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Tomoyo's POV
I sipped my coffee while flicking through Japan Vogue.
It was satisfying to see my work published. I was flicking through the glossy pages when I heard a car pull up outside. I glanced at my watch. I thought he was checking out Sakura's plans for the house, it was a bit early for Syaoran to be home.
I heard a car door shut along with footsteps hitting of our cobblestone path.
Our front door opened and shut. I began to twirl my hair around my finger while searching for split ends. One thing my mother absolutely loathes was split ends. She'd scowl me so many times for having them that since I hit the teen years it became habit that my fingers would always independently search for them.
"There's some dinner in the oven if you're hungry." I said when I heard him enter the kitchen. My back was facing him. "I know you hate stroganoff but you'll have to make do."
"I've already eaten thanks." I froze with my finger still enwrapped in my hair. A chill ran down my spine.
I didn't want to turn around. I didn't want to face the person I thought the voice belonged to.
"I believe congratulations are in order."
I chilled on the inside. My coffee seemed stale in my mouth.
I took a deep breath and rose to my feet; reluctantly I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe.
Eriol.
"T-thanks." I said as my fingers reached up to pick at my hair.
I gulped. To see him in the flesh after so long was an odd feeling. I couldn't describe it…it was just odd.
"It's nice to see you again Tomoyo." He smiled a smile that was so familiar. His voice was deep, almost dangerous.
Rebellious strand of his hair fell across his eyes to scratch the bridge of his glasses. He looked the same but different. A confident aura emitted from his manly structure and I was afraid.
"It's been a while." I said meekly.
"A year and two months exactly." He said while taking a few strides towards me closing the gap until he was a few feet away from me. He looked down at me and I could just tell he was studying every little feature on my face.
"Why are you here?" I said suddenly getting quite annoyed at how he was acting. I was beginning to feel like I was the one who wandered into someone's house without asking.
He raised an eyebrow and laughed deeply. "I thought we agreed to meet up."
"No you text me to say you wanted to meet up. I never replied and now here you are." I crossed my arms across my chest and glaring up at his eyes. God I forgot how blue they were…..
For a while we just stared at each other saying nothing. His face was stern, judging me no doubt.
Finally the corners of his mouth twitched up before he started to laugh.
"Jeeze, it's almost like you're unhappy to see me." He sauntered past me to examine an old school photo of us on the fridge.
I realised what a bitch I was being. I don't know why I was acting this way, he did nothing wrong.
Uncrossing my arms looked at my feet then back to him with a more warming attitude.
"I'm sorry Eriol. I'm not being very welcoming am I? I'm genuinely glad to see you I-… just weren't expecting you I guess." I laughed nervously unaware my fingers were in my hair again.
Unexpectedly he pulled me in for a hug knocking the air out of my lungs. The heat that came from his chest almost burned. A million memories came flooding back to me. Memories of childhood.
"You still get worked up over the little things Tomoyo." He chuckled.
"I guess so." I pulled away from him not liking too much physical contact with him.
"Syaoran's not here." I said making my way towards the coffee machine thus creating distance between us.
"That's fine." He sat on the chair opposite me, making himself at home. The little things he did like that always make me fascinated by him.
"Coffee?" I asked to kill a threatening silence.
"Please." He smiled.
I sat on the chair opposite him and bit my lip, stuck for conversation.
"So, you and Syaoran engaged… I didn't see that one coming."
"And why not?" I huffed slightly taken aback by his bluntness.
"I don't know I just….never saw it happening. You two were always so different. Everything that surrounds Syaoran just never fitted you. Like throwing an Eskimo in a desert." He smirked which re-fuelled my pre-existed anger.
An Eskimo in a desert? What the fuck?
I stood up with my fists on my hips. How dare he! How can he think he can just waltz in here uninvited?
"Look Eriol if you came here just to insult me and my engagement then you can just leave!" I fumed and turned to leave. God now I remember why I never said goodbye to him when he returned to London. He had a way of aggravating me but yet… he made me feel something unfamiliar with that smirk, that smile… Why did he have to come back? Why couldn't he just stay in that God forsaking-
"I played at the Tower of London." He said un-phased by my outburst. "You would have loved it."
I was utterly confused by his odd change of topic but at the same time curiosity engulfed a small part of me. I wanted to tell him to leave. My brain told me to kick him out before Syaoran came home. But my mouth spoke independently from my mind and I became distracted from what I was doing. He had a way of playing with attention span that way, he always had.
"You did?" he nodded keeping his eyes locked on me. "Would you like to hear more?" His voice was almost seductive, like he was enticing my world of a place I've never been.
I nodded like a child and plonked back into my seat. I always wanted to see London. My mother talked often about the Tower of London and about the beautiful sights. Eriol had an eye for detail and described it in a way that I felt I was there. One of the many talents he possessed.
When he was finished I realised I was sitting with my head rested on my hands gawking at his many successes in London. I didn't doubt one of his stories as he was in my opinion one of the greatest piano players in Japan. He could play anything.
His eyes were so soft and kind in comparison to Syaoran's which were always alert and intense.
I gathered myself together and sat upright.
"Well since you're back I suppose you'll be joining Sakura and the rest of us for her twenty third birthday?" I said fumbling through invites embarrassed I let him lead me away from my anger.
Peeking up at him I saw his face drop from amused to something unreadable. I couldn't understand it but I knew he wasn't happy. Once again I was uncomfortable and so I walked over to the sink to busy myself in washing dishes.
He came from behind me. I felt his hands grab my elbows tightly thus forcing me to face him.
"What are you doing? You're hurting me Erio-"
"Do you think it all makes up for it?" he said with his blue eyes burning into mine.
"What?"
"Another party? Sakura doesn't live in a materialistic world like you want her to Tomoyo. Things would be a lot easier for you if she did wouldn't it? All this isn't going to make up for your past and what you are continuing to do."
I tried to back away from him but found myself cornered between him and the kitchen counter.
I hated what he just said and I know I'll hate what he is trying to say. He frightened me. As usual my hands independently flew to my hair to pull vigorously at the ends.
"Eriol… Please go. Please." I couldn't look at him and I prayed something would interrupt this moment.
"Why? Am I saying things that are upsetting you?" He did not put so much concern into this and his grip tightened around my elbows. "God forbid your feelings get hurt. What are you going to do when this is all over huh? What are you going to do when you finally get that ring on Syaoran's finger? Will that make you happy? Will it? We both know it's gonna make your mother happy anyway." He spat.
"What do you want from me?" I screamed getting the sudden feeling I was drowning, drowning in his words so much so I put my hand to my chest to make sure I could still breathe.
I tried to push away from him. My struggles proved useless however. I could not break away. I was being held by a deranged man who was intent on trying to beat his words into my head.
I knew he would not let me go unless I provided him with an answer. I was lost in his eyes struggling on how to answer. What did he want me to say? What happened to the sweet Eriol?
"Sorry I'm late." Syaoran's voice came from the front door. "I was at the house, how come you didn't answer your cell?"
In my current predicament I didn't even notice the door opening. I heard his footsteps coming closer to us and I panicked at the thought of Syaoran stumbling onto the sight of me and Eriol.
Eriol grabbed my two shoulders and leaned in so close the lenses of his glass pressed ever so slightly against my eyelashes.
"I'm moving back to Japan Tomoyo. I've learned a lot of things from my stay in London and one of the things I learned was that anyone can live in denial, only a few can break away from it. Be honest with yourself. It's not too late, but it can only start with you."
His voice altered into compassion and I felt my heart swell and it was a struggle to hold back an unexplainable sob.
As quickly as his mood changed from kind, enigmatic, to frightening and intense, he snapped back into the typical charismatic self in just enough time to create unsuspicious space between us before Syaoran emerged into the kitchen.
When Syaoran saw him, his face lit up and he turned into a ten year old child.
"No. Fucking. Way." He said wide eyed when he saw Eriol.
He practically jumped across the room to hug his best friend.
"Jesus you haven't changed a bit! You should have come over earlier I thought you weren't going to be in Tomoeda until tomorrow morning."
They talked for a while longer and I did not dare speak to interrupt the reunion. Mainly because I'll admit it…I was shaken up. I knew what he was talking about to some degree, but to do it in such a manner really freaked me out. I've never in my life seen Eriol so hands on, so vulgar. I was afraid, but at the same time I was confused enough to talk to him more.
Syaoran and Eriol took a few beers outside to the back porch where they reminisced. I stayed inside busying myself with anything until I heard something that shook me.
"Sure, I'll be the best man for the wedding." I paled, Eriol, there, watching me say my vows to Syaoran…. I could see him now, studying me, daring me to say "I do."
This was not good.
When Eriol was leaving Syaoran went up to the study, thus leaving Eriol and I alone.
"Goodnight," I said closing the door on him which was stopped by his foot.
Opening the door again he said, "It's nice to see you again Tomoyo, let's not be strangers." He smiled sincerely and at that moment I was so confused I questioned if he really did pin me against a corner of if it was all in my head.
I don't know what possessed me but I just nodded, "I guess I'll see you soon then."
After I closed the door I pressed my back against it and slowly slid down onto the floor.
What he said made me feel a something I did not want to feel, to think about things I did not want to think about. I feared him enough to want to stay away, but was fascinated enough too want to see him again…
"It can only start with you…"
I shuddered. His return was definitely the start of something that would affect all of us, especially me.
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Sakura's POV
The same day
"Ok, now place your right hand on my waist and hold my hand with your right- no Syaoran your right. Ok now you lead starting on the left-No Syaoran my left!"
"Alright already." He mumbled taking up our starting position.
We were only on lesson one and it was already proving problematic.
"Ok let's start again. Start to my right. Don't hold my hand so loose either."
He tightened his grip around my hand and we moved to the left. I pulled away from him after he stepped on my toes three times too many.
"Ow!" I said nursing my toes. I guess that'll teach me to wear open toe heels around Syaoran.
"Shit! Sorry." He shrugged. "I told you, I've got two left feet. I need help."
"That's an understatement." I commented regaining my composure and returning to him. I breathed deeply before looking into his confused face. He was hopeless so he was lucky that I was a patient person.
"Ok, why don't we just sway for now?"
"Sway?"
"Yeah." I said taking his hand in mine and placing the other on his shoulder. I admit I was a bit nervous being so close to him physically after so long. But I was learning, learning to contain my emotions, learning to conceal any hint of what I felt inside, and I was improving.
Slowly and gently we swayed slightly moving our feet but remaining at the same place. The atmosphere became calming and I found my eyes wandering around the room which I was converting. The tiny window allowed some sunlight to break through.
"So, what do you think?" He said interrupting my thoughts.
"About what?"
"About this room? Any Ideas?"
"Yeah… a conservatory." I said slightly smiling to myself. It came to me in a dream last night. The tiny window on its own struggling to light up this small room circled my mind since I first stepped into this room. I was in the process of drawing up plans for the walls to be completely removed and replaced by windows. The ceiling will be like a cone which point to the stars.
I explained this to Syaoran and he seemed to really like the idea.
"I never would have thought of that."
"You and Tomoyo will be able to see all of Tomoeda from here. I was also thinking of a walkway from here down the hill to that small lake out the back. Tomoyo can of course take over the gardening." I laughed.
We continued to sway as I thought deeper about the room. I don't know how but subconsciously the gap between Syaoran and I became smaller that my head nearly rested on his chest. I didn't want to draw attention to it so I continued to sway.
I was when I heard him chuckle lightly that I pulled away from him. My eyes met his and small butterflies released in my stomach when I realised how close our faces were.
"What's so funny?" I said meekly not breaking eye contact with him.
"I just remembered something."
"Oh? Do share." My feet shuffled back to create some space between us. I closed my eyes trying to remember the last time I was in a situation like this. This oddly situation was peaceful.
"Remember you were teaching me how to dance for prom? It seems so long ago." I couldn't see him but I knew he was grinning.
Without thinking I spoke, "You mean the prom you were supposed to take me to but brought Tomoyo instead?"
We stopped moving.
My eyes snapped open realising what I said. It wasn't supposed to come out! That was meant to stay locked away in my mind with all the other thoughts I was never meant to say!
Syaoran stayed worryingly still. I didn't dare look at him. My full focus was on the window behind him. I wonder if I'm small enough to leap through it and away from this situation. Damn it Sakura why are you so fucking stupid?
I stared down at the floor stupidly hoping he'd forget I said anything.
His arm dropped from my waist and I immediately brought my arms to my sides.
"Sakura, I'm sorry about that."
"Forget about it!" I said too cheerily while waving my hand dismissing the subject. I was so embarrassed. "It was so long ago, besides I went with Reggie so it all worked out." I smiled that hateful fake smile that seemed to fool anyone.
For some reason it wasn't working today, not for Syaoran anyway.
He stared at me until my false smile evaporated.
"Sakura, I'm sorry… not just for that, but for well… everything else." His voice dropped to a serious tone and I shuddered at the possibility of where this was going. My stomach knotted.
"Stop it Syaoran." I said meekly wishing he'd drop the subject.
Quickly he strode forward and captured my hands. I was forced to look at him. I felt so small when his amber eyes read mine.
"Sakura, there's a lot I've wanted to say to you for a while but, it seems we're never alone, or it's not the right time or mainly because I'm a coward." He closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them I felt fear consume my body and I would have backed away but my feet were frozen to the ground.
"That day, when I kissed you-"
"It was a crush!" I shouted finally finding my voice. I followed this statement with a nervous laugh.
"What?"
"If you're talking about high school the yeah I had a crush on you. But you liked Tomoyo. It's only natural you brought her to prom. It was nothing! Like I said I went with Reggie, then we started dating so it's kinda good we didn't go together don't you think?" I spoke at top speed, blurring my words into one long sentence. I didn't know what else to do.
He stood there dumbfounded not knowing what to make of me. I started to pick at my fingernails to have something to do while he stared perplexed at me.
"But Reggie…. was an asshole." He said slightly clenching his fists. Syaoran hated Reggie from day one. Anyone could have seen it. This was before I started dating him. I suppose rumours of Reggies's drug taking didn't help his reputation.
"He was nice to me." That part was true. Reggie was sweet to me. He was a sleepy character who never seemed to live in reality but rather in dreamland. But he liked me. I'd even stretch to say he became obsessed with me.
At that moment Syaoran face flushed red with anger. I could feel his anger radiate out in furious vibes.
"But he was an idiot! You could have gone with Eriol or something! Out of all the people you could have gone with you chose him. That fucking pothead dumbass. And you dated someone like him! Why?"
"And out of all the people you chose her! At least when Reggie said he liked me he meant it and didn't drop me for not my cousin!" I retaliated.
"…Sakura."
"Reggie may have been fucked up in the head but at least he never build my hopes up just to crush them like you di-"
I silenced myself before anymore words could escape my mouth.
…..shit.
My voice bounced of the walls hitting me like a slap in the face, strike that it was like a full blown punch to the face. I felt my cheeks drain of blood leaving my face pale.
Syaoran's jaw dropped and we both stood deathly still. It was only then I realised my fists were clenched into small hard fists. My breathing was heavy and jagged. A deathly silence settled between us.
I relaxed my posture and contemplated on how to reverse any damage I just caused in our friendship.
"Um… that was a long time ago though!" My voice lapsed back into sweetness but I was sure he could hear it quiver. "Things have changed now haven't they? I'm glad you and Tomoyo are together now."
I wonder if this is what a schizophrenic feels like. I honestly don't know where this side of me was coming from. Ok, I did but I just thought I had control over it.
He did not respond to this but rather brought his hand to his face, not knowing what to say. Dust and plaster frazzled around us, visible only by the small light source emitted by the window.
"I think we've done enough for today." I said picking up my coat and handbag. God I wanted to get out of there so bad. I was ashamed of myself.
"Sakura wait!" He said following me to the main hallway.
He stood in front of me and blocked my way out. "Sakura, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that about Reggie. As for 'dropping' you for Tomoyo… I want to explain…if you will let me." He looked helpless again. His eyes pleaded with me not to be so rash. I hated to see him like that, it added to my embarrassment.
"It's ok Syaoran. I shouldn't have… just forget about it. I've to go anyway." I made it clear I did not want to speak about it. Well… not today anyway. Sometime but not today.
We stood awkwardly trying to avoid what was said.
"Will you come back again?" He asked with kinder eyes.
"Well… I guess we didn't exactly make much progress today. And you still suck at dancing so, ok."
"Good. But Sakura, I am sorry, for… well. I'm sorry." His sincerity extinguished some of the anger inside me.
I nodded looking at the cracks in the ground. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow anyway. Tomoyo's throwing me some birthday thingy."
He nodded and I briskly walked past him to my car. I caught my toe on the box Syaoran was storing. I stumbled a little before half running outside. The fresh air was so soothing to my nerves.
I drove fast without looking behind me to see if he was watching. My heart was racing. My eyes welled up in frustration, frustration over myself. I found myself swerving my car to an entrance to an abandoned house.
Gripping the steering wheel I tried to control myself. What just happened? How did I just loose control of myself?
I don't know how it happened. I was angry and so I snapped, it was like being possessed by the very thing I was trying to keep away from. He wanted to explain, explain something that baffled me to this very day. I've wanted it for so long and when he offers it what do I do? Chicken out. What is wrong with me? When I want to speak with him it's about something else and when he chooses to talk about it I back out.
I sighed loudly and started the car again, heading for home.
My cell buzzed in my pocket.
"Hey." I said groggily with my voice breaking towards the end.
"Up for a takeaway and a sappy movie?"
"Sure" I said not so enthusiastically.
"What's wrong?" He said.
"Nothing. I'll be home soon Eriol." I hung up without giving him a chance to say goodbye.
The drive home was a blur. You would think I was dreading seeing Syaoran again, you're wrong. As badly as that episode went, the further I drove away from him the more I wanted to return.
I hated the emptiness I was feeling, however, to see him again alone… I didn't dread it. I was extremely confused. I didn't know what I was feeling. When I eventually look past the embarrassment and shame, I'm sure what's left will be curiosity for what he has to say.
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"So you don't think I over-reacted?" I said while adjusting a few clips in my hair.
"Not at all. In fact I think you should have said more. And stop picking at your hair. You look great." He said slapping my hand away from my hair. Nervously I pulled at my black dress feeling awkward considering it's been ages since I properly went out.
"Really? But that only cause's problems don't you think? I mean, what must he think of me now?"
We were only three blocks away from my from the taxi but already my feet were killing me. I invested in a five inch black heel stilettos. You'd think for the price of them they wouldn't start killing my feet until morning.
"No it causes problems when you keep it to yourself. You owe it to yourself to let him know how you feel. Let them both know." He fixed the cuffs if his shirt and I have to say Eriol looked quite dapper. The girls we passed on the way slowed down considerably to get a second glance at him. If Eriol noticed he didn't remark when to pretty little blonde who didn't hide her obvious attraction by smiling coyly at him, only to be let down by Eriol's disinterested.
"Really? But that only cause's problems don't you think? I mean, what must he think of me now?"
I looked at him worryingly wishing he'd tell me the opposite. I wished he'd encourage me to stay away from Syaoran, to watch myself. I thought that's what he's say. But as usual Eriol surprises me. I told him about what happened between Syaoran and me.
I didn't want to let them know. I didn't want anyone to know.
"What if I have another outburst like that again? What if it's worse?"
"Sakura," He said placing his hand on my shoulder. "Just for tonight, don't think about it. It's your birthday, enjoy it." His smile reassured me that for tonight, it'd be ok.
"By the way did you go see Tomoyo?" I asked almost forgetting about it.
"Yes."
"And? How'd it go?" I was nervous for him.
Looking up at the orange streetlights he smiled as if he were in a dream. "…..better then I expected."
The look on his face told me not to question his response. To honest, I didn't even want to know.
When we turned the corner and headed for the neon yellow taxi. Like a gentleman Eriol held the door open for me and helped me in.
I took a deep breath as Eriol told the driver directions. Sensing my anticipation Eriol grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly.
"It's going to be ok." He mouthed.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We arrived at a fancy little Korean restaurant Tomoyo and I use to visit when we were teenagers. The place hasn't changed much and was actually quite comforting.
I saw a girl with reddish brown hair running towards me.
"Chiharu!" I screamed and she ran to hug me. As did Naoko, Rika, Takashi and my other childhood friends that I don't see very much of anymore. It was amazing to see them all again!
Tomoyo did an amazing job decorating the place with artificial blossoms and lanterns dimly lit to give of a softening atmosphere. A huge banner read 'Happy Birthday Sakura'
"Wow, twenty three huh?" Takashi commented.
"Yeah, I feel so old." I laughed.
For the first ten minutes I literally didn't have a second to myself. Everybody either piled me with questions or were giving their congratulations. I embraced it. I found myself talking so naturally and smiled genuinely. There was no falsity in anything I said. It was like being transported to a simpler time. The only thing different is that I wasn't in my school uniform and I took note that there was a lot more alcohol here.
The guys even bought me a silver tiara with a fat pink diamond in the centre along with a pink and white sash that read 'Birthday Girl' It warmed me inside when Rika placed it over my head. You literally couldn't wipe the smile of my face.
"I feel so loved." I laughed.
I then noticed Tomoyo behind our little circle looking kind of distant. Almost in a trance completely oblivious to what was going on around her. It was only when Takashi moved out of the way I saw she was talking to… Eriol. I would have been anxious only the situation seemed rather calm. Looking at them you would think there was no history between them but mere friendship. I suppose in a way there never was and Tomoyo I bet has no Idea how he felt… or maybe still feels.
I decided it was best to leave them too it.
Syaoran was no where to be seen for now which disappointed me. I didn't want his absence to effect me. I mean, after our last encounter I should be thankful not to see him, but I wasn't. I wanted him here.
We all took our places around the long table. Noisy chatter filled the room. I sat at the centre and Tomoyo slid in beside me.
"You've outdone yourself this time Tomoyo." I said hugging her tightly wondering if I'd be alone in my apartment singing happy birthday to myself if she didn't organise this for me.
She smiled widely. "Just you wait until next year. I'm glad you like it. Everyone's talking about going to 'The Shandy' after we eat what do you think?" She winked referring to our early years of sneaking into that over eighteens nightclub. It was there I witnessed Tomoyo get drunk for the first time. It was some sight to see alright. Let's just say a lot of her anger comes out after a few shots, anyways.
Tomoyo was dressed in a champagne coloured strapless dress with her hair let down and curled. She looked amazing as always. As usual, accessorised by Chanel perfume and earrings.
Eriol sat to my left making small talk with who I now recognised was Syaoran. So he won't even talk to me now? Not even a hello? After he said that to me? You know what? Fine. I did nothing wrong did I?
Maybe I did.
Maybe he's freaked out by my schizophrenic moment.
But hey, it's my birthday and right now I don't give a shit. Let him be like that!
I poured a glass of red wine and sat back taking in the sight of all the people who came to see me. The atmosphere was so warming that I could actually block out anything negative for now. Well, sort of.
The fact Syaoran was two seats away from me angered me. Is he ashamed? Angry with me? What he said was unnecessary but I retaliated too I suppose.
Cheers Sakura, I said to myself, lets make this a good night. I gulped back every last drop of red wine in my glass and do you know what? I have a feeling I'll be consuming a lot more alcohol before the nights over with.
I hope to update as soon as I can :P
A lot more coming up in the next chapter so please keep reading! :)