Allison Pov

Today was the day. Part Alice would commence. Just as soon as Jake gets me the supplies I need. I waited out by the driveway. Where the heck was he? Suddenly I heard a growl off to the side. Being me, I walked towards it. A large wolf came out, with a backpack? WTF! Suddenly it transformed into Jake! Good thing I was still a few yards away.

"AAAHH! My eyes! Put on some flippin clothes on!" I yelled backing up and covering my eyes with my arm. I tripped of course, but instead of landing on the floor, cold arms grasped me tightly. I looked up to see Emmett laughing at me . . . again.

"Told you!" he said loudly, "I knew you were gonna get busy with that outfit on!" I blushed like a freakin tomato and pushed him away.

"Jake please tell me you have clothes on now," I sighed turning to him with my eyes closed. "Yup, sorry." I opened my eyes and saw the bag in his hands. Suddenly my creepy grin came back. Both guys stared at me with some fright. I grabbed Jake's hand a dragged him towards the backyard. "Bye Emmett!" I yelled. Emmett looked confused for a while, before shrugging and walking into the house.

I planned everything out in my head. Alice would never see this coming as long as I had Jake with me. It would be a blind spot! PERFECT! We had everything we needed especially the camera. I was going to document this and treasure it forever!

Step 1:

Jake followed me into the house after we quietly discussed what I was going to do. He would be, the shirtless awesome cameraman, as he put it. I saw Alice flipping through a magazine on the couch. I sat nest to her.

"So, Alice," I turned to look at her, "Want to go shopping?" She jumped out of her seat and brought her purse down from her room, smiling at me. I grabbed the purse and pulled out her wallet. Even though I was younger then her I was still taller. I smirked at her. "Jump for it." She looked at me in shock, but then got a determined look on her face. She scrunched up her nose and jumped as high as she could. Which wasn't very high. She kept trying to jump higher but it just wasn't working! This was like the time I was trying to play the Rock Band guitar and it wasn't working because there was no remote plugged in. I doubled over laughing and dropped the wallet. Jake was laughing just as bad and dropped the camera. That would be edited out.

Step 2:

After she had calmed down I finally got to apologize. "I'm sorry Alice," I winked at Jake who was still recording, "Did you know that if you were just a few centimeters shorter you could legally be a midget?" She got really still and had a deathly look on her face. I looked at Jake and we ran out the house screaming while Alice chased us swinging her purse around like a scary old lady.

Step 3:

"Jake?" I yelled from inside my bathroom, "does this look trashy enough?" I walked out wearing a super short skirt and tight tank top. His eyes bulged out and he looked away.

"Yeah," he murmured, "That'll work." I went downstairs after making sure only Alice was there. I would never be caught dead wearing this by anyone else. I would be teased for life! Especially by Emmett. *shudder*

"Hey Alice you like my new look?" I turned in a circle in front of her, "I was trying to dress like you." She glared at me and I ran back up to my room.

I looked at Jake when he walked in with the camera. "That wasn't very amusing. Who came up with; wear the trashiest clothes possible. That's something that needs to be fixed on that list."

Step 4:

"Where did you get this straight jacket?" I held up the item in question eyeing it cautiously. He smirked, "I know people."

"Okaaaay," I gave the straight jacket to Jake, "I'm not strong enough to hold her down so you're going to have to do it. I'll be the awesome cameraman person." I held the camera in my hand.

"You do realize that that job entitles you to be shirtless," he looked pointedly at me. I smacked him on the arm and went to find Alice. She was still sitting in the living room.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, "On the count of three you grab her.1…2…3! GO! GO! GO!" I yelled. He tied her up while she squirmed around trying to get away.

"Allison-" I cut her off, "You need to go back to the loony bin!" I screamed before jumping into Jake's arms and running away. . . .again.

Step 5:

It was a perfect time for this. The sun was shining brightly in the sky and Alice was about to go on her hunt. I signaled to Jake to hide in the trees and film this. He nodded and walked away. Alice began sparkling as soon as she was in the sun. I ran out of the house like a crazy person and fell onto the floor in a heap.

"I'm melting! I'm melting!" I twitched and squirmed on the floor, "MELTING!" I made my eyes go cross eyes and stopped moving all together. Alice stood gaping at me and then after lightly nudging me with her foot ran into the trees.

Step 6:

Jake was inside capturing this on film hiding by from my bedroom window . . . okay that sounded weird . . . Anyways, Alice was just coming back from her hunt and I was waiting at the doorway with the backpack of evil! I held the items in my hand ready to throw. She walked in, an unsuspecting victim.

I pelted her with cloves of garlic while laughing.

"MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHA!" She tried blocking them, but I kept throwing them… at least until it ran out. . . Crap. . .

"Run for it Jake!" I ran outside.

Step 7:

We were hiding in the trees away from Alice. "Okay we need to figure out a way to sneak up on her," I put my thinking face on.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" I looked at Jake confused.

"What the coconut monkeys are you talking about?"

"Your face," he said, "I thought you had to go do your business."

I finally got what he meant, "You Jerk! That was my thinking face!" He muttered under his breath, "could of fooled me," and I was ready to punch him! A loud gasp saved Jake . . . for now. . .

I saw Alice standing out on the deck having a vision. Yes! Everything was falling right into the plan in my head. I walked up to her and poked her shoulder. She turned around a bit dazed.

"I get that look," I said completely serious, "It happens to me before I turn into spiderwoman." She looked at me like I was growing a third head.

"So, are your spidey senses tingling?"

Step 8:

"Allison," she said with a sigh, "you are the weirdest human I have ever met. Stranger than Bella! and that's saying something!" she started walking away so I began the next phase of the plan.

I tripped her.

She fell flat on her face. As she stood the wooden dock squeeked in protest. Possibly having to do with the rock hard vamp that just fell on it.

"Since you see the future, did you see that coming?"

Step 9:

I followed her inside while Jacob left his spot from behind the tree and hid in a bush below the window.

"What will I be doing in five minutes?" I asked skipping with her into the kitchen.

"I don't know. I only see the decisions you make, but something's blocking me," she narrowed her eyes in my direction. I pretended to be oblivious and began making a smoothie. Stuffing whatever I found into the blender.

After about ten minutes I looked u from the gunk in the blender. "What will I be doing in five minutes?"

"I already answered that question Allison," she rolled her eyes and looked down at her laptop.

After another ten minutes; "What will I be doing in ten minutes now?"

"I told you. I don't know."

The next ten minutes; What will I be doing in ten minutes now?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME! I DON'T HAVE A FREAKIN' CLUE!" she stormed out of the kitchen as Esme came in with wide eyes.

"What was that about?"

I answered, walking to my room, "I think all the stress of her visions finally made her snap."

Step 10:

"So will that do it?" asked Jake staring at the computer screen intently. I looked at the dozens of application forms for the position of speaker on psychic hotlines one last time before clicking send.

We heard Alice shriek from downstairs. I put my feet up on my desk. No one calls my dance moves ridiculous.