering what Mystique had been doing when she was suppose to be teaching them manners, and then decided that he didn't want to know. He dialed the number to the institute.
"Xavier's School for Gifted Mutants, Rahne speaking."
"Ah, finally, someone who knows how to answer a phone. Is Tabitha there?"
"Hold on, I'll go get her. May I ask who's calling?"
"You may. It's Magneto."
"All right, I found her. Tabitha, phone for you."
"Thanks, Wolfy. Hello?"
"Hello, Tabitha. This is Magneto."
"Oh. Hi. Hey listen, about those cherry bombs…"
"That was you?"
"Um… no? What do you want then?"
"How would you like to be my new daughter?"
There was a thud on the other end of the line. Magneto waited, expecting an answer. None came.
"Hello? Tabitha?" Nothing. "Tabby?"
"Hello?"
"Tabby?"
"No, Jean."
"I see. Where is Tabitha?"
"She's passed out on the floor." There was a long silence, and Magneto got the distinct impression that she was reading someone's mind. "You know, if you want to have better children, you could just try apologizing and meaning it."
"You know, Mary, I didn't ask you. And it's not nice to read people's minds without permission."
"Mary? My name isn't Mary; it's Jean."
"Really? I heard someone describe someone named Mary Sue once and I thought it was you. You mean Jean isn't just your code name?"
"What kind of code name is Jean?"
"Well admittedly it isn't very impressive, but then neither is Professor X, and he's the one who usually names you people."
"Huh?"
"I mean, Professor X doesn't say anything about who he is or what powers he has."
"Huh?"
"Take Pyro for example. Right when you hear his name, you know it has something to do with fire. And Colossus, you can tell he's very large. And me. Magneto just kind of sums it up."
"Huh?"
"Oh, never mind. Just find a girl to act as my replacement daughter, since Tabitha is out cold anyway."
"Um, well… Here's Rogue!" There was a shuffle, and it sounded as if the phone was thrust into Rogue's hands.
"What the -! Hello?"
"Hello Rogue."
"Oh. It's you. What do ya want?"
"Well, don't go sounding overjoyed to hear me. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to be my new daughter."
"Are you crazy?! No Ah don' wanna be your new daughtah! Fo' one thing, Ah saw how ya treated tha last one, and besides that, Ah've got enough crazy relatives between Kurt and Mystique. Ah don't need you and yo' weird kids tacked on top of that."
"You wouldn't be related to the kids. Just me. And Lance, if he agrees to be my new son."
"You are crazy."
There was a click as she hung up. Magneto stared curiously at the phone.
"Doesn't anyone say goodbye anymore?"
(o.o.o)
Magneto had decided to try another tactic. Upon realizing that Pietro and Wanda were not home, he had decided to go to the boarding house and talk to Lance in person.
He floated over to the door and used his powers to bang the knocker. After several minutes, Todd opened the door. When he saw that it was Magneto, he cowered.
"I'm sorry, yo, I didn't mean it! Don't rip my tongue out!"
Magneto rolled his eyes and floated past Todd into the house as if he owned the place- because actually, he did!
Lance was sitting on the couch with a girl and watching Coupling. Jeff was on the screen explaining about the 'Captain Subtext.' When the girl spotted Magneto, she jumped about three feet into the air. (1)
"Like, Lance, it's your boss!"
Lance pulled her back onto the couch beside him.
"Relax, Kitty, he's just here to make me his replacement son."
"Really? You should like, totally do it!"
"I should?"
"Listen to her, son."
"I'm not your son." He turned back to Kitty. "Why should I?"
"Because except for the whole, like, committing Wanda thing, he like, did a really good job as a dad. Besides, he wants you as a son, which is more than you can say for your parents."
"She's got a point son. I like her." He held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Kitty. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders."
This statement constituted a snort from Todd, which in turn constituted a glare from Kitty.
"Ok, fine, I'll do it," Lance agreed. "But only on a trial basis, I mean, it's not necessarily permanent."
"I can understand that. I completely support that. Now how about bonding?"
"Some other time. I'm kind of on a date…"
"Unchaperoned?"
"Well, Todd's here…"
"He's no good as a chaperone. You could lock him in closet. He's small and flimsy; he'd never put up a fight."
"Hey, I'm right here, yo! And how come I'm not your replacement son?"
"Dude, if Magneto was your dad, then it would be incest when you hit on Wanda."
"Exactly. That's why." Magneto breathed a sigh of relief. "So…"
"So…"
Kitty got up. "Why don't I like, leave? It seems like you two have some catching up to do."
She phased through the door. Lance watched her leave in awe and then shook his head.
"You haven't been my dad for five minutes and already you're ruining my love life."
"Aren't I supposed to?"
"No!"
"Well, uh, so…"
"So…"
They stood in awkward silence for some time, not sure what to do with their new father/son relationship. Magneto spoke first.
"We could… go to a movie."
"Nah, movies are no good for bonding. That's where you take someone you're pretending to bond with but you don't want to talk to."
"I see."
"We could go get a burger," Lance suggested.
"I don't have much of a stomach for fast food."
"Right…"
"I could take you to a ball game," Magneto said after another long silence.
"Nah, no one good's playing."
"Oh."
There followed another awkward silence. After a while, Lance grinned.
"I know. We can go to the zoo!"
"The zoo?"
"Yeah, I love the zoo, and I haven't been in ages! My own parents never took me!"
"Well then. To the zoo it is."
"All right! You're the best, Dad."
He took off for the door, but Magneto used the steel in the toes of his boots to stop him in his tracks. He wobbled a bit, trying to regain his balance.
"Hey, what gives?"
"You can't leave without a coat."
"But it's a hundred twenty degrees out there!"
"Just leave one in the car just in case. It might turn off cold. Better safe than sorry, you know." He used his powers to turn the boy around and direct him upstairs.
"All right, I'm going, just gimme back my legs, okay?"
Magneto released his hold on Lance's shoes and waited for him to come back downstairs. When he did, he had a leather jacket draped over one arm. He walked grumpily to the door, no doubt annoyed at having to get a coat before he left.
He opened the door and looked out.
"Magneto- Dad- whatever I'm callin' you now… Is that your car?"
Magneto hovered out after him. "You like it?"
Lance ran over and slid over the hood to the other side. He began examining it at every angle.
"Like it? This has gotta be the sweetest car I've ever seen! It's better than Pyro's even! Where in the world did you get it?"
"I had it custom made a few weeks ago during the fast car phase of my mid-life crisis. I know a guy in Stockholm who owed me a favor."
Lance continued to admire the car. Magneto floated off to the side, basking in the reflected glory of his new son's admiration. He knew he'd picked well when he chose Lance. Pietro hadn't appreciated the car at all. He just went on and on about how he could outrun it. But Lance seemed to realize that there was more to a car than speed.
"Can I drive?"
"Certainly." Magneto levitated the keys out of his pocket and over to the teen's waiting hands. "But be gentle. She's my baby, you know."
"Oh, man, this is gonna be so cool!" He hopped over the door into the convertible's front seat and turned the engine on.
Magneto hovered into the passenger's seat and watched with bated breath as Lance familiarized himself with the car.
He had to give the boy credit. Whereas most guys his age, upon being put behind the wheel of a custom car like that one, would have tried to see exactly how fast it could go, Lance drove only about fifteen miles over the limit. Magneto was impressed- most teens didn't even know there was such thing as a speed limit.
"You're doing very well, Lance," he complimented as they pulled off the main highway onto the back road that led to the zoo.
"Yeah, well, a car like this ya gotta take care of." He pulled into the parking lot. "It's just like with a woman; if you don't take care of her, you won't have her for long."
They parked, and Magneto floated them both out of the car. He levitated the keys to his pocket before putting the top up and locking the door.
"I knew I chose well when I made you my son. Come. Let us go inside."
(o.o.o)
They managed to get lost only five minutes into their trip. Magneto looked around.
"How did we get to the monkey house? I thought we were going in the opposite direction."
"Yeah, this place is kind of hard to navigate." Lance checked the large map in front of them. There was an arrow pointing to the monkey house that said 'you are here.' "Kinda scary how they always know, isn't it?" He asked in all seriousness.
It took Magneto a few minutes to realize that he was joking- he hoped he was anyway. He swooshed his cape a little and wished that he'd had the foresight to where civilian clothes. Lance had been right; it was hot, and he was beginning to sweat in his spandex. Lance had it lucky. He was only wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals (he had switched them out for his boots when he got his coat) and had pulled his hair out of his eyes with a bandanna. But Magneto was hot.
It was probably air conditioned in the monkey house though.
"Well as long as we're here we might as well look."
"All right then."
Lance followed him into the monkey house. Halfway through he caught site of the beads of sweat on Magneto's face and laughed.
"Pretty hot out here, isn't it?"
"Pretty hot out here, isn't it?" Magneto mocked.
Inside the money house, Lance pressed his face against the glass to watch the monkeys- right next to a sign that read 'do not touch glass.' One particular monkey was watching him right back, mimicking his every move. Magneto hovered around, looking at some of the spider monkeys. They were playing some sort of game that involved a lot of jumping. They reminded him of Pyro, actually.
"Hey, Boss, I mean Dad! C'mere and look at this!"
Magneto took his eyes off of the spider monkeys and hovered over to the window Lance was pressed against.
"He looks like Mastermind, doesn't he?"
"He does, actually." They stared for a minute. "You know, I was always teasing when I said that he looks like a monkey, but now…"
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
(o.o.o)
"So Gambit routinely goes to the Institute just for the purpose of harassing Rogue?"
"Yes. Apparently he's taken a shine to 'er. She seems to really like him too; I mean, she won't admit it, cause she's Rogue and all, but he's been stalking her for a while now, and he's not dead yet, so there's gotta be some good feelings in there somewhere."
"I see."
They were at the café outside the reptile house. Lance was filling his 'father' in on all of the gossip that Kitty passed onto him from the mansion. Apparently, Kitty was a worse gossipmonger than Mystique. Speaking of Mystique, he would have to compare notes with her later on.
"And Pyro's been hanging out with Nightcrawler a lot lately."
"Actually, I already knew that. He was at the base this morning playing video games with Pyro."
"Really? Who was winning?"
"I don't know, I wasn't asking." He tossed the remains of his sandwich to a nearby stray, which gobbled it up hungrily and gave him a look begging for more. "Sorry, that's all." He held up his empty hands to prove it.
"I'm done," Lance said. He tossed his sandwich to the dog and stood up. "Let's go to the Safari Zone; I wanna look at the giraffes."
(o.o.o)
Their big zoo adventure culminated in Lance falling over the railing of the bear cage and almost getting eaten. Since he had taken all the metal off of his person before leaving, Magneto was unable to lift him to safety. He looked on helplessly, trying to think of a way to save his new son, and was startled by a possibly female person flying by and grabbing out of harm's way.
//I could have done that.//
The female person landed in front of the cage and set Lance down. Magneto rushed over to see if he was safe.
"Thank you for saving my son, Miss."
The female person touched two fingers lightly to her forehead.
"No need for thanks, citizen. Black Ace Nova is always willing to help. Now if you will excuse me, I must away!" She swooshed her cape and flew away into the sky.
"What a weird girl," Lance said as they left the zoo. He was holding a large stuffed hippo in one hand and a banana pop in the other. "Is she some sort of superhero do ya think?"
"Perhaps. But what kind of super-hero name is 'Black Ace Nova,' anyway?"
"Better than Jean Grey. Totally unimaginative."
"I know! That's what I said!"
Lance looked at the stuffed hippo in his hands. "You think Kitty'll like this?"
"Of course she will. It is a gesture that shows, even though I was having a blast at the zoo, I still thought of you. Or something."
"We should go give it to her now."
"We should!"
Just as they had made it to the car, the blizzard started. It was not one of those 'it started getting colder and then started snowing' blizzards, but a sudden out-of-nowhere blizzard that picked up without warning. Lance dove into the car the second Magneto unlocked it and pulled his jacket on, teeth chattering.
"I bet now you're glad that you brought that with you, aren't you?"
"I bet now you're glad that you brought that with you," Lance mimicked. "Dude, no one could have predicted this storm. What gives, anyway? You think it has anything to do with that Storm chick at the Institute?"
"That's a distinct possibility."
He pulled out his cell phone and hit 3 on the speed dial. Minutes went by, and finally the phone was answered.
"Xavier Institute," said the very familiar voice on the other end. "If it's not importan' d'ya thin' y' c'n call back later?"
"Gambit? Is that you?"
"Boss? What are you calling the Institute for?"
"What are you at the Institute for?"
"Oh, well, uh, y'see, uh,"
"Oh save it. We'll talk about this at home. Is Storm there?"
"Depends on what you mean by 'here,' boss."
"What do you mean?"
There was a sound on the other end that sounded like lightning, followed by the sound of someone screaming, followed by the sound of French curses mingled with the sound of an explosion, followed by someone saying 'Nice work, Cajun, now ya' just made 'er angrier!' which was followed by someone picking the phone up off of the floor.
"Boss, she hafta call you back. She not exactly in de mood t' talk to anybody right now."
"Gambit, what is going on?"
"Never piss off a weather goddess," was Gambit's reply before he hung up the phone.
Magneto hung up the phone and stared at Lance, who stared back. The phone had been on speaker, so he had heard every word.
"Sounds like something's going down over there. We should go check it out. Kitty could be in trouble."
"Yes, and I think it would be a good idea to make sure Gambit is all right."
About three miles from the mansion the blizzard stopped. Just… stopped. Magneto looked around bewildered. Already children were running outside to play in the snow. He doubted anyone would be complaining about it, especially after the heat wave they'd had lately.
Lance pulled skillfully into the front yard of the Institute. They got out and strode over to the front porch, where Rogue was sitting watching the group of students running around playing in the snow. Magneto sidestepped just before a snowball hit him, but Lance took one full force in the back. He made one and threw it at the perpetrator only to have him split into two when the ball hit him.
"Mutant Snowball Fight!" A boy whose body was partially covered in ice called.
This seemed to be the signal for all of the students to begin pelting each other with snowballs. They all used their powers quite liberally. Lance ran off to join them. Magneto stood in front of Rogue.
"So ya got 'im ta agree ta bein' yo new son. Congratulations."
"Thank you. I'm looking for one of my lackeys. Is he here?"
"Which one? They're all here. Gambit's up in the infirmareh. He got hit by lahtnin' when 'e trahed ta subdue Storm. Colossus is off in that general direction," she waved her arm toward the trees, "and Pyro's out back helpin' Roberto and Amara thaw out tha obstacle course. Although if I had ta guess, I'd say that by now he's figured out he can control her lahke a puppet when she powers up, so he's probably doing that. Oh, and Sabretooth is off fahtin' Wolverine an Ah don' know where that monkey is."
As if to confirm this, Wolverine and Sabretooth rolled by with their hands at each other's throats. Two clones of the boy who produced clones ran after them, egging them on.
"You get 'im Mr. Logan!"
"Go, Sabretooth! Go go go!"
Magneto shook his head and went inside.
"These people need serious psychiatric help. It's not a school, it's a nuthouse!"
"It's nothing like a 'nuthouse," said an angry voice in the next room. He looked. It was Wanda. "Trust me, I know."
"Oh, Wanda! How nice to see you, dear. What are you doing here?"
"Returning a book I borrowed from Rogue. By the way, she told me you called earlier. Something about wanting a new daughter?"
"Oh, don't be like that, Wanda. If you wouldn't try to kill me every time I see you then I wouldn't consider myself a failure."
"Maybe if you hadn't locked me in an insane asylum!"
"Maybe if you'd tried controlling your temper!"
"Maybe if you'd showed a little understanding!"
"Maybe if I hadn't been fighting for my life every time I went near you!"
"Maybe if you'd remembered my birthday!"
"Birthdays are hard to keep track of!"
"You remembered Pietro's!"
"So?"
"We're twins! Our birthdays are on the same day!"
He stopped yelling. "You're right, of course. Wanda, do we have to do this every time you see me? I know I've failed you as a parent, but it's not too late to start over, right?"
She was glaring at him. "I think so, but the people at the Anger Management seminar think differently," she said sulkily. "Maybe I'll stop trying to kill you."
"One step at a time, Dear. Now. What exactly happened here?"
"Oh. That." She rolled her eyes and sneered. "Storm was arguing with Wolverine, pure knock-down drag-out affair, and then he had the gall to ask her if it was 'that time.' If you ask me, he deserved what he got."
"And what did he get?"
Wanda's face took on a slightly manic shine. Her eyes glinted with delight. "Lightning," she said with an evil smile. "Right on his metal skull and down through his metal skeleton. He's just one big lightning rod."
"That is true, actually."
"Oh, and Gambit got caught in the crossfire and now he's in the infirmary."
(o.o.o)
Gambit was more or less unharmed. He was ready to leave the infirmary by the time Magneto got there. He followed his boss out to the yard to find Pyro.
As per Rogue's prediction, he had learned that he could control Magma in her powered up form. As they stared, he made her do complex acrobatics in midair.
"Pyro! Put her down!" Magneto ordered.
Pyro jumped, startled, and released his hold on Amara. She fell to the ground with an 'oof.' Pyro jogged over to them.
"What's up, Boss?"
"It's about time we were leaving. Go with Gambit and find Colossus and Mastermind. Wanda and I will find Sabretooth and get him to stop fighting Wolverine."
Gambit snorted as he and Pyro headed off in the general direction that Colossus had last been seen in. Magneto turned and walked in the opposite direction, searching for the two rivals.
They had climbed to the top of the mansion and were duking it out on the roof. Magneto flew himself and Wanda up and stood over the two. When it became apparent that they would not stop fighting, he used his powers to lift Wolverine into the air, where he struggled to break free.
"You really shouldn't walk around with metal bones, Wolverine," he said. "Especially if you plan to fight one of my lackeys when I need to take him home."
Despite the obvious discomfort of having Magneto hold you suspended in midair by your bones, Wolverine was able to taunt his rival.
"Whassa matter, Sabretooth? Stay out past curfew?"
With a snarl, Sabretooth jumped toward Wolverine with the intent of ripping him a new navel, but Magneto moved him out of the way. He landed on all fours and turned to glare at everyone in the general vicinity.
"You'll have to play with your little friend later, Sabretooth," Wanda said. "Why don't you call later and reschedule your little romp-session?"
Sabretooth glared at her and snarled. Apparently he had just said something funny, because Wolverine started laughing.
"That's tellin' 'er. You're goin' soft, Sabby. Wa!" The last part was because Magneto had dropped him right into the pool with a splash.
He submerged momentarily, but managed to make his way out. Sabretooth was laughing at him.
"You make a great lightning rod but a horrible floatation device. And if you wanna give it a shot then be my guest, but make sure I'm there for the show!"
Magneto decided to leave them to argue and floated away to see if Gambit and Pyro had found Colossus and Mastermind yet.
They had managed to track down Mastermind, who was sitting duct-taped to a tree and pouting. Gambit was sitting under the next tree playing Solitaire. Magneto looked from him to Mastermind.
"Jason, why are you duct-taped to a tree?"
He tried to answer, but found this difficult due to the tape over his mouth. Magneto rolled his eyes at the psychic's incompetence and ripped the tape off of him. He yowled, rubbing his face.
"Oh, stop being such a baby." He balled up the duct tape and tossed it behind him. "Where are Pyro and the Tinman?"
Gambit snickered. "Pyro and the Tinman, sounds like a black and white crime drama from de 40's."
"No one asked you Gambit. Coincidentally, you're right. Now where are they?"
Gambit shrugged. "Dunno. Dey said something about mutant dust bunnies and ran off."
Magneto shook his head and wandered in the direction Gambit was pointing. "I need smarter subordinates," he muttered. "I hear some weird things have been happening in Cardiff. Perhaps it's caused by mutant activity. I would be a prime recruitment oppurtunity." (heheh. Torchwood reference.)
He found Colossus and Pyro on the edge of the forest, looking up into a tree. He stepped between them and looked up as well. He saw nothing.
"What are you two knuckleheads doing?"
"Waitin' on th' mutant dust bunny t' come down," Pyro said without looking away.
"I do not think he is up there anymore, Pyro," Colossus, still not removing his eyes from the tree. "Perhaps he escaped."
"No, mate, see 'im, right there?" He pointed at one of the branches. "He's just scared, that's all. I wish 'e would come down."
"I'm going to regret this." Magneto floated up to the branch Pyro had pointed out. Immediately the animal jumped out of the tree and onto his head. "Ah! Ah! Get it off! Not a bunny! Not. A. Bunny! Ahhhh!"
Between the three of them, they got the creature off of the white haired mutant. Piotr held it clutched in his large metal hands, trying to calm it. Magneto glared at Pyro.
"How, in the name of all that is good and sugary in this world, did you mistake that… that thing for a rabbit?"
"It was moving really fast!" Pyro answered defensively. "Besides, I've only ever seen them on the cover of the Redwall books!" he took the now calm being from Piotr. "And don't call 'er a thing. She's a ferret and her name is Amelia."
"Why is it-?" He stopped when he realized why Pyro was naming it. "Pyro, you are not keeping that thing as a pet."
"But Boss…" he wined. "She needs me!"
He put on his most winning look. Piotr tried to take the ferret from him, but he turned away.
"Pyro, he is right. Amelia is a wild animal. She will not be happy cooped up at the base. She will be miserable. She belongs here. Let her go free."
"Well… okay. But I'm gonna be the one to let her loose."
He walked over to the tree she had tried to escape in. He stroked her fur pitifully.
"I gotta let y' go, Amelia. I know we weren't together long, but already I can't imagine life without you." He sniffed and set her on the ground. She took of up the tree. "G'bye, Amelia!"
"Now that that idiocy is over," Magneto said with a roll of his eyes, "Perhaps we can leave."
"All right." Pyro seemed to have cheered up already. He led the way back to the mansion. "Besides, ferrets smell funny anyway."
They stopped at the clearing to untie Mastermind, and the four of them headed back to the mansion. Sabretooth was sitting on the steps waiting for him. For once he wasn't snarling and being generally annoying. In fact, he looked positively blissful! The others exchanged worried looks.
"There're only two reasons I can think of for Sabretooth to be grinnin' like that, and I seriously doubt either o' 'em have happened."
Gambit shrugged. "Y' t'ink he found some catnip again?"
"It's possible."
"In that case," Magneto said, "I move we leave him here. Let the X-Men handle his tantrums for once. And speaking of tantrums…"
Pietro was running toward them, looking generally hurt. Lance and Wanda were struggling to catch up, panting for breath. Pietro ran to his father and pounded his fists against his chest.
"How could you how could you how could you? Wasn't I a good enough son to you? Wasn't I loyal enough?"
Lance and Wanda had finally caught up. Lance leaned on his knees and gasped for breath.
"He's right y'know," he finally said. "You can't just go swapping out your kids willy-nilly. Especially if you have a bad relationship with them to begin with."
Wanda nodded in agreement. Pietro was sulking off in a corner- well, if there was a corner for him to sulk in and still be in hearing range. He was muttering to himself, but loudly enough for them to hear.
"Can't believe you I gave you the best years of my life and you pull something like this you only get one dad in your life and I had to get the one that tries to replace me what is wrong with you?"
Wanda left to console her twin and Lance pulled Magneto off to the side.
"Listen, Mags, this was fun. I had a really good time today, and for a little while I could pretend I had a dad who actually wanted me. But… Pietro is your son for real, and he really seems fond of you. I think as long as you got a shot with him you should take it. I hope we can still be friends."
"Did you just break up with me?"
Lance looked oddly at him. "Y' know, I didn't realize it sounded like that."
Magneto sighed. "You're right, of course. Oh well. See you at the party Saturday?"
"Of course."
"Good. Take care of Pietro for me, will you? I'll patch things up with him when he's calmed down a bit."
(o.o.o)
Lance was right of course. I would be better off trying to build a relationship with my children instead of replacing them. I just can't wait until Saturday.
(o.o.o)
"Hey, wait, t'day's Saturday!" Pyro double-checked the calendar on his wall. "What party? I didn't get invited to any party! Is that where they're all at now? Even Jason? It's not fair!" He crossed his arms and huffed. "Well in that case I don't feel bad about invadin' their privacy anymore."
He stomped across the hall and set Mastermind's door on fire. Several seconds later the security system exploded and sent shrapnel flying everywhere. Pyro ducked so that the shards wouldn't hurt him. Once the debris had settled, he stomped into Mastermind's room and shoved things around until he found the man's diary. Once found, he settled into the very large and comfy bed to read.
(o.o.o)
A/N- Y'know I don't really like the majority of this chapter. Anyway, you lot get to decide which story I write next! I have two in mind that are more or less at the same level of development, but I figure I can definitely write at least one story before my obsession runs out. The titles of the stories are: The Problem With Parents, or How Magneto Got His Groove Back and Pyro and Toad's Adventure on Ploog. I like both of them and both will eventually be written, but I'll probably only get one up during this obsession. So vote! (I'll be putting the poll up on my profile and it will close three days after I post the last chapter of this story.)
(1) Coupling and consequently Captain Subtext are the property of Steve Moffat and the BBC.